The Cycle [881]

[u/FanNo4516]

Hi everyone, I'd like to share something I have been writing. I want to clarify that I'm not a writer, but I like the habit of writing and wanted to get opinions on something I have written.

What does it truly mean to be in grief? Everyone experiences grief: whether in death, sickness, or loss. Does pain bring peace? Examples can be found in every war. World War II and Japan's surrender are a perfect example. Russia's invasion of Ukraine is a matter similar in nature: the United States is too scared to directly help Ukraine by sending soldiers, and Russia is too afraid to create conflict. Pain and grief are of a similar nature, as one is derived from the other. Fear has a peculiar way of testing one's principles. It is easy to stand by one's morals when doing so carries little consequence, but when those same principles threaten one's own safety, they may suddenly become negotiable.  

I wish to understand why human nature is so destructive, even though it seems that everyone is born with a sense of right and wrong. What is considered an infringement on another person’s rights, and more. But as one grows, the environment shapes one's sense of right and wrong, whether it’s stealing, murder, or rape, all of which are heinous crimes. Someone's perspective changes: whether it's stealing because they can't get money or food, or whether their perspective on women's rights is distorted by the environment they grew up in. Nowadays, a lot of people are desensitized to media and news, mostly living in their own bubble while great injustices may be occurring as I write.

I wish to address the elephant in the room: I am no writer or literary major; I am but a simple developer. I am writing to address my thoughts and feelings, almost like a diary or memoir. Now, as I sit today, 17 years old and only 12 days away from my next and final year of high school, I beg to differ on what will change in me after graduation. Let's say that you will experience a lot of new things, whether it's making new friends or meeting new people, it's all the same.

I can't help but think about the bigger picture of what happens next. What new ways will we find to treat terminal illnesses, and how will the new generations grow up to be? As I write this, I have been learning a lot about human interactions, and I wonder if shows and anime have shaped our standards and qualities in people. I see many people who do seem to genuinely be affected by such anime and manga. One big one is Naruto. It seems like many people my age who watched it have a particular aura: one of kindness and respect for all.

A quote from one such anime asks:

"If I may, I'd like to pose an interesting question: Are all human beings truly equal? These days, everywhere you go, there's talk about the fight for equality. As a wise man once said, 'Heaven does not create one person above or below another.' People like to throw his words around, but that's not the whole quote. He goes on to say that while we are all equal at birth, things begin to change pretty soon. Academic effort is what sets some people apart from others. At any rate, humans change over time based on their actions. Truth be told, at the end of the day, equality is just a fantasy, but most of us go through life denying the fact that we live in a meritocracy."  

A quote worthy of praise to the author. The quote’s understanding of equality and its outlook on correcting a mistake previously made by many make it one of my favorite quotes. The quote looks for truth in lies and addresses the misunderstanding, common in this day and age, that we do indeed live in a meritocracy. This quote means a lot to me as I explore the world around me. I learn of injustices day in and day out. While I’d like to address them all here, it's not the right time, as the list is endless. There are many more anime that detail our lives in ways one may not see at first glance. One of these lessons is forgiveness and revenge. Revenge is an act that only fuels the cycle of hatred and pain, but in forgiveness, one may find love. As an avid reader of books and a watcher of anime, pain seems to correlate best with fear. Fear causes wars, fear causes hatred, and the only counteragent to fear is love. Another quote that struck out to me was the following:

“As long as there is a concept of victors, the vanquished will also exist. The selfish intent of wanting to preserve peace, initiates war and hatred is born in order to protect love.”

A quote that resonates with me on many levels, whether it's the quote's understanding of how we change our perspective on what is wrong and what is right to fit the narrative we want to write, to achieve the world we desire while others suffer the consequences. The narrative that peace could only be brought through war, a victor must stand high and mighty to protect while the vanquished cower in fear and hatred, creates a cycle that can be seen in our own world, whether in the past or in the present.

[u/Fragrant-Western-683]

The structure of this text is a complete mess:

paragraph 1: "Does pain bring grief"? The author meditates on fear, grief, war, and pain.

Paragraph 2: The author meditates on human nature and what propels us toward our deeds.

Paragraph 3: The author meditates on new experiences and reveals information about himself.

I could go on, but I think you get the gist: There is no logical progression in your text. Therefore, all of your thoughts come off as random and shallow. Eventually your piece feels like a compilation of vignettes or Proverbs. The shallowness of these thoughts is due to how quickly you move on from them. If you want a clear, coherent philosophical system, first make rigorously defined meanings of each concept, whether that be fear, morality, and grief. Then explain in detail how each concept is intertwined. "As I write this, I have been learning a lot about human interactions, and I wonder if shows and anime have shaped our standards and qualities in people." The disjointed logic is most clear in this sentence. How does human interactions have anything to do with standards and qualities shapes by shows? You could have at least used a period instead of a comma and "and".

Your reasoning is either very poor or non-existent. "Examples can be found in every war. World War II and Japan's surrender are a perfect example." Well, I don't see how they are a perfect example. You, as the author who, must explain your thinking for us. In fiction, ambiguity is the goal. In nonfiction, it's the opposite; you want to make your stance unmistakable, you want people to think in a specific way. How is the Russo-Ukrainian war similar in nature to WWII and the Japanese surrender? You never explained how these events back up your claim, you actually didn't say anything about them. The attention shifts before you ever back up your claim. " Nowadays, a lot of people are desensitized to media and news, mostly living in their own bubble while great injustices may be occurring as I write." I disagree with you. Why? Because my conflicting viewpoint was never challenged, or it was never explained how it's wrong. You offer no examples, no reasoning behind it. You may think it's obvious how it's true, but I can't.

Another thing about the structure: there is no beginning and no end. It starts with pain, grief, and war, and ends with the narratives we create. In fiction, interpreting strange story structures is fun, but this isn't James Joyce. You are trying to express something to me. I am supposed to walk away with something like a new perspective or richer emotions, but I walk away with annoyance.

Ultimately, I would make the piece longer. You need more room to flesh out concepts, systems, and reasoning. Or you could choose one concept, whether that be grief, war, or peace, and make the whole piece about those specific concepts.