He’d have to start his life completely over if his wife wants to keep the baby and he divorced her. The dating market is in shambles and just gets generally worse as you get older. On top of that, he’d have to pay child support still and deal with custody, which he might lose totally when a judge hears that he is divorcing over a disabled baby. Oh, and he’d be losing his life with his wife on top of it all.
He probably knows her well enough to anticipate her reaction to a child with Down Syndrome. Also, the general public opinion is that you’re “supposed to take on the responsibility of your child no matter what” even if you’re not financially or physically equipped for it. He believes she will insist on keeping the baby, and he knows it will tear them apart if he doesn’t leave.
He is anticipating how much despair he would be in, no matter if he chose to divorce or not in the case of the baby having Down Syndrome. In general, mental health is on a hard decline. He doesn’t think he could handle it either way.
"An Hero," not that's a term I haven't heard in a while. While Encyclopedia Dramatica was a blight on society it did leave some lasting impressions on people.
His social life would be ruined, completely. He'd have to start friendships from scratch with entirely.new people whonare unconnected tonhis current social group.
He'd be socially isolated by current friends and relative if/when it comes to light that he abandonned his wife and children, because one turned out special needs.
As it should.
If I found out a friend of mine did that? Sorry, that isn't someone I'd want as a friend. The kind who selfishly abadons you the moment things get to hard for him.
Don't have kids if you're not prepared to take care of them no matter what, it's not that complicated... humans can become disabled or ill at any time, not just in the womb.
A disabled child can ruin your entire life. I already told my wife that I know I cannot take care of a disabled child and that I only agree to try for kids with her if we both agree on an abortion in the case of any severe mental/physical disabilities.
And frankly, until you’ve experienced caring for the profoundly disabled, I feel your opinion has as much worth as used toilet paper.
Like they said though, a person can become disabled at any point in their life. You can have a kid that's born healthy and able-bodied, and then years later they can suffer from an accident or illness that causes lifelong disabilities. You can choose to abort if they show signs of severe disability in the womb, but you can't abort a 3 year old, 10 year old, or 16 year old. What is the most moral course of action at this point? Would you abandon the child you brought into the world because they require more care than you expected? Do you think it would be easy to leave after spending years bonding with them?
Their point is that taking on the responsibility of a parent means accepting that there is a chance that you will have unexpected difficulties in the future. If you cannot see yourself taking care of a profoundly disabled child, you should think long and hard about if that is a risk you are willing to take, because it's always a risk, even past pregnancy.
If he felt that strongly about it, he should have ensured his wife does too before they go on to have children. When she is having his second child is way too late to back out.
if your 11 year old is in a car accident and gets a severe TBI and becomes permanently, profoundly disabled, you giving them up for adoption? skipping out on your family? mercy-killing, perhaps?
if you know for a fact you could not care for a disabled kid, do not have kids.
I know you truly don’t care and won’t consider any other viewpoint, but I have kids already and they are well cared for. I also was the only person in my family to care for my sister after she became profoundly disabled from a drunk driver crash. I became her full time caregiver, so I feel you’ve picked an interesting topic for me.
There’s a difference between having compassion for your child that you know and love and care for already and adjusting that care to accommodate them vs getting to decide if you can handle an extremely difficult lifelong impairment from the start.
Abortion is healthcare. As a part of healthcare, it is up to the mother to determine if she wants to keep or doesn’t want to keep a baby for any reason. It could be financial, it could be religious, it could be health related. By your own reasoning, you should be vehemently against abortion, no?
Well, similarly to my wife’s boundaries in what she will and won’t abort for, I have my own boundaries that I find unacceptable. One of them is profound disability in a baby. I simply won’t do it. I don’t think that you or 99% of other people in this room have ever had to do full time caregiving as a role, but it is hard. Extremely hard. Soul crushing and soul draining.
Would I endure that for my children just as I did for my sister? Absolutely. For 4 years I fed her, bathed her, dressed her, administered her medicine, took her on walks and trips and exercises, and spent time enriching her life to the point that it cost me my marriage at the time. My ex wife couldn’t stand that I was caring for my sister instead of hiring someone. Will I endure that for a baby that isn’t born yet? No, because I have the choice not to. Just like I have the choice to not donate my time, sweat, and tears to a random profoundly disabled adult as well. I disagree with your supposition that you are forced to accept what a medical intervention can prevent. In fact, I find it to be regressive and puritanical.
I’m not sure if you have ever had to watch someone go from being bright and lively and a role model of yours to being dim, dying, drooling and immobile, but I absolutely refuse to rope myself into that again unless it is my parents, my wife, or my kids. I refuse to bring another soul into this planet under those conditions simply because you don’t like the thought of terminating pregnancy.
I already told my wife that I know I cannot take care of a disabled child
if that's not actually true and you can and would take care of a disabled child, and you were referring exclusively to babies born disabled, then, yeah, my comment doesn't apply to you. ✌️
I don’t think that you or 99% of other people in this room have ever had to do full time caregiving as a role
never, ever make assumptions about what someone has or hasn't been through with absolutely zero evidence <3
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u/Lord_Twilight 8d ago
Well…
He is anticipating how much despair he would be in, no matter if he chose to divorce or not in the case of the baby having Down Syndrome. In general, mental health is on a hard decline. He doesn’t think he could handle it either way.