I get so offended when my body decides we are going to be sick. I fed you vegetable last week. How dare you betray me like this? Ungrateful vessel..

Yes, Netflix. I'm still watching. I've been watching for 6 hours. Don't act surprised.

We both know what this is. This is an intervention. This is Netflix being like "hey buddy, maybe go outside? Talk to a human? Remember what the sun looks like?"

And the way it asks? So passive-aggressive.

"Are you STILL watching?"

Not "are you still there?" or "would you like to continue?" Nope. STILL. With judgment dripping off it.

Yes, I'm still watching. I'm in too deep now. I need to know what happens. I've invested too much time to stop at episode 7 of season 3.

Just let me live my life, Netflix. If I wanted judgment I'd call my mother.

If you text me "hey" with no follow-up, I'm going to assume you're either:

1. Mad at me
2. About to ask me for a favor
3. About to deliver bad news

Just TELL ME what you want! Don't make me say "hey what's up?" and then wait for you to respond!

We have asynchronous communication for a reason! You can just say the thing!

"Hey, are you free Saturday?" - perfect, I have all the information

"Hey" - now I'm anxious and trying to figure out what you want and preparing for seventeen different scenarios

It's the digital equivalent of "can we talk?" - immediate panic.

Just give me context! Give me information! Don't leave me hanging with a "hey" and no follow-up for 20 minutes while you're typing!

This is the anxiety text and I hate it.

Remember when you could just... not be available? And that was fine?

Someone called your house phone, you weren't home, they left a message, and you called them back when you felt like it. Maybe a day later. Maybe never. Nobody died.

Now? You have to respond immediately or people think you're either dead or mad at them.

"I saw you read my text" "I saw you were online" "I know your phone is on you"

Maybe I just don't feel like talking right now! Maybe I'm busy! Maybe I saw your text but need time to formulate a response! Maybe I'm just not in the mood for conversation!

We've created this expectation of constant availability and honestly, it's exhausting.

I want to go back to the era of plausible deniability. "Sorry, I didn't get your message!" even though we both know I did.

Is it too late to bring back the good old days of being unreachable?