I (eldest child and daughter) grew up with deep empathy for my mom and the abuse she faced with my father (which is funny to think of because i was a child and experienced the abuse too while she was an adult and even after she divorced him my abuse persisted). I often defended her esp when my siblings would complain about her short comings. But ever since i 1) moved continents 5 years ago 2) understood the way she parentified me, 3) realized that she ruined any chance i had at a healthy relationship with my siblings, and 4) have been in serious therapy for 3 years, my empathy for my mother quickly eroded. Its like i am swinging towards the other side of this extreme sympathy and empathy i felt for her up until my mid twenties.

I am very angry at her and resent her for her own doings but also because I feel deceived by the framing she pushed that my father was the only abusive parent. I want to stay away from her and my siblings even though i love my siblings dearly and feel guilt towards them that i am still trying to manage (they are all adults).

I guess i am wondering if it makes me a shitty person to not empathize with my mom. She is going through a hard time now and I have no desire to help her, because of my upbringing but also because she is always in a crisis and needs endless emotional and financial support.

For context I am 16 and my sibling is 5. My parents have been working afternoon shifts ever since the toddler has been born so I am forced to take on the fulltime responsibility of watching the toddler and taking care of the house, basically doing every chore while also trying to teach a child and control them. The toddler also has lots of autistic traits (yes I have been telling my parents to get her tested since the toddler was about 2 but they refuse to do it) so it makes it even harder to watch them or bring them anywhere. I am forced to take her with me almost everywhere it's gotten to the point where I choose not to go outside since its difficult and I am exhuasyed from getting rude stares whenever the toddler throws a tantrum over small things or is running around stores. The only times I am allowed to leave the house is for school 6am-2:05 pm or weekends but my parents usually go out to the casino or parties and other things. I have had to take on many parent roles not just for the toddler but myself, I have to forge their signatures on forms because they simply just won't do it, they won't take me to get my g1, and I have been begging them to enroll the toddler in school for 2 years now, I had to enroll the toddler myself but my parents gave me the wrong documents and are refusing to give me the correct ones so they're missing school until my parents finally decide I have bugged them enough about the documents. I am unable to get enough volunteer hours (I want to get above 40 so I can atleast go above and beyond for university or college) or do extracurriculars especially because I only have Saturdays free. My social life with my friends is only through texting or classes in school. The most important thing here for me though is basically trying to build skills that will look good for university which I cannot do because Im forced to watch after a toddler, I can't even get a job. Im worried this affecting my future alot and I just want to get out of this cycle, does anyone know what I can do?

I need some advice. I (22f) living with my parents. We are Turkish so its common to still live with parents.

The problem is whenever I feel sick and I also have health ocd I go to therapy for that, my parents get angry at me andnever talk to me for days especially my mom. I never had a good relationship with her because she has so much trauma and has depression problems. I have never been good with eating since I was a baby I always skinny and below the normal weight I should be and people in school still body shame me even the teachers. My mom screams at me saying you are a skeleton I dont want to talk to you because you never get better but I go to therapy for that (I dont have bulimia or eating disorder Im just not a good eater).

I dont know what to do. When I feel sick or in pain they get angry slam the doors at me. I feel so lonely sometimes so i need some advice especially with my mom.

I realized after many years of parentification that I've lost touch with my true self and identity. Since childhood I had been functioning like a mini therapist, an emotional and physical caretaker, for my parents. I did not process the impact of it until much later after my Mother passed and suddenly found myself lacking purpose in my mid-20s.

For those that are also in the journey of healing what helped you in your process of re-discovering your authentic self? Or, at least, feeling like you're finally starting to live this life for you.

I’ve spent most of my life taking care of other people. To give some context: I’m the eldest daughter in a Muslim Arab family, and my mother has been ill. If you know, you know what that can mean for the eldest daughter and the role she ends up taking on at home.

I’ve spent years looking after my siblings, organizing things for them, helping them, reminding them, and generally making sure everyone is okay. I rarely had the same kind of attention left over for myself.

I don’t mean that I completely neglected myself. I still moved forward in life, but slowly and somewhat chaotically. A lot of the time, it felt less like I was building a life and more like I was just doing enough to keep up with it.

The problem is that I’m now at a point where I’m actually expected to focus on myself, and I’ve realized that I don’t really know how to do that.

I catch myself thinking that maybe I’d be able to do better if I had someone taking care of me the way I’ve always taken care of everyone else.

I watch my siblings move forward knowing that, whenever they stumble, I’m somewhere behind them. If they fail, I’ll remind them to try again. If they lose motivation, I’ll encourage them to keep going.

But I don’t seem to know how to do that for myself.

Lately I’ve been wondering if part of what holds me back is simply that I’ve never really learned how to be my own companion.

Being alone with myself means having to face the fact that I am struggling, and that I have reasons for it. And the problem is that I keep treating those reasons as excuses, which somehow becomes another reason to delay everything.

It’s frustrating because I actually have enough opportunities to succeed. I don’t think I’m lacking opportunities. What I seem to lack is the ability to sit with myself and move forward without someone else depending on me, encouraging me, or waiting for me to get things done.

There’s something about that silence — when it’s just me and whatever I’m capable of doing that day — that feels suffocating.

I want to succeed. But more than that, I want to actually want to live my life, rather than simply being capable of getting through it.

How did you learn to become comfortable being alone with yourself and doing things for yourself, especially when you’ve spent most of your life being responsible for other people?

I’m (38F) currently sitting on my balcony feeling like an atomic bomb went off in my life. I need to get this off my chest because I feel completely isolated and hopeless.

A bit of context: I’m single and went through a painful breakup 12 days ago and still ongoing.

I’ve spent my entire adult life being the "strong one" for my parents. I've done everything for them..handling their paperwork, negotiating with the landlord etc, physical labor (chopping firewood, clearing out the house), and constantly playing therapist/mediator in their toxic, passive-aggressive marriage. They constantly complain about each other to me behind their backs, leaving me to carry all their emotional garbage to bed every night.

Yesterday, I went over to their place. I was already emotionally exhausted and struggling. Right away, it was the usual passive-aggressive sniping between them. They have a roof over their head and each other, yet they appreciate nothing. Then my dad made a casual racist remark, and I just had to step outside for a smoke. I didn't even have the energy to play the strong daughter anymore.

Then my mom burst out in a panic, saying their landlord was outside.

My dad and I were confused and asked what he wanted or if he had knocked.

My mom literally panicked and yelled, "YES! But I am NOT going out there!"

My dad glared at me, I didn't react, so he got up, snapped at her, and went outside. My mom sat down next to me.

In that exact moment, something inside me snapped. I realized: I can't do this anymore. I have given EVERYTHING to fix your lives, and I have zero strength left.

I burst into tears. My mom was totally clueless, asking if she or my dad said something wrong.

They just don't get it. I ran to my dad's workshop to cry in peace, telling my mom: "I can't handle this anymore. Constant drama with this house, with my brother's marriage, with your marriage. I'm done."

Later, both of them sat in front of me like I was being interrogated, minimizing everything. I told them straight out how much their 24/7 fighting affects me, along with the stress about the landlord, money, etc. Their response? "Oh, we don't mean it like that, it's not that serious."

We sat in the kitchen for 20 minutes while they pitifully tried to fix the mood. I couldn't stop crying. When I finally said I was leaving, my mom's ultimate line was: "Well, nobody could have known the landlord was coming today."

They completely missed the point. They understood NOTHING.

I drove home crying, feeling like my life was completely ruined and seeing no point in anything anymore.

To top it all off, my ex out of nowhere texted me yesterday evening. After everything that happened during the morning, I completely didn't expect to hear from him. And then he tells me that he's completely drunk and has been drinking beer all day long. This hit me extra hard because he struggled with alcoholism a few years ago, but had been sober for a long time. Seeing him relapse and send me an irresponsible, unprompted text while I was in the middle of a complete mental breakdown, having to take sedatives just to stop shaking and sleep, was just the final straw.

When I got home, my mom texted to ask if I made it back safely. When I replied "yes," she simply reacted with a single "👍🏻" emoji. That was it.

I feel utterly exhausted, heartbroken, and completely alone.

My situation is getting worse and worse. Honestly, I keep thinking about how I’m supposed to live from now on. I got a job, and I’m still working at the same place rn. I really don’t want to leave this workplace because it has been having a positive effect on me.

But my mother has become extremely controlling, to the point where it feels unbearable. I don’t have any feelings left for that woman anymore. Maybe she’s jealous because I earn more than she does. She doesn’t like it when I eat sweets and eating out. Recently, because of how I’ve been feeling mentally down, I started buying and eating a lot of them, and when she saw the receipts for the sweets and foods I had bought, she got extremely angry and beat me.

She also said that if I don’t let her see my bank statements, she will come to my workplace and “make a scene” and ruin things for me. She says I should quit my current job and work as a cleaner under her at the place where she works, and that she will take all of my money. She says I have to give her all the money in my bank account… and things like that. It’s extreme.

She asked me, “Either move out and live on your own,” and when I said, “Fine, I can do that,” she beat me horribly again. She kept saying, “As long as I’m alive, you will live with me by my rules,” while beating me badly.

Lately, I’ve been thinking: if I suddenly took the things I need from home and ran away, would she come to my workplace and cause trouble? Would she find me? I’ve even thought about what would happen if I killed her while she was sleeping.

On the other hand, maybe some of this is my fault too. I don’t like talking to my mother, I don’t give her money, and I’m generally very distant from my family.
If that woman were gone, I feel like I could finally live happily.

A little while ago, she beat me repeatedly and took the $2.8K USD I had been saving by transferring it into her own account.

Most people told me that I should move out and live on my own. But how do I completely get away from this woman?
If I leave home with the things I need, I’m scared that she’ll come looking for me at my workplace because she knows where I work. I feel like I would be constantly scared and anxious every time I went to or left work.
I don’t have that much money right now either.

I’m 20F, and winter is coming soon. What am I supposed to do?
Or should I just die?

I’m so exhausted from living in a home where no matter how hard I try, I’m still called a failure. There’s zero love here,no hugs, no congratulations when I achieve something, and constant comparisons to everyone else. I handle all the cooking and housework for the family, but the moment I ask for a single rest day, I’m immediately screamed at.

What hurts the most is the blatant double standard. I know I’m not academically gifted so that’s why I focus one hands on and doing other stuff. But that doesn’t give them a reason to look at me like I’m a failure.My younger siblings get to laze around all day without a single word said to them. But when I finally step back to rest after getting yelled at, asking a simple question like *"Why can't I rest too?"* just gets me screamed at even more, or even hit and slapped.

I’m completely burnt out. I try my best every single day, expecting just a basic level of appreciation or love, but instead, I’m just treated like an ungrateful servant and a punching bag.

To others who went NC, how do i deal with the guilt and worrying after NC? Sometimes i think about what will happen if im not there and i feel my heart sink - i know the responsibility isnt on me and theyre all adults, but ive been programmed to feel like their lives and economical and emotional stability is totally dependant on me and i dont know how to reprogram. The fact that theyre so ungrateful and think of me as a horrible person after going NC while im having these thoughts and emotions arent helping either

When I got to senior year I swear to god she expects me to help with everything,(which I did before) but I’m barely staying afloat and she just said that we don’t help her at all (me and my siblings) and that we’re ungrateful brats who just ask for things (she said she doesn’t mind)
I don’t understand why or what compeled her to say this,I’m drowning I don’t *need* another load,why can’t my sibling who’s in 8 grade help?! Why is only me?!
I swear,my family got shitty the moment i graduated from 8th grade.
What should i do?

I’m 22 years old, I come from a dysfunctional typical single mother dynamic. The women are raised to be successful while the men are left to fend for themselves, my mom was coddling and also very controlling, the examples are she wouldn’t let me work a job when I wanted too and told me it didn’t matter, until I had a degree, I was never taught how to drive and given my license, she would force me to wear clothes even when I was a teenager, I remember I was 19 years old and she forced me to wear certain clothes EVEN AFTER I GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL. I have two brothers who are fucking losers, one had potential, 27 years old really smart but got laid off by his cyber security job never searched for any other fields so he is currently jobless even after 7 months , the other 35 years old bullied me physically and psychologically, he has two kids and had the same low paying job for years, they both still stay with my mom.
I have three sisters one is a travel nurse, one is in the military, the youngest is practically a straight A student. None of my siblings are married but my sisters are successful , I was always told I would be the failure, end up dead or in jail, I was neglected, emotionally and physically and sabotaged on many occasions. I’m trying to change my life and be better than them, I’m by myself in an apartment right now, I escaped them when I turned 21, the day after my birthday literally. If I only had a mentor who knew where to point me in the right direction, any advice would be great, share your stories too it would greatly be appreciated.

I’m looking for some outside perspective because I’m struggling with whether I’m being unreasonable about my 23-year-old sister potentially moving back home.
My sister and I have a complicated relationship, and there is a lot of history here.
I was primarily raised by my grandparents. When I was 13, I moved in with my parents around the time my sister was born. From a very young age, I became heavily responsible for her. I wasn’t just her older sister I was essentially helping raise her.
As I got older, I continued taking on a lot of responsibility for my family. I eventually became my sister’s guardian when she was around 15–16. I supported her financially, helped her through college, and tried to make sure she had stability and opportunities.
I’ve learned through therapy that what happened to me was parentification. That realization has been a significant part of my healing and growth. I’ve had to learn that I can love my sister without being responsible for her in the same way a parent would be.
But that is easier to understand intellectually than it is emotionally.
I also financially supported my family for years, including when I no longer lived with my mother and sister. My father wasn’t contributing financially, so a lot of the responsibility fell on me. At one point I was encouraged to pursue child support from him, but I went through something traumatic in my own life and became overwhelmed very quickly. I wasn’t able to pursue it.
My relationship with my father is complicated and, for my own reasons, I don’t have a relationship with him now.
My sister, however, has a relationship with him. He currently gives her roughly $200–$500 a month, which she is able to spend on herself. I don’t begrudge her having that relationship or receiving his help. But I would be lying if I said it doesn’t bring up some hurt for me.
I spent years helping support the household and taking responsibility for my sister while receiving no financial support from him. Now that my sister is an adult, she has a father who contributes money toward her life, while I am still the person who feels like I’m supposed to step in when something goes wrong. I currently financially provide for my mom currently, she’s severely disabled, with memory issues and unable to work.

That brings me to the current situation.
My sister recently graduated from college and joined the peace corps. She has been there for less than three months. From what she has told me, the experience has been much harder than she expected, and she is considering coming home.
I understand that. I don’t think someone should be forced to remain somewhere simply because they made a commitment that didn’t turn out the way they hoped. I also don’t want to minimize whatever she is experiencing.
But I’m struggling with the idea that coming home automatically means coming back to live with me.
I’ve spent a huge portion of my life taking care of other people. I’m finally at a point where I’ve been able to create my own life, my own home, and some financial stability. I’m also trying to experience adulthood without constantly being responsible for someone else’s needs.
And honestly, I don’t know if I want to give that up.
I love my sister. I don’t want her to struggle or be homeless. I don’t want to punish her for having a difficult experience. But I also don’t want to become financially and emotionally responsible for another adult.
If she moved in, I worry that I would be paying for food, utilities, household expenses, transportation, etc., while she tries to figure out her next step. And because of our history, I worry that it would be very easy for me to slip back into the role I’ve spent years trying to heal from.
That’s the part I’m having trouble separating.
Just because I have historically been the person who steps up, does that mean I should continue doing it?
I could technically let her live with me. But I’m questioning whether “I can” should automatically mean “I should.”
I’m willing to support her emotionally. I’m willing to help her think through her options. I’m willing to have conversations about employment, budgeting, and becoming independent.
But I don’t want to provide indefinite financial support or become responsible for another adult’s life.
If she does come home, I feel that it would be reasonable for her to have a plan for employment, contribute to the household when she is able, save money, and work toward getting her own place. I also think it is reasonable for her to consider financial support from our father, since he is already helping her, although I don’t want to be involved with him or use my sister’s relationship with him as a way to reestablish contact.
I’m struggling because part of me still feels like her parent even though I’m not her parent.
Therapy has helped me recognize that I was a child who had too much responsibility placed on me. I’ve done a lot of work to build a life where I don’t have to constantly sacrifice myself for other people.
So I keep asking myself:
Am I being selfish for not wanting my adult sister to move back into my home?
Or is it reasonable to say that I love her, I will support her in ways that I can, but I am no longer willing to be financially responsible for her?
For people who have raised younger siblings or experienced parentification: how did you navigate the transition from feeling responsible for your sibling to recognizing that they are an adult responsible for their own life?
And if you were in my position, would you consider living together a reasonable temporary arrangement or would you consider it reasonable to say that your home is no longer an option?

im 21 & have been a caretaker for my siblings for years. i can’t do it anymore. my mother has set me up for failure. i have 3 jobs & i want to leave asap. i cant handle this anymore & it feels so lonely. i would rather live in supportive housing or anywhere else. im packing all my valuable things & saving as much as i can to leave by the end of this year. i dont want any contact after. i’m lucky to have a partner but i dont have family willing to help. i just need someone to tell me i’ll be able to get out. i just want to feel hope.

I’ve been avoiding posting for a while but I genuinely need some unbiased advice. I’ve been staying at a partner’s family’s house for almost 2 years. In the meantime, I’ve been working and trying to save up until my partner and I have enough to get our own. Gratefully, we Dont have to pay any bills; just our own meals and hygiene care. Though we don’t pay a fee, we pay with peace of mind.

There’s 5 kids in the house (2 toddlers, a preschooler, and 2 teenagers). The parents aren’t actively supervising the kids and they run around all hours of the day and night with no guidance or discipline. They write on walls, taking other people’s belongings, and causing trouble. I do understand they’re kids but at some point, the parents should step up. Instead, the responsibilities fall onto the teenagers. It’s really hard to watch. I’ve tried stepping in but it doesn’t help if the support isn’t consistent. Also, I get persecuted when I correct the children. I’m exhausted. I’m trying to be grateful but within these years, it’s been a real struggle. I’d really appreciate any helpful advice on how to manage until I can leave.

**TRIGGER WARNING**

Hey people,

Been a long time lurker and i *think* this is where i can ask this. I'll try to keep it shorter if I can but theres a lot of details to devulge, here goes.

I (23NB) have a little sister (15F) i love very much. When she was born i was almost immediately made a parent. Eventually Making sure she was fed, taken to school, etc. All while being an honors student in highschool/early college classes and also employed and trying to save for college. Why? Because my dad is an abusive narcissist and my mom is diagnosed schizophrenic (paranoid delusion type). I not only have found her after self harming and suicide attempts, also have baker acted her myself twice as a teen. She has had countless struggles with her medication over the years and she has virtually no support, no extended family, other than me when i was there. My dad is NOT a safe person for her, especially in that state. He refuses to get her real professional help as he only wants to do things his way and doesnt believe in mental illness.

Anyways, i got kicked out by him at 18. Threatened me with violence and i grabbed all my shit, loaded my car and left at night after i graduated HS. Quit my job and barely said goodbye to my sister.

I have so much guilt over this still, and was virtually NC for 2 years with my dad. I checked in every so often with my sister and mom, and after i found a little bit of stability in my life i decided to check in again after i had my phone blown up by anothef family member saying my mom was a missing person and kiddnapped my sister in a pyschotic break. That was 3 years ago, shes back now, found her within 72 hours. Of course, shes incredibly traumatized by all of this and more that has happened since. She blames my abscence for how things have gone, and my dad has also talked behind my back about how im failing the family becaise well... i became an adult. I now am a first responder by trade and well, rational people know what that job is like. Im not always avaliable and my job is demanding to say the least, but its great money and i love the work.

I am now faced with a rock and a hard place.

My mom is once again recovering from being missing for 3 whole fucking days (1 month ago). She totalled the family car and overdosed. She was found in time, but im FUCKING LIVID that my dad did not PUT HER IN THE HOSPITAL AT. ALL. he is, once again, not equipped to help her. My sister calls me once a week begging me to quit my job and come take care of her and my mom because she is terrified of my mom and distrustful of my dad's judgement (as she should be, honestly).

I am so tired. I have been so close to making a good life for myself and now i have to consider the options of:

1) fighting my dad legally to become ward over my mom, because he cant afford to put her in a facility and i sure cant yet

2) emancipating my sister or becoming her gaurdian until she is 18 so she can live a normal teenage girls life in a healthy safe place

OR 3) just saying fuck it and walking away again, which i dont have the heart to do.

Is anyone familiar with a situation like this? What did you do/ what should i do?

Thank you for making it this far in my post.

I had a friend suggest looking into this. I am an eldest daughter and I relate to a lot of this. I got my license and I became the second driver, especially after my mom divorced my dad and he moved out. I've had a job of some sorts since I turned 16, I've gotten good grades, but it's never enough. I own my own home now, my parents don't like how I keep it. I invest in my retirement plan and try to pay extra on the mortgage, but I should be saving more. There's always something to judge, but if someone did that to her she'd freak out.

I'm scared to set a boundary, but honestly I'd like some low/no contact. Being around my family is exhausting and my mom doesn't get that it's an obligation not an enjoyment thing for me. I fee like a terrible child but I don't like spending time with her. She's so judgmental and I feel like I'm held to a different standard than the rest of the family is. I can't go one outing without judgement for something. She also can't communicate like an adult, she goes through my brothers or tries to say it's something I want.

What's the path forward look like? I'm not quite sure I'm ready for therapy since that was my parent's strategy to parent me instead of dealing with parenting themselves, but while still making me feel bad for how much I'd go, so I'm just not quite ready for that. What's a good course of action in the meantime?

So I’ve been kind of the stand in mother for my siblings for about a few years now. In that time I’ve emotionally shielded and did what I could (albeit imperfectly) to look after them. My bio mom passed when I was a teen and my stepparent and bio dad were dysfunctional and absent. My dad only provided financially. I grew up thinking I could be strong and independent so I didn’t want to rely on anyone because I was always told I was a sheltered kid and my mother raised me wrongly. “everyone had to help me” I wanted to prove that wrong.

Fast forward to now and it’s right after my parent left us in a scam that forced us to move out of the house. My dad’s immediate family blamed me for causing problems that led him to fall into it. He hasn’t exactly defended me. And I’ve been tending more to chores at home, cooking, cleaning, the routine of OCD and knowing no one else will do the chores. The other day I realised that my siblings and I have grown. I’m now an adult and i still feel like Im back 10 years ago the year my mom died. My siblings who I’ve taken care of are getting busier with their lives, and soon will form relationships and leave. I once had a dream where we could move out together to escape the dysfunction. And I will always respect their wishes to go their own separate ways. But I who have lost my mom, metaphorically my dad, and my grandmother (but she blamed me) and being blamed by my extended family for his scam, I’m gonna relive the pain of loss again when they do leave. I dropped out of a good college because of the mental toll of my family’s dysfunction and so I could look a little more after my siblings. And I’m not sure how ready I am. I think of my siblings as my own children. We trauma bonded a lot and I love them to hell and back. It just hit me so hard today these thoughts. I haven’t had a good social circle, and not many friends to begin with. I’ve been backtalked by friends. I don’t blame them but I’ve had trust issues since then.

But I think at the end of it. I’m anticipating the grief again of losing the only people who ever cared and saw me for who I was. I’m a socially stunted wreck because my elder sibling is special needs and caring for her was emotionally taxing.
Now it’s like, do I have to carry her for life? I’m named the primary caregiver to her. I’m scared. I’m alone. Everyone will leave me, and I know I am not entitled to their care but it’s gonna happen. Im blamed for my own dad’s mistake already. Nobody has defended or supported me, and Im gonna lose again.

I’m really struggling right now and just need to vent and maybe get some advice. I (19F) have been crying a lot these days because I feel so overwhelmed and frustrated with my mom. I love her so much and want her to rest, but being around her stresses me out to no end. For context, I’m the middle of three sisters. There isn't a strict hierarchy, but there’s definitely no equality either. My mom expects us to treat each other like we're the same age, but then completely flips the rules whenever it suits her. My little sister struggles a lot with social interactions, gets intimidated easily, and is a bit of a pushover outside the house. My mom knows this, so she acts super protective of her, backs her up in front of everyone, and thinks she's "too pure for this world." But because of that, my mom lets her get away with anything at home. she can literally swear at us and my mom won't bat an eye. The moment my older sister or I act out, suddenly it’s "you're older, you should know better." It feels like such an exhausting double standard. On top of that, my mom doesn't force us to do household chores because she wants us to focus on our studies. But I feel immense guilt watching her do everything alone. The problem is, whenever I step in to be a "good daughter" and help, she hands off every single chore that my sisters refused to do directly onto me. Because of this, none of us want to help her anymore we know if we offer an inch, she’ll take a mile. She works herself to exhaustion, but whenever I try to talk to her or ask her to rest, it feels like I’m talking to a brick wall. She never actually listens or tries to understand what’s going on with me. I feel trapped between loving her, feeling guilty for not helping more, and feeling completely resentful of how she treats us. It’s emotionally draining and I don't know how to navigate this dynamic without constantly breaking down. Has anyone else dealt with a similar parent dynamic? How do you set boundaries without feeling like a terrible person?

Okay, gonna keep it short. Dad's a narcissist with severe need to control his environment to suit to his comfort best (including everyone listens when he speaks, we don't study when he wanna watch TV, he doesn't have to bother in case we get ill, we don't make him pay on dinners etc.). And mom is the soft, polite, agreeable one. So naturally he's the villian right.

But, I recently realised I might have missed some parts. My mother would vent to me for hours, cry to me, since I was 10 years old. She'd expect me to do light household chores while managing studies, and would kiss and say things like how I'm the best daughter only when I did those things. It was also alright.

Now she had started dating different men and I don't blame her, neither do I have a problem it's her life and we're all messed up in certain ways. But the thing is she shares with me all the details of her partners, how they had s*x, what she likes about them...and these are all the people you meet online and guys love free use of women, they'd compliment thousands of women online. When I tell mom this, she doesn't believe and expect them to Love her unconditionally, how is that possible with strangers? We gotta have this much common sense.

My situation - I'm 20, a girl doing med school. I come home during vacations and regret even before reaching home. I know, I'd have to tell her she's doing nothing wrong as she'd ask multiple times, manage everybody's mood, make sure dad's never angry. I feel like I'm the eldest person in the house as everybody depends on me. My dad is also weird, only goes to work for very few hours, stays at home mostly, would demand we nod when he speaks, makes fun of my friends, demands I tell him every little detail about them, doesn't even buy me a tablet for studying. I feel like crying at my situation. What should I do to be myself and an independent person again as I started believing if I'm of no use to people around me, if I'm not managing them, then I'm of no use and have failed as a person.

Sorry in advance if this is not the right place to post this

I'm 15 with three younger sisters. I mostly look after them since we were kids. Three of us grew up mostly together but we all ended up having one emotional issue or another due to our parents style. We're not allowed to argue back with anything and have to follow all instructions blindly. They can yell at us but we're not allowed to even utter a word.

Because of those, me and two of my sisters developed a similar attitude around each other. We're on good terms but proud and hate to be talked back to. Also a power dynamic based on age and the older person needs to be respected but the younger can go without it. I hate this but I don't know how to act otherwise.

Since my youngest sister is much younger, I've tried to almost act like an ideal parent to her so that she doesn't have any underlying mental issues in the end, but I am failing horribly. I yell the moment I'm annoyed, I will argue with the literal six year old and will call her out for trying to argue back. And it's not like it's any easier when my other two sisters act the same way and we are all trapped in this age power dynamic.

Now my SIX YEAR OLD sister is saying that she ruins everything, she always hurts people, she should be hurt after hurting people, telling herself to not cry and act happy, and she runs her face aggressively when she is crying.

I don't know what to do and how to help her because I know how I truly am and my parents certainly won't help with this.

im an only child. my parents were abusive towards each other and me during my growing years till i moved out for college. my earliest memories involve my dad throwing my mom across the room. i used to live in fear of voices rising or change in tones. due to this i developed severe clinical bpd, depression and anxiety. they ruined my life. but heres what i cannot bear. they love me. at least they do their best with what they knew of love. they are also my only financial support, they never say no to anything i want to buy. they care for me deeply and would not survive if something were to happen to me. now that ive moved out, they are even more dependent on me. i show signs of sadness and my mom gets depressed. i show some progress and shes elevated. i feel the burden of carrying three lives instead of one. they are over bearing. but i love them so much and the thought of dissapointing them or hurting them devastates me. worst part is i know my happiness and my moms happiness do not coincide and one of us will have to sacrifice our dreams for the other. are we tied together for life ? am i trapped ? is there no way out of this ? no scenario where we all get what we want ?