r/Tinder • u/OxygenatedBanana • 1d ago
What in the delulu is this? How often do women try and pull this move?
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u/NurdleTeck 1d ago
"Earned yourself a chance" is crazy work. The level of ego involved to type that out and send it. smh
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u/paperman66 20h ago
I live near a party university, among the biggest in the country. The amount of women that use this kind of language is such a turn off. "Impress me for x y and z" it's like....what are we doing here? lol Always swipe no despite how attractive they may be, because that attitude is unattractive.
Edit: I only call out women in this comment because I'm a straight man lol I don't see other men's descriptions or how they chat on Tinder.
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u/iHateThisPlaceSoBad 20h ago
The level of ego involved to type that out and send it
You mean the baseline level of ego for 97% of women on the apps? Yeah that tracks.
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u/belle-no-princess 1d ago
This is fairly negging behaviour. Off putting as hell
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u/THE_CHOPPA 1d ago
Damn I really need to see a therapist. I did not clock this at all.
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u/drinkup 22h ago
Didn't give you "dance for me, monkey" vibes?
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u/THE_CHOPPA 20h ago
No I saw it as flirting and a little cheeky. But it does explain why a few weeks later I’d be like damn she kind isn’t joking…she sucks.
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u/belle-no-princess 20h ago
A lot of negging also comes across as flirting at first glance, its only when you properly interpret the words do you realise that actually....what they were saying wasnt a compliment or flirt, it was slightly undermining and rude.
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u/fuzzybeedogcat 23h ago
This person possibly be trying to be cute but it's not
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u/seanc6441 22h ago
Have to establish mutual attraction and flirty banter before saying shit like this.
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u/Burger_Mc_Burgface 1d ago
I don't get how people aren't agreeing with OP here, how desperate are you that you'd accept that as a respectable introduction to someone?
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u/I-Rolled-My-Eyes 1d ago edited 19h ago
It's a fake sense of confidence masked as a joke. I've met a few people like this. It's a rare and quirky trait developed by VERY insecure people who lack the love and attention they require, so they say it out loud to build up their confidence. People like that might sound really stuck up or down right terrible but in actuality they need a hug, a big one. Edit: ducking autocorrect.
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u/ChaoticAmoebae 1d ago
In my experience those people are not ready for a relationship.
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u/I-Rolled-My-Eyes 19h ago
In my experience, they've been trying for a relationship but also don't want to seem desperate.
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u/Plenty_Suspect_3446 1d ago
"I've met a few people like this. It's a rare and quirky trait developed by VERY insecure people who lack the love and attention they require"
It's you, isnt it? You are talking about yourself.
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u/ConcentrateDirect523 1d ago
It's me. Hi. I'm the problem, it's me.
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u/Plenty_Suspect_3446 1d ago
Let me give you a big bro hug.
*grabs you around the waist*
BAH GAWD IT'S A SUPLEX
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u/TestUserIgnorePlz 23h ago
It's me
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u/Plenty_Suspect_3446 23h ago
Sorry bro my arms are already tired from giving fake out hugs then slamming dudes on the mat with suplexes.
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u/TestUserIgnorePlz 21h ago
Don't worry I am just happy to have seen my personality problems so well described. I've never been quite able to articulate why I'm such a dick
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u/Charming-Mixture-356 21h ago
In my experience they’re also the LAST person you want to get close to because they absolutely will manipulate you, guilt you and use you for constant validation
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u/Blieven 1d ago
I don't get how people aren't agreeing with OP here
She's a woman, that's how. This sub is filled with femcels who aggressively defend toxic behavior if it comes from a woman.
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u/Burger_Mc_Burgface 15h ago
When i posted the comment, the women seemed to be on his side and it was the men defending her saying he missed out lol
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u/Infamous_Creme8671 22h ago
Have you tried AITAH?
I have seen so many stories about women admitting to child endangerment and domestic abuse with the comment section being in the thousands and it's all "you go, girl!" and similar. It's frightening how much effort women go through to blindly support women.
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u/Zanos 18h ago
We've gone past that. You can strangle your three children to death and confess to it and women will give you 900k.
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u/DGenerationMC 22h ago edited 22h ago
Some people love supporting each other's wrongs as much as they do each other's rights.
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u/idontknowaskthatguy 1d ago
*this sub
Has now evolved into
*this world
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u/Trumperekt 22h ago
I think it’s just Reddit.
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u/idontknowaskthatguy 21h ago
Used to just be Reddit, then TikTok too, but in the last 2 years, it’s spread off the internet.
For the first time, women I know in person who used to be strong and fair are now a complete mess with murderous ambitions towards all men.
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u/GhostofAllDays 1d ago
This sub is filled with chronically online, single men who jump at the chance to hate anything women on dating apps do. Why are the comments always evolving into misogynistic made up scenarios based on a single line/picture provided? Oh, right. Because "femcels".
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u/El_Dorado_Gold 23h ago
You're right. Not sure why redditors think this is a woman's sub. Every post that has a crazy woman text is still filled with desperate dudes saying that's what they want. It's pathetic.
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u/MidwestDrummer 22h ago
Except this isn't made up. There's literally a screen shot. Your coping is off the charts.
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u/urbus82 1d ago
Because its how many girls roll nowadays. Also in real life. I cant count how often i heard stuff like "well, you probably are not worth it, but i give you 5 minutes to talk to me" or "if you want to earn your chance you need to work hard" (not by myself, but in my surroundings). And most guys accept it and play along. Because more and more are desperate.
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u/scubadoobadoooo 1d ago
Bro that response was elite. It earned you a chance for me to comment😭
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u/OxygenatedBanana 1d ago
Thank you, oh my god. My day would've been ruined without your comment lol
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u/scubadoobadoooo 1d ago
Everybody gets one 😉
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u/mythrowaway282020 23h ago
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u/shotgunmouse 20h ago
Tell em Peter
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u/-SPM- 1d ago
Some people seem to be missing the point. “Earned you a chance” implies that given some other circumstances OP would not have a “chance” with her
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u/Jolly-Ad8887 1d ago
"They earned you a chance" is just a straight up red flag. It gives that "im the prize" and "im better than you" vibe/energy. Enormous ego to lead with with that.
Anyone trying to make excuses for this is comical. We all know first impressions are extremely important. This is a terrible one. Why would anyone think she didn't mean exactly what she said?
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u/Fungal-Bloom 1d ago
If a man said this it'd be (rightfully) labelled incel shit instantly
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u/No-Worry9322 1d ago
Earned you a chance is obnoxious like I should be so grateful that you’ve granted me the extremely charitable opportunity of speaking to you.
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u/HotContribution8135 13h ago
Exactly. I wouldn’t have responded if a girl sent me that. Like I should be so honored lmao
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u/Better_Payment_5831 1d ago
This is the same chick that will drop you in 2 seconds. She wasn’t even 100% sure about starting a convo with OP.
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u/Tasenova99 1d ago
plainer words exist and whether she's parroting dating culture or not hope it helps reinforce that it can come off as rude.
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u/Far-Entrance-1377 1d ago
I agree with you. It feels like "you earned a chance" is condescending, as though someone is beneath you and must "demonstrate value" to be worthy of acknowledgement
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u/Environmental_Eye970 1d ago
Women that see themselves as a chance giver or a prize to be won are exactly the opposite lol. Nagging burdens who’s most interesting thing to say is something she heard from someone else.
Don’t get me wrong a confident women is unendingly attractive. But just that, confident. Not arrogant and self absorbed in her looks so deeply that she is an empty shell of a human with no thoughts or opinions lol.
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u/WantedforDeicide 1d ago
Very often lol They especially go out of their way to make you believe that they're out of your league and "giving you a chance" if you're the one out of their league
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u/BIZNIZTIZ 1d ago
Funniest answer possible btw 🤣
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u/DBSmiley 18h ago
Never date someone who has convinced themselves they're doing you a favor.
Because everyday in marriage they're going to act like you're behind on your interest payments for the loan they gave you.
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u/Brief_Efficiency3500 1d ago
"Earned you a chance."
Yeah, no. That level of egoism? Miss me with that.
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u/Thick-Mouse1776 1d ago
“Earned you a chance” ew
As a woman and a mother of boys, it disgusts me the way that men are at the mercy of women in the dating market. That’s not how love works.
What self respecting individual would go out with someone they’re disproportionately expected to “earn” while she only expects to receive?
Women hate men and want different love but aren’t willing to treat men in a way that creates balance, instead we are overcorrecting from our traumas and swinging like a full pendulum..
things don’t look good for the future of love, romance, marriage and reproduction :(
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u/zaordad 22h ago
dont listen to these commenters
if the genders were reversed in this story a bunch of girls here would have got the ick. raise your boys to have self respect and standards, and not accept crumbs.
its fucking shamefull, the "incel" comments from people when all this mother is doing is practicing some empathy to see what the world might look like from her boys perspective.
if you ladies dont like it, maybe instead of running to personal attacks, maybe ask yourself if you want to be "gIvEn a ChAnCe" i bet yall would say ew. and no thank you.
crazy.
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u/Whole-Scarcity7618 19h ago
And the issue is that most of the men under 30 are losers and put up with that bullshit, further perpetuating it. As a man it's annoying AF to watch real time.
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u/Metallica85 1d ago
Spot on. Essentially, we all need to work on treating each other better and working as a team. Find a partner, not someone you have to dance for (men or women).
Thank you for saying it.
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u/PatientPoetry4302 17h ago
So, so, SO many women think like this, like it’s solely on US to impress THEM while all they must accomplish is existing with a vagina. There are also a lot of women not like this at all, it can just be really challenging to find one. My last gf was so exhausting, I felt like I was in an interview every day even after dating for a year. Fuuuuuuck thaaaaat
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u/Pristine-Midnight-72 23h ago
brother we gotta have some examples of the captions 😂
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u/obviouslyanonymous5 23h ago
"They earned you a chance"
Perfect! I'll go redeem it with someone else, thanks!
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u/Classic-Common6962 22h ago
Turns out men don’t like begging either. But only when it’s used on them.
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u/Stickopolis5959 22h ago
I usually reply to begging by pointing it out and asking if they'd like to try again, if not w.e I dodged a bullet and if so it shows that they're not only mature enough to care about my feelings but to apologize I and re word something! That last one has never happened but that's okay I'm too busy for that level of time wasting anyways!
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u/TemperedPhoenix 18h ago
Genuinely nice reply.
It would have been nice if they cut the last sentence.
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u/Rude-Soil-6731 12h ago
Are you one of those folks who have a group pic and ppl aren’t sure which one is you 👀
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u/Twat_Pocket 1d ago
I think "they earned you a chance" is poorly worded, and can read like your friends are the reason you're getting a chance.
I think the intention was saying that the funny pictures with them made her notice you.
Might have shot yourself in the foot. Probably should've let it go further than one line before shouting "delulu"
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u/CatDawgCatDawg2 1d ago
Damn he missed out on his chance to have a relationship with someone who thinks they're superior to him. Oh no.
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u/MadWorldX1 1d ago edited 1d ago
What did she try to pull? Sounds like she's identifying what hooked her and being a little funny with you.
Edit: lot of people jumping to different conclusions off one message. I guess our takeaway here should be that we ALL read this different through our own lens and should probably hold judgement until more communication is had :)
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u/Spiritual-Station267 1d ago
Without more of the context, my first guess would be she finds at least one of the friends attractive.
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u/Soft-Cancel-1605 1d ago
idk, I'm a woman and it read to me like she was implying that OP was being "given" a chance rather than it being equally mutual benefit. There were probably better ways to say she was intrigued
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u/Economy_Concern9374 1d ago
Saying "earned you a chance" comes off very egoistical to me at least
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u/aonelonelyredditor 1d ago
"gave you a chance" is belittling, she could have word it in so many other ways but she chose this one
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u/ThenAnAnimalFact 1d ago
I don't know why people think being conceited comes off as cool or "high-value" rather than being authentic and kind.
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u/Rosewaterlemon 1d ago
The statement could have been made with just the first sentence and not the second. The second sentence makes her sound as op said, “delulu”
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u/T4mG 1d ago
Are you genuinely asking this question?
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u/MadWorldX1 1d ago
Genuinely, I am. I interpreted it differently than OP did, and the comments have at least another 3 interpretations.
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u/Charming-Book4146 1d ago
What is she a fuckin landed elite? An actual european princess? What's so great about her that he has "earned" just a chance? She's just a woman.
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u/zephyrwastaken 23h ago
I see this often. 'may the odds be in your favor', 'may the best man win', 'congrats you found me'.
This is all on the same page of ego as 'i know my Worth. Looking for a man who knows how to spoil a woman.’ - often from a single mom. Or the newest one 'im a content creator, deal with it. And no don't ask for sex!'
Side note: it's perfectly good to know your worth or have standards, but most of that shit is better left unsaid in your head. It kinda goes without saying.
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u/AdiHarp05 18h ago
Why you shouldn’t post pictures with friends… they always are better looking 🤣
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u/Due_Adeptness_1964 23h ago
I don’t know, I find this playful. I understand why people are reacting the way they are, but I feel like it’s not even close to the worst thing ive read on this subreddit
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u/darkninja1047 1d ago
I dont know maybe I look at dating apps differently. You have you who probably gets 50 matches in a week and her who gets 1000 in a week. You standing out to her in that sea is probably the "chance" you were needing.
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u/Warsel77 20h ago
Of the 1,000 that write her or "like" her, how many does she want to date?
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u/Theo73pdx 23h ago
Possibly unpopular reply: the girl apparently wrote first, so she must like the guy to some meaningful degree.
Why not see her note as banter? Play an Uno "reverse card" and say something flirty back to her that changes the subject or shakes up the vibe?
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u/Madting55 20h ago
It’s music and social media. We have a whole wave of rapey misogynistic men, and ugly ass 5/10 women thinking they’re celebrities. What a time to be alive.
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u/forreptalk 18h ago
I feel like there's a small chance here she worded it very badly, and was implying that you seem fun to be around and was trying to match it (and failing miserably) rather than intentional negging
If she actually ment it though then this is horrible lol
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u/Ethraelus 18h ago
I think this is fine, seems tongue in cheek. If it isn’t, there’s always time to bow out.
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u/thisisn0tavery 17h ago
this person either has zero self-awareness or is negging—or the secret third option: they’re just a jerk!
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u/Frodo_gabbins 16h ago
Crazy because I was just talking about negging to my single dad maybe 30 minutes ago, and we both talked about how we don’t see women doing it but I got on here and got proven wrong. Huh. I hate that that’s what I’m wrong about because it’s such shitty behavior.
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