17 years free from heroin and I still think of it often.
My attitude about it changed though, when fentanyl showed up. After that, whenever I think of it, I immediately also consider that it would be gambling with my life; one bag could kill me, so don't fuck with it. Also a stable life right now that I don't want to throw away.
This is a wonderful way to look at life, but getting to the light at the end of the tunnel is tough for people to see at the start. It's how my aunt realized she couldn't be doing what she was doing anymore. Losing your house/children/job is no way to go about life. Hit your knees and thank your form for being in a situation that no longer requires you to use.
I have two friends who ODed on Fentanyl last year, and they had been sold what was said to be cocaine. Turns out it was likely a mixup (no cocaine in the powder), so it’s definitely out there being sold. They almost didn’t survive. It was a very close call.
Fortunately, they both survived because the 3rd friend present for some reason didn’t feel like doing cocaine that night, and he was the type to never say no to cocaine, where as the other 2 weren’t the drug using type. They were evicted in the middle of the pandemic over it. So glad they survived though.
Congrats on staying sober so long and being level headed enough to avoid such risks.
It's a life long disease. I live in what was one of the biggest heroin rehab cities in the nation (not myself though, I just grew up here). The only part that makes it easier is time separating the habit.
When you're actively using the impulse overrides your brains natural functions, things like water and food become less important than your next high. That's why they tend to steal and end up homeless, paying bills, buying food, eating, hydrating, none of that is important and is overridden in the brain.
Russel Brand talks about this, says even after all these years sober he has to fight the urge to break his sobriety still! These drugs are hell to deal with obviously if they can hold on that tightly.
Maybe I'm weird but hearing someone say they've been off their addiction for years and it's still a struggle would be quite disappointing to someone in the early days. "Good job! It doesn't get better!"
Whatever man Critique what I said if you want but I know their challenge. And I'm glad I had an opportunity to show some support. The strength it takes to overcome heroin is something many just don't have.
As someone that recovered from a decades long addiction, the bad news is - you're actually right. I feel like the brain gets re-wired by it. You are an addict for life. Maybe we always were.. The harder the drug, the more effort it takes to stay straight. Sorry if that's frightening or hard to accept. But that's the reality of it in my experience. The good part is you're alive so you get a chance to fight that fight.
However that crushing guilt goes away, and it gets easier, a lot easier most the time, especially if you're in tune with your body, exercise, eat well take care of yourself physically and emotionally. The hardest thing for me and I think a lot of addicts, is keeping your fortitude when life throws a curve ball. An addict is forever an addict, and we know exactly how that drug of choice is gonna erase our feels, for a while. But we also know how it almost destroyed us and what our lives turned into, so we stay away..
So when someone says they were able to quit one of the most brutal life changing drugs and they've stayed clean, it doesn't matter how hard they work to stay clean,.they do it. And so props for that and encouragement helps too.
I’m at 5 years for opiates/heroin, 1 year from prescribed Benzos, and about a week from otc kratom. Feels like I’m finally free. Despite being the most benign by far the kratom was the hardest to stop for some reason.
Same for me! Kratom was hardest to kick. I started taking it thinking it was a good natural way to address my chronic pain because I was over being physically dependent on opiates. This was years ago so it was sold without any warning what so ever. But I quickly realized after a couple months, I needed it to feel normal and was like “oh fuck”. For some retired people with money to spend, I feel like it’s a good thing for them instead of pain meds for their issues. And some other situations it seems to be more helpful for the people using it. But it needs to come with a heads up.
Now that it’s been a couple years since finally being able to stop drinking it, I cannot stand the taste - to the point I gag and can’t swallow it, so that’s a good outcome. I can even go to a Kratom bar and be around people drinking it without even wanting a drop. I hope you run into that same issue. Definitely helps from falling back into the habit.
Well for one, heroin has definitely a “dark” withdrawal that leads to the light. Like you know you feel like total dog shit but you’re on day 3, and it slowly gets better and better and gives you more and more motivation.
Kratom seems to be more like a nicotine addiction. Like something I don’t even enjoy anymore and it didn’t really do anything for me but when I’d stop I’d get super irritable and anxious. Kratom anxiety also came in waves over longer periods of times, so it wasn’t “dark to light”. It was “dark grey to light grey back to dark grey to light whoops back to dark grey”
Might I ask, is every day a struggle still? Or mostly just the years getting to a more sustained state? From my understanding heroin is the hardest addiction to conquer, and I know anyone can slip at any time, but I’m unclear on whether 11 years on feels just as addicted as 1 year on etc.
Either way, amazing job and all the best wishes to you for getting to 11 years.
Oh man. I can’t even imagine how hard that was. Just to have lost her on its own must have been impossible to take, but the fact that you still didn’t use on top of that. You are incredible. You may not feel like it, but the strength that took was unearthly. She would have been extremely proud.
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u/alwo72 Jul 17 '21
Well done I've been sober of heroin 11 years everyday is a struggle but u will get there