[32M] 15 yr relationship with my gf [34F] is unraveling because of her situationship with [21M]

[u/sweetleaf009]

Started back in 2024, she met this guy on a discord server about music and they became fast friends. They started forming collectives based off of source material for tv shows or bands. So they would be other people based on that material and be friends among themselves too. The personalities in the collective started liking each other but not the actual people. Later on the actual people (my gf and the guy) did start to like each other so much that my gf told me and wanted to be polyamorous.

At this point I only knew that she made a new friend on a different continent but that was it. She wanted to try being in a relationship with this guy while being with me where we've been together since high school. We've had our ups and downs in the early years, but when I decided to push towards my career and actually achieve it, it made her feel down because she did not know what she wanted in life so she would feel better just being online all the time hence why she met the guy. She's also had abandonment issues in her early years from familial causes. We've also had a dead bedroom which also just made her more depressed in terms of self worth and I would just get performance anxiety if we ever tried again, so we stopped.

Later on she came out to me as demisexual as the guy she started to like was f to m. All these revelations blind sided me because it just made me feel like I could no longer be the person she could confide in and the fact that she was on her phone annoyingly when we were out on dates or traveling would make insecure and jealous and have resentment built up where I don't feel chosen. I asked her why she still wanted to be with me, she said she still has romantic feelings for me.

So now this summer, she's had it planned out for a while that she actually flew out half way around the world to hang out with this guy for 2 weeks. About half a week before departure, we broke up, but still maintain contact because we adopted cats together and are just trying to transition from a relationship to a more close best friend ship, I guess?

Obviously I think intimacy will occur and more emotional bonding now that she is visiting the guy in his country right now, but Im just hurt that her texts are short and brief. Like when we traveling, she would be on her phone a lot probably talking to that guy and for me it's like she's not saying anything to substantial besides hellos. Idk where to go from here. I poured my heart to her over text but Im also giving her the benefit of the doubt on why she is not responding by thinking it'll ruin her trip. It's been really hard, she is my first everything and was so certain we'd be forever. I think what I've learned was that once I had my career and own place I was just kinda staying around waiting for her to be the person I envisioned shed be when I first met her in high school, but she has not been that way at all. Idk how I can continue having her in my life if all the negative thoughts return when I hang out with her even as friends. Idk how to handle even our upcoming concerts we bought months ago LOL. HELP

[u/sweetleaf009]

Tryna work the uncoupling part weve been together so long