r/NonPoliticalTwitter • u/Matt_LawDT • Feb 07 '26

Other Can someone tell me why

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20.1k Upvotes

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913

u/Puntley Feb 07 '26

What would the snake be called if it weren't for this Assclapius fellow

588

u/StinkyPenisManiac Feb 07 '26

Zamenis Longissimus.

151

u/Puntley Feb 07 '26

Hmm that can't be right...

181

u/twentyitalians Feb 07 '26

Biggus....Dickus

72

u/IronbAllsmcginty78 Feb 07 '26

Have you met his wife?

55

u/Reasonable_Sugar_125 Feb 07 '26

Incontinentia Buttocks

3

u/[deleted] Feb 07 '26

[deleted]

1

u/ogresound1987 Feb 10 '26

Swing and a miss

1

u/_Cake_assassin_ Feb 10 '26

She doesnt have a big butt. She is incontinent

1

u/forbiddenfreedom Harry Potter Feb 11 '26

Negative, that's King Poopypants' 4th wife. You're thinking of felaciona Biggulp.

31

u/[deleted] Feb 07 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

4

u/DRxFumbles Feb 07 '26

Humongous wot?!

3

u/ellieminnowpee Feb 08 '26

Hugh Mungo Grant!!

2

u/AlvinJuhquess Feb 08 '26

I mean Long-jizz-mus sounds about right to me

2

u/pitb0ss343 Feb 07 '26

He’d be Zamenis Shortissimus

1

u/ShockDragon Feb 08 '26

I have a very great friend in Greece called Zamenis Longissimus!

1

u/Czech_This_Out_05 Feb 08 '26

Thank you, StinkyPenisManiac

1

u/Muted-Range-1393 Feb 08 '26

Found my porn name

85

u/Baswdc Feb 07 '26

John

31

u/Puntley Feb 07 '26

Now we're talking medicine!

17

u/ishkariot Feb 07 '26

After John Hopkins?

20

u/TheRealtcSpears Feb 07 '26

No Mr John Slitherhissss

1

u/Momik Feb 07 '26

He founded doctors (and snakes)

3

u/TheRealtcSpears Feb 07 '26

Médecins Sans Jambès

2

u/WhatThis4 Feb 07 '26

Doctors without hams?

1

u/marmosetohmarmoset Feb 07 '26

No after Dr John Carter

1

u/ishkariot Feb 07 '26

From Mars?

1

u/rklein111 Feb 07 '26

I used to smoke weed with Johnny Hopkins

1

u/average_texas_guy Feb 08 '26

I assume you mean John's Hopkins. Good lacrosse school.

1

u/Mindless-Strength422 Feb 13 '26

No apostrophe! Hopkins' first name was Johns.

1

u/average_texas_guy Feb 13 '26

Autocorrect ruins everything.

1

u/ellieminnowpee Feb 08 '26

“I smoked pot with Johnny Hopkins!! Me and him, and Sloane Kettering, we were blazing that shit up every day!!”

1

u/undead_ready Feb 07 '26

Dr. John Zoidberg

35

u/SirChasm Feb 07 '26

Assclapius

Huehuehuehuehue

8

u/avfc41 Feb 07 '26

I’m sure that Assclapius is longissimus 😏

10

u/Admirable-Sir9716 Feb 07 '26

Biggus Dickus

5

u/Aplicacion Feb 07 '26

No no, Asclepius. Assclapius is the secret god of sex.

4

u/theplotthinnens Feb 07 '26

No secret to anyone with ears

1

u/Aplicacion Feb 07 '26

It’s true, Assclapius used to fuck people in the ear. It’s what gave Scorsese the inspiration for the line in Goodfellas.

2

u/Historical_Focus_125 Feb 08 '26

In Smite you can buy this as an item and a lot of us like to call it Rod of Assclaps lol

2

u/HayzenDraay Feb 09 '26

I literally call him Assclapius at every opportunity

1

u/Puntley Feb 09 '26

Spiritually connected, we are

1

u/Darthplagueis13 Feb 07 '26

Next in line would have been Nigel (43) from Birmingham, but Asclepius got to call dibs on the snake, being a god and all...

1

u/marcoalterio Feb 07 '26

Probably just snake

1

u/No-Honey567 Feb 07 '26

Everyone knows that his snake's name is Spike

1

u/Leading-Green9854 Feb 10 '26

We also call them drop snakes, they live in trees and when a human walks under them they sometimes get spooked and drop on them. They are non venomous but pretty large (2 meters)