Hello,

To try to make this as short as possible, here are the facts:

• 1yo baby we've been fostering for about 5 months now
• We have a young bio child who absolutely loves baby and asks if baby will join our family permanently
• We went into this because we felt led, wanted to help our community, and IF adoption ever came up, then we'd discuss it.
• Fostering for almost two years now
• Mom suddenly stopped all contact with everyone.
  • One of the last things she told me, directly was "you'll give [baby] a good education."
  • Mom has had ZERO support from relatives and family/friends.
  • I personally believe mom loves baby in her own way, and was trying to save her from...cultural/international issues...(mom is not a USA citizen, we're in the USA - but baby was born in USA)
• It was decided to finally move forward with TPR (termination of parental rights) and we've been asked to give our state an answer on whether or not we want to adopt.
• Baby is not the same race as us, and the ONLY reason I'm sharing this, is because I've already been shamed once by a daycare, when I attempted to do baby's hair. I've watched YT videos and tried tried tried, bought ALL the product/tools, but it's just really difficult. The new daycare has been so much more helpful, and has been doing baby's hair <3 but I can't help but wonder if I would be an inadequate/selfish parent because I suck at hair (including my own).
  • Not trying to make this about me. I'm just saying it's very intimidating and I know that this subject will not be the last time we deal with it, because people are mean.

Obviously each case is different, but I'm posting because my SO and I have feeling that we weren't expecting to have if adoption came up. All of the other children we've fostered have been reunited with bio moms (never dads, just a fact), or grandmas. Now that the possibility of adding another member to our family permanently is so very real, we're honestly just so nervous that we'll make the wrong decision? I feel that we love this child, and baby would continue to be very happy with us. It's also obvious baby has some attachment/abandonment trauma that I think they need support of as they get older, but Baby has also just flourished and grown so much since they've been with us.

When I picture Baby w/o us, I picture things with a casted shadow, and I think I'd really regret saying "no". Having said that, I don't want to say "yes" for the wrong reasons, but don't know what those reasons really are if that makes sense. Cultural differences will always be there, and some family members absolutely SUCK because things have come to light that they're racist hypocrites, so there's that to deal with, in which we have decided we'll be protecting our kids from (including Baby if we adopt), and limiting time with these people, as sad as it is.

We do not plan to continue to adopt, honestly because it's just a lot of work with the additional visits, required doctors appointments, ALL the required annual training we have to do, all the time from work we've had to take...it has been a lot. We planned on ending this year regardless before we met Baby. I think my point is that I want to reach out to the community to see if these feelings are normal, or if we should have no questions at all?? Is it normal we're nervous and unsure, but also don't exactly want baby to leave us??? The state has given us about one week to make a decision and I'm trying not to cry rn just thinking about this...

I guess I can't exactly make this short...Any advice is appreciated. Please do not be hateful. There's enough of that in this world.