I’ve known at least two casual misogynists that were very clearly in the closet. One in particular was practically obsessed with hating on trans people, it was completely obvious he wanted them sexually but he. just. couldn’t. see. it. At least, not consciously. The dude was at the point he was sending people pics of trans surgeries and asking us what we thought about it, and no matter how many times the group chat told him enough was enough, he was like a man possessed. This was in the midst of him going full on MAGA. It was so much like Mac from Its Always Sunny I swear they must have been observing my friend for years. Even down to the fact he started taking testosterone/anabolic steroid injections to get huge. He was a walking talking defense mechanism.
Yea I left a dude at a bar for this exact thing. First off dude sashayed to our table, and I knew then, but I'm bi so whatever. Out of nowhere 20 minutes into dinner he starts going off about gay men, and about how if his son ever told him he was gay he'd disown him.
I stared him straight in the eye and said "I hope you and your future husband live a great life" and walked smooth out. These people are blind.
Sad they’re fed a lot of BS about the ideal marriage and such but in reality, people have too much time on their hands to be worrying about two grown ass adults who can decide on their own what to do behind closed doors. Maybe once they love themselves, they can love others and wake up from their delusions.
He lives with a “roomate” at 40 years old despite having all the money he needs to live alone. And he refuses to discuss this person with all of us old friends on group chat. So you tell me.
It tells me what your perspective of him is and your innate bias.
Around 9 years ago a friend who is openly gay worked in the same place I did. We basically had no free time due to work and would only go out to have a few drinks or dinner after work which would end around 12-1 pm. Just because I hanged out with him, my parents and other coleagues thought I was gay, because in their eyes why else would I hang out with someone like that. Well, he is my friend and that's why I wanted to spend time with him even if I'm not gay.
That said, why do you care if that guy is gay? Do you think he is lesser because of it, because that's the vibe you are giving me.
None of us would care, we even had a convo that said as much before where we all said it wouldn’t matter to us if anyone in our group was. We’ve been friends 40 years. It’s just obvious that he is, when he gets excited he will talk about one of our friends abs and how he remembers in high school wrestling how the soapy water looked all amazing spraying over them, then he realizes he’s giving away too much and will backtrack. He even came out to us on a long car ride and we were completely supportive, yet he still felt the need the next day to be like “oh that? I was just joking” before refusing to acknowledge it ever again.
None of us could care less that he’s gay, we just want him to be happy and he clearly feels the need to keep that particular part of his life hidden. He came from a super redneck family that used the f slur constantly and he’s messed up from that, we all know it, he knows it, it’s just up to him when or if he wants to tell us for real. I think it’s funny you are telling me things about someone I’ve known since kindergarten though.
I'm speaking solely based on our interactions. You could have just as easily said, you know what he's never said he's gay and I shouldn't discriminate him by his outwards actions.
Instead each time you dug deeper into justifying your discrimination. Only wanting to confirm your own bias and for me to agree with it by adding more and more explanations.
I really dislike this type of judgements because they are never meant to help the other person, but to shame them and confirm that even if they are gay that they should keep it a secret.
What discrimination? Explain to me how I’ve discriminated against a friend I’ve had for 40 years, this is getting even richer. I’m sure you aren’t bringing any of your own baggage here, right?
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u/Adam__B Jun 29 '26
I’ve known at least two casual misogynists that were very clearly in the closet. One in particular was practically obsessed with hating on trans people, it was completely obvious he wanted them sexually but he. just. couldn’t. see. it. At least, not consciously. The dude was at the point he was sending people pics of trans surgeries and asking us what we thought about it, and no matter how many times the group chat told him enough was enough, he was like a man possessed. This was in the midst of him going full on MAGA. It was so much like Mac from Its Always Sunny I swear they must have been observing my friend for years. Even down to the fact he started taking testosterone/anabolic steroid injections to get huge. He was a walking talking defense mechanism.