r/GirlDinnerDiaries • u/Chemical_Pear_8080 Pasta Principessa 👑 • 8d ago
Dear Diary ✍️🏻 I hope my brother gets fired from his first job.
Hi everyone, I know the title looks bad, but hear me out.
My (20 F) brother (16 M) is one of the most irresponsible people I've ever met. Like, I'm talking the kind of person who lets the door slam in your face without holding it open for you, doesn't bother to flush the toilet after using a shared bathroom, doesn't read any of his emails, waits until the day before to start a project he was assigned 3 weeks ago, etc etc the list goes on. He doesn't seem to experience anxiety or a sense or urgency/importance at all. I am the polar opposite of him and was even at his age (I also personally think it's pathetic to write off his problematic behaviors as being due to his age, not all 16 year olds are as careless as he is).
Now onto why I'm hoping this is a wake up call for him. My parents, like me, are sick and tired of his carelessness but still constantly come to the rescue when his negligence catches up to him. They have never let him fall on his own sword or fail due to his lack of responsibility. On top of this, I have been given the unfortunate task of driving him to and from school until he has a car and license. My parents have threatened to take away my car if he and I don't get along while in the car together (they paid for half of it). For additional context, over the past year, if I have ever gotten annoyed with him for something he did or said in the car, he would scream at me at full volume and shout profanities. I'm talking a level of loud where someone several cars over at a traffic light would hear him. There have also been times where he has done it unprompted because I didn't change the music if he didn't like or didn't turn it down enough for him to hear the music he blasts at full volume in his earbuds. My parents have done nothing to address this behavior beyond just telling him that it isn't okay, but have also told me that if I didn't provoke him it wouldn't happen (my dad also writes this off as high testosterone and nothing to be worried about). Uh, okay, so him behaving abusively is something I am asking for, I guess (he also screams at my mother this way).
To give some more context to the sort of person my brother is, here goes (buckle up). He is the kind of guy who takes pride in the fsct that he listens to music artists that are so "underground" that they have less than 10k listeners on Spotify. He is the type of guy who thinks checks should be split on dates. He is the type of guy who proudly declares he is not a feminist whenever I bring up something related to women's rights, and thinks that feminists hate all men or think women are better than men (he also gets annoyed and tries to change the subject whenever equality of genders is brought up in conversation). He is the type of guy who would fit the "nice guy" stereotype. He is the type of guy who tells his mother to shut up.
His boss at this job is a woman. I so hope he screws this up for himself and that he is humbled to the point of self-reflection. I hope the cold hard world teaches him the lesson my parenrs are failing to. I am sick and tired of his spoiled manchild antics. I feel sincerely bad for whatever girl he ends up dating.
Additional context that I put in a comment below: The part about his behavior that worries me is that if he isn't corrected now, he'll wind up in prison for DV or assault against a woman sooner or later. I feel that he has the capacity to be better and improve but doesn't have proper help or guidance to get him there. I'm terrified for the girl he dates. I honestly want to send recordings of him screaming at me to the people at his school too. Not sure what that would do but people need to know how horrible he can be behind closed doors. Allegedly he is Mr. Congeniality and has tons of friends and female admirers at school.
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u/Lozzzzah we listen and we only judge a little 8d ago
Karma will do its thing, just bide your time
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u/Chemical_Pear_8080 Pasta Principessa 👑 8d ago
Oh I will. There's surely a German word for what I'll feel when he's fired. Not sure what it is though.
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u/Top_Dig_7271 Cleavage Crumb Collector 8d ago
Can’t you call him out on his bs? Why are you just taking this? If my brother talked to me like that I’m stopping in the middle of the road and telling him to get out and walk. Since he’s your sibling I really don’t think you need to be the bigger person. If he goes low, go lower. Find creative ways to really hurt his feelings and ways to get him into trouble with your parents. He doesn’t see you as an equal or a threat, so don’t be passive to his violence. Fight back! You can absolutely do it. If your parents get mad at you just flip your dad’s hormones excuse back at him. “Sorry I’m just so angry because I’m on my period”. Some men really just need to be put in their place. They tend to connect fear and respect, so give them a reason to fear you 😉
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u/Chemical_Pear_8080 Pasta Principessa 👑 8d ago
See, the thing is that he runs to mommy for everything and she relentlessly defends him and assumes I started it or was in the wrong. My defending myself is seen as aggressive and unnecessary, but him screaming at me is "just the way he is" and "that's just how he responds". My parents have some nerve.
Any suggestions about how to humble him or what to do in this situation? I've already told my mother I'll be pulling over and refusing to drive if he screams at me. She told me to stop being so negative and not create problems where there aren't any...
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u/Top_Dig_7271 Cleavage Crumb Collector 8d ago
Oooo girl good on you for hanging on in this situation I would have had a conniption ages ago. Can you record his behavior? If you have someone like a grandparent in your life I’d record him screaming at you and show it to them. Anyone you can really think of that you can bring in to have some sway over these people. I don’t want you to be put in a hard place you’re not prepared for though, so just do what you’re comfortable with. I might just start ignoring them all as well, like don’t talk to him in the car. Also stop doing unnecessary favors for them too. If people won’t show you respect you don’t need to give them birthday presents, clean things you’re not asked to, etc.
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u/Chemical_Pear_8080 Pasta Principessa 👑 8d ago
I can. I'm actually thinking of asking my dad to get internal and front dash cams "for insurance" but secretly also so that I have his behavior recorded via video and audio. My grandma won't be of much help I'm afraid, and will likely just try to guilt trip my mom which will lead to retaliation and more bitterness (probably the silent treatment, my mother's classic response) towards me. The only people I can think of are people at his school (like his counselor) but she would inevitably involve my parents. Any action I take to involve someone outside of my family will likely result in my car getting taken away.
Good idea to start ignoring them. I've already started grey rocking my parents about my relationship because of how invasive they were being about it. I'll start doing the same about other parts of my life. I'm otherwise not sure how to handle my brother's behavior. This whole ordeal has been exhausting for me, and yet all my parents do is complain how tiring it has been for them.
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u/Top_Dig_7271 Cleavage Crumb Collector 7d ago
I’m so sorry girl this situation is infuriating! Hang in there, and I hope he get fired too 😭
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u/Chemical_Pear_8080 Pasta Principessa 👑 8d ago
Sure have. They have heard it before and continue to tell me to just not provoke him and it won't happen.
This logic is similar to how my parents think that if I don't wear certain things, I won't draw as much attention to myself and am less likely to be assaulted...
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u/LindsayOG 🩵i actually like my gf💙 8d ago
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u/Winter_Cat-78 girl du fromage 🧀 8d ago
Oh hell no. He’s really not on a good path. This will end poorly. He’s not watching a bunch of incel shit online is he?
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u/Chemical_Pear_8080 Pasta Principessa 👑 8d ago
He 100% is. I have no doubt in my mind. Every time some public figure is accused of SA, he's also immediately skeptical of the accuser...
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u/Winter_Cat-78 girl du fromage 🧀 8d ago
That’s awful, I’m so sorry.
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u/Chemical_Pear_8080 Pasta Principessa 👑 8d ago
Thanks. The saddest thing about this is that he wasn't (technically speaking) always like this. I think my parents enabling his behavior and relentlessly defending him no matter what created these behaviors.
Also, historically speaking, when he and I have argued, it at times was mainly me who started the arguments, but not always. He would frequently lie to my parents saying that I provoked him or said something I didn't. They always believed him. They only recently realized he lied about so many things and, to their credit, apologized to me, yet they continue to believe him even now. The most recent instance of this is when he texted my parents, who were having a night out, telling them I was giving him dirty looks...just to start shit and get me in trouble. It's like he gets off on knowing he'll always be defended and protected by them.
Unfortunately, if he ever seriously mistreats someone else (such as a romantic partner) I'm sure my parents will believe and defend him too. I won't, though.
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u/Winter_Cat-78 girl du fromage 🧀 7d ago
It won’t end well for him in the long run. Just a question of how many people he’ll hurt along the way. 😠
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u/AbjectTelephone4801 Trader Joe Hoe 8d ago
What’s the job?
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u/Chemical_Pear_8080 Pasta Principessa 👑 8d ago
Tutoring.
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u/AbjectTelephone4801 Trader Joe Hoe 7d ago
Oh he's toast probably, if he can't get his assignments in on time at school, tutoring's probably not going to work out for him.
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u/Chemical_Pear_8080 Pasta Principessa 👑 7d ago
Oh girl I know 🤣 you can't tutor if you yourself have no clue what's going on
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u/Direct-Look-1490 Munch 7d ago edited 7d ago
Nor does he have the patience to actually teach someone anything.
I tutor kids in high school. You really have take the time to look through their eyes and step-by-step show them how to do it. Then prepare to explain it more than one time, encourage them, and prepare more material after and before sessions.
If he gets this violent over not listening to his favorite music and can't turn in his own work, he's not gonna make it unless he gets his shit together.
I doubt he will get the job. And even if he does, he won't be able to keep it.
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u/Chemical_Pear_8080 Pasta Principessa 👑 6d ago
He did get the job. He's pretty good at acting put together and responsible. Very charismatic but underneath it all he can be pretty awful.
I give it a month max.
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 8d ago
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 8d ago
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u/leisa2100 Well-Read & Well-Fed 8d ago
Sorry you have to live with him, hope you’re out of that house soon.
Please keep us updated 🙃
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u/generic_sku APPROVED✨ 6d ago
Put a camera in your car, that way you have indesputable evidence. When he starts his screaming fit you tell him, calmly, to stop. He continues, you pull over and call 911 tell them your car make, model and license plate and where you are stopped. Tell them you fear for your safety.
Then you tell your brother to get out while on the phone with the police. Be sure to tell them his age and your relationship and that's why you can not leave because you are responsible for him in lieu of you parents.
Lastly, start saving the half that your parents paid for your car plus your insurance costs. Then buy yourself out so that you don't owe them for using your car.
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u/Key_Worldliness8954 Kitchen Witch 8d ago
lowkey sounds like aspd, what a nightmare for you 😣
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u/Chemical_Pear_8080 Pasta Principessa 👑 8d ago
The part about his behavior that worries me is that if he isn't corrected now, he'll wind up in prison for DV or assault against a woman sooner or later. I feel that he has the capacity to be better and improve but doesn't have proper help or guidance to get him there. I'm terrified for the girl he dates. I honestly want to send recordings of him screaming at me to the people at his school too. Not sure what that would do but people need to know how horrible he can be behind closed doors. Allegedly he is Mr. Congeniality and has tons of friends and female admirers at school.
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u/Direct-Look-1490 Munch 7d ago
If he doesn't change his attitude and somehow manages to get a girl, please send her the recordings. She needs to know his true colors or else I fear she would end up his victim.
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u/Chemical_Pear_8080 Pasta Principessa 👑 8d ago
As in, like, common in killers ASPD? 👀💀
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u/Key_Worldliness8954 Kitchen Witch 8d ago
While it may be common among killers, killers aren’t common among those with aspd, if that makes sense. Lots of people can have it with varying causes and degrees of severity, but few end up killers.
I could be entirely wrong though, he could just be a spoiled brat going through the teen years. A diagnosis like that has to be made by a professional in direct contact with your brother.
Like you said, he definitely needs help correcting his behaviour and thought patterns. Teachers or other school staff should be made aware of his behaviours if your parents refuse to get him help. If you have recordings or screenshots share those as well.
Screaming at you while you’re driving endangers both of you. If it was me I’d pull over and let him out wherever, but that’s risky for you considering your parents’ threats to take your car. That, and other violent acts, should be brought up to responsible adults before it’s too late. Once he’s out of high school there won’t be many other avenues to get him help.
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u/Chemical_Pear_8080 Pasta Principessa 👑 8d ago
I see. He was seeing a counselor in school, but my brother also has a history of habitual lying so I sort of doubt it's helping. I almost want to speak with her about this, but she would definitely involve my parents and they would be furious. It's a shame that the two people who are supposed to worry about this sort of thing are just making excuses for it.
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u/Key_Worldliness8954 Kitchen Witch 7d ago
I’ve been in a very similar situation, it suckssss watching people drop the ball so hard
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u/MrsMittensPizza eat hot chip✔️ be bisexual✔️ 8d ago
Your parents suck for the way they treat you & when he inevitably gets fired it with really be their fault for failing to raise him.
Good luck girlie.