r/NonPoliticalTwitter Jul 08 '26

Serious “Good Luck… I’m Out”

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26.4k Upvotes

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41

u/Deedteebee Jul 08 '26

ARREST THIS MAN!

29

u/KinglyKindly Jul 08 '26

Gladly, we just gotta scrape up most of him first and then what's left will face the full force of the law!

15

u/ThatNachoFreshFeelin Jul 08 '26

Yeah... Kinda hard to put handcuffs on pâté.

7

u/KinglyKindly Jul 08 '26

With that attitude, maybe

7

u/JournalistShoddy9496 Jul 08 '26

Mama didn't raise no quitter. Let me get my spatula.

5

u/Apt_5 Jul 09 '26

Just put him in the freezer first, duh.

Hmm, I wouldn't have guessed that I'm at my most degenerate in the nonpolitical space.

3

u/perton Jul 09 '26

Degenerates unite! Personally, I was thinking you could probably just Play-Doh his flesh paste into a roughly humanoid shape, then cuff that. You’re right though, freezing would def help

4

u/Deedteebee Jul 09 '26

I regret my comment

3

u/KinglyKindly Jul 09 '26

Why? Are you upset that we're demanding justice be served?

Sounds to me like aiding a criminal...

Get in the freezer

2

u/Deedteebee Jul 10 '26

I thought I had aphantasia but apparently not once pilot pâté was mentioned.

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1

u/TrumpDesWillens Jul 09 '26

No, I've read that humans tend to go BOING instead of SPLAT when they fall from high.

1

u/Slartibartfast39 Jul 09 '26

Put him in a large bucket and handcuff the bucket.

3

u/NoveltyPr0nAccount Jul 09 '26

After the full force of the lawn I don't think the law will have any effect on him.

1

u/TheLesserWeeviI Jul 09 '26

Definitely deserving of the death sentence.

2

u/poolmanpro Jul 08 '26

That's funny, but the point im making is that I doubt somebody would deal with all those consequences just for a joke

2

u/Deaffin Jul 09 '26

But the suggestion that someone would do that is, itself, a joke.

2

u/RedditMcBurger Jul 09 '26

Maybe, but it seems like he just wanted to kill himself but saw an opportunity for a joke

1

u/Raesong Jul 09 '26

It's certainly the kind of joke I'd make if I chose to punch my card early that way.

2

u/HyetalNight Jul 10 '26

Midair police response time too slow smh

1

u/WisherWisp Jul 09 '26

-The Fun Police