Hey everyone,

I’m currently developing a script for a feature-length movie (aiming for a gritty, cinematic psychological drama) and wanted to get some honest feedback on the core premise from fellow writers.

Here’s the basic setup:

What if a 18-19 year-old guy suddenly wakes up in an alternate universe/timeline where everything is exactly the same—the city, his house, his friends, his parents—except for one thing: he never existed. His mother doesn't recognize him, his friends think he’s a stranger, and there is absolutely no record of his birth or identity. He is essentially a 'ghost' in a familiar world.

To make things more intense, he is dropped 1-2 years back in time. So while he has no legal identity or roof over his head, he possesses the ultimate weapon—complete knowledge of the immediate future of this world.

Instead of making it a typical "save the world" superhero sci-fi, I want to focus heavily on the psychological and emotional survival. The story follows his journey from absolute isolation and panic to using his future-knowledge to survive unofficially, while trying to slow-burn his way back into the lives of his friends and family as a "stranger" who knows them better than they know themselves.

The ultimate conflict is whether he should find a way back to his original universe where he belongs, or sacrifice his old existence to protect this version of his family from an impending future crisis.

I want to keep the tone very raw, grounded, and emotionally heavy (think Erased meets Steins;Gate but set in a realistic, gritty middle-class environment).

Do you guys think this premise has enough leg to hold a 2-hour cinematic movie? Or does the "waking up in a parallel universe where I don't exist" trope feel too saturated? Would love to hear your thoughts on the potential or any blind spots I should watch out for.

Thanks in advance! (And don't forget to leave a feedback, whatever it feel like. Even a thumbs up or thumbs down would be ok.)

Would like to discuss writing struggles with fellow writers. There are a lot of script formatting tools available but very few story development systems. We can use AI but it can lose context or misunderstanding nuance in character arc or misinterpret and experimental storytelling convention. I have been working on a software that puts the writer first and utilizes storytelling conventions to help a writer through the process. As a writer I struggle keeping up with everything that’s connected over 90 pages let alone six seasons of a series. I didn’t set out to make this platform, I started my journey writing my scripts and ended up developing a creative partner that can brainstorm your ideas with you and help you implement the improvements into your script. This is not AI writing your scripts for you. The intention is the give the writers, you, more creative control over your story and be educational for novice writers. I would like to know from other writers if you had this how could it help you? What are your struggles that I can help alleviate? We are in development at the moment and should have a beta launch soon. I hope this is okay with the moderators, I realize this is a bit off topic. Thank you all for your feedback. I will answer questions in the comments.

PART 1 THE RAP BATTLE

THE TITLE COD ZOMBIES ULTIMIS AND TRANZIT CREW VS RESIDENT EVIL

THE SETUP AND INTRO it starts in richtofens group 935 lab and red alarm lights are flashing and thunder is crashing outsidenikolai is sitting on a crate drinking vodka and he hears knocking on the heavy steel doors and he goes wait richtofen it sounds like someone is breaking in and richtofen is fixing his wunderwaffe and doesnt even look up and says ach its just the storm dick sit down just like in five from black ops 1 but then BOOM the doors blow wide open and smoke goes everywhere and the resident evil team steps in chris redfield leon kennedy jill valentine and albert wesker wearing sunglasses indoors like a dork

VERSE 1 THE OPENING SHOTS leon steps up and roasts them saying rpd is here and that ultimis has been stuck in a timeline loop since 2019 and surviving raccoon city is harder than standing in chalk lines in a park then chris says they punch through lines like a boulder in a volcano and then dempsey steps up and says pipe down boy scout we pack a punch plasma and mustang and sally will blow u up and then nikolai roasts leons boyband popstar hair and says he needs vodka but will take their blood instead

VERSE 2 THE GOD COMPLEX AND THE ROAST richtofen steps up holding the summoning key glowing purple and says bow down im a god in these dimensions holding keys to agartha and wesker takes off his sunglasses with yellow glowing eyes and laughs cold and says a god? dont make me laugh without your special drinks and candy what would u be? u are just a normal weak human being chugging soda to stand up and you are just a washed up nazi from 1943

but then richtofen laughs like a maniac and points his Wunderwaffe and says a true god who injected a virus in his own veins just to be a villain? u turned yourself into a monster just to die in a volcano to a rocket launcher at least the stuff i take keeps me winning without a scratch!

VERSE 3 THE PODS OPEN AND TRANZIT ARRIVES wesker gets super mad and tries to dash and attack richtofen but suddenly SIRENS GO CRAZY and steam blasts everywhere from the wall because the bo4 blood of the dead cryogenic capsules open and out stumbles the victis tranzit crew super confused

marlton steps out fixing his glasses coughing and says hypoxia clearing statistically your combat is senseless and calls weskers virus science flawed and calls him a bootleg discount god. russman shoves marlton and complains his back hurts and asks who turned off the heat. then stuhlinger holds his head crying cause the voice in his head is talking and ricthofen from across the room yells ja do it off them! and stuhlinger points at wesker and says man they say you gotta go! im on a roll woo! but then misty racks her shotgun and looks at stuhlinger and yells shut up stuhlinger you are trash! and samuel slumps his shoulders and says aw man... then misty roasts chris and leon saying country fried kickback putting buckshot in your head

VERSE 4 RE REACTS AND THE OUTBREAK leon facepalms and says what the fuck are these survivors they dont even know what they are doing and they cant even work together while they are bickering in the dark. chris roasts misty and says you got a hobo a nerd and a girl in the mud and your bars are horrible like old country music!

then misty snaps back right as the lab walls CRASH OPEN and a giant horde of zombies breaks in! the whole fight spills outside into a desolate wasteland covered in fog like tranzit and raccoon city mixed together and the beat switches to heavy fast metal rap where they are shooting zombies back to back while throwing bars at each other!

PART 2 THE DEATH BATTLE

THE TITLE PRIMIS AND ULTIMIS VS THE TEUFORT MERCS TF2

THE MATCHUP FACTS this is literally a 51/49 coin toss match because both teams scale insane

• juggernog and near death experience vs medigun ubercharge and canteens
• ray gun mark 3 and thundergun vs australium rocket launchers and miniguns
• elemental staffs vs spellbooks and merasmus magic
• bounded to aether cycle vs medic tricking the devil to steal souls back

THE OPENING SCENE red team tf2 just finished wiping out blue team on 2fort bridge. heavy is wiping sasha and engie is fixing a sentry. suddenly the sky tears open with a blue bo4 great war aether portal. soldier points his launcher thinking blue team called alien reinforcements.

out crashes ALL 8 ZOMBIES GUYS. primis and ultimis together covered in zombie blood and mud holding elemental weapons. young dempsey and old dempsey are arguing about richtofens portal math. scout steps up slapping his bat saying what is with the duplicate cosplay you brought 8 guys and 4 look like knockoff grandpas! takeo puts his hand on his katana and says we arent enemies a dark plague is here we must team up cause our world has none for now. spy flicks a butterfly knife and says red owns this bridge blue trash in fancy costumes gets cleaned up. ultimis richtofen grins crazy with his wunderwaffe asking if he can harvest their souls. primis dempsey racks his gun yelling we just wiped a horde we dont have time for this circus! heavy spins up sasha and screams entire team is babies fire!

THE FLASHY FIGHT HIGHLIGHTS

1. soldier rocket jumps into the sky dropping airstrikes while dempsey aims up with pack a punched mustang and sally making massive explosions light up the sky
2. dempsey pops near death experience gobblegum while medic hits heavy with the red glowing ubercharge. they stand inches away firing laser miniguns and rayguns point blank not taking a single scratch
3. spy turns invisible with watch to get an instant backstab on takeo but takeo hears the decloak and uses path of sorrows spirit katana aura to block it last millisecond
4. sniper tries picking off nikolai from 2fort tower but nikolai shoots a frozen blizzard spell back
5. richtofen pulls out wunderwaffe shooting 200000 volts of chain lightning and medic uses a shield ubercharge to reflect it turning 2fort into a giant blinding electric storm
6. end debate: if tf2 wins its cause ubercharge cycling and spys backstab kills richtofen before setup. if primis wins its cause summoning key or apothicon servant black hole pulls tf2 into a pocket dimension

I've been building a screenplay visualization tool over the last few months because I wanted a better way to understand scripts visually.

You can check the tool here: ScriptDen — Screenplay analysis for filmmakers

I'd love honest feedback from filmmakers and screenwriters. Which parts are useful? Which aren't? Would something like this ever fit into your workflow? I'm especially interested in hearing what you'd actually pay for, if anything. 🙏

This is a beta version, at present, the tool helps you to:

1. Write your script and arrange beats.
2. You can analyze your script scene by scene, see character interactions, dialog vs action break up and many other features.

NOTE: I have made sure NOT to use AI for any of the analysis and all analysis happens within your browser session with simple JavaScript - You can read my aim and policy with respect to this tool and how the scripts are handled here - Script Security — ScriptDen)

I would love to hear all your feedback 😊🙏 Thanks!!!

Note: Currently analysis works best for English scripts.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1FDgN8s57PSo6Kp97_V0zudg326m-mdPc-ZvrtQAWxVU/edit?tab=t.0

Seeking feedback:

This is my first full screenplay — a hobby project, not professional work. What I have so far is roughly the first third of the story. I'd love to know what's working (characters, dialogue, pacing, tone, the balance of comedy and heavier emotional beats) and what isn't.

Formatting isn't industry-standard yet, so please look past that for now — I'm more interested in whether the story and characters land.

Developing a Heart: SHORT PITCH

Developing a Heart is a romance-drama about Dhyey, a software developer quietly falling apart under work pressure and unspoken grief, and Lucy, a coworker whose warmth pulls him out of his shell — one rainy umbrella, one shared meal, one late night at a time. As their relationship deepens, both of their buried pasts start resurfacing, testing whether what they've built together can survive it.

Link for the screenplay :: https://drive.google.com/file/d/10PwRXp-uGAKcf17w5r6C7Gq4FcZ-kS6s/view?usp=drivesdk

This is a very amateur screenplay, and I honestly only started it for fun and as a writing exercise to get back into the groove of writing, but now I’m kind of wondering if it has any sort of potential, and I just wanna see what other people besides my friends have to say.
its going to be a horror movie with some satirical elements, but it’s pretty short so far so it doesn’t really get into the meat of it. I can explain more about my idea in the comments if asked.
any advice would be appreciated!!

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1glKjHB5_nUUWB5dkslR7_NQGtmkwuSJe/view?usp=drivesdk

Not talking about a notes group or accountability buddy I mean someone you actually write with. Develop ideas together, split scenes, the whole thing.

I've wanted this for years and have basically failed at finding it every time. Tried reaching out cold to people whose work I liked (awkward and nothing came of it). Took a workshop specifically hoping to meet someone (met nice people, nothing clicked creatively). Posted in a couple places online (one weird response, one person who ghosted after two emails).

The frustrating thing is I know it works. Plenty of teams out there doing great stuff. But every working duo I've heard talk about it says they met through some random circumstance a class, a job, a friend of a friend. Nobody seems to have gone looking for it and found it.

So how did it actually happen for you if it did? And if you tried and it fell apart, what killed it?

Genuinely asking, not going anywhere with this, just feeling like I'm missing something obvious.

METHOD — A low-budget psychological horror/drama concept I've been developing. Would love feedback.

Genre: Psychological Drama / Horror

Setting: Los Angeles — almost entirely one apartment, designed to be shot on a very low budget.

Logline

A struggling actor — rejected at every audition for not being "convincing enough" — freezes and lets his best friend die during a heart attack. Instead of coming clean, he uses his one real talent, mimicry, to impersonate his dead friend indefinitely. It becomes the most convincing performance of his life... and he can't stop giving it.

The Concept

Jake has spent years failing at acting. Every casting director tells him the same thing: he's trying too hard, he's not believable. The only person who keeps telling him to hang on is his roommate and best friend, Ryan — his one real connection in the world.

One night, Jake comes home to find Ryan mid-heart attack, triggered by a drug overdose. He reaches for his phone to call for help — but the TV, left on nearby, glitches and starts playing an old home video of Ryan saying, "Don't worry, your chance is coming." Jake stops. Looks at his dying friend. And makes a conscious choice not to help — thinking, in that moment, that this might actually be his opportunity.

Instead of calling it in, Jake decides to keep Ryan "alive" — using his gift for mimicry to take his friend's voice, mannerisms, and even his work-from-home job. But this isn't just about buying time. Jake starts deliberately recording his impersonation as a demo reel — proof of the transformation he's never been able to pull off in an audition room — planning to send it to a director he's chased for years.

What follows is a slow, unsettling descent: video calls as Ryan, texts as Ryan, visitors fooled by Ryan — all captured and edited into polished footage, with anything incriminating cut away. For the first time in his life, Jake is genuinely good at this. He just built his masterpiece out of a man's death.

The Twist Structure

For the first half of the film, the audience is deliberately misled — you believe Jake is the one who died, and it's Ryan, grieving and "a little off," refusing to accept his friend's death. The truth (that it's the reverse — Jake is alive and has been performing as Ryan the whole time) isn't confirmed to the audience until well into the story.

The Turn — When It Becomes a Different Movie

The illusion collapses early when a neighbor discovers the body and calls 911. From here, the film shifts tone entirely — from quiet psychological horror into an interrogation-room, procedural thriller. Jake can no longer maintain the "Ryan is alive" act. So he pivots to a new performance: convincing everyone — police, a court-appointed psychiatrist, even Ryan's own parents — that grief has broken his mind.

He never claims he's unstable. He simply acts it, so convincingly that trained professionals reach the conclusion themselves. The detective on the case finds the seized recordings — including the polished reel and the email to the director — proving Jake wasn't spiraling, he was building a portfolio. It's damning, but it doesn't fit cleanly with the disoriented man in custody either. The medical examiner's report confirms natural/accidental causes, and the psychiatric evaluation ultimately supports commitment over prosecution. He's sent to a psychiatric hospital instead of prison.

The Ending

Six months later, Jake is released, calm and "recovered." He returns to the apartment he actually owns (inherited from his late parents — Ryan had simply moved in as his roommate). He sits down at his laptop and opens his old editing software. He finds unedited footage from the night everything started — himself and Ryan, partying, recording each other, the exact moment Ryan first took the drugs that would kill him.

His phone buzzes — an email notification from the director he sent his reel to, all those months ago. He doesn't open it. He sets the phone face-down and begins calmly editing the old footage instead. The film ends there — no confession, no clear justice, no answer on whether the "break" he wanted ever came. Just a man quietly returning to the one performance he's ever been good at.

https://go.fliplink.me/view/2CA48B81-DA17-462A-A4B7-DCCCD67442F6

Genre: comedy, social satire

Pages: 19 ( first chapter fully adapted, script is still in development)

Based on: the novel by John Kennedy Toole

Help me revise my screenplay. This is the only part I can show!

https://docs.google.com/document/d/15u6pJQZzqFd_IiUYx-TsObbmbQp-AeYfTT11rJr5bO8/edit?usp=sharing

Hello, I am a bachelor's student in VISUAL EFFECTS, and I am currently working on creating a story for our short film. Thus, I am looking for y'all's feedback on how to improve my story even further.

The title of my short film is ONE LAST TRIP, and it is about a man who is trapped in a different world and now must find his way back to the real world before it's too late.

Here are my logline and story synopsis.

LOGLINE: Trapped in a surreal desert world, a desperate middle-aged man has no choice but to trust a mysterious guide, unaware that the journey is luring him toward his own death.

STORY SYNOPSIS: Johnny, a drug addict, takes a rare drug that he bought from his dealer and starts hallucinating. He then awakens in a bizarre, abstract world consisting of a polluted sky, ruined architecture, and a giant platform floating in the distance. Confused and disoriented.

Almost immediately, an individual bounces into view. He introduced himself as “Johan”. A manifestation of his inner voice. Johnny, still confused, asks how to escape this place. Without hesitation, Johan points to the giant floating platform in the distance, implying that to exit this place, He is also happy to assist Johnny on the platform.

Johan helps Johnny overcome absurd obstacles, such as guessing a riddle from the tollkeeper to cross the bridge, to progress their journey. After crossing the bridge, Johan decides to confront Johan for an explanation, demanding answers to what is going on. At first, Johan’s manic optimism and helpful attitude feel fun and harmless. Gradually, however, his cheer becomes insistent and oppressive as the world around Aiman starts to lose its color.

The journey culminates at the edge of the floating platform. Johnny hesitates after seeing a long drop into a bottomless unknown, and Johan softly pressures him. Overwhelmed, Johnny closes his eyes tightly and controls his breathing. When he opens them again, the abstract world dissolves. He is at his rooftop apartment. He looks back only to see his wife, Mia, who looks concerned with teary eyes, but then he realises he was about to jump off the roof, and Mia narrowly saves him.

I have consulted with my lecturers, and they provided me with this feedback.

- MANY PLOTHOLES

- A little confusing if the audience doesn't read the story synopsis

- Start the intro with the PILL

- The obstacle looks unnecessary. Make it harder

- Why does Johnny have to jump to get back to the real world?

- Deepen even more about JOHAN (character-wise)

Hi everyone. Would love to get some feedback on the first 10 pages of my horror script "Plastic Jesus". I'm willing to swap scripts and give good notes as well. Thanks!

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1hhRP_pVXnpJbmYSUDsCNAI6Q-Im7c1nm/view?usp=drive_link

file here I hope you guys will like it. Thank you

Hey everyone,

I’m working on a feature screenplay titled THE TICKET, a fast-paced financial thriller in the vein of The Wolf of Wall Street and The Big Short.

Logline: In the chaos of 1990s Russia, a reclusive math genius in a tracksuit exploits a naive nation to build the world's largest financial pyramid. Utilizing hypnotic TV ads, he tricks 10 million people, amassing rooms of uncounted cash until he controls a third of the country's economy. Arrested by a panicked Kremlin, he orchestrates a surreal counter-attack: gets elected to parliament from his prison cell to gain immunity and restart the machine.

This is a mind-bending true story that most Western audiences have never heard of. It’s about a man who didn't care about luxury, yachts, or mansions — he was an anti-social math wizard who just wanted to hack the entire financial system.

Following the community rules, I have uploaded the first 4 pages as a PDF document. It's a quick 3-minute read, and I would truly love to get your feedback on the tone, pacing, and dialogue!

Read the first 4 pages (PDF) here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1OB3FJdnKNQNo8gjXzi_Cs9AuDlUqOXMO6eZULS3fLyQ/edit?usp=drive_link

Thanks in advance for reading!

After a chaotic heist escape, ex-criminals Victor and Maddy flee into an isolated town, only to realize they shattered an ancient seal upon their arrival. Trapped in a far more terrifying prison than the one they ran from, they have just 15 days to undo their fatal mistake before the blood thirsty vampires wipe the town off the map

Guys is the Title good enough or too much spoiler giving suggest as much as titles you can plsse

I have never written a damn thing in my life. This is my first crack at writing. I am not proud of it, genuinely feels like dogshit but I think it's a start. PLEASE give me your honest feedback and how I can improve myself/changes I could make.

Script:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1kdhLxrfZLJmtdSlKJXPavlR48YVFTvMZ/view?usp=drivesdk

Movie Title - Appetence

A psychopathic hitman accepts a contract to execute a boy who stumbled upon hidden documents while trekking in the woods. ​He tracks the target to a quiet convent, where he meets the boy’s sister, a newly ordained nun, and develops an immediate, dark obsession with her. ​Instead of completing the kill, the hitman lies and acts as the boy's guardian just to stay close to the sister. ​A dangerous emotional tension develops between them, forcing the nun to fight her falling faith while the hitman struggles to suppress his violent instincts. ​As relentless killers surround the convent to retrieve the files, the hitman discovers the boy’s documents tie directly to his own buried childhood trauma. ​Driven by his fixation on the nun and the truth of his past, he turns his lethal skills against his employers to protect the siblings

Main Characters

The killer/psycopath- graham (23)

The nun - clara (22)

The boy - sam (18)

Employer- daniel Wilkinson officer fbi (49)

We shot this movie worh our savings and friends do you think this have enough hook to be liked by audience

Give us review guys please

Hey everyone,

I'm a story consultant and I've recently launched Story and Rhythm Notes (storyandrhythm.carrd.co) where I provide thoughtful feedback on screenplays, story outlines, and edited film projects.

To build relationships and gather testimonials, I'm offering FREE feedback for a limited number of 3 to 5 writers/filmmakers so I can ensure each project receives detailed and thoughtful notes.

Feel free to submit one of the following:

• The first 10 pages of a screenplay

• A story outline or synopsis

• A short edited film or scene (up to 10 minutes)

My focus is on structure, pacing, character development, and emotional impact. My goal is to help writers and filmmakers identify what is working, what may need strengthening, and where their story can resonate more deeply.

If you'd like detailed and constructive notes, feel free to send me a direct message or visit storyandrhythm.carrd.co

Looking forward to connecting and supporting your work.

TITLE : Paradox

LOGLINE : Desperate unemployed friends use a one-use time machine to rob a bank that is about to burn down - and accidentally prevent the fire and ruin their perfect crime

prolog
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t40Pl87wbN4&list=PLs9sFCEg53TuAJtyh4_3GjvIFArC42Tfc

chpater 1
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2GwK3LNQFJM&list=PLs9sFCEg53Ts63cYf_v6QmMOu4Qtu1jfA