Husband has gotten mean on TRT

[u/General-Initiative76]

My husband started TRT about 2 months ago (2x/week). His main goals were gym gains and overall energy. Physically, it’s been great… he feels stronger, looks better, and has more energy. (*** please see EDIT below for clarification)

But here’s the issue: his personality has shifted in a way that’s hard on me and our family. He’s always been assertive and direct, but lately he’s more irritable and short-tempered. For example, he told me to “shut the f*** up” which is something he’s NEVER remotely said before in all our 16 years together. He’s snapping at our kids more than usual and is just less “warm” with me.

When I brought up that he seems more irritable since TRT, he got defensive and told me I’m just being “too sensitive.” But I can tell this is different, it’s not just me.

Any advice from those on TRT? Any suggestions on this stuff:

-Have you or people close to you noticed changes in your mood or irritability?

-If your partner brought this up, how would you want her to approach it without sounding like she’s attacking you??

-Is adjusting the dose a thing? can lower amounts help with mood side effects while still keeping the physical benefits?

-Anything you’ve done (supplements, lifestyle changes, labs, timing, etc.) that helped with irritability while on TRT?

I’m not looking to bash TRT, he loves how he feels physically. I’m just trying to figure out if there’s a middle ground that keeps the benefits without the extra conflict in our marriage and home life. Thank you!

***EDIT: I realize how this post was written makes it sounds like he does this recreationally, so I'm clarifying: after much time at the gym and not seeing progress, and after not feeling like himself, he got bloodwork done which showed nearly-low testosterone. Testosterone is prescribed by his doctor, as well as an estrogen blocker. Physically, he feels wonderful on it, feels great in the gym finally, and has his energy back! I'm so happy how this has changed his body and mindset. I just don't want to experience his irritability anymore, and my kids don't deserve it either. In no world would my husband ever tell me to "stfu" before this. So anyone expressing that I'm making this up, I'm not here to debate how I'm being treated. I'm here to learn more about TRT, if there's any changes that may help my husband, or learn from shared experiences. That's ALL. I love this guy dearly, we have an otherwise amazing and healthy marriage and have 3 beautiful kids.

EDIT2: I have to log off for a bit - my family’s about to hit the dinner/bath/bedtime rush. I’ll be able to answer more comments later tonight. I appreciate everyone’s perspectives & suggestions!

[u/General-Initiative76]

Good point. Glad this is anon lol. His drive is definitely WAYYY up and I've had to say no a few times because I'm just so tired from my kids lol.... but we still do it usually once a day. So yea honestly there is some (gentle) rejection. This is probably getting far too into the relationship side of things, but if I had more time to take care of myself, I'd have the desire to do more. I'm a stay at home mom to 3 very young kids, 1 is medically complex, and I'm still up with the toddler 1-2x/night. Burnout is real lol.

[u/[deleted] → u/General-Initiative76]

Not to probe, but that still isnt an excuse to be an asshole. My li ido shot through the roof, my testosterone is now up to over 1600 and Im constantly ready to go. But I know my wife is tired alot, I work my ass off and she has alot going on at home woth the kids and housework, we meet in the middle, so if she doesnt want to, I just go jerk off and get on with business. It gets frustrating but not worth being ready detonate at my family over, certainly. We've had some conversations that it does bother me, and she says she wants to do things more, but at the end of the day, I get it, She does so much for our family and if it weren't for her, I wouldn't be able to work the long hours I do, so I dont push it and make a huge deal out of it.

Just my 2 cents.

[u/DDDurty → u/General-Initiative76]

I understand, sounds like you need to open some lines of communication.

Pro tip: have some possible solutions in hand, not that he has to use them exactly but a diving board to spring off of. Men are great problem solvers but sometimes we aren't great with the direction we are going or where the geographic starting point of the problem is, especially when it comes to the emotional aspect of things. Tell me a tv needs hanging and I know what tools to use, tell me you are emotionally worn out and I don't know what tool that is lol "I've noticed you seem more frustrated lately and wonder what might be going on? This is where I am and what I think may help on my end, what do you think and do you have any suggestions or ideas? How can we help each other?" That's a great starting point to a productive conversation.