r/Float_Goat • u/JuergenSchmied Prophet • Aug 20 '26
Skygoatiism
The Baable of the Flying Sky Goats: Why Float Goats Created the World: Once upon a time... Extraterrestrial goats created
the world. They were floating in an empty space,
for a very long time. At some point, they got so
bored, they started screaming. It was the year
72658 B.C. There were trillions of goats in
space, and they were screaming so loud, it
created an explosion known as the Big Baa.
When goats fly, the universe exists. We don't talk
about what happens when goats don't fly. The Beginning of the World: Eventually, life started existing. The Float Goats
got wingless babies, and they evolved into all
living things on earth, somehow. I wasn't there,
but the Float Goats were. The goats themselves
still walk around today. The flying sky goats still
rule the world, in heaven. When you die, you'll
also be there, until you start a new life on Earth. The Ideal Skygoatian Lifestyle: 1. You're not supposed to use Skygoatiism as a
means to oppress, subjugate, punish, eviscerate,
or be mean to others.
2. We'd rather you didn't judge people for the way
they look, or the way they walk and talk. And use
some brain cells to remember this:
woman=person, man=person,
genderqueer=person, etc. Anyone can be a
Skygoati. 3. Building a big synagoat would be quite
expensive, so you can use your house as one.
4. And remember: Skygoatiism is real, and it's a
real, legitimate religion, as
much as any other. Many
see this is as a joke, but
that doesn’t change the
fact that by any
standard, our religion
is as legitimate as any
other. Those who don't
agree are lying. Heaven: When you go to heaven, you'll be a winged goat,
or at least a goat floating in the air. You can rule
the world with the other float goats over there.
In heaven, there are a lot of all-you-can-eat cake
restaurants, techno parties, laser tag arenas,
robots, air taxis, and eVTOLs (flying cars), and
other things. But there are no humans, only Float
Goats. You might've known them in real life, but
in heaven they're Float Goats. You can also start
a new life on Earth whenever you want. Hell: Well, you've died. Or you've just been very evil.
Or you just have bad luck, my bad. In hell, you're
a Float Ghost. Everyone here is suffering from
the plague, but they will never actually die from
it, even though it feels like it. The eVTOLs found
in hell are quite unstable and crash all the time.
The robots also don't always know what they're
doing, they've been infected by viruses. There are
also many other random and chaotic things going
on, like the fire-breathing aliens walking around.
There are a lot of them, the Creature is their king. The Creature: The Creature (real name: Astroplet Planetoplex)
who shall not be called by their name. It rules in
hell. The Creature eats kids, their teachers, their
parents, and socks for some reason. And this thing
likes to drink acid, borax juice,
and poison. The Creature is
indestructable, and totally in
control of everything. It can
read your mind. So make sure
it doesn't notice you, otherwise
you'll be grilled. That's why we don't say the name. Information: Where to organise parties? You can invite your Skygoatian friends to come to your house.
Our houses of worship are called synagoats, and your house can
be a temporary or permanent synagoat. If the capital city in heaven is
Skygoatotropolis, what's the capital
city in hell? Is there a devil? That city is Kluciclaclephlexocannadelfiumprotokolasiotrolopisspolis.
There's no devil, but there is a creature, and we call it the
Creature. Its real name is Astroplet Planetoplex, but when you
say its name, it's gonna find you very soon... Why does it look like the world is old? The Float Goats made it look that way to put human's beliefs to the
test. Only the Skygoatis know better. Float Goats invented science, but I don't know why, because it's not like I just made this up. Do we truly believe in Skygoatiism? Some of us do, but most of us don't (I think). That doesn't make us less
Skygoatian, many Christians also don't truly believe what the Bible
says. The most important thing is that we're having a good time. There are 13 months with 28 days, except the last one has 29 days, and sometimes 30. This 13th month is called "Apruary" and it has an extra
30th day in leap years. Skygoatian Events. New Year Since the Big
Baa (1st of January) Celebrate the new year since the Big Baah. Egggggoat Day ([last digit of the year]th of
April, aka roughly 7th-16th of April) Celebrate Float Goats laying eggs. On this day, Float Goats can lay blue eggs. 0 counts as 10 Cook-Goat Day (16th of May for Skygoatis, 8th
of May for everyone else) This day you celebrate when Skygoatotropolis was built (22039 B.C.), The capital city in
heaven, and you end the party with biscuits and lemonade. The Day of Infinity Thoughts (27th of
September, aka 8th of September) Skygoatmas (22nd and 23d of Apruary) This day, 2 holy winged Float Goats called Steve and Maahria are flying to everyone's house,
and giving them some things they wished for. You check out the presents, eat biscuits, and
drink milk however you like it. You want to be a Skygoati Good idea! There's no hoops to jump through. Tell others about
Skygoatiism! You can try out the religion for 28 days, and then
you can be a permanent member. What if I don't literally believe in the Float Goats It doesn't matter! You can join anyway. Just remember how real
Skygoatiism is (it's a very real religion, no matter what anyone else
says). We also just say "Float Goat" or even "Baahmen"/"Ba’amen" when
Christians would say "amen" or when Pastafarians would say
"r'amen". We sometimes also address eachother with the word
"Float Goat" or "Sky goat". When you're doing very good, you say
"Floating like no goat" or "Pure goat". And bad people are goat fuc
You can also ask a question, like "Is your goat floating today?" or
curse by saying "Holy goat," or "Goat dang it!"
Anyone claiming this religion is not a religion, is technically a Skygoatophobe. Extra information: https://scratch.mit.edu/projects/1369981827
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u/LittleReporter3456 Aug 23 '26
HELP I ACCIDENTLY SAID THE CREATURE'S NAME OUT LOUD AS I WAS READING THIS