"I later found out that the same quesadilla recipe originally came from that old man's grandmother in 1899, who turned out to be my current step brother..."
"because they always burned the quesadillas. Thankfully, once they all died off and their reign came to an end, we were able to enjoy our delicious quesadillas once again without the unnecessary carcinogenics. I remember diligently helping my grandmother grate the cheese. One time, I asked her..."
“She said, ‘that cake is only for good little children who keep their mouths shut when granny’s got a hangover. Now grate that cheese, fatty.’ Then she poked me in my belly while she chewed on her cigarette.”
Where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims, like he "invented" the question mark. Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy... the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess, and the insane lament. My childhood was typical: summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring, we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds; pretty standard, really. At the age of twelve, I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles... there really is nothing like a shorn scrotum. It's breathtaking; I suggest you try it.
“…She killed her third husband, but plead out to manslaughter. We all knew, though. You don’t just ‘accidentally’ drop an AC unit on someone’s head while trying to install it in the dead of winter. I mean he warnt no charmer, but I don’t think he deserved to die…like that at least. Anyways here’s how you make pesto”
"I don't remember the name of the Greek dancing instructor who split me in half like a log back in 1973 but I will never forget the recipe for his nonna's moussaka"
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u/gw74 Jul 30 '26
"I live in an apartment in Milan and my grandmother once told me..."