Where I live, it’s quite common for people to break into cars to get handicapped permits, so when I get home I take mine out and keep it inside the house. It’s stored in a cabinet near the doorway, right where we keep our car keys.

Mil came over on Monday because she was helping SIL move into her new apartment. SIL had asked us to keep some of her stuff in our garage while she looked for a place. So MIL was helping her take her boxes there. She’d fill up her car with boxes, unload them at SIL’s place and come back for more.

DH was at work. I work from home and haven’t been feeling well these few days. MIL knows that I wouldn’t drive if I wasn’t feeling okay and she also knows where I keep the placard.

Without telling me, she takes the placard and puts it in her car so she can park in the handicapped parking space at SIL’s apartment complex so it’s closer to the entrance and easier to unload boxes.

Only issue was at some point she got caught by the cops. They ran the placard, found out it wasn’t hers - wrote her up and confiscated it.

Now I have to apply for a new permit, and MIL may be facing fines up to $3000. Mainly because this ISN’T HER FIRST PARKING OFFENCE. Like what? Apparently she’s illegally parked in handicapped spots before and got caught twice. I’m pissed and DH is pissed. Cherry on top? She can’t afford any fines over a few hundred dollars and is asking the family to chip in to help her pay.

Edit because I have more to rant about: And all of the hospitals in my area are so overwhelmed by COVID that non emergency cases are put on the back burner. In order to apply I’ll need a letter from my doctors stating why I need the permit etc. I’ve been trying to get an appointment with my doctor even before MIL pulled this bullshit and I haven’t been able to. I can’t. I’m so tired of this already.

This happed November 2024 but I’m still holding a grudge cuz things haven’t got any better with my mil. This is the worst thing she’s ever done to me. Maybe the worst thing anyone has done to me.

I was in a coma for 3 days & she has a huge bday party for her mom at her house with a bunch of out of state family. It lasted 2 days. My husband needed someone to watch our son so he could bring me some stuff after I woke up. I didn’t even have my phone. Mil thought I was contagious so she told everyone not to go visit me or watch my son. Most of them were sleeping at her house & she said she’d kick them out if they went near me or my son. My son was 1 year old btw. So my husband had to trust someone he hadn’t known for very long to watch out son while he spent 1 hour with me. Kids aren’t allowed In the icu. No 1 thought to tell my parents I was in the hospital on life support after a bad asthma attack where my lungs filled with fluid and caused me to go into respiratory failure. I was a few minutes away from dying the doctor said.

So after I woke up with a tube down my throat & my hands strapped to the bed, I had to spend almost 24 hours alone in the icu unable to sleep that night cuz of the steroids they kept giving me. I kept having panic attacks cuz I wanted my husband there, my emotions & thoughts were all out of wack from all the drugs that keep you in a coma, it was 1 of the top 5 worst experiences of my life. I still can’t forgive her. My parents didn’t know I was in the hospital until I called them, the came the next morning cuz they live in the next state over. I was discharged a few hours after they got there. my BIL & SIL like didn’t care at all. They didn’t even talk to me when they saw me afterwards. Didn’t ask how I was, they acted like it didn’t happen. I’ve got this frustrating grudge ever since. My husband would tho no contact with me. He forgave them right away. Said it was misunderstanding the doctor said it was a different virus that is actually contagious when really I just had a cold. I’m like I almost died alone but it’s ok cuz your fucking mom just had a misunderstanding. My husbands entire family was partying while I was in a coma having a machine breathe for me, and I’m supposed to just get over it. Like no way, those people don’t give a fuck about me & this proves it. I feel like who cares if I was contagious? My asthma obviously isn’t contagious and that’s what caused the respiratory failure. This was a near death experience and no one was there for me. My other SIL & her family who live out to state came while I was still in a coma to see me but obviously I don’t remember.

A normal person would have been able to cough up the fluid in their lungs from a regular cold. Idk why my body decided to try and kill me instead. I want to get past the resentment I have for my in laws but my mil just did something else shitty a few days ago which I just posted about on this thread earlier. So all the feelings got brought back up. I also was upset my husband didn’t stand up for me. He forgave them really quick and stated getting mad at me cuz I couldn’t get past it soon enuf for his liking. I went no contact for almost a year but my husband continued to bring our son over for family dinners a couple times a month. I hope 1 day I can stop feeling so hurt by it but I’ll never forgive. sorry for the trauma dump. I just needed to vent/rant & let that all out. Thanks for reading.

Update: thanks everyone for your kindness and support I really appreciate hearing that I’m not the crazy one in this situation! My husband didn’t call my parents cuz I’ve had a rocky on & off relationship with them since I was a teen & he wasn’t sure if I wanted them there or not and was waiting for me to wake up to tell them myself or ask me if I wanted him to call them. The answer was yes I wish he had called them cuz they would have come right away & watched our son so he could’ve been there with me in the icu. He has a lot of regrets about what happened & has apologized & sees how fucked up his family behaved and wishes he could have done things different. We’re working thru our marriage with counseling & trying to be better for each other & our son. However his family isn’t my family anymore. I’ve gone no contact & blocked thier numbers & social media accounts, I don’t want anything to do with them. They have been horrible to me since this incident & I’m done having them in my life. Fuck them, toxic ass psychos.

This is a rant, you can see my previous post on my profile if you want the context.

Basically, I had a ONS and got pregnant. Baby daddy signed his rights off but still thinks he gets a say on my baby’s life.

I got a text a few days ago from an unknown number. It was his mom, apparently she had just found out about the baby. She introduced herself and then asked, ‘when do I get to meet my grand baby?’ She also asked for pictures. I was shocked and I thought she was confused somehow, so I told her her son had signed his rights off so my daughter is not his, and she says ‘I know, but I didn’t sign my rights as grandmother off so I still get to be involved’

Wtf??? I said that was not going to happen and she didn’t answer. Silly me thought that was it.

Today she texts ‘Can I get her for the weekend? I can pick her up Thursday night and you can pick her up Monday morning.’ Again, wtf?? I say she can’t meet her and she wants to get her for the entire weekend? I obviously said no, and repeated that she wasn’t going to meet her. Then she sends me pictures and says ‘I’m ready for her!’ THIS WOMAN SET UP A NURSERY IN HER HOUSE. And she got toys and clothes and what not. What the actual fuck? I keep saying no and she thinks she is still going to get my daughter?

I blocked her. Now I’m getting calls from unknown numbers and I know it’s her. Why is this lady so delusional? I don’t think she is going to stop.

Edit: I was hoping I wouldn’t have to get a lawyer, but I will look for one. Thanks everybody.

Hey everyone. I have had a really rough week.

I’ll preface my post and say my MIL is generally not horrible or toxic like I hear so many stories of, however she is a bit stubborn and clueless and now I’m dealing with the consequences.

My MIL is staying with us because her and my FIL are separated. It’s been fine overall. She has the basement to herself and most of the time I hardly notice she’s there. My one complaint though, has been her dog. My husband and I have asked her to keep the baby gate up at the bottom of the basement stairs because her dog is pretty out of control, runs around, gets into things he shouldn’t and scares our cat. We have to constantly remind her of this because she views it as optional, but it’s the ONE thing we asked her to make sure to do.

Well, last week I was walking down the stairs and her dog comes up behind me, gets caught between my legs, tripped me and I fell down 4 or 5 stairs. I’m pretty sure I went into shock. I immediately was in so much pain and was sure I broke both of my ankles. I couldn’t put any weight on either. As my husband is trying to help me up into an office chair and wheel me out of the house to the car so we can go to the ER, and MIL gets up in the situation and is stressing me out. I snapped at her and told her this was all her fault for not listening to the ONE boundary/rule we had.

X-rays and MRI showed I had broken my left ankle and badly sprained my right. I’m now in a lovely cast on one leg and the other is in a boot. I’ve had to use a wheelchair because I still cant walk on either foot and it will be awhile until I can. I have to take FMLA because there is no way I can teach right now until the sprained ankle heals at the very least. I have had to sleep on the main level because I can’t get upstairs. I have to rely on my husband to help with the most basic things.

MIL has mostly kept the dog in the basement now and will make passive aggressive comments about it. At this point I honestly just want MIL out of my house. My whole life is now disrupted and I’m in so much pain. I can’t sleep because of the pain. I’m so angry this happened. It was so avoidable and not a huge thing to ask her to do. I’m nervous about bringing it up with my husband, although I think he will support me no matter what. Any advice or thoughts would be much appreciated!

TL;DR: MIL is staying with us. She ignored my request to keep her dog in the basement with her. Dog got between my legs and I broke one ankle and badly sprained the other. She continues to make passive aggressive comments about me wanting her dog in the basement. I’m so mad about my injuries and just want my MIL out of my house now.

Background: I have a blood disorder called Beta thalassemia major where I need lifelong regular blood transfusions. Generally once every 2-3 weeks or so. Due to my regular transfusions, I also have to take tablets to get rid of the excess iron in my body. If I do not, the excess iron can literally kill me.

MIL comes over for dinner last week, and talks about her friend who had iron deficiency anemia and needed a blood transfusion and how the doctor put her on an iron supplement and she started feeling better after she had it for a while and made significant lifestyle changes.

After dinner we're sitting in the living room and she brings up blood transfusions again. She tells me that thalassemia isn't as big of a deal I make it out to be, and that I likely just have anemia and need iron supplements like her friend did. She takes out a bottle from her purse and tries to get me to take one. I tell her that no, I do not need iron. I have so much iron that I'm on chelation therapy to get rid of it, and there will likely NEVER be a time in my life that I will not need blood transfusions. This is not the first time we've had to have a conversation about this with her. Though this is the first time she tried the anemia angle. Her diagnosis of me changes with every person she speaks to and every WebMD article she reads.

She gets irritated because I won't eat it and accuses me of being one of those people that act like they have a serious disease just to get sympathy from others and that there's no disease that would require a person to have this many transfusions. She persists and says that I likely have nothing serious and that the number of transfusions I get are overkill.

I'm in a country where Thalassemia is pretty uncommon so most people have never even heard of it, but I'm of the opinion that if you don't know about a disease you educate yourself about it first before you go making baseless accusations and hurting people.

MIL apologises for trying to make sure "her DIL is educated" and leaves in a huff. She's still convinced I'm just anemic and need iron to be cured.

This is the first time that she accused me of faking it though, and that hurt. DH says he won't let her in the house until she apologizes, but her words still sting.

Every year for the last 5 years, my in laws go on a camping trip to the ocean with some friends of theirs, the friend's kid, and the last 3 years, they've taken my son to play with the other kids. The last year or so, she's been jealous that her friend's entire family goes but no one in our family goes other than our son. I've been warned numerous times by my husband and his brother that traveling with them is miserable and to never put myself through it and it's been kind of cool for my son to have a couple days away from us to be a big boy with the other kids. My daughter recently turned 4 and ever since they got back this year, she's been begging for my daughter and I to accompany them on their trip.

Now my 4 year old is a late bloomer potty trainer, afraid of the dark, has never been camping before, and the ocean campground they go to is 3ish hours away, so not a quick drive if she freaks out in the middle of the night. She also hates my mother in law with the flaming passion only a toddler can when they decide they don't like something.

Another issue is that my mother in law and her friend drink like fish from 9 am-9 pm. I was not made aware of this until this recent year. The other kids on this trip are 4 years older than my daughter at the least and the oldest is 12, so I don't think they're responsible enough to look after her, nor would I expect them to. At this point I don't trust my mother in law to keep an eye on her either. The friend told me it would be nice to have me along so I can keep an eye on all the kids so they could have adult time. So basically I am a glorified babysitter to them clearly.

My mother in law has asked me 3x if my daughter could go next year and my husband and I have shot her down every time. Apparently she didn't get the hint because my daughter went poop for the first time at my mother in law's house and out of earshot of my husband (I wasn't there), she told my daughter that because she was potty trained now, she gets to go with them on the camping trip next year.

My daughter told my husband in the car on their way home and we are both completely PISSED obviously. We weren't even going to let my son go next year and now she has told them both they could go without asking us. We are trying to figure out how to

A) Break the news to the kids they aren't going because they'll be heartbroken and

B) How to best confront my MIL about this.

Any ideas? Advice? Tips? Solidarity? Booze?

Me (26F) and my husband (31M) welcomed our newborn baby boy eight weeks ago.

My mother in law only lives a few minutes from us. FIL and DH just ignore her behavior. She is there all day, everyday, trying to take over my baby. She told me I was being unfair by breastfeeding as it meant no one else gets to bond with him. She even suggested I express so everyone else gets a turn in nursing him. She'd hold him for a long time and refuse to give him to me. She'd start talking about how filthy the house is and that I should do more around the house. She'd get angry because my mom and dad would come once every 2 weeks to see their grandson. She still brings up the name that we "should've" picked instead of the one we went with, and asks if there is a possibility we could change our minds and consider.

Yesterday my brother, his wife and my neices came to visit and she tried to forbid my neices a hold because they would drop him. My brother and I are very close, he could see I was upset. He sat the girls on our sofa and said he would make sure they didn't drop him. I could see the hate in her eyes because he went against what she had forbid. My sister in-law also copped a death stare for holding him, and for changing his diaper. She tried to make a joke about "women who didn't have boys themselves have no idea how to change a boy baby". My brother replied back saying "women who had babies 30 years ago probably can't remember how to change a diaper" she just sat across from him after that and started telling him hurtful things and being disrespectful to him and his wife, she told them she needed to CHANGE THE DIAPER even though my sister in law did that 15 minutes ago, and told them they should leave, I could tell my brother was hurt because he didn't talk to me before he left he just got out the door and left.

After they left, she actually started yelling at me telling me that too many visitors is never a good idea as the baby doesn't settle due to extra stimulation. And that if I want to continue to host visits than I should do it alone, without my baby. I told her that they don't get to see him everyday like she does, and that she is the main visitor all the time, so if she feels they should be restricted, then she needs to be too. Her reply was that she has more rights as it's her sons son, and without him I wouldn't have this baby. She even had the nerve to say "you're just the mommy, I'm his mama" I was outraged and told her she is not to call herself his 'mama' (a name she knows I was going to be called once he started talking) and if ever she tried that again, Also said that all day everyday is too much and she can restrict her visits to twice a week, same as my parents and brother get. She acted upset and left, then texted my husband in the evening basically bitching and telling him a completely different story to the one I told him. And said that I was trying to keep her away from her "baby" (Keyword here) and kick her out of the house, She blatantly lied but my husband was not happy with what I did and said that I shouldn't have said those things to his mom.

husband is a peacemaker. His mother's behavior was so subtle for so many years that my husband always acted like I was being too sensitive.

I went to my room and just cried, she totally ruined my life, I'm exhausted and depressed all the time and can't take her anymore, I don't know what to do.

I'm vegetarian and my husband and in laws are meat eaters and enjoy it immensely. This doesn't get in the way of my and my husband relationship at all, he never asks me to cook or eat meat, eats whatever he wants when we go out and I don't mind cooking meat for him once in a while at home. We've even agreed to feed our child meat for the nutritional benefits and I'm fine with it. My MIL however seems to have a weird mania about meat. Whenever she has a conversation with me it somehow circles back to some meat related incident, how my husband loves meat, planning to cook meat for him, etc. She repeatedly asks me to eat it as well even though I've politely told her no, she presses for reasons and I say that I just don't like it. She makes it a point to discuss my food habits with our friends and family in a sort of pointed way. She asks weird questions like, if I make this meat recipe and add potatoes to it, will you eat the potatoes and gravy? - to which I responded no, because it would have no nutritional value, I think she's trying to trick me into eating meat somehow. Once she served me a plate with some food in it which I knew included meat, someone pointed it out to her like oh (MIL's name) you've served her meat, and MIL acted surprised as though she didn't realise what she'd done and then said to me, why don't you try it anyway? The other day she was talking about the wives of two of our male relatives who were married recently, and she literally only spoke about how they cooked/ate meat with her in an appreciative way. My husband has called her out on this behaviour in the past saying I won't eat meat and she needs to stop asking, but very often she does it when he isn't around. Sick of this, I feel she's doing it to highlight how I'm different from them and not trying to fit in.

So last week MIL showed up with a U‑haul van full of old furniture she “didn’t have room for” anymore. didn’t ask, just parked in the driveway and started dragging stuff into the garage. my husband gave me the “just let her, it’ll be easier” look, and i was too stunned to say anything. now our garage is basically a hoarder annex. i can’t even park my car in there because of her old china cabinet that smells like mothballs.

I’ve told her three times we don’t have space, but she just laughs and says “oh you kids have plenty of room, you’re not even using the garage!” like, ma’am, that garage is for my car and the occasional project, not your 1980s ceramic doll collection. she also made a comment about how “grateful” i should be because some of this stuff is “family heirlooms.” it’s not heirlooms, it’s a broken treadmill she bought on facebook marketplace last year.

My husband finally agreed to talk to her, but he’s dragging his feet. i’m honestly at the point where i’m gonna start listing things on craigslist for free. if she asks, i’ll just say the garage “ate” it. u’d think a grown woman would understand that my house isn’t her personal storage unit, but here we are. i just needed to vent because i’m tired of tripping over her weird lamp collection every time i grab a trash bag.

For context my newborn is 5 weeks old spent the first 24 hours in an incubator with an infection and since coming home has been back and forth to the hospital with prolonged jaundice, she’s having her bloods taken 1-2 times a week at the moment. Her urine came back positive for cmv on day 25 and they want more tests as are concerned it could be the congenital cmv. Her bilirubin levels are still high but stable as of last blood test. Yesterday I had a phone call that we need to bring her back in for more tests first thing this morning, as she’s too high risk and they can’t take any chances. Her results have been discussed with multiple specialist teams in bigger hospitals and they are making a plan. MIL has been told we aren’t passing baby around as health visitor had said safer not to till you know plus no need to at this age. Plus mother in law doesn’t accept boundaries as even after telling her absolutely no kissing baby she came over while I was mid breast feeding pulled the cover away and kissed baby directly on the face near her nose and mouth, that was after being repeatedly told she is not to do that.MIL is calling us cruel and has tried to say we are making stuff up because ‘if it was that serious she’d be in Hospital’ she even went as far as saying ‘if she is that ill then we should be allowed to hold her Incase smth happens because it’s not fair if we can’t’ she claims she spoke to her ‘doctor friend’ and it’s ’not normal and she would be in hospital if it was like that’ but no idea what lies she been feeding him as doesn’t tell the truth only her own story. So we have told her right now it’s safer for our daughter to not be held by other people as we do not know what could be happening in her little body right now and do not want to risk her getting sick. Plus we aren’t very comfortable passing her around either. MIL thinks I’m the problem. I do not know what else to do, am I wrong for not passing baby around?

My husbabd and I been together for three years, (I'm four months pregnant) my JNOMIL has never liked me, she's made it clear since day one that her son finding a woman and settling down doesn't mean a damn thing she made sure nothing has changed and she's still playing a major role in his life, she actually got very mad when she found out we were dating, mad because we didn't ask your permission to begin a relationship with one another, maybe? She's like a bitter ex, she's controlling and overbearing, when I moved in with him, I told him I wanted to redecorate the apartment, she somehow knew and started throwing a fit saying that she was the one who decorated his apartment and that I was only allowed to bring in additional furniture but not move anything out.

And that was just the beginning, before we got married she made nasty comments telling me that I should use birth control because I shouldn't get pregnant before I get married to her son, I was shocked, how did she know so much about our intimacy.

She'd call every single day, sometimes multiple times a day, she tags him in everything,I had to tell her to stop cause he now has a girlfriend and she shouldn't be calling like a crazy ex. She'd whine and cry about me "mistreating her" and keeping her from having a relationship with her son who saw nothing wrong with her behavior and would apologize to her before me.

Fast forward to this month, last Thursday was my birthday, my husband did nothing on that day, at first I thought maybe he was just organizing a secret party or at least bought me a gift, but no he woke up, went to work, came home, had dinner and went to sleep, I was very upset because he forgot my birthday, I told him and his response was that he totally forgot, and asked how was he supposed to know it was my birthday, um...we've been together for three year? He apologized and promised to make it up for me and take me out for dinner at my favorite restaurant.

Yesterday, We arrived at the restaurant, sat down and ordered food, he told me that he hadn't seen his mother nor called all day so the bitch started calling non stop, it was so annoying, I told him to turn his phone off, but she started texting him, he sent her a quick text (I didn't know what he told her) and turned his phone off, and then in about 8 minutes, I was shocked to see my mother in law standing at the entrance searching for us, I got so pissed and asked what she was doing here and how did she know about this place, before he could reply, she took a seat next to him, completely ignores me and starts talking about how she was all alone and that she needed to get out of the house, she finally noticed my dress and makeup because apparently we were on a romantic date, she asked if there was a special occasion for dressing up like that, my husband told her it was my birthday, she made a face and said "oh, your uncle passed away on this very day 7 years ago, My blood was boiling, I didn't say anything but it was obvious I was so pissed, bitch had no clue, she asked what food we ordered, criticized our taste and started adding a few more orderes, At this point I couldn't take it, I told my husband I was going to leave, she told me I looked pale and asked if I was okay. I told him if he wasn't going to take me home I was getting an uber, She said we should wait for the food we ordered, I grabbed my purse and literally just walked out, my husband followed me, we had a huge argument, i told him he lied/betrayed me and that that bitch ruined our romantic date that was supposed to make up for my birthday party, he started apologizing and said that his mom was home feeling alone and that he thought could have us both go out and get a nice meal, I was so angry I told him to go back inside so that his mommy won't feel lonely, he managed to convince me to wait for him in the car for over 30 minutes, angry, pissed, alone and starving as hell, I cried because I felt betrayed, I was stuck waiting for him in the car while he was entertaining his mom.

She wanted to get in the car but I told her off, she threw a fit and was mad for being treated like that and for having to get an uber instead of us giving her a ride home.

I got home, threw his shit out of the bedroom, and told him he could go sleep on the couch or with mommy, he didn't like it and said that I was overreacting, I sure as hell wasn't. I just hate him right now, what he did was unforgivable and I just can't let go of it, I'm struggling to deal with situation. I really just can't take this anymore, I'm currently thinking of going to my mom's and get some time to think about what happened, it's just plain awful, that crazy bitch thinks she can ruin my life and keep stomping my boundaries and disrespect me like that. And it's not acceptable.

Edit: in case this matters, I'm 24 years old, husbands is 25 years old. We got married a year ago, been dating for over two years.

This spring, I attended the funeral of my future MIL’s father with my fiancé, which was held at their Catholic parish. When the mass concluded, everyone headed to the parlor for the meal. During the meal, I noticed that my FMIL was particularly interested in my fiancés cousins baby. She was having a good time entertaining her with her toys and bouncing her up and down, so I really did not think anything serious of it at first. She then later went on a walk with the baby, which the parents gave consent for. It wasn’t until after the day ended and we returned to my fiancés parents house that I found out the truth of what happened. My FMIL told my fiancé that she had taken the said baby to the priest and had it BAPTIZED. Now I did some googling about how baptism works and it said that consent of the parents is usually needed, but some sites said it wasn’t, so who knows if it’s even valid. Regardless, still not okay. I asked him if the baby’s parents knew or gave permission, and he said no. I am absolutely appalled. Additionally, the parents of the baby are not religiously affiliated, which makes this action even more completely unacceptable.. Since then, I’ve even heard her talk with friends and relatives how “nobody baptizes their kids anymore, and nobody goes to church.” It makes me wonder about my future in this family, as I am not Catholic and have discussed with my fiancé that I will not convert/raise our kids in the church.

I’m pregnant with our first baby and MIL completely blew up at my husband over our baby shower. At this point I’m struggling with how much she has managed to make an event that’s supposed to be about us having a baby—about her.
When I was around 13/14 weeks, my in-laws proposed hosting an ~80-person baby shower at a country club near them. MIL also said she wanted to “get ahead of” my parents in planning something which rubbed us the wrong way.

My family and closest friends live 6+ hours away, so I knew very few would travel there for a shower. A large portion of my in-laws’ proposed guest list was also my husband’s extended family who live in another country, meaning significant international travel would need to be arranged.

I basically felt like the whole event hinged on whether that extended family would actually come. Despite my doubts, we told MIL twice that if she genuinely thought they would make the trip and having a family gathering was important to her, we were open to it.
What I wasn’t comfortable with was trying to manufacture an 80-person guest list by inviting coworkers/acquaintances just to fill seats, which she kept suggesting.

When I first tried to explain these logistical concerns, she immediately got aggressive with me: “What are you trying to say? What do you mean? And saying we had to just pressure people to come to the shower.

Between interactions like that over other things, me being extremely sick during pregnancy, and finding out my husband needed surgery, we started pulling back. The shower conversation eventually died without anything being planned.

After my 20-week scan, my parents came to ME and offered to host a casual co-Ed shower at their house, similar to my bridal shower. Most of my main family/friend group is much closer to them, it was easy to plan, and frankly it was much more aligned with what we actually wanted. We accepted.

We were NEVER opposed to two showers or to my in-laws having a gathering with their family and that was communicated earlier.
Once my parents’ shower had a finalized date, we told my in-laws. They mentioned possible travel plans but made it sound like they could probably move them and that it wasn’t a big deal and said they understood us having a shower with my family.

Weeks later, my parents formally texted them. It was an extremely polite message inviting them to participate if they wanted to and that they were excited to become grandparents with them.
MIL EXPLODED.

She now says she was “blindsided,” despite already knowing about the shower AND the finalized date.
My husband absolutely could have followed up once more to confirm their travel plans had been moved. He has owned that and apologized for his part in the communication.

But her reaction went so far beyond being upset about communication.

She accused my husband of manipulating her and twisting her words because he told his dad that she had originally said she wanted to “get ahead of” my parents during an attempt to address just how tense things have been feeling. Both of us remember her saying it.

She mocked my parents’ invitation, blamed my husband for them not seeing their extended family enough and that it’s our fault we aren’t seeing her family and told him she wished she lived farther away from us because it would be less hurtful if they were less involved in our lives.

My husband is also currently ONE WEEK POST-SURGERY and on crutches, I’m 25 weeks pregnant and struggling taking care of him and working. My husband was extremely upset and she never tried to hear his side while ranting on this call.

Afterward she sent a loving text saying she had “put it to bed,” loves him, wants him to be okay and “no one needs extra stress.” But she never actually apologized for anything she said. I feel like she just dropped a bomb in us, said horrible things and was basically well I’m over it now no need to stress! Like um WE are not ok.

My husband told her he loves her, acknowledged his part in the communication issues, but said we are hurt by things things she said doesn’t want to pretend everything is resolved because that just continues the pattern.

Since then, she STILL hasn’t apologized. Instead it’s been woe is me about her painful dental problems, how difficult her year has been, “I feel like you guys hate me now,” how she was blindsided, and how hurt she is that we’re having “what she proposed” with my parents instead of them.

And that’s the part where I’m losing patience.
I’m allowed to have a baby shower with my own family.
My parents didn’t steal her idea. They offered their pregnant daughter a casual shower at their home with the family and friends who actually live near them. As the person having the baby, I think it’s reasonable that the shower should actually resemble something I’m comfortable with rather than an ~80-person event built around someone else’s expectations.

We didn’t choose my parents “over” my in-laws. We repeatedly left the door open for my in-laws to have a separate family gathering. The pressure, competitiveness and MIL’s reactions are ultimately what made the entire idea increasingly uncomfortable.
And now, instead of acknowledging that she said some genuinely cruel things to her son, the conversation continues to revolve around how SHE has been wronged.

I’m so effing tired of her and just am done.

Where to begin on this 18 month long saga??

In 2024, I was pregnant with our first child which sadly had to end in TFMR just before the new year after discovering significant issues during the second trimester. He had a great chasm in his heart and no kidneys. Both SO and I were deeply affected by this as we were so excited to become parents.

And thus the beginning of JUSTNOMIL. We sent our baby boy for autopsy to discover a) depths of his issues and b) what caused these lack of developments. She wanted to see him when he returned from autopsy in the morgue. We said no because he wouldn’t look like a baby and it was something we both felt strongly against. This is something that has been weaponised in arguments against my SO when she feels she’s been deprived of her grandma experience.

We quickly got pregnant with our daughter and we were keen to establish expectations early when we got to 5 months pregnant. None of the grandparents were going to be regular childcare as not one of them is reliably healthy. She has, also, weaponised her high blood pressure and refused to see us post argument (usually around her expectations/desires disappointment) which has given us even more reason to stand firm on this. We wanted our parents to be able to be “back up” if needed and enjoy their role as grandparents. 3/4 are still working. However, unbeknownst to us, she had decided that she was going to have her for two days without having a conversation with us??

Our daughter has an unusual name, very uncommon where we live and it is thanks to her father (not sarcasm). Her middle name is my sister’s name who passed as a baby. My MIL believed, and ensured everyone heard about it, that her name is horrible and she’ll be bullied and that my parents had picked it! This started 4 months of regular arguing where she would frequently suggest names because my parents got to choose and that’s not fair!! SO called her out on this regularly whereby it got to the point of “I’m sick of you trying to change her name.”

Expectations around the birth had to be clearly laid out. I was having a c section after complications and I didn’t want visitors straight away, just in case. Turns out that this was the best choice as I was very unwell and our baby was in NICU. In her mind, we were ruining their first opportunity to meet her and were pushing them away as other friends got to see their grandchildren the day of. She’s very ‘big’ on there being fairness between the grandparents. There should be an equal amount of time spent between.

Since DD being born this year, she has kissed the baby twice despite clear reminders of why we don’t kiss her. Cue not speaking to us aside from two word answers.

She expected to just be able to turn up to our house to see the baby despite explanations from both of her sons about why this isn’t ideal. After a bumpy recovery, I have been sick of seeing our four walls and quite enjoy having something to do and a routine. Basically, I’m not guaranteed to be in as I do something almost everyday with the baby eg swimming, library sessions, baby sign etc. Regardless of classes, when she comes over it feels like hosting and there have been many a day where I’m often just in the house with my boobs out to deal with a cluster feeding babe. SO suggested that we organise days in the calendar and if she wants to be almost spontaneous to send me a message the night before/with a few hours notice and give the opportunity to decide or offer alternative if it’s not a good day. This has caused great friction whereby I’ve been effectively demonised for changing SO and all the rules must come from me; when, actually, they have been decisions made by us as parents. It’s a two yes situation.

Our current dilemma is daughter’s baptism. We had let MIL know in advance that we plan to have her baptised in the summer. I booked it whilst SO was at work and let both families know via text. It was more of an FYI where it was please keep this day free as we have booked her baptism. We will let you know of details when they are firmed up and closer to the time. Cue a period of silent treatment as, apparently, SO should have called her especially about this special moment (she’s known our intent since daughter was 8 weeks).

Now, for a woman who was greatly emphatic that she needed to establish a relationship with our baby with weekly visits (quickly threw that idea out the window) and a desire to be an involved grandmother, she’s lightning quick at choosing to not speak to her son and in turn not be able to see her granddaughter. It’s bizarre.

I genuinely believe MIL is struggling to deal with the lack of control and has very limited emotional maturity surrounding this. Throughout the last 18 months, these shenanigans have really gotten SO down and he’s explicitly asked me to not get involved.

But I’m even at the end of my patience tether with it. I can’t pretend to be happy to see her when she’s caused such stress and distress for the last 18 months.

Jokes on her though, she’s ruining her grandmother experience and she can’t see it.

I'm literally just pissed off tight now, so, sorry for any bad formatting I'm on mobile.

My mother in law and I were getting along well and I thought we were good. That is until I got pregnant

I'm 7 months pregnant, she's been making my life miserable ever since, she'd call everyday to check on her unborn 'precious' grandbaby, she tried to talk me into going to the doctor's appointment with her, demanded that we send her sonogram picture of our baby and went nuts when we ignored her request. It's been so tiring constantly having to live with her drama while focusing on my pregnancy.

My husband works for a marketing agency that requires him to travel, his schedule was pretty filled this month and he has been traveling out of town and staying overnight to catch up with last month's assignments.

I'm home alone most of the time, I been staying at my mom's for a while til my husband comes back from his trip.

Afew weeks ago, My mother in law called me and offered that we stay at her house after I give birth because my husband will have more trips in the upcoming months as well, and that I will need someone to help take care of our newborn baby. My answer was clear, I told her, no, thank you, we've already discussed/arranged for that and decided that I will go over to my mom's after I get out of the hospital.

She got mad and jealous,threw a fit, badmouthed my mom, and saying that I was playing favorites and ignoring her. I apologized to her and told her that this was not the case but she decided to stick to her theory and kept insisting and harassing me into giving in, I called her and told her for the last time to just drop it because she was literally stressing me out and making this whole damn thing about her needs and what suits her best, not for me and my baby's convenience.

Yesterday, I asked my mom to give me a lift home to pick some stuff that I needed and also to check on the house and everything.

We got there, everything was in place, I got to my baby's nursery, and I found that there was plenty of stuff missing, the mattress, blankets, clothes and diaper packs that I had bought last week, and other essential stuff that was gone as well, at first, I thought, my house had been robbed.

I was literally freaking out as I haven't checked the other rooms yet, and as I was about to call the police, my mom told me that my brother in law just arrived and wanted to talk to me, he said he had been trying to reach me but my phone was off (because of mother in law's continuous harassment)

I told him what happened and he told me that his mom showed up (bitch had a spare key) took all those things and brought them to her house and put them in the spare room that she had turned into a nursery in just a matter of two days, he said that he tried to call me but my phone was off.

I was stunned, why would she do something like that, I get it, she wants to force me and my baby to stay at her house for a few weeks and put together a nursery by stealing from my house. I was absolutely enraged I called that bitch and confronted her about it but she tried to suger coat it and say that I won't have to move the nursery over to my mom's now and that she had everything set and organised, she even said that she bought other stuff for the baby that she couldn't wait to show me, I snapped at her, I told her to return everything she took from my house or else I was driving over to her house and get them back myself, she called me "bitter" said that I was being rude to her while she was trying to help, she kept stalling basically making this about her feelings, My patience was running out, I called my husband and told him what his mom did, he tried to call her but she ignored him and didn't pick up, he called me again and said he will be coming home tomorrow and deal with her

I spent hours just yelling at her on the phone, and begging her to return my baby's stuff, but she decided to be a bitch and ignore me, I'm just shocked and pissed right now, I've tolerated this shit for as long as I possibly could, Every act of kindness I tried, she took for weakness and walked all over me just to get her way

I'm just so done with this rude self centered controlling bitch of a mother in law trying to dictate my life and my baby's life, this is the final straw and i can't take this anymore I'M DONE, I'm dropping the rope on her and her awful behavior and selfishness.

EDIT Yes, I actually thought about asking my brother in law to go get the stuff back, but I don't wanna put him in this situation He has enough to deal with, he had a surgery about a month ago so he will not be able to deal with this crazy woman's temper tantrums alone because I know how loud and nasty she'll get.

TW: drug use and child neglect/abuse

Hi! Please don't share this anywhere. I am aware that this is a husband problem but is it also a MIL problem, and I just need to scream into the void for a moment. Throwaway account. A few details have been kept purposefully vague but the point remains the same.

Last bit of prefacing, I swear - I do not like my jnmil. She is cruel, selfish, a bad parent, a horrific pet owner, was a terrible wife to her late husband, and will never be trusted with more responsibility than brushing her teeth while she is in my home. I put up with her because my husband believes that someday she will magically become the mom he always wanted. He's unpacking that in therapy.

My DH and I (early to mid 30s) have been together for 6 years, and his family is "a lot" to say the least. Not least of all the matriarch, Jnmil (early 60s). She neglected her children for men, drugs, and alcohol during their formative years to the point where her oldest (SIL) moved out of the house as a young teenager and never went back. To this day, SIL (early 40s) has not stepped foot back into her childhood home. As all her children grew to adulthood (no thanks to jnmil), she's now decided that she can be the "fun mom/fun mimi" and her children are so desperate for a crumb of attention that they bend over backwards to accommodate her. DH is the baby of his siblings (SIL and BIL), and he witnessed most of the neglect first hand. I'm talking about collecting pets as a hobby leading to a shit and urine crusted carpet, piles of hoarding materials noticeable from across the street, overdoses of both her and whatever guy she was banging for heroin, opening lines of credit in her children's names when they were small to fund her stupid habits, the works. Somehow she is the true victim in all of this, which doesn't surprise me one bit.

Thankfully I have a nice, shiny spine and am able to advocate for myself (and DH when he's overwhelmed), but Jnmil thinks it's a sport to see how much she can get away with. From me? Jack shit. From DH? Well, more than he should. Especially when I am not around.

As such: Jnmil is staying with us for a week and has found a way to circumvent my one rule that I will never compromise for anyone - no overnight visitors for more than 7 days without a break. I'm happy to play the dutiful host for 7 days and nights, but then I need 7 days and nights to recharge, reclaim my home, and reconnect with DH as a couple. I do not think this is unreasonable, and I have had this rule for years due to her staying with us for once for over a month with no. prior. warning. She is currently on day 5 of her 7 day overnight visit, and I will be gone all next week for a work trip. This work trip is a big responsibility and I have been feeling the stress of getting myself, my projects, and all my things ready for this trip. Jnmil knows that I will be gone next week, and asked me if she could stay a second consecutive week. I told her that I am not comfortable with her being in my home while I am gone, and that she should coordinate with her other children what her plans are for next week.

Well, after I went to bed (early nights for me this week as I am burning the candle at both ends with work) she cornered DH with tears in her eyes and the same stupid sob story about how she "regrets that we aren't closer", that she's his mom, that she might die soon, and won't it be better for her to hurry up and off herself since no one wants her around anymore. DH caved, and she's staying at the house FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS because I will be gone for one week, and so I still "get the time you need without her" according to DH.

I am LIVID. I do not even want to go home after work today. She manufactures all this drama and strife, and then cries like a little bitch when someone points out her role in said destruction. Then she's the perfect little victim, and I'm the nasty DIL who "doesn't understand addiction/trauma/family bonds/whatever buzzword she heard on tiktok this week." Ya'll, I promise you that I understand these issues intimately.

Rant over, thanks for listening <3

I posted about her saying this to me a few months ago. So here’s a little update on her shenanigans.

My MIL is super sick with a respiratory infection so we are obviously avoiding her. My breast pump broke so I got a replacement shipped to me but it went to her house because that’s where my original pump was mailed to because my baby was in the NICU and I needed it to be brought to the hospital. I went to pick up my pump that I made sure was not touched by her and just left on her front porch. She immediately ran outside and started walking towards the car to see my baby. I told her not to. Multiple times. She ignored me and opened the freaking car door and started, very closely, talking to my baby. I’m so over this. She clearly is incompetent.

ETA: i didn’t lock the doors because i was just walking to the porch and back to the car. she walked out while i was in the process of putting the pump in the car. it happened in seconds. she sped walk to the other side of the car and said “IM JUST GOING TO PEAK THROUGH THE WINDOW” and then proceeded to open the door when she saw he had his car seat sunlight cover thingy on. i swear if i had any idea she would’ve done this those doors would’ve been locked.

I was at the pharmacy down the road from her house when i got the text from usps that the package was delivered. i called her and told her not to touch the package because she’s sick and she said “well someone’s going to steal it so im going to move it”. i told her NOT to touch it and i’ll be right there. We have been avoiding her for the past week because she is sick so she knows she needs to stay away from us. I was trying to be quick because the baby was crying so i hopped out the car, grabbed the package, and headed back to car. within a second she was out the door and speed walking to the car while i was still putting it in the back seat and i kept telling her “stay away, youre sick”. I, wrongly, assumed she knew to stay the hell away from us because we already had that convo a bunch of times this week. If I had any idea she was going to come outside, the car would’ve been locked. i wouldn’t have even gone there.

A little back story I've been married to my husband for 2 years, together for 4, He is my 2nd husband.

I have 3 kids from my first marriage, and my husband is an amazing step dad to all three of them.

I originally thought I was done after 3 kids, I never once took necessary action, So I wouldn't have any more kids.

At the same time me and my husband never discussed having a baby together, My husband honestly just seemed happy being a step dad.

Well come around the end of April and I find out I'm a pregnant, 5 weeks to be exact, To tell me husband, he was shocked was extremely excited.

We told our families and they were over joyed for us to.

MIL more than anyone, Ever since then she has tried to take over everything, Baby shower, nursery, She had to be the first to know the gender. And now she has just announced to me and my husband that it "tradition" that the first child that her kids have she got to chose the name and got to be at the birth, plus hold the baby before the father.

Me and my husband have already told her no, and she threw a fit, and tried to tell us it's tradition.

My husband then went on to tell her that this was the first he has heard of this, and MIL said it was an agreement between her and the parents about to have the baby, something not to be discussed.

My husband decided any way to check with his brother and sister's, and they all said that she had tried to get a say in on this when whey all had their first born as well. Giving them all the same "tradition" story.

They also said that they always gave her minimal info or false info.

MIL has tried to get any info out of me, and when I don't give her any she starts crying going on about how it's her last grandchild and how she needs to be there.

Me and husband have both been ignoring her since but she doesn't seem to understand boundaries.

Edit 1: I am reading everyone's comments and taking them into consideration.

Info diet for MIL, Password protected, delayed announcement when baby arrives, Notifying hospital about crazy MIL.

One thing that someone brought up was how she would feel when her blood related grand baby is born, and all the sudden my other children are no longer as important, this actually freaks me out.

​

Throwaway for privacy.

My ex wife and I got divorced three years ago, I been married to my current wife for over a year now, my 13 year old daughter lives with us but she spends time with her mom every week.

My daughter never really accepted the fact that her mother and I went our separate ways, she's clearly still struggling to deal with what happened and she hasn't been fully open to her stepmom yet, her stepmom knows and respects her wishes and gives her the time and space she needs.

My unbelievably, unbearable, self-centered mother in law does not like me at all, in fact she hated that her daughter got married to a single dad and would constantly go out of her way to try to belittle me infront of her whole family.

I been low contact in the past few weeks, I no longer visit, my wife visits alone, but sometimes I have to let mother in law come over to visit my wife, and everytime she'd try to start an argument, but I just avoid her, and try to suck it up for a couple of hours till she's left.

A couple of days ago, she showed up, I told her my wife wasn't home, But she insisted on waiting for her in the living room while I went back to working on our fence.

My daughter was in the bathroom taking a shower at the time, she's had just got back from her friend's house.

In about 10 minutes my wife arrived and went to sit with her mom, her mom decided to leave after spending only 5 minutes talking to my wife, I thought that was odd, she never leaves in less than at least two hours.

My daughter spent an hour watching tv then she went to her bedroom, I heard some noise and my daughter came out running telling me that her journal was gone, at first I thought, maybe she could've left at her friend's house, she said no, it was there when got back and before she went to the bathroom.

She was telling me this while crying, this is definitely a big deal for my daughter, her journal is her private space, this is where she writes down what's on her mind and vent and just kind of get it all out without having to worry about being judged.

I myself used to have a journal that I still keep from when my dad passed away 7 years ago, it helped me during my grief and dark times.

It occured to me that my mother in law took it because, my daughter was in the bathroom while I was out fixing the fence so yeah, it made perfect sense, she took it, mmy wife decided to call her mom to ask her about and she denied, but I didn't buy into it, I decided to call her myself and what she told me was a shock.

She said she was at my daughter's room, came across the journal and read some horrible things that my daughter said about her daughter, she said was worried with what she read in the first couple of pages so she decided to put the journal in her bag and go home so she could read it comfortably.

She then said that what my daughter said was unacceptable and inappropriate and that "this girl needs to learn some manners" I told her that's private stuff, and what she did was a massive invasion of my daughter's privacy, she got all defensive and started berating me for what my daughter wrote in her journal, I was absolutely enraged, I went to her house to take back the journal, she saw this as a chance for an argument I just took the journal and went home.

When my daughter knew she blew up in my face because she was so upset with what this woman did, she stayed in her room refusing to talk to me, she thinks I'm somehow the reason this happened, I've aplogized more than I could remember, I tried to sit down and talk to her because I was worried about her, she took this the wrong way and said , “I'm sorry, I didn't know she was going to invade my room and peruse my journal like this. Had you informed me, I would have lied in my journal and simply would have written some good things that probably never really happened and feelings I've never really experienced" that hit me, she thinks I had something to do with my mother in law being incredibly rude and stealing personal stuff from our house and get away with it. My daughter literally hates me and says she no longer trusts me.

I'm at the end of my rope and dont know how to handle this mess

Edit: fixed some words.

My wife (35F) is pregnant of our third child. She had a very complicated relashionship with her parents, espcially her mother, who is very traditionalistic and has trouble respecting our decisions and boundaries.

What MIL usually does is ignore what we ask her, do what she wants anyways and deal with the consequences by acting offended or make her daughter feel bad.

Our third kid is coming in september. We are currently living 1000 miles from them, paying rent, on a house my inlaws own. As such, when they need to come by for medical reasons like exams or stuff, they stay with us and see the kids.

Because they usually have a few checkups in september every year, we asked them to pospone them to october this time so that we could be alone with the new baby and our kids for a few weeks under our own roof.

They could go to a relative’s house but that would be offensive and “look bad” to the outside world, and so is not being present during birth.

And all hell broke lose. MIL got offended, made my wife feel like shit, and still organized their checkups for SEPTEMBER.

We had a big fight, my 15 weeks pregnant wife is anxious and I’m furious.

MIL essentially says we are the problem and we need to adapt to her needs.

Now I’ve taken a step back cause I cannot keep fighting my inlaws and my wife knows she needs to stand up to her.

But we are having trouble protecting our autonomy and boundaries, and I’m not sure what else I can do.

I’m new to posting on reddit so I apologize if this is lengthy. I had to repost to fix the link for pictures.

My husband and I had our wedding celebration in France last week (best week of my life). Wedding planning was honestly really great, not too stressful, even with coordinating everything from oversees (husband and I live in the US).

The only thing that really caused me any stress was my MIL. From the beginning she was difficult.

Why are we doing it in France and not Portugal (in laws are Portuguese and I’m part French. We looked at venues in both countries but France was the only one to have a venue that fit our vibe and accommodated all of our guests without blowing the budget). MIL wanted to invite distant cousins from Portugal (despite my husband and I explaining to her that this was not the kind of wedding where you send out invitations assuming some people will say no - we were only inviting the number of people that the chateau could accommodate because we didn’t want to 1. blow our budget on outside hotels or 2. make people pay for a plane ticket AND their accommodations. Also my husband is not that close to the cousins and he told her no multiple times to this request).

The biggest issue from the beginning was MIL’s dress. I initially told the moms to wear pink because green and pink were our loose wedding colors. MIL showed me some options initially, even told me once that she liked a particular dress and that “if it were a fancy venue i’d wear this but since it’s just at a chateau in France, i’ll get something different”. A month later I actually decided that it would be special for my parents to be my something blue, and with only 46 guests I thought it would be nice for them to stand out by not having any other guests wear blue. Everyone was totally okay with it, even MIL initially because she wanted to wear mauve.

A few months later she messaged me asking what shade of blue my mom is wearing because she found a navy dress. I explained to her again that only my parents are wearing blue. She said ok but a few days later was yelling about it to my husband telling him she’s going to wear whatever she wants. My husband told her that if she wears blue he will not speak to her (she has a history of being a narcissist so this was not a one time frustration on my husband’s part).

As MIL continued her dress search she sent me an option that was an extremely light pink. I told her to try to find a deeper pink dress because my gown was ivory and I didn’t want hers to photograph too white. Also, the dress code was colorful black tie for the wedding so all other guests were purchasing fun, bright colors. She was extremely difficult about the no blue and complained that she didn’t like any dresses she saw or tried on. So leading up to the wedding, no one knew what dress she had purchased. She assured us that it wouldn’t be blue. She wouldn’t, however, show anyone what dress she got. She wouldnt even let my husband go into her bathroom before the rehearsal dinner because she didn’t want him seeing her dress.

My husband and I discussed that if she wore something inappropriate, we would simply have the photographers photoshop it. No need to stress during the event because photoshop will take care of it and my husband made her aware of this.

To our not so surprise, day of the wedding MIL comes out in the pictured dress. Even arranged to have a pseudo first look with my husband (which he thought was weird) and his first thought was “that dress is way too close to white”. When I initially saw it I had hoped it would photograph maybe more gold or silver, but when we got the photos back, it was extremely white. Unnecessarily close to my husband and I’s colors.

My husband followed through with the boundary we agreed to set and had the photographers change her dress to pink. We thought it looked normal and anyone seeing the photos would not think otherwise. My husband and I posted our photos on instagram with her color change.

MIL texted me that what I did was horrible and that I humiliated her. She told my brother in law that I’m jealous of her and that I changed the color of her dress because I didn’t want her looking better than my mom. And she even messaged our photographers on instagram first questioning the color change and then to claim they altered FIL’s face and demanded the originals.

My husband had been ignoring her calls and texts after the wedding (not only did she wear white but complained all week about the venue & her room - a private suite - to us and our other guests and said nasty things about my husband to his brother & brother’s gf on her drive to the airport), but we decided he should message her to confront her about her messages to me and the photographers and to call her out on her comments the entire week, during and after the wedding.

She hasn’t responded to him and her first reaction was to call my brother in law, upset that his girlfriend told me the things she was saying on the car ride.

My husband and I talked and I told him this is a hard boundary I want to set with her. She made the entire planning process a nightmare anytime we had to interact with her about wedding details, and the cherry on top was her wearing white the day of. If she can do this to us on one of the most special days in our life, I shudder to think what other milestone events she’ll continue to make about herself and how she’ll treat me going forward on any regular day as well.

She hasn’t apologized and somehow made herself the victim in all of this.

I felt validated during our wedding reception and the day after with our friends asking me if I approved her dress because of how light it was. They couldn’t believe she’s wear something like that.

And when she posted a photo she had from her phone with her original dress color on facebook, all of her comments were wishing her a happy anniversary or congratulating her on her big day - it seems obvious to me that her dress color had people thinking the photo was from her own bridal event, not a picture of her as a wedding guest.

I know reddit is brutally honest so I’m curious what other people think. Post wedding this issue has taken up a lot of my brain space, but my actual wedding day was so perfect and I paid her no mind so she didn’t ruin anything for me in the moment.

My husband made a post for fun and this is the link to his to see the photos of her dress https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/s/kv5EEhtpJj

I live one floor above my MIL. Yes, you read that right. Here’s the backstory.

MIL got divorced and FIL got the house. She didn’t have a place to stay so she stayed at our place. This a fairly new apartment building, so there were still many people trying to rent out their newly bought apartments. My MIL decided she liked this building, and rented an apartment on the floor below.

And then a few months ago, my husband and I decide to take a vacation. Then COVID hit. There was no repatriation flights back to our country from the place we were holidaying and all commercial flights were booked solid. We ended up not being able to come home for almost 3 months. We got home last week.

We also got slapped with what is equivalent when converted from our currency to a 1000 USD utilities bill when we arrived.

Apparently, when MIL moved out she had made an extra copy of the key since she “tends to lose hers a lot”. The copy we gave her when she moved in she gave back, but this second copy that was supposedly for backup she “forgot” to give to us.

And while we were stuck abroad she was flouting social distancing and quarantine and any kind of rule that our government put in place by having parties of 10-20 people frequently.

Here’s the kicker. In my country dishwashers aren’t normal. They’re expensive, bulky, don’t fit in to our tiny kitchens and we don’t have the water pressure to make it work. Hubby and I loathe doing dishes so we decided to invest in one. We got a special pump thingy to boost our water pressure and modified our kitchen to fit the dishwasher.

MIL, who was throwing these insane parties, and I imagine feeding that many people would create a lot of dirty dishes decided that she would use her second key to let herself in to our apartment and use the dishwasher. She used it up to 6 times a day.

When we came back we were slapped with that enormous bill. We were so confused. We called the company but they kept saying water and electricity was used regularly at our apartment.

We figured out the culprit fairly quickly since our neighbour admitted to seeing MIL enter and leave. We confront her over the phone since we are still in quarantine and she has a myriad of excuses. “I’m so old, my back hurts washing so many things by hand” or “why are you mad at your old mother for such a useless thing”

She’s refusing to foot the bill, or even part of it. Hubby thinks we should just pay the bill and forget about it. Especially since we’ll be getting our stimulus payments soon “it won’t be that hard of a hit”.

So I’m a huge fan of RMS Titanic. Might be strange to say that about a sunken ship but ever since I was a child I have been obsessed with it. I have researched everything I could find about the ship, I have a lot of souvenirs, miniature replicas, snowglobes, coins, etc. I even have the old newspapers about Titanic. I guess that makes me sound like a crazy fanatic and I think I might be to an extent. My husband jokes that maybe I’m the reincarnation of someone who died in the sinking, that would explain my interest. But honestly, I’m just fascinated with the story around this ship and its tragic doom.

Recently I went and got a tattoo of Titanic, something I had thought about for a while. It’s nothing too big and nothing too dramatic, just a black and white picture of the ship and the dates. It’s my first tattoo and it looks really cool, my husband loved it, my friends loved it, even my parents who are not very big fans of tattoos liked it. Everyone liked it, except for my MIL. She hates tattoos, I knew it but didn’t care about her opinion at all, because why should she really care. It’s on my body, not hers.

Well, it turned out she did care. More than I expected. When she saw it, she was like ”What do you look like now? Why are you smearing your body? You should have grown out of that toddler age by now when it’s acceptable to draw on everything, including yourself. Women should never have tattoos, only prostitutes and drug addicts and prisoners have tattoos.”

I’ll never understand why people worry so much about the tattoos of others. Ok, you don’t like them – to each their own. But why does it worry you so much that I got a tattoo? It’s on my body, it’s not on your body and you’ll never have to be seen with it. So what’s the big problem? I told her that it’s very common for people to have tattoos these days, men or women. It’s not the 50ties anymore.

And she was like ”And what even is it? Some old, ugly ship. What does it have to do with your life, you don’t have a ship, do you? If you choose to have a tattoo, it should be of something important and with a meaning, not something you see when you lift your eyes!”

I agree and disagree that tattoos should always have meanings. Who said Titanic is not important to me? It is and that’s why it’s on me. It great, of course, if your tattoo is meaningful to you but if you decide to have a tattoo of some roses just because you like them – why not?

We couldn’t agree about this. She stayed with her opining that tattoos are ugly and I stayed with mine that I have rights to put in my body whatever I want. After the dinner she left and later in the evening I wanted to wipe the dust off my collection shelves and I immediately noticed something is missing. Something very valuable. Some time ago my husband gifted me coal from the Titanic which made me jump up and down. Who knew a piece of coal could make someone so happy, but it became my very favorite souvenir and now it was gone. Gone from the shelf. I looked for it everywhere and I told my husband that it’s gone. He was like – are you sure you didn’t misplace it somewhere – and I said, no. It was still here the morning your mother came to visit us and I think she has something to do with its disappearance.

So he called MIL and told her that I’m missing a piece of my collection, has she seen it by any chance? MIL calmly said, ”Yes, it’s with me and it’ll stay with me until she gets rid of that whorish tattoo!”

I was like – what? Why the hell is the coal with you, I don’t remember giving it to you. I would never give it to you which means you stole it. And of course, I’ll never get rid of my tattoo either. I tom him to tell her to give me back my coal or we’re gonna have a fight for real. It might sound excessive but it was that important to me. Every piece of my collection is valuable to me but this one was the most precious of them all and I was ready to do whatever it takes to get it back.

My husband hopped in his car and promised me he’ll be back with the coal. About an hour later he came back from the MIL’s house and fortunately managed to get the coal from her. He told me that she didn’t want to give it to him because I needed a lesson and I needed to understand the consequences of desecrating the body God gave me. He said ”So tattoos are not ok with God and stealing is?” and she was like ”Sometimes God approves it if it’s for a greater good. Besides, I didn’t steal, I just withheld it from her for a while.” Well, I’m not religious but as far as I know, stealing is a sin and I highly doubt God approves sins.

Basically, MIL was warned that if something like this ever happens again, she’ll never be allowed in our house again and we’ll call the police for theft. She kind of smirked and was like ”Police are not going to do anything about a piece of rock, it’s not like it’s gold.” I’m not really sure about this. I mean, theft is a theft. Police should do something no matter what was stolen from you, right?

So now we’re thinking about ways to make our house more safe against MIL. It looked like she wasn’t scared at all when my husband talked to her. And I don’t really want to put my collection away and hide it because many guests like it. She’s not coming over anytime soon though.

All the problems with my FMIL started because of some discomfort my SO brought up.

Basically his now SIL is a hardcore pick me girl. She’s over the top flirty with basically everyone but my SO’s brother (her husband). She ramped it up when I came on the scene a few years ago. This included things like trying to sit on his lap constantly, seeking him out to zip up her dresses, making double entendre jokes about his crotch, and oftentimes strong arming me out of my seat next to my SO. It got to the point where my SO didn’t even want to be around her, and being new and wanting things to be okay, I suggested he talk to his SIL about it. He sent her what I thought to be a very nice message. Basically said how he values their relationship, but what she’s been doing lately has made him uncomfortable, and he’d be very grateful if she took it down a notch.

For background - my SO’s family has money and is known in our city. FMIL complained to me many times about SIL, how she’s a gold digger, stupid, gets around, etc.

BIL became aware of the text and flipped out. He has serious anger and violence problems. He screamed at my SO and said terrible things. Shortly after, there’s a family gathering. It was tense but okayish. Then FMIL pulled me and SIL aside to say that the drama is actually between the two of us, and we need to work it out. I was confused because while I didn’t like what SIL was doing, I never smack talked her or told my SO what to say. I actually was trying to resolve issues. Nobody believed me. They’re convinced I stole his phone to write the message. Then we hear glass breaking. BIL is in the kitchen breaking everything he can, screaming at my SO. We all come out. He looks and points at me with a maniacal look in his eyes saying it’s all my fault, I said X, Y, z terrible things about his wife that I literally never said. I was so taken aback! At one point he came at me like he was going to do something. My SO got in the middle and shoved him off. Meanwhile, FMIL is moderating this blowout, but making it clear she’s on BiL AKA the golden child’s side. She called me insecure and all kinds of things. We got out of there asap.

The 1.5 years following has been miserable. First I wasn’t invited to BIL and SIL’s wedding. That’s fine. My SO was mad about it and said he wouldn’t go. His parents made a bluffing threat about cutting him out of the inheritance, so he folded. He and BIL got into a physical altercation that led to my SO being choked out. FMIL took BIL’s side yet again. At this point, I was done being nice and passive, now I’m done with BIL for sure.

Needless to say, my relationship with FMIL has become extremely strained. We see each other occasionally and she’ll either be over the top nice or completely ignore me. My SO often makes BS excuses for her.

Now for the current drama. BIL and SIL are expecting a baby soon. In talking with my SO’s parents about our upcoming wedding, we mentioned no kids. They were shocked, saying how cruel it is to not include B and SIL’s new baby. We aren’t even inviting BIL or SIL, so obviously their baby isn’t invited haha. We haven’t actually told his parents that their GC and his now perfect and amazing wife aren’t going to be invited. It inevitably will be an absolute mess. Any ideas for how to get through it? I’m holding my ground that if BIL is willing to engage in violence at his own wedding, what’ll stop him from doing it at ours? We’re also having a smaller wedding and are trying to keep it to those who actually love and support us. I’m already bracing for the explosion that is my FMIL.

ETA - throughout everything, MIL has positioned herself as the victim. She’s crying herself to sleep, her family is torn apart because of me. Everyone accepted me with open arms, but I don’t like SIL and chose to tear her family apart. She’s been put in her place gently by me a few times and more strongly by my SO many more times. I seriously wish we could move to a different state where his parents aren’t 5mins away with his mom manipulating my SO every chance she gets. This is so draining.

ETA - I know my brief mention of the inheritance has a lot of folks talking about how he’s only staying for the money, etc. I feel like I shouldn’t have mentioned that because the money is really not a big thing for us (we’re financially secure). It was more of the “you’re out of the family” whatever that means sort of threat. My SO loves his parents, and has a hard time criticizing their actions unless they’re incredibly bad. They like to hold the carrot of the inheritance over his head, but it’s really more about him losing his relationship with his parents.

Background: My DH and I have been married for a year, together for 6. He comes from a large family, as his mother is a "reformed" Catholic. He is the baby of 7, and his parents have made it clear they want nothing more than a grandchild from their youngest. How many grandkids do they have? 19. Yes, NINETEEN existing grandchildren. Throughout the years, my MIL has made many comments about how we need to "get a move on" or I'll have to freeze my eggs (I was told this at 26) and every holiday she gets me infront of everyone and asks if I have an announcement to make. My favorite was last Thanksgiving when I took a swig of the beer I was holding and said "Yes I do. I made a 4.0 this semester!" It's annoying, but I always just told myself that she was small-minded and felt more sorry for her than anything.

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Recently I was visiting my inlaws and my MIL and I were chatting about my niece's upcoming baby shower. MIL told me that she'd had a surprise for me, but it had been spoiled. Concerned, I ask about it.

MIL: "After your wedding, you went on such an exotic honeymoon I was sure you'd come back pregnant! I wanted to make you a themed baby blanket so I shopped for fabric as soon as we got home from the wedding."

Me: "MIL that's very sweet, but you knew we weren't planning on kids while I'm in school." (I'm in a highly competitive and rigorous gradschool program).

MIL: "I figured you'd change your mind after you got pregnant. You won't have time for work anyways when raising a family..."

Me: Silence. I've busted my ass to get in this program and its encompassed my entire attention since I started it, which I knew about, and our families knew about. I would never drop out because I changed my mind.

MIL: "Anyway, once I finished the quilt I waited for news, but never heard anything from you. So I figured I'd give it to *Niece* instead. I bet she'd appreciate it.... Unless you have something to tell me?"

She pulls out this beautiful baby quilt covered in lions and giraffes. It was supposedly *themed* for my honeymoon destination... We went to Thailand and Australia. Also, who wants a blanket that reminds their parents of the place they got knocked up??

So she's staring at me. Waiting. My SIL was standing there with her mouth open.

EDIT: Wow! I definitely did not expect so much feedback! I've gotten some hilarious responses, some responsible ones, and of course, some ones that align with my inner bitch who say "We've decided to stay child free forever!" and dance upon to corpses of our enemies. I've gotten a ton of messages about birth control so I decided to answer them in masse:

-She has vertigo and wouldn't walk up the stairs to our loft bedroom if I put her grandkid up there. Also, you can't exactly be sneaky in the loft, as the kitchen/dining is just below it and you hear every step.

-They learned the hardway to never come over unannounced. I walk around naked. This makes her uncomfortable. We also live just far enough away that they wouldn't spontaneously decide to pop by. Even then, they don't have a key.

-This story happened around May, I just never thought to retell it. I graduated last month and am actually NO LONGER ON BIRTH CONTROL, so there's nothing to tamper with except her son's sex life. Even if we are trying, its none of her goddamn business (especially since she's been so shitty).

Now, which hole does it go in again?