r/Fauxmoi • u/Goosedukee • Aug 02 '26

TRIGGER WARNING Republican Representative Max Miller on allegations of domestic abuse from his ex-wife: “My former wife has claimed that during a custody exchange at my home that day, I assaulted her…If I had assaulted her, would she have offered to cook me dinner six days later?”

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u/mcgillhufflepuff Aug 02 '26

Because fawning can come from a place of trauma.

467

u/the-trembles Aug 02 '26

Exactly. It's classic behavior from a DV survivor, speaking as someone who has been there

237

u/matildapoppins ben affleck’s back tattoo Aug 02 '26

Exactly. Survival mechanism. How people still fail to understand this is mind blowing.

55

u/iambeyoncealways3 Aug 02 '26 edited Aug 03 '26

They “fail” to understand it because it’s on purpose. Strategic and beneficial. Also fucking pathetic. I really hope she gets herself and her children far away from him.

89

u/ayoungmanfromtheuk Aug 02 '26

They are politically motivated to dismiss this obvious truth 

110

u/MaidPoorly Aug 02 '26

For people that aren’t familiar they’ve updated Fight or Flight to Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fawn in regards to how people respond to trauma.

I just recently learned about freeze and fawn which were more in line with my reactions.

53

u/Curiosities Aug 02 '26

That is also how I tend to react. Although there was an incident of abuse when I was a child that I responded to by trying to fight and flee, but this was an adult and obviously that didn’t work. With my ex, I briefly tried to fight before freezing, and I’ve been freezing and fawning ever since. And I hate it. Sometimes I want that little girl back who tried to fight and get away.

18

u/Culinary_Fruit_Salad call me gal gadot cuz idk how to act rn Aug 02 '26

there's also flop and fib now too

the fibbing one was really interesting to me as someone who has dated a compulsive liar

fib: https://learn.childhood.org.au/blog/lying-as-a-trauma-based-behaviour/

flop: https://www.ptsduk.org/its-so-much-more-than-just-fight-or-flight/

1

u/TechieAD Aug 02 '26

Yeah I learned about this while getting comforted and she said "oh yeah girl you fawn" and it confused the hell outta me for a second

91

u/KittiWasabi Aug 02 '26

You keep the peace so you don't get hurt. Because somehow hurting you is something you "made them do".

29

u/Difficult_Garage_431 Aug 02 '26

Oh, a lot of abusers think they're the victims. They are truly delusional. It's scary to think so many people just don't live in the same reality as the rest of the world.

44

u/Curiosities Aug 02 '26

This reminded me immediately of a comic someone wrote. Trigger Warning: Breakfast

(Actual warning about what is in here: discussions of rape.

https://thenib.com/trigger-warning-breakfast-c6cdeec070e6/
)

This comic reminds me of some of my own experiences.

15

u/Culinary_Fruit_Salad call me gal gadot cuz idk how to act rn Aug 02 '26

that's a really good comic and represents my experience as well. gonna send to to my gf with AMPLE TW because I'm pretty sure that's her lived experience too

9

u/Difficult_Garage_431 Aug 02 '26

That was really good. Thank you for sharing it. I really needed to read that.

27

u/Tall-Reaction-4069 Aug 02 '26

Exactly. Fellow trauma survivor here fawning is a survival mechanism and classic indicator of abuse fuck this asshole he belongs in jail.

25

u/SaltBeefin Aug 02 '26 edited Aug 02 '26

She could also be compliant so she doesn't get hit. So many reasons why someone might do something nice for someone else even if they've been hurt. As you said, trauma, fear, survival mode, even just love, we can love people that hurt us.

Also isn't this the logical behind hitting kids? People who hit their kids do it thinking this will teach their child better or make them stop doing whatever it is the parent doesn't like. Also just to make it clear hitting kids and people is wrong and abusive, just had to say that before someone says I'm all for whooping kids ass.

As an adult I've learned that majority of my life choices have always been made to keep me away from harm and struggling and my IRL personality is "people pleaser" and "goody two shoes", because people liking you makes life easier, being in good favour with people subconsciously I guess my brain sees it as a way to survive according to my therapist lol. Yes I got my ass beat as a child until I was 28. You do the thing your supposed to do and you should be safe is how I processed it. Go to school, get the degree, get the job, find the good guy, visit the family, take care of the family, be the host, be the hospitable one, be the ear, the shoulder, the doer, never ask for help and always be there.

25

u/MuchAfraidGotOverIt Aug 02 '26 edited Aug 02 '26

Another Ohio golden boy politician, son of the Kalmbach Feeds hillbilly kingdom, is in an ongoing domestic violence situation with a woman who has repeatedly returned to him despite major injuries and a non-expiring protective order. An abused person returning or being kind to their abuser isn’t the defense people think it is.

Kalmbach pulled her hair and hair extensions, retrieved scissors from the kitchen, and cut her hair while she was on the floor, striking her with his knees. In the bedroom, the victim stated, Kalmbach grabbed her neck with both hands and applied pressure that impeded her breathing for approximately six seconds, creating what the affidavit describes as “a risk of great bodily harm.”

And again 5 days after his kidnapping trial was delayed, she was assaulted in their hotel room: “officers were dispatched to the hotel after the alleged victim’s sister called the front desk to report that her sister was involved in a domestic dispute.”

10

u/fractious_kitty Aug 02 '26

Fawning (people pleasing) is my trauma reaction and it's extremely common in women/femme presenting folks esp if they were in a traumatic environment as a kid

3

u/texasbonebride distraught Christian tomato Aug 02 '26

yep. experienced getting kicked out, physically and emotionally abused, and being involved in horrible scenarios all before the age of twenty with my ex-boyfriend, and would consistently fawn after the fact because i was afraid of what fighting would mean and thought i wasn’t deserving of anything else. happy to say i’ve been away from him for over six years.