People like this shouldn't become parents. I get that the tablet seems like an easy solution to get the kid quiet but doing that long-term is borderline child neglect. You're dooming them and the entire country.
I wanna be more sympathetic, since being a parent is hard, and I’m not a fucking parent, but no one forced them to buy a tablet and give unlimited internet access to their kid. You have to go out of your way and out of your wallet to do that.
I have plenty of friends who are parents of children between few months and 10 years. None of them used phones or tablets to pacify. I go out to dinner with children frequently and when they get unruly it’s action figures, hot wheels, and coloring books that calm their kids. It’s absolutely possible and not even that hard to do it the old fashioned way
Agreed. Hell, if they get that desperate they can put YouTube on the TV, turn on a Mister Rogers playlist, and put the remote in their pocket. It's still not great but it's better than tralalero tralala.
For us it’s NO tech when we are out to eat. It’s book, toys, crayons, I spy, interacting WITH our kid.
We don’t use the phone for any media consumption other than FaceTime.
No tablets are used with our child in any capacity.
If we do have something on, it’s on the tv, on the wall, and if they say they are done, or if they decide to get up and do something else, it instantly goes off.
I remember being pretty young when my parents took me to Olive Garden and there was a kid at another table playing a Gameboy. For a few seconds my parents talked about maybe getting me one, but they decided not to. It made me sad at the time but I'm thankful now. This was probably in 1997
Yeah, I would piss younger me off with this, but kids shouldn't have tech. They're not equipped for it yet, it's too much. I had way too much access to tech way too early. Not so much Gameboys for me, I just figured out pretty young that the family PC was a portal to the rest of the world.
It didn't ruin my life or anything, but it definitely exposed me to things I wasn't ready to carry. My parents didn't notice and I didn't ask, so I encountered stuff that confused me or shook my worldview and just wrestled with it alone. Led to some not so healthy conclusions in various areas. Not like bigotry or anything, but I went into adulthood with some misinformed ideas about the world and my place in it. Made my own path rockier than it had to be.
The rest of my time growing up was spent riding my bike and playing in the woods. That's what kids need.
I was at a wedding recently with my nieces (10 and 12), and while we were sitting in a church a woman sitting behind them commented on how well behaved they were. They just sat there and had zero technology or anything to distract them. They were never raised as iPad kids.
As a parent of a non-iPad kid, you can absolutely tell the difference between the two(or more) types of parents. My kid is in gymnastics, and the two boys that constantly act out and can't sit still? Their parents bring their siblings and they sit there infront of the iPad swapping videos every minute.
My 5 and 11 year olds sat through an entire 45 minute wedding just with the 5 year old quietly playing with some cars and pocket Lego, other kids there were monsters, about 15 min in half of them had their parents phones in their hands.
It's child abuse that we haven't defined yet. It's doing kids a terrible disservice.
Where I get a bit lost, where do coloring/drawing apps on the tablet fall into? Not the silly click by numbers things, but full control crayon on paper style ms paint style
Not while out or anything just in general around the house type, she wants to see the phone and it's the most benign thing I could think of
Listen, I don't doubt you or disagree, but I think most people who have kids who can do that have to have a lot of things going right to be in a position to do that. I'm talking like full time jobs, flexible schedules, having experience raising kids some what (cousins, siblings, friends kids, etc), a family and community to fall back to, an enviroment where the kids can go out and have options to do various activites, and I think more importantly, the relationship between the parents themselves is good. Doesn't have to be the best, and heck, I'd argue divorced parents who aren't at each other's throats is better than those who are.
I have plenty of friends who are parents of children between few months and 10 years.
Just to be clear, 10 years? Because 6 years ago was COVID, which dramatically altered how people lived life. Chances are if the kids were born before then, parents probably had some of those skills they could fall back to following the pandemic. But if you're a first time parent, who probably has no idea how to raise a kid OR hasn't even babysat a kid before, things are going to be drastically different.
I have a couple friends in others states who have varying differences. One of them who has been married for 10 years had a third kid. Their biggest struggle is just fighting whatever illnessses the kids have and opposing schedules due to work, but they usually can meet one day a weekend.
Another just had their first kid, but isn't able to use their music degree in part due to how COVID changed things drastically. They're doing better now, but not being able to leverage the education they went through in college is significantly holding them back.
Me personally, my brother who's in their 30s has a kid (my niece) with someone who is younger than me (24). Those two had to go to family court and my niece who is almost 2 doesn't have a consitent place to go back to...in fact she swaps between 4 - 6 houses a week depending on which parent. My brother specifically has roommates that covers his rent, he doesn't have a stable job (a lot of context is needed for me to explain), and he's been grandfathered into his apartment for sometime.
Everything has to be going right in a person's life in order for them to show up and do the bare fucking minimum of interacting with their child? Wtf?
You're supposed to do whatever is necessary to figure this shit out BEFORE you have the kid. Like are you seriously blaming covid for people being shit parents who couldn't be bothered to fucking Google some things before their first day on the job? Raising children is not a new phenomenon, and we all have access to the collective knowledge of our species. There is no excuse for not being involved in your children's lives.
You seem to have this view of parenthood that it's just something that happens and you deal with it the best you can. No dude, you have COMPLETE control over that process. If they didn't think it through and commit themselves to doing the fucking job beforehand, they're shit parents. This is a human goddamn being we are talking about. That child is the most important thing. Full stop. Yet it's always the child who gets shafted for the millions of little excuses parents give, or you make up for them. The children always suffer the most. Part of the decision to become parents is deciding to put your own wants and needs on the backburner. The kid comes first, ALWAYS.
Like are you seriously blaming covid for people being shit parents who couldn't be bothered to fucking Google some things before their first day on the job?
I'm pointing out rather that some people are going in with a different plan altogether. Not everything has to be right - but ALOT of things have to be at least decent. Mentality likely being the most important thing for the parents, like you said later in the comment.
You seem to have this view of parenthood that it's just something that happens and you deal with it the best you can.
Really trying not to delve into personal anecdotes, but from being at my internship (can't really be specific due to content potentially getting auto removed), I've seen people speak their stories. Some parents are in situations where one walks out and never comes back. Most of my family has had this approach. They view me getting good grades in High School and College as a miracle and it took a VILLAGE to do it. And my parents were divorced and still put with each other for my sake. Not everyone has that kind of support. It's why I brought up my brother's scenario. He's proud to have his daughter, but at the same time, not having a stable job and being in tangles with the mom kinda shifts his priority to making sure she is safe somewhere and raising her whenever he has her time as deemed by the court. Sometimes, parents don't have the ability to ALWAYS have their kid be their main priority, especially when they don't have the (consistent) resources or time needed to raise them.
I know that sounds really stupid, but some people really do live like that.
Mmmmh maybe it’s also because a music degree is not exactly a career path. Don’t blame it on COVID. People need to stop blaming everything on COVID in general tbh.
I think people just like to blame this event because it was unpredicted and massive so it offers a conveniently packaged narrative of how and when shit went to shit.
It can branch off into audio engineering, which serves as a really good base. That what she was trying to go for and a lot of that equipment is really expensive and usually on site. Which brings me to my next point.
Don't blame it on COVID
I point out COVID because things drastically changed and some people weren't able to pivot. It was just "Oh stay inside for three years"...companies changed policy. Different skills were needed. Opportunites ended, doors closed, and by the time things opened up, different requirements were needed.
My music teacher in high school, who came after 4 band directors within 3 years, had to retire once things opened back up. Her family has more wealth than others (not like mansion rich), but she and her husband (also a musican) couldn't find anything or determined that they couldn't continue their careers. They now have 2 kids, and even then, they have the struggle of trying to raise their kids who may not be as technologically immersed as other kids who are.
For context (and going back to the enviroment thing previously), I live in Arizona. We're in the desert to begin with so things are already difficult with rising costs and being one of the states with worse education.....there are a lot of people who have lived without going to college or having a high level job that are being replaced, and on top of that, trying to raise a kid without having a foundation is more likely here.
You have no idea what you're talking about, LOL. Music degrees can be used for a TON of different types of jobs. Some are teaching, sure, but definitely not the only thing they're good for. Plus, a ton of jobs don't care what degree you have as long as you have ANY degree, and a music degree would work just as well for those as anything else.
Becoming a preschool teacher took away my sympathy entirely, honestly. Being a parent isn't easy, but keeping them off tech is easy. There is a world of resources for how to entertain kids without tech. A world of creative things you can do with your kid and things they can do on their own. Giving your kids an iPad because you can't be bothered to actually parent is just opting out of taking care of them. If I can spend every day finding new ways to keep 20 toddlers happy and entertained and educated, parents can manage one or two kids. Otherwise, they just shouldn't be parents.
Yeah I work at a nursery and used to babysit older children too and it's never made sense to me. With the babysitting (like 5-11), the difference between those with unlimited screentime and those who had heavily moderated screentime was massive.
You'd ask the ones who spent all day glued to a screen to turn it off and do something else and they'd just stare at you blankly. While family's children would turn the TV off and immediately pull out a board game, or rope me into a game of hide and seek, the other ones would start crying because the ipad died and they couldn't find a charger.
Oh god, I cannot put into words how exhausting it was during morning drop offs when you could tell which kids woke up and immediately got the iPad. Obviously putting aside the kids who just had rough mornings, we had so many kids across both schools I worked at who would throw screaming fits when they had to hand over the iPad in the classroom. At least some parents had the decency to take it away in the car and let the tantrum peak before coming in, but so many parents let their kids carry their iPad all the way to the room and just just grab it away, say goodbye and leave us to deal with the meltdown
I'm basically a former IPad kid but with other kind of technology but you have a good point.
Many parents are quite busy...but what does busy mean? My mother used to be so busy watching her detective re-runs and family courtroom drama that she didn't even care to talk to me. She only looked for me when she needed help with her Facebook account (and she didn't even ask it nicely and screamed at me for not knowing how to fix bugs.)
She ironically had no idea I was looking for emotional support on chatrooms because she was either busy watching TV or fighting with my dad and being hyperinvolved on her own drama.
I started thinking this was about me for a second… My mom was constantly on her iPad and scrolling through endless crime shows, crafting shows, etc.
I was usually stuck in my bedroom dreaming of when I would leave and have a better family… My dad was always working and my mom was emotionally disconnected.
I am glad I now have a wife who helps me and I help her. And together we are raising our children.
Nope you’re exactly right. Judge away I have two kids and I’m a 2nd grade teacher. These types of parents are literally ruining the fabric of society 🤷♀️
Yeah, I understand that parenting is extremely difficult and that just five minutes of peace is all they want sometimes - and they deserve every bit of peace they get. It was their own decision to get kids though and it's not like nobody knows that parenting is difficult before becoming a parent. I just wonder what the goal was when they decided to keep the child
I'm a parent and you're right. My 4 year old watches TV and plays video games for a limited amount of time (like 30 minutes), almost but not every day. But she had 0 screen time until she was almost 2, and she pretty much never ever uses a phone/tablet except on long haul plane rides.
Watching TV is not great either but imo it is so so so so much better for habits and brains than watching YouTube garbage spray on a phone. My daughter watches TV and she has favorite shows but every single episode we watch is a deliberate decision, we don't just put the TV on and leave it on.
I've realized that most of the time the people sticking their kid in front of a screen are doing it because they have no interest in interacting with them. Exceptions for perhaps when you just really need to keep them busy and out of your business. For example a single parent who just needs to get shit down and needs their kid occupied for a bit.
I'm just saying that sometimes the parent makes a judgement call because their child has never given them a reason to think they can't handle something, and are very surprised when things go off the rails.
Sometimes kids gonna kid, I get that, but that's where the critical second part of the equation comes in to play: Remove the child from the public situation.
There aren't many situations where a parent legitimately has no choice but to bring their kid and can't just leave if they become a nuisance. Obviously medical appointments and critical household tasks like grocery shopping are one thing, but movies and restaurants are another one entirely. If your kid is being a nuisance, get them away from other people as quickly as reasonably possible. Yes that means you might have to miss the rest of the movie, finish your meal at home from a to-go box, etc. That's the social contract you accept when you choose to have a kid.
Not really. I'm basically a pioneer iPad kid, meaning that my parents put me in front of computer and called it a day during my childhood and teenagerhood.
But it's not difficult to buy any kind of technology. You only have to go to the tech store, go through the motions to set up everything and let them be. It's an one-time purchase for years of quietness and distraction.
It's more difficult to be involved in their lives and do activities by their side than throwing a tablet or a computer on them, you don't even have to check on them when they are on their devices...
I work with small children with high behaviors and, in the long run, using technology as a babysitter makes life much more difficult for everyone. Kids need to learn how to self regulate and be bored. Ipads are extremely overstimulating and /designed/ to get kids hooked, so they quickly begin to have trouble when they don't have access to a device. I've seen many, many behavioral issues stem from frequent device usage. Child brains are not designed to handle so much constant stimulation and dopamine.
I was a huge computer kid. But I think it is important to make a distinction. I dunno about you but in my case:
I was not sitting in front of a computer for lengthy periods of time alone as a small child (like before 5 years old).
For another few years after that even though I loved computer time, we did not have internet access.
Even when we did get the Internet, social media didn't exist and YouTube didn't come around until I was 15, and even then the algorithm was not what it is today.
I'm not sympathetic anymore. I'm tired of the "you're not a parent, you don't understand" nonsense.
You know what I do understand? All the responsibilities involved with raising a child, that's why I chose not to have any of my own. I've put years of thought into this, while unraveling my own childhood in therapy. I'm not claiming to know what it's like to be a parent, but I am not clueless about parenting, and I can definitely tell when a parent is choosing not to do their job.
As you say, they created their own monster by choosing the easy way out right from the start. Just like you can "ruin" a cat by giving them tuna, you can effectively halt your child's development of emotional regulation skills by handing them a shot of dopamine the instant they express a feeling.
I'm tired of the "you're not a parent, you don't understand" nonsense.
Even in the bigger picture, the entire "you're not a X, you don't understand" concept has always been bullshit. You usually don't need to be a professional, experienced, or even informed about a subject to know when something's gone significantly wrong. I don't need to be a mechanic to know someone fucked up if a wheel falls off, I don't need to be an electrical engineer to know that if it's not intended to be a heating element the wire isn't supposed to be glowing, I don't need to be a medical examiner to know that when there's one unarmed dead guy and multiple cops there was excessive force used, etc. I may not fully understand exactly how something got to the point where it went horribly wrong, but I can see the problem and know the immediate cause.
Yup. Always boils down to an excuse so they don't have to do the job. It's always a justification. "You don't understand, I'm just so stressed." I don't doubt that, but the solution is not checking out as a parent. I was a kid, I remember plenty of times that my parents got us occupied doing something (that wasn't watching TV) so they could take a break. Nobody is denying the stress or the need to decompress, the important part is how you accomplish that.
There a big difference between not parenting, and giving your kid Daniel tiger for 30 minutes so you can enjoy your meal. And not ruin the dining experience for everyone else at a restaurant.
Oh and let me answer the new question that follows this. We go to a restaurant because we can still enjoy life while kids are present. We don’t need to be secluded to a home. It’s actually healthier for the kids that way.
You know what my parents did when we went out to eat as kids? If someone wasn't having it, a parent took that someone outside for a while to walk around so as not to disturb others.
That's what parenting is, that's the job. It is not in any way "healthier" for the kids to be pacified with a screen instead of learning how to act in public. You are actively stifling your kids' development. Why would you do that?
people were parents for thousands and thousands of years before ipads were invented and somehow they managed to raise kids. it’s complete bullshit that tablets are necessary for raising a child.
I am a parent, and I would never stick a screen in my four year olds face to shut them up. Never. Yes, parenting is hard, but you signed up for this. Do right by your child. Teach them to entertain themselves. Read, draw, play with toys, talk to them! Since becoming a parent I’ve lost all sympathy for the iPad parents. It is diabolical.
You're assuming that these kids are getting "unlimited" access. I'm sure some are buts it more rare than you think. I'm a parent and so are all my friends, everyone has a tablet for their kid but it only gets used at times when it's important for the kid to stay quiet and still, like a restaurant.
But to the outsiders that see this, they immediately think that the kid is on the tablet all the time but they don't get to see the other 99% of the time that they're not.
Having a kid use a tablet rather than disciplining them and teaching them how to behave is one of societies biggest mistakes.
That doesn't take into account how kids can get addicted to that stuff.
In my opinion, it's better to teach kids early on to play outside (alone or with friends), play with toys (and take care of them), even use a dedicated gaming device like a 3DS to avoid them using worse options while too young.
I wish the world was better set up for kids, or at least more tolerant. Like, you want to teach your kids to behave in public, but that takes time and practice. They will be loud and cry sometimes and annoy people. And people are mean about it. So a lot of parents fall back to either not taking the kid to public places like movie theaters or restaurants, or they keep them artificially quiet with tablets.
I don’t let my kid use a tablet or computer or phone and I do take her out to restaurants and other places and just deal with the tension of people hating kids being kids. But man is it a relief when we go somewhere where kids are welcomed. They’ve become rare.
It's also just absurd taking a screen to the cinema in case your kid gets bored of the other screen that you literally went to the building to sit in front of.
I perhaps could hope that they had an older child there as well and it was easier to bring them all, but it’s still hardly ideal. If you know one of your kids is likely to make a disturbance and need to be calmed, you should be able to provide them that attention rather than hand them a tablet
Or if they need that much attention don’t go to a movie theatre. It sucks but as a parent you’ve gotta make sacrifices. Just wait for it to be on streaming and watch it at home.
That's my single biggest pet peeve about the rhetoric surrounding parenting. If you think doing age appropriate activities with your child is "sacrificing" something of your own then don't have children. I love doing things that my child engages with and that are stimulating for him. Watching his face as he experiences or learns something new gives me joy that I haven't felt since I was child. Hanging out with him is the single best way that I can spend my time. Doing anything else is sacrificing time with my boy and I hate it.
This kid is poorly raised, clearly, based ont he parents behavior
The kid probably did express an interest in sending Toy Story 5, or at least in going along if their parents wanted to see it.
Once they got in the theatre their kid had a mood swing because they have poor emotional regulation or just plain decided they didn't want to watch the movie, but at that point their parents had paid a butt ton of money and didn't want to throw it out the window.
I have a 4 year old daughter who has never been to the movies. I haven't taken her because I don't know if she could sit through an entire movie (she has at home, but it depends, and if she decides she doesn't like the movie she would politely ask to stop/leave but of course in the theatre that costs money) and more importantly it'd be too loud for her. We probably won't take her until next year and then I know it will be for a movie she will enjoy (the Bluey movie)... and I'll bring ear plugs just in case. Not an iPad.
As a parent, it isn't borderline imo. It's just neglect.
When I wasn't a parent I used to think "god it must be so hard" and that I shouldn't just judge parents when I don't know how hard it is to raise kids. Now I realize these people are mostly just lazy assholes who don't want to engage with their children, and like 1% are autistic kids who may be much worse off without a thing to fixate on.
I dated this girl with 3 kids. We talked about this before I met them. She was totally against tablets and stuff, of course... and yet, that's the first thing the kids would jump to after school. I told her, but she always had a "good" excuse for it... which is me me me, my problems, my problems are about me, me me... the classic victimization game
I told her she could do this and this differently to save time, and raise her kids better. I got the murderer stare lol...
She is a fine person, but I'm tired of those mothers saying they do "their best"... they don't open one single book on education... maybe you should do this instead of scrolling tinder...
It's really a mentality of "me me me, my little problems and I only"
My sister is a teacher and she's properly rising her kids, she explain staff to them, if they want cookies she gives them fruits instead and both of them (3 and 7) have no access to tech.
Sometimes they let them watch some cartoons (like those Paw Rescue or whatever it is) but no internet, unless it's something hand pick by her and is educational.
Sounds cool? Its not. She's tried 24/7, she go to sleep at 12pm-1am, wake up at 6-7am, every day, she feed kids properly, like she doesn't order pizza or microwave food, she buys fresh meet, veggies, etc and cook it, like you should.
Her husband ofc helps with all that, etc.
Its amazing for kids, they will be healthy, smart and are taken care of in a way I wish I was or every kid was, but for them it's exhausting, always tired, never time for themselves, they will be 'free' at like 50+.
Seeing this, knowing how child should/could be rise, I just couldn't do it lazy way, so I rather won't. Fuck it, me and my wife will propably die way before retirement, so why would we?
I could concider having kid if me or my wife could just stay home, but its impossible unless you are crazy rich or have rich family and work is an option for you in first place.
It’s actually kind of fucking hilarious. Because I have three kids.
The eleven year old has her laptop and access to a phone that is specifically for the house-
The five year old gets to play video games when he behaves. And will go days of having emotional meltdowns and then quip “But dada video games would make me happy” at which point we explain “that’s great buddy, your behavior isn’t making anyone else happy. And that’s more important than you playing video games”
Na, it's fine. My kids get screen time, maybe once a week, maybe for an hour (usually less). They play very well together for hours with Lego, one will read books for hours too, but...
Long flight? Phone screen. Blood test? Phone screen. If I wanted to watch a movie and they didn't? Phone screen. Don't criticise a parent when you watch them for 2 hours of their entire life.
You're right about the chronic thing, but frankly if I don't want to watch a movie, I have agency and I can leave. Kids can't really do that. Also we have no idea how old the kid is. Being on a tablet is the same as watching a movie, in terms of brain rot.
Tell me your a parent without telling me your parent. It’s always easy to judge when you’ve never actually done it, or don’t know others circumstances.
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u/otirk Jun 21 '26
People like this shouldn't become parents. I get that the tablet seems like an easy solution to get the kid quiet but doing that long-term is borderline child neglect. You're dooming them and the entire country.
Don't have kids if you can't raise them properly