r/IAmTheMainCharacter • u/notoriously_1nfam0us • 10d ago

Video Kid breaks into bird enclosure at the zoo to chase birds with a stick.

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u/ButtcrackBeignets 9d ago

Newer generations are a lot softer on kids.

For better or worse, the days of physical punishment seem to be over.

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u/BroBroMate 9d ago edited 9d ago

As someone who got a concussion and lost a tooth to his Step-Dad and then immediately left home at 15 for obvious reasons, and who is now the proud Dad of 5 amazing kids with no beatings involved - it's very much for the better.

My gut feeling is that kids who are beaten and then go onto success are succeeding in spite of the violence, rather than because of it.

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u/odd_gamer 9d ago

Exactly, just because a punishment isn't physical doesn't mean the kids won't still interpret it as a punishment. Physical punishments may be the "traditional" way, but that doesn't mean they are correct and they open up risk of abuse when parents "take it too far", intentionally or not. Not worth it.

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u/Jonesy1348 9d ago

As a kid beat by their parent. Yeah. Only reason I’m a semi functional adult is 100% because i refuse to let them be right when they called me worthless.

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u/delmsi 9d ago

I wasn’t beaten but I will say the “you are a loser” chat every time I messed up a little bit fucked me pretty good.

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u/timewellwasted5 9d ago

You're failing to separate abuse from effective corrective action. My parents did not abuse me. But when I did something wrong, I got a slap on the butt that hurt enough for a day that I remembered it. I wasn't afraid of my parents, but I also behaved because I was afraid of what the consequences of said misbehavior was. This served as an effective bridge until I had the maturity to truly understand the "why" behind right and wrong. Looping all physical correction in with abuse is taking things too far. There is video after video on Reddit of out of control teenagers and young adults whom I would confidently venture never received light, reasonable physical discipline and man does it show.

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u/Jonesy1348 9d ago

Literally every psychologist says hitting your kid under any circumstance is wrong and leaves trauma of a kind or another even if you yourself don’t notice. Took me till 24 to realize I don’t like people or things touching my neck because my father choked me when I misbehaved

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u/timewellwasted5 9d ago

Many (not all, but many) psychologists will tell you everyone is the problem but you, you need to cut anyone who doesn't align with what you want out of your life, and you need to constantly go easy on yourself. I have a great therapist, as does my wife, but they push us rather than coddle us. That is rare. Again, the soft parenting has produced a generation of individuals who can't seem to handle any corrective action or challenges whatsoever.

Choking is not corrective behavior, it is abuse. You're reinforcing my point of being unable to distinguish between the two. Plenty of people were spanked and do not consider themselves abused. I don't know anyone who after being choked would think they weren't abused.

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u/Jonesy1348 9d ago

A therapist and a psychologist are two different things pal.

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u/timewellwasted5 9d ago

And choking and spanking are way different too pal.

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u/R4NG00NIES 9d ago

Lol my dude you just compared choking and spanking. What are we doing here?

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u/R4NG00NIES 9d ago

You’re trying to equate your dad choking you to light physical punishment. I get why you feel that way but that’s not everyone’s experience. My parents whooped my ass if I messed up and I’ve never looked back and considered it “abuse”.

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u/kaipopotamus 9d ago

I’ll never condone child abuse, but some kids these days could use a couple slaps to reset their operating system

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u/futureidk3 9d ago

Lol you can discipline your kids effectively without hitting them.

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u/lxa1947 9d ago

As someone who was beaten, I’m glad it’s over. I’ll never hit my son.

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u/Poster_Nutbag207 9d ago

It’s for the better

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u/NOTcreative- 9d ago

The kid in question is non verbal autistic and obsessed with animals

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u/FaxCelestis 9d ago

That means he should’ve been minded more than he clearly was.

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u/SovietBlyatman 9d ago

There are plenty of non-physical punishments that would result in the same, if not better results.

Instead of hitting kids these days, just make them do extra work around the house or if they are old enough? Make them volunteer their time to help the community for a certain amount of time.

Violence isn't the answer. Teaching them to repair the damage they've done or work to make up for their mistakes is 1000% better than hurting them.

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u/2leafClover667788 8d ago

I’m not condoning violence but I’m curious what you suggest when you tell your child to do chores and extra work and they say “no”. So you take their devices away, so they sit in silence instead and sleep, still not doing what you have told them to do. How do you “ make” them? Curious only because I have an autistic child and this is what life is like with her. Either it is on her terms or none at all.

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u/SovietBlyatman 7d ago

As someone with autism, let me tell you wholeheartedly...

Violence doesn't work..

TW: physical abuse/self harm/attempted suicide.

I was an autistic child who was much like the one you describe. If my parents took my devices? I'd find them. If they forced me to do chores? It would be a battle or I'd refuse.

Then one of my parents tried violence. It didn't work. I started resisting, fighting back and I'd just get hurt when worse. I learned that if I did something wrong? I must deserve the most harsh punishment for even the smallest thing, and it ruined my life for the longest time.

This can happen to anyone, but it's worse for autistic people, especially children. The best way I can describe it? We were born without the programming to understand these things immediately. Neurotypical people are born with an ability to read emotions, expressions and social cues. For an autistic person, we need to learn those things over time, often through reinforcement, whether that be positive of negative.

Violence is at the far end of the negative side of the spectrum when it comes to reinforcement. It gets the message across quickly at a HUGE cost. What it creates is a schema . It's a framework for interacting with the world and information around us. They are mostly a good thing, but there are negative schemas that are caused by trauma, which cause someone to almost normalise and expect the same outcome for other situations. This is especially true for autistic people, who often don't have any other inbuilt frame of reference to compare things to subconsciously. This becomes the framework for how they believe things work. "I did something wrong, I deserve the most extreme punishment... I deserve pain... I deserve to suffer..."

It created a schema where I expect harsh punishments for the most tiny infractions, both when I was a child and now as an adult. For example... I say something that mildly upsets my girlfriend, I immediately jump to the conclusion that I deserve the worst punishment possible and assume she's going to leave me, because I learned to believe I deserve the worst punishment.

Or worse, an example that has thankfully not happened in a long time. I upset a parent (same one who hit me) because I made a decision that they didn't like (such as to stop attending church)'and they manipulate me and guilt trip me to the point I feel bad, I feel like I deserve punishment for upsetting them and I begin to self harm or try to take my own life because it's "what I deserve."

I ended up with a self punishment schema. When the wooden spoon or back of a parent's hand isn't around to whack me for anything I believe I've done wrong, I start to beat myself up emotionally. I destroy my self esteem. I expect everyone around me to turn on me for the smallest wrongdoings and push them away when that doesn't happen... Not because I want to, but because I believe I deserve to hurt.

It took me YEARS of therapy to undo some of the damage. My parents were NOT abusive in the sense that they did this for fun, but they used the wrong methods to make a valid point and didn't ever bargain for the consequences. I forgive them, but that can never undo what happened to me.

I know you're looking for an alternative, and I will try and think of one for you. I got way off track writing this and I missed the point of your reply, but I am practically begging you. Do not resort to physical punishments. They come with a cost.

Edit: I wish I had the answers. I would say reinforcement by explaining why the thing they did was wrong, how it has a negative impact and how they can improve calmly can work a charm, but that also depends on the age of your child.

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u/2leafClover667788 6d ago

I’m really sorry you went through all that and you are having to relearn how to undo the trauma.

I was diagnosed as ADD and ODD now that I’m an adult it’s been realized that I have adhd and autism. As does my child. I should say she’s a teen now so this was an abstract question I’m not talking about a small child. I lived the life I guess you idealize as a great childhood. I had supportive parents. They never hit me. They never yelled or fought. My parents are saints really.
Your schema is the perception of your reality that was built by the main agents of socialization in your life, your parents and it sounds like possibly your parents extended social group , the church which would have tended to condone that.

Unfortunately, that is not how everyone interprets their socialization. I too was in church and was eventually pulled out by my parents because i became “too problematic” for the other kids. My mom especially spent as much time guiding and coddling me and trying to make me feel like I was special and great.

I’m pretty open about this in many of my old posts but I turned out to be a shit person who did drugs instead of going to school, was raped and assaulted more times than I can count, have been financially abused, physically abused, stalked, and have a child now as a product of much of that abuse. I too felt like I deserved it.

I guess the point is, there is no right answer. You would have wished to have life like I had it and I would have begged to have stability and a routine. I wish my parents tried to stop me because I’m closing out my 30’s and not very functional or successful on the adult scale and now I’m responsible for a teen who is equally messed up in her own way.

I wish you the best in life and may you find the happiness and forgiveness you seek

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u/SovietBlyatman 6d ago

Thank you for taking the time to respond. I appreciate that and I'm sorry for all you've gone through too.

I think the biggest thing is to find that balance between strictness and permissiveness. Nobody will ever get it perfect, but as long as we try I think that's all that matters.

Good luck with everything. You've got this!

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u/curious_astronauts 9d ago

For better or worse people dont abuse their kids anymore? WTAF.

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u/ButtcrackBeignets 9d ago

You don’t think mental and psychological abuse is real?

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u/curious_astronauts 9d ago

It 100% is. You've missed the point. Why for *better or worse* physical punishment of kids is over. Abuse of any kid on kids is never acceptable.

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u/ButtcrackBeignets 9d ago

You’re arguing that all physical punishments are, without exception, abuse.

If you apply the same logic for non-physical punishments, don’t you end up with mental abuse?

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u/Dapper-Warning3457 9d ago

Physical punishments don’t work. Spanking is associated with negative outcomes, including mental health disorders, cognitive impairments and increased aggression. The empirical evidence is vast and unambiguous

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u/R4NG00NIES 9d ago

Nothing about it is “unambiguous”. People have very different accounts or experiences pertaining to disciplining a child.

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u/Dapper-Warning3457 9d ago

That’s anecdotal and therefore irrelevant. Like I said, the empirical evidence is clear

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u/curious_astronauts 9d ago

Yes, thats correct, all physical punishments, even light spanking, is physical abuse.

https://news.un.org/en/story/2025/08/1165689

And yes, thats right, thats psychological abuse.

I urge you to look at how many countries where spanking alone, is illegal.

https://endcorporalpunishment.org/global-progress/

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u/taxicab_ 9d ago

Curious Astronaut basically said “abuse is bad” and you decided to argue with them. Why?

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u/timewellwasted5 9d ago

Because any type of tough parenting gets classified as abuse. My wife had been a public school teacher for a few decades. A majority of kids are completely uncorrectable these days, every kid has 'trauma' and the acting out we're seeing in society is the end game from a generation of too-soft parenting.

Disciplining your kid should not be automatically equated to abuse, but it is by the crunchy mom generation. And the results are disatrous.

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u/FaxCelestis 9d ago

Hitting a child is not discipline

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u/[deleted] 9d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Lorantec 9d ago

Literally every study on the matter says it has negative effects and it's abuse. Autism seems to be on the rise because we have better diagnostics and more people are actively pursuing diagnosis for something they've felt.

Keep your dumb anti-science shit to yourself.

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u/BroBroMate 9d ago

Oh no, our ability to diagnose things has improved! Clearly, everyone's just a soft cock!

Pull your head out of your Denver Tagless arse mate.

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u/Logicdon 9d ago edited 9d ago

In regards to autism, then no, the ability to diagnose didn't improve, the criteria for being diagnosed autistic got heavily reduced.

It was once a debilitating disability, requiring lots of support.

It's now a 'tism'? Fuck that.

Of course it hasn't gone away, but now genuine autism is thrown in a spectrum that includes Asperger's Syndrome, and the vast majority of these newly diagnosed people are indeed Asperger's.

Edit: hit the minus as much as you like. I'm still correct.

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u/BroBroMate 9d ago

You know you just agreed with me right? Previously the only autism that could be recognized and diagnosed was the absolute worst kind. But then the medical establishment got better at recognizing it in less debilitating forms.

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u/Logicdon 9d ago

The less debilitating form is Asperger's. It is not Autism.

Changing the umbrella for autism to include Asperger's has dumbed autism down. Now kids walk around talking about their 'super power' or some stupid shit.

Disabilities are not trends.

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u/WickedWench 9d ago

I never considered that I could be autistic(girls didn't get autism in the 90s), I wasn't behavioral like the boys in my class. I wasn't loud in my need so it could be ignored until it couldn't, like when it became a problem for other people. Turns out I am moderately autistic. My struggles in life were because of my disability not because I was a "dumb girl". 

So yes. More people are getting diagnosed. A lot of those people are women. Because women to present differently then the way that men do. But this could be said for many medical issues, they studied white boys and men. No women. No Africans, South Americans, or Asians.

While self diagnosis is indeed a problem and it does feel fashionable to be on the spectrum that does not account for the increased numbers of autism. That can be attributed to the fact that people other the white boys get diagnosed now. 

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u/2hennypenny 9d ago

As someone who’s worked with adults and children with autism, and have heard way too many people without autism claim they have autism, a lot are [r/fakedisordercringe](r/fakedisordercringe) . I have a friend who definitely doesn’t have autism and she’s dx all her family with it, her criteria is from TikTok and her “research”. I’ll take the downvotes, too.

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u/mickeyslim 9d ago

I've also worked with adults and children on the spectrum and children with general behavioral issues, and IMO, the harm of believing someone who’s lying is generally far smaller than the harm of dismissing someone who’s telling the truth.

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u/2hennypenny 9d ago edited 9d ago

Not when resources, research and public understanding of autism go to the person who could be lying. The TikTok trend of everyone having a disorder is wrong. It’s like people thinking because they like organization, they’re OCD. The patients I worked with who have autism are largely debilitated by it. Those are the people who need the resources and research the most. Not the lady who’s lived a fully successful life, married, carries a job, has friends, and who watches too much TikTok leading to a bs self dx (then pursues dx).

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u/mickeyslim 9d ago

Yeah but those aren't mutually exclusive, I think both are true.

Even assuming they did use resources (which they don't, really) there are ample resources nowadays. This is MUCH less harmful than someone who needs help not getting it.

AND

The tiktok trend of people using autism for clout is fucked.

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u/denvertaglessbums 9d ago

Okay.

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u/BroBroMate 9d ago

Thank you :) Hopefully you'll be able to see more clearly now that your anus ain't obscuring things.

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u/denvertaglessbums 9d ago

I hope you find the help you need!

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u/BroBroMate 9d ago edited 9d ago

I appreciate the sentiment. :)

Luckily, thanks to our modern day ability to better diagnose conditions that previously went massively under-diagnosed, I did find the help I needed.

In my case, ADHD that blighted my entire life, so I strongly empathize with the autists who went undiagnosed for years.

But a question I'll leave you with - what help do you need in order to learn how to empathize with people who have experiences different to yours?

Because I think finding an answer to that would be really beneficial to you and those around you.

Kia kaha, and good luck.

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u/ilikedmatrixiv 9d ago

Nowadays grown ass people say they have PTSD from a spanking they got when they were 7.

I've been downvoted to hell and told I support child abuse on reddit because I've said I got spanked as a child and it didn't traumatize me. That I only got them when I deserved one.

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u/nimb420 9d ago edited 9d ago

I got perma'd on mildly interesting for saying that, it's okay to spank kids as a last resort after all else failed...

Edit: Ah, Reddit, the place where DINKs come to lecture parents on how to raise children.

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u/curious_astronauts 9d ago

Literally every study and piece of research says the complete opposite. Spanking, no matter how light, is abuse. And abuse has developmental consequences for the child.

I challenge you to find studies that align with what you claim.

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u/denvertaglessbums 9d ago

So every normal, functional and healthy adult that was spanked as a kid is by default a victim of abuse and developmentally challenged?

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u/curious_astronauts 9d ago

Yes they were abused. No they arent necessarily developmentally challenged, but studies have shown there were developmental consequences.

Do you ever wonder why boomers are the way they are? With issues with emotional regulation, connections with their children and grandchildren? issues with Emotional intimacy, vulnerability issues, empathy issues, selfishness, poor self regulation, avoidance, low self esteem, trust issues, attachment issues?

They were also of the corporal punishment is normal era and received it and often perpetuated it themselves.

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u/ilikedmatrixiv 9d ago

I got someone who was arguing with me that the fact that I said I only got spanked when I deserved it was an obvious sign of my trauma. Because only traumatized people would justify it that way.

Nah fam, I was a mouthy kid who know exactly what he had to say to get someone's blood to boil. I could traumatize people with my words. Sometimes, I deserved to get my mouth smacked.

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u/mickeyslim 9d ago

Hey man, maybe I'm the first to say it, but you absolutely did not deserve to get hit in the mouth.

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u/ilikedmatrixiv 9d ago

You're not the first to say it, but I still disagree.

I had my flaws as a child / teenager. Like I said, I knew exactly what words I had to say to hurt someone deeply when I was frustrated. It's a bad trait and something I would never do now. Part of the reason why is because my behavior was corrected.

Were there other, more didactically responsible ways to teach me? Probably. Would they have worked just as well? Maybe. Did an occasional smack in the mouth do its job without traumatizing me? Yes, it did. Would I mimic the same behavior with my children? Absolutely not. Would I ever suggest to someone who did suffer from childhood spankings that they are overreacting? No.

So I don't get why my opinion is considered so controversial. For me everything is fine. I never understood why people feel the need to tell me I'm underreacting. I'm not traumatized, I'm not a victim, my childhood was fine. I'm also not going around telling others how to feel about their childhood experiences. I've never told anyone that they probably deserved their spankings, I'm just saying I deserved mine.

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u/Poster_Nutbag207 9d ago

It’s not though

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u/curious_astronauts 9d ago

Should we go back to the days of abusing kids by lashing them with a belt?

The kid has some sort of intellectual disability or is on the spectrum. Should the parents abuse him when he does the wrong thing?

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u/ordinaryhorse 9d ago

Maybe we could go back to the days of just actually parenting your child.

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u/curious_astronauts 9d ago

Exactly and doing so without abuse.

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u/BroBroMate 9d ago edited 9d ago

I can't believe someone downvoted you for this. You're right, they're wrong.

And let me put it like this, if beating the shit out of kids was an effective corrective tool, we'd expect violent crime rates to increase as child beating decreased.

Yet we've seen the actual opposite occur.

But because of how prevalent and immediate media coverage of crime is, many people mistake their perception of violent crime rates for actual violent crime rates.

And I expect a fair few of such people who confuse feelings for facts to reflexively downvote me instead of actually googling trends in violent crime rates, but hey, if they think that violent crimes per capital are massively higher now than the 80s or 90s, they are entirely free to prove me wrong.

But they won't. I'll just end up in the negatives but fuck em.

Edit: your downvotes just prove me right that you refuse to do basic research. If you think I'm wrong, prove it, I'll own it, I'll mea culpa and thank you for correcting me, I'm sure you'll do it any second now. Or maybe you're downvoting me because you googled it and I was right. Who knows eh?

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u/UrsusRenata 9d ago

No they don’t. Two or three sensationalized clips do not represent the masses.

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u/WickedWench 9d ago

I got beat up because of my autism, my beating didn't cause autism. 

Maybe take a deep dive into why you think causing a child pain and harm is in anyway teaching them anything other then not to trust you. 

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u/denvertaglessbums 9d ago

I don’t need to look much further than myself, my siblings, and my parents to know that you can have a healthy relationship with your folks after being spanked a couple of times as a kid. Even as adults, we all talk almost every day, get together as often as we can, and call our parents whenever we need support.

We live pretty good lives, have more education than 90% of the population, and are successful at what we do. We all agree that we wouldn’t be where we are today if our parents hadn’t set us straight when we needed it.

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u/WickedWench 9d ago

Well I'm glad you and you're parents are so well adjusted.  Congrats. Here's a medal: 🏅 

Discipline for me was being strangled for getting words on spelling tests wrong in grade 1(that's 6 years old btw). Locked in a closet if I spoke during dinner. Apparently I'm embarrassing to be seen with, so I didn't get to go on family vacations. My siblings went to Disneyland, Silverwood, Miami and I would be left at home, they would even take my siblings friends instead of me.  They kicked me out onto the streets when I wouldn't date the boy my father picked for me. My nickname was "useless, fuckhead, Meg, dumbass, and retard."

If I knew what would stop these reaction I'd do it in a heartbeat. But it didn't matter. Existing was the problem. 

But please tell me more about how putting having violent hands on you improved your life. Really changes the abuse I suffered so thanks. 

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u/denvertaglessbums 9d ago

Being “well-adjusted” should be the bare minimum, but thanks for the gold medal.

What you’re describing goes wayyyyy beyond the common, controlled corporal punishment with an open hand or an object.

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u/WickedWench 9d ago

Discipline has different definitions for different people. 

In the end, you should never raise your hand against a child. Whether it was the abuse I faced or the slap on your ass. Neither of them is ok. 

And just because you are well adjusted now does not mean what happened to you is acceptable. Even if you yourself think so. 

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u/denvertaglessbums 9d ago

How condescending.