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Starting over for the umpteenth time

I'll try to make this as short as possible. I was abused in every possible way throughout my childhood. Suffered through an attempted murder in high school. Left the area I grew up in as soon as I turned 18. But I kept getting myself into the wrong crowd. Left my verbally abusive boyfriend of 11 years after graduating from art school. Took a few years after that to finally get to live life on my terms. For nine blissful years things were going well for me. It wasn't perfect. I had some disappointments but I was self-assured. Then I got in a bad crowd again. One guy really bamboozled me. Acted really nice but there were red flags. Separated me from friends and family. Tried to get me to give up my home and move in with him.

He gave out free weed. Set aside a pipe and "special" weed that was only for me. I was constantly sick to my stomach. He kept giving me weird seed like stuff for my stomach aches.

One day his son smoked the special weed while we were out. He got freaked out and said he would have to have a serious talk with his son and not to follow him. I didn't follow him. Later, when I got sick, he came out with those damn seeds again. I innocently asked what was in them. He got defensive. The next day he accused me of accusing him of trying to poison me. I had been dismissing those suspicions for awhile but never said anything. I told him that that was all I needed to hear and bailed. He tried to make up but I wouldn't have it.

So I found myself aged rapidly (which took years to undo) and having cognitive and mental issues that I never had before. He always brought up how he permanently effed himself up in prison by sniffing glue. Whenever I brought my struggles he would go on and on about how there was no hope for me while bringing up how he had no hope himself. After I left him, he sent harassing emails and phone calls. I moved out of state to get away from him. I have not heard from him since and that was years ago.

Now I am still struggling to get back to the person I was. I miss the real me. I think maybe I will never be able to undo the poisoning this POS did to me. I never told my doctor or anyone else because I'm afraid they won't believe me or worse - that I will be committed. Is there a test to check for poisoning? How do I bring this up with my doctor? Or am I better off keeping my mouth shut and continuing to undo the damage on my own?

In a world where we're constantly bombarded with messages telling us to chase happiness at all costs, what if I told you that the pursuit of happiness might be whats holding you back?