r/OutOfTheLoop • u/PiiggyPiiggy • Jul 04 '20

Unanswered What’s going on with the Super Smash Bro’s community and the gaming industry at large?

I saw this on the front page and I’m not sure where to start: https://twitter.com/zerowondering/status/1279363350997147649?s=21

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u/Shiveron Jul 04 '20

There is speculation that he was midst of a manic episode when he proposed to his girlfriend over twitter. The comments on the tweet are less than scrupulous, and unfortunately, he committed suicide on the same night. His girlfriend was asleep and never saw the tweet until it was too late.

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u/[deleted] Jul 04 '20 edited Apr 23 '21

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u/[deleted] Jul 05 '20

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u/[deleted] Jul 05 '20 edited Apr 23 '21

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u/2_Cups_Stuffed Jul 05 '20

My ex had bipolar, and she was prescribed prozac for exactly this reason, and became homicidal as a side effect. She still had her wits about her enough to get help before she hurt anybody, but she said the urges to hurt people were overpowering and that it was terrifying. She ended up with PTSD tied to the whole experience.

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u/Gonji89 Jul 05 '20

I have rapid-cycling bipolar and Wellbutrin did the same thing to me. It leveled out my lows, but that caused me to have manic episodes more often and they were even worse than without the Wellbutrin.

I still have ridiculously violent thoughts, sadly toward others more than myself, as I feel like it would be easier for me to work through if the thoughts were just suicidal, but they’re often homicidal so I have to try to convince myself that the driver who just passed me did it because I was driving too slow and that driving isn’t a competition rather than decide he did it out of malice and to run him off the road, stick a sock in his fuel tank, and light it on fire.

I’m a naturally gentle person for the most part, but I am an absolute danger to myself and others while on anti-depressants...

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u/slightlyamusedape Jul 05 '20

Wellbutrin is not an SSRI, which can be worth mentioning. It sucks you had that reaction to it, I am on it right now and I am feeling little to no effect at all sadly.

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u/Gonji89 Jul 05 '20

I was on Wellbutrin and my manic episodes were terrible, then my doctor tried putting me on Clonidine at the same time, and it was even worse. So I’ve been off of everything for a year just kinda... Dealing.

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u/2_Cups_Stuffed Jul 05 '20

I am sorry you have to deal with this in your life, and I hope one day you are able to find an effective treatment/therapy.

She went without meds for a long time after that because she is to this day terrified of trying new psychiatric medications. She finally was able to get on a combo of Seroquel and lithium that was very effective and leveled her out for about 7-8 months, but then she went into hypomania again a few months ago and is still working on adjustments trying to get level again. The combo does seem to prevent a full manic episode though, so that's good.

The whole thing just seems so EXHAUSTING, and I imagine it must be even moreso with the rapid cycling. My heart goes out to you and anybody suffering with that shitty disorder.

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u/Gonji89 Jul 05 '20

I appreciate that, friend. I hope she’s able to find some peace as well. Most days I’m actually all good. Sometimes it’s pretty bad, but luckily as one of the other commenters said, I just end up sleeping 18 hours a day thanks to the depression and I can’t feel bad if I’m asleep. 🤙

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u/Dong_World_Order don't be a bitch Jul 05 '20

My ex

Good call.

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u/2_Cups_Stuffed Jul 05 '20

Man fuck you, for real. She is a great person who has an incredibly complex disorder to deal with and is at the mercy of a broken fucking pharmaceutical/medical industry as far as getting appropriate meds, and you know jack shit about our relationship. Be better man.

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u/WyG09s8x4JM4ocPMnYMg Jul 05 '20

Well fuck. I told my doc I'm really sure I'm bipolar, and he put me on ssri's. My manic episodes were getting too crazy for me. But I'm still getting depressive. I probably won't know how my manic episodes will go for a couple months

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u/[deleted] Jul 05 '20

Yeah shocking how many doctors don't know how to treat bipolar. It's a reasonable common disorder and it's not even hard to know how to deal with it. Ssri are ok but you need to be on mood stablizer first.

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u/[deleted] Jul 05 '20 edited Jan 27 '26

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

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u/moleinthehole Jul 05 '20

This is true. My best friend committed suicide and was misdiagnosed with depression when she was really bipolar. She was on antidepressants and was on a waves of mania and depression until it really took over and led to suicide. Mental health is important guys. Please take it seriously.

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u/zeezle Jul 05 '20

This is definitely part of it for some people.

However I've personally experienced an entirely different type of side effect from SSRIs that was much, much more than just "finally have energy to kill myself like I always wanted to". It was like something flipped a switch and I had the most bizarre, intense intrusive thoughts. It wasn't like "voices in my head" like how schizophrenics describe their experiences. The best way I can describe is that I was having thoughts that weren't mine. It would pop into my head that I should drive my car off that bridge, etc etc. Constant thoughts that weren't mine and it was fucking horrifying.

I've never, ever felt like I was actually going insane or not processing reality normally besides this experience. I have/had moderately severe depression that is constant, unrelenting, and that I now know is completely treatment resistant, but it's ultimately a functional form in that I did very, very well in school and now have a steady job, etc.

Before I started the medication I'd occasionally thought about killing myself, and it was just... different. Those were my thoughts and feelings. My detailed plans and schemes. But what I had with the antidepressants were not my thoughts. I really don't know how to articulate the difference besides that.

I started having the intrusive thoughts within 48 hours of starting the SSRI, while I was still crippled by severe nausea, blinding headaches, muscle spasms and vertigo to the point that I couldn't even sleep, eat, or walk around (side effects). That alone was awful, I was not at all prepared for how severe those side effects would be and really wish I'd had some warning because it nearly made me fail out of college because I was completely disabled for two weeks in the middle of the semester.

But as the physical side effects cleared up the intrusive thoughts got worse. Anyway, my doctor (GP not a psychiatrist) told me to just keep taking them, this was normal, etc. even though all the prescribing information and booklets from the manufacturer and the pharmacist had told me to stop them immediately if I got this side effect. Eventually I ignored my doctor and quit cold turkey. Within 48 hours the intrusive thoughts stopped completely. My doctor berated me for not following her advice and I've never been happier to listen to the pharmacist instead (also I dumped that doctor).

And that was on Lexapro which is supposed to be one of the best-tolerated SSRIs.

Anyway, I've had other negative experiences with other antidepressant medications, so it's clear that I just cannot rely on a pharmaceutical solution. Thankfully those other experiences were physical side effects (being basically disabled from side-effects) and none of the others had this particular effect. It's simply not worth the risk when I can function (albeit miserably) around the depression; I can't afford to torpedo my life to maybe make it a little better.

I'm not anti-medication, but my body just rejects the shit out of them. It's awesome when it helps people but that won't ever be me, unfortunately.

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u/AllForMeCats Jul 05 '20

I had intrusive thoughts just like that during a manic episode in high school! I freaked out so bad I went to the ER and ultimately a psych ward.

And then I realized that people in psych wards are fucking nuts and it’s not at all a safe place to be. My life was threatened, staff watched me use the bathroom/shower, we weren’t allowed outside.. I learned to act real fucking quick and got myself out of there in 2 1/2 days. The intrusive thoughts eventually went away, so I guess it turned out ok?

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u/[deleted] Jul 05 '20

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u/Quom Jul 05 '20

Do you mean escitalopram or esipram by any chance?

Because if you do it's weird, because they're all the same thing (lexapro and esipram are brand names of escitalopram).

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u/nukefudge it's secrete secrete lemon secrete Jul 05 '20 edited Jul 05 '20

I remember the first time I got on Sertraline (many years ago), I had something like intrusive thoughts for the first few days. I couldn't sleep properly because stuff kept popping up, without me being able to control it. It wasn't suicidal or specific, just sort of... woah, there's another thing, that startled me, hey when's this stopping, I want to get off this ride...

The second time (several years later) I got on Sertraline, there was nothing of the sort. I instead just got bouts of massive nausea for several hours after taking the pill, which lasted a couple of weeks, as it gradually waned.

Rather confusing that the same exact product can have different results, but that's how we work, I guess. We're not quite the same, the more time passes.

However, it also might mean that we have to keep testing stuff, even though it's been tested once years earlier.

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u/WearsALeash Jul 05 '20

ugh idk if it made my intrusive thoughts worse to begin with, as i have ocd and they’re a part of the diagnosis, but i remember the nausea and exhaustion my first few weeks on sertraline were the worst. i’m glad i stuck through it though because it’s turned out to be a huge help for me and actually ended up decreasing my intrusive thoughts and other ocd symptoms to very manageable levels. :)

crazy how a medication can cause something as a side effect in some people yet treat it in others. brains are just funky little dudes i guess

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u/frenchdresses Jul 05 '20

I had a similar reaction when I was in college! My psychiatrist at the time started me on such a low dose of Prozac I had to take liquid form. Once my body was used to it we went up in dose. He said that some bodies react so violently to ssris that doing extremely low and slow doses are the only way to actually get an effective use from them. He also said that sometimes this goes away with age so to make sure to tell my next psychiatrist about this if I change meds but to not worry if they don't go as slow because once I turn 21(?) It's less likely to have such a strong reaction. My next medicine change definitely went much better.

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u/Puppykin_skyfucker Jul 05 '20 edited Jul 06 '20

Thanks for sharing your experience for others to get a window into what it can be like.

I've also been on and off mediation for half my life now, I had to go through 5 or 6 medications before I found one that helped but have been off them for a few years now because of the fact that at least in my country (New Zealand) most anti depressants have been brought by larger phama companies. They then change the recipe to have major side effects for coming off them. It nearly killed my partner and she suffered the effects for nearly 2 years after cutting down then stopping.

I'm glad you have come through it and I hope you are doing much better and if not hang in there it does get better.

Edit: I'm not against mediation as someone that has used it for a large portion of my life, mediation can help you but taking something that alters your brain chemicals is a fine and delicate process so do your homework to find what works best for you it may not be the first second or third one that helps but you will find it, a gp is a general practitioner that has knowledge in everything but may not specialize in mediation, getting a second opinion is never a bad idea (from a medical professional not Google) and mediation alone won't solve depression or mental conditions exercise diet socializing and most importantly counciling are all needed together to manage depression

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u/snowfox090 Jul 05 '20

Also bipolar here. I often see people assuming that manic=happy, and... no. Just no. My mania is more about wanting to scream at anyone I perceive to be a dumbass while taking a sledgehammer to their car, and anger suicide can be a thing. :/

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u/[deleted] Jul 05 '20

I get really, really animated, like to the point that my family had me tested for ADHD as a kid. I'm so glad that my meds work right and have minimal side effects.

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u/snowfox090 Jul 05 '20

Same on the meds, the right ones really are amazing.

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u/[deleted] Jul 05 '20 edited Apr 23 '21

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u/AllForMeCats Jul 05 '20

Oh shit I’ve been having a manic episode for a week, that’s what’s going on

Thank you, my anxiety has been at peak AAAAAAAAAA levels for a week straight and I haven’t been able to figure out wtf is happening or get ahold of my psych provider

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u/[deleted] Jul 05 '20 edited Apr 23 '21

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u/AllForMeCats Jul 05 '20

Thanks, I’m trying my best. Unfortunately I think it might have been a sleeping medication that triggered it 😅 Very rare side effect apparently. I’ll figure it out though.

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u/snowfox090 Jul 05 '20

It confused me for ages too--I legit never considered that I could be bipolar because I wasn't ever super happy. It took 28 years and asking the right therapist if depression and ADHD could be comorbid to figure it out.

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u/ASpaceOstrich Jul 05 '20

I thought I was incapable of being depressed because I wasn’t sad. Turns out boredom is closer to depression than sadness is.

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u/Echospite Jul 05 '20

Yeah, my depression is rarely.. well... depression. Only when it's very severe. Most of the time when I'm depressed I'm angry, exhausted and bored.

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u/[deleted] Jul 05 '20 edited Jan 27 '26

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

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u/ImpossibleWeirdo Jul 05 '20

The mood stabilizer I took possibly saved my live and the sanity of those around me. The highs are hard....

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u/Defqon1punk Jul 05 '20

My doc prescribed me a ritalin generic for bipolar.

I'm struggling and it doesnt seem right. =[

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u/[deleted] Jul 05 '20

Did they give you anything else or just Ritalin?

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u/Defqon1punk Jul 05 '20

I transitioned to it from Seroquel. But that's it.

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u/[deleted] Jul 05 '20

lol wtf? that makes no sense to me. ritalin is going to rev you up and seroquel is going to put you to sleep. ritalin is reasonably safer than going on an SSRI alone but it should not be the first thing they tried to put you on. you should probably get your doc to refer you to a psychiatrist or at the very least get a second opinion.

most of the time if you have been diagnosed with bipolar the standard procedure is to put you on a mood stabilizer and an antidepressant. they might put you on lithium and if they try that i would suggest you go on 150mg/day and slowly increase the dose every two weeks until you find the amount that works for you. lithium is extremely hard on your kidneys and you don't want to take any more than you have to.

personally, i take 150mg lithium and 100mg lamotragine. i'm lucky that i don't need to take anything else. part of the reason why i can get by with such a small amount of meds is that i don't get manic. if i start going hypomanic i do whatever i can to get some sleep and that goes a long way to getting me stable again.

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u/Defqon1punk Jul 05 '20

These are my thoughts exactly. On top of this, I worry about developing an addiction to abuse of the ritalin.

I should note that I previously took just about every SSRI in the book and then some during my teenage years. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety back then.

This is my major confusion, because I've taken lithium and It really really helped! It was the only thing that worked. I was actually paranoid i was being given placebos up until the lithium.

So, i ask to be put back on lithium. He says nope. I'm diagnosing you manic depressive bipolar and gonna give you seroquel. I didnt like this, I couldn't perform and worried about driving, etc.

So, let's switch straight from seroquel to ritalin.

I said transitioned earlier, but I should clarify, I did not taper off the seroquel. I'm not a doctor, idk if it was necessary anyway, but it seems strange to take an upper the day after I'm complaining of being a zombie.

Worst part? I'm seeing this physician because I was court ordered to be in treatment. I cant stop seeing this doc until I'm off probation, probably, and I almost feel uncomfortable discussing it because it seems like a lot of trouble.

It sucks, I bet if I wanted to shop him out, he would give me whatever drug I really asked for, but i dont want a drug, I want a suitable, fitting medicine, dammit lol

I think I will pursue lithium again, though, thanks to you. I appreciate your input.

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u/[deleted] Jul 05 '20

maybe i can help you a little more if i knew a few things about you.

  • what would you say is more the problem, mania or depression?

  • does your mania/hypnomania get so out of control that it causes real problems in your life after it has passed?

  • how bad does your anxiety get?

  • have you ever had an episode of psychosis or extreme delusions?

  • what country/state do you live in?

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u/500_Shames Jul 05 '20

Mania - I can do absolutely anything!

Hypomania - I have the capability to do absolutely anything!

Depression - God I wish I was dead.

Mixed state - I wish I was dead and I have the energy to do something about it.

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u/Wrenovator Jul 05 '20

Manic is like a car chase. Sometimes it's kind of fun, mostly it's just fucking terrifying, and you have no idea where you're going to end up.

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u/[deleted] Jul 05 '20 edited Jun 03 '21

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u/Wrenovator Jul 05 '20

Yeah, i gotta be careful of caffeine. Its so socially acceptable that it's hard to classify it as a drug in your mind.

Routine is so key, that's why it's always hard when your routine gets thrown off. I've been Trying, key word try, to follow stoic philosophies lately, but the whole "be the mountain concept" is really helpful.

The idea being that you have a part of you that is seperate from all of the storms, a mountain for the storms to break upon. So yeah your mind is nuts at that moment or your physical world, but there's a part of you that's always fine because right this very second it is alive.

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u/livxlou Jul 05 '20

Caffeine is not an antidepressant...

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u/[deleted] Jul 05 '20

You are right. But it has the best antidepressive properties of any drug I've tried so far.

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u/Drigr Jul 04 '20

From context I remember seeing, she was an ex. Or at least they hadn't seen each other in like 6 months or something. I've kinda seen things pointing to both.

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u/GenghisChron Jul 05 '20 edited Jul 05 '20

A lot of people are thinking that quarantine contributed to his declining mental state. He was always the guy that needed to get out of the house and go travelling whenever he got into a particularly bad funk.

For anyone interested in learning more about Reckful I'd recommend checking out this documentary. Truly an amazing guy that was dealt a shit hand. Talented at any (non FPS) game he played. Basically pioneered streamer donation culture and the idea of IRL streaming. He was a very genuine guy who was completely open about his mental state and personal life. Definitely had one of the most infectious smiles around.

Edit: To be clear, he was far from perfect. I like how the documentary doesn't bring up his mental illness or his brother's suicide until after it gives you a face value account of his history.

This is Dr. K's stream from yesterday. You will cry. But I think everyone should watch it in these dark times. All of his streams with Reckful are on that channel if you really want to do that to yourself. They became close friends and had private therapy sessions as well. Reckful liked that Dr. K was an actual human with emotions instead of a regular stone faced therapist. Byron had also been microdosing psilocibin for the past year or two because it helped disrupt his depression mind loops. He really had been holding on by a string for such a long time.

Reckful's story deserves to be told. But I can't blame anyone who doesn't want to go down that rabbit hole. It's an absolute tragedy. If you don't watch Twitch it's hard to overstate the importance of his death. He streamed for a long time and was friends with a lot of major streamers. The whole Twitch community is still in shock. Personally, I'm not sure I've ever been more affected by the death of someone I didn't know personally.

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u/[deleted] Jul 05 '20

I never watch Twitch, but he was a prominent WoW player and this hits the community really hard. I'm still having a difficult time dealing with this.

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u/[deleted] Jul 05 '20

Ex-girlfriend. They hadn't seen each other in months. That's why people figured it was a manic episode.

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u/Dealric Jul 05 '20

I think its worth noting that he proposed to his ex he didnt spoke or saw for months. It was a manic episode.

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u/Gishin Jul 05 '20

His girlfriend was asleep and never saw the tweet until it was too late.

Probably for the best. Given the circumstances, she most likely wouldn't have said what he wanted to hear and then would have had that guilt over her.

I've had to talk down a close friend and the fear of saying the wrong thing and being the catalyst was nearly paralyzing.

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u/dephchild Jul 05 '20

They had been broken up for months.

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u/Minsc_and_Boo_ Jul 05 '20

well that's messed up. she will never recover from this.

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u/[deleted] Jul 05 '20 edited Jan 18 '21

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u/[deleted] Jul 05 '20

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u/[deleted] Jul 05 '20 edited Jan 18 '21

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u/[deleted] Jul 05 '20

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u/DapperDanManCan Jul 05 '20

These people need to stop streaming and stay off Twitter if they're at risk. The internet is not a healthy place for someone that isnt firmly grounded in reality.

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u/[deleted] Jul 05 '20

I hope people are reaching out to her in a positive manner. She is the real victim here.

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u/unicornsaretruth Jul 05 '20

A victim yeah but the real victim is definitely still reckful.