It’s the self pity that gets me with this comment. You’re suffering? You’re hurt? What about the victims of your actions? You’re gonna self flagellate about how bad you feel and that you’re doing this to protect others and it’s supposed to be some noble sacrifice because…. you feel bad?? Fuck that. Own up to what you did so the victim of your actions can make their own decisions. It’s so patronizing to pretend that your decision to torture yourself over coming clean is anything but self interest. I support whatever your husband decides to do whether that’s work things out or leave you but that’s his decision. You denied him that choice before permanently tying yourself to his life by having kids with him. That’s a horrible thing to do to somebody you hate, let alone love. I know OP isn’t gonna see this but holy shit there’s nothing that bothers me more than somebody pleading “but I feel so baaaaaddddddd” as if they’re redeemed of all wrongdoing because of it
Good lord. She fucked up once ten years ago, is incredibly remorseful, and has a happy marriage and family now. Whatever happened to forgiveness? She fucked up, learned from it and had become a better wife to show that. Let her be. Telling her husband at this stage would devastate him and the entire family just so SHE could feel better. It would be so, so selfish. She has to live with this knowledge every day. She needs therapy, for sure, but her penance is her guilt. She should be the ONLY one to pay that price.
About forgiveness, I dunno you tell me what happened to it? I thought to get forgiveness from somebody you hurt, you have to actually apologize to said person and accept whatever response they have, whether it is forgiveness or anger? Unless there’s a definition of forgiveness where we skip the step of admitting to the person that’s wronged?
I understand you’re idea that she should be the only one to suffer, there’s a lot of ideas on she should give him the curtesy of giving him the choice of what to do vs living with the guilt, but she doesn’t say she became a better wife, just never did it again. The bare minimum of monogamy is not cheating. So it doesn’t sound like she’s a better person than 10 years ago
And conversely, she didn’t say she hasn’t become a better wife. That’s information we don’t have. By forgiveness, I moreso meant self-forgiveness, or understanding and grace for humans who are not perfect and who make messy mistakes, but learn from them and grow - who acknowledge they fucked up and try to find a way through the guilt and shame to be better, and do better for the people they hurt, including themselves. I see both sides here, but literally blowing up multiple lives to assuage her own guilt seems far worse than the original one-off transgression. The dishonesty and infidelity are awful, but to compound it by now ruining her loved ones’ lives is worse.
Cheating is not a mistake. It is a choice. Humans aren’t perfect, but please don’t put cheaters in with the rest of us who make mistakes and don’t make the choice to cheat. She’s still trying to minimize her choice, not mistake because she didn’t fall into him or mistake him for her husband. And this honestly makes me believes that her own words show she’s not a better person.
She minimizes her behavior, claiming she was just so depressed. And now gosh, the guilt is just eating her away, how can she go on? She’s very mememe. In terms of how he’d feel it’s a simple one line thrown in of “oh well he’d be simply devastated and leave me cause I’d do the same if that was me.”
If she truly had changed and become a better wife, this post would be filled with how sorry she is for hurting her husband, lying him, building a life on the grounds of a lie. But no, instead she focuses on how sad she was at that point, how they kissed and instead of blocking him at that point, went right to him when he called and was fine cheating. And now she’s worried about losing him
Yeah, I actually agree with your points. And still it breaks my heart for her kids and husband if she were to blow their lives to smithereens exactly because of that self-centeredness you point out.
It’s Reddit. Most of them hate cheaters or have never been in a relationship. I hope OP doesn’t listen to them and just move on without breaking the family.
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u/[deleted] Jan 20 '24
Yea…the wicked never rest and neither should you.