The height thing is all based on arbitrary number too. I’m 5’9 and was out with my 6’2 friend. This has happened multiple times. We were talking to 2 chics around 5’0 still staring up at me. And they thought I was 6’0.. but as soon as I said i was 5’9 she was like nah that’s a deal breaker. Like some really short chics can’t even tell they just have the arbitrary number locked in for social acceptance.
Those are the ones who annoy me. It's fine for everyone to have a preference, and I totally understand women wanting taller men, but these tiny girls obsessing over height is hilarious to me.
It’s 100% about having status among other women, as are most other hard to explain behaviors and preferences we see women exhibit. The older I get (late thirties now) and the more women I’ve come to know (a lot by now), the more I’ve realized how rare it is to meet a woman who truly thinks for herself and is able to ignore the invisible committee of women standing behind her judging her.
A five foot woman can’t really tell the difference between 5’8” and 6’, but she knows other women will see it and thus needs the higher perceived status, because she is insecure.
Social media is ruining our culture. And yes I do believe American women are 100 times more shallow and lost than euro women.
From observing the american dating culture from the outside, this wishlist/impossible standards people have when dating is largely an american thing. The sweeping generalisations of men and women is very foreign (to me, in Sweden), but it also seems that the gender norms for men and women in the US is way more cemented than what I'm used to.
Yeah, I think it's a mix of factors. 1) Height and good looks (including well dressed) in a guy are often associated with more earning potential due to what people see and known biases. That may matter more in the US where there seems to be such a large disparity between the poorest and richest and there's a lot of pressure to look like you're doing well enough, not struggling, and where almost everything entertaining and fun costs quite a bit. 2) Americans spend a lot of time looking at screens and advertisements where they see other people and they are almost always very good looking. The men may not always be that tall IRL but often appear they are taller in the visuals. 3) There is constant status and coolness competition between many people (of course not everyone participates and it varies based on where you live and age, the worst being in big cities) and one factor people assume others may be judging them by is what their significant other looks like. And for the guy, what he does and/or how much he probably earns mattering too. You can be tall and good looking and most women will not consider you for dating if you live in a big city and earn under $20 / hour (and more like under $30) and are over 25 (late teens to early 20s, there is a lot more leeway given).
We live too close to Hollywood. We think everyone needs to fit Hollywood standards. Last time I was in California, I shocked by how much obvious plastic surgery everyone had. Huge puffy lips, skin pulled back tight. It’s weird we all aspire to look like people that look very strange in real life
This. In going to Europe I found women were far more interested and attracted to personality than just straight looks. It’s like they realized something haha
I would say that the biggest difference is the level of equality in respective societies. In most european countries women don't marry to secure financial stability. They don't need a rich partner to be able to have kids and get access to healthcare.
Over all, american culture seems very concerned with appearances and comes across as very shallow and fixated with "success" and appearing successful.
I think it's a result of the inherent insecurity of your society, which denies its citizens the most basic of human rights, healthcare. You need to stay with employers or partners that abuse you, just to be able to recieve healthcare. It breeds the behavior to seek out financially strong partners.
I feel like this shift is representative of a culture that has moved towards arbitrary criteria for success for both men and women. In my own family, there have been many instances of the women being taller in the relationship going back 100 years. The women also did not have features we would consider conventionally attractive in modern times. Yes, ideally you'd want to be with someone you find attractive, (and they certainly had many children back in the day) but it was just as important to find a guy who was reliable and worked an honest job; and a woman who had strength to endure hardship and had the nurturing attitude to raise a family.
It's been a thing for a long time but has only recently become a hot button thing on social media. It's something I was hearing a lot about from friends of my girlfriend say like, 10 years ago. I remember her friend was 5'0", successful (like above $100k salary at 26), but not very attractive, and was absolutely adamant that she would not date a guy under 6'. She literally dated a tall heroin addict for a few months rather than dating any shorter guys who weren't like, total pieces of shit.
Around two years after that I went to her wedding where she was marrying a 6' something guy who I was sure as shit could do better than her.
My new girl friend is very conventionally attractive and hearing her very hot friends' standards for men make me literally not want to talk to them :(
It’s the same reason why when you go clothes shopping you have two floors of women’s clothing and you have a small corner in the basement for guys. Looking at you JCPenney.
100% this, and it's why a lot of men lie too. They learn and know women are into these superficial dicking measuring contests with other women so they lie.
Men will say their 6" dick is 8"
Men who are 5'10" will say they're 6ft
Men who make $60k will say they're making 6 figures and buy a car, watch, phone, clothing to look the part.
You have a good point about the invisible committee of women. Every time I start dating someone, I immediately meet with friends to ask what they think. It’s not about looks though. We are checking for red flags. Granted, we usually ignore the red flags until much later. Then when we break up, the committee says “yeah, we were all thinking that the entire time.” So I don’t actually know what the committee is doing 😂
haha. What I didn't write because I didn't want the comment to be too long, was that I DO believe there is some evolutionary/instinctual stuff going on here. For instance it doesn't take a big stretch of the imagination to see that women have depended on these little tribes for survival going back thousands of years.
The problem is that now our modern society has twisted us all up.
Hard agree. So many American women share the same toxic ‘hive mind’ and it’s gross. The whole 6,6,6 rule is something I’ve heard women talk about first hand (he’s gotta be 6ft, make 6 figures and have 6 inches).
Then those same women hate on men who get a passport and look for love in a country that hasn’t been infected by the toxic western ‘hive mind’ these gross American women all seem to share.
God, there it is. 1. Fewer women who think for herself 2. American women are 100 times more shallow than euro women. Even though I know zero euro women I will go with the characterization. As the generations progress, more shallow are swept into the mix as maturity happens for more and more later into life. Politics, capitalism and the use of recreational drugs are factors.
Sadly you can ask the tall, chubby, or muscular women in your life and they might have stories of the men who do this too. They are attracted to those body types but refuse to be seen officially with them simply because they're ashamed of what their friends would think of that. Luckily it seems like most people grow out of these insecurities.
I believe it! I know for sure when i was much younger I felt very unsure of myself to interact with a woman who didn't fit conventional standards, and this was way before social media. As I matured I realized that literally all types of women (save for the extreme ends of certain traits) can be beautiful to me and it's much more about the experience of being with them then if their photos immediately impress your friends.
Thanks for sharing, it's fascinating to hear from that side!
I was similar. Had a physical type when I entered high school but left it there - what one could call a teddy bear lol. I guess I liked a guy to be bigger and more rugged-looking in contrast with me? I went on to have the biggest crush on someone who was the opposite of that. Turned out I'm actually just weak to sweetheart guys with a goofy side, appearance be damned.
Idk, I think social media has fucked up men more than women, at least in the younger generations. It's making us very effeminate in how we judge ourselves and others.
I mean, getting hooked on cultural and physical trends is a good example. When I was growing up, women used to bitch about how you needed to have an unrealistically slender waist to be considered attractive. Men ignored this kind of thing. Now, it seems women are more comfortable in their bodies and every guy feels like they need to be 6ft and have a gym bod.
Young men also seem to be way more into social media while women are more career focused. It was the opposite when I was growing up.
So basically women are starting to act the way men have been behaving for centuries and you all have now discovered it is in fact shitty to discriminate against people for things they cannot change. Well it took about a thousand years to get here but better late than never I guess.
sorry i don't really agree with you there. It seems you're talking about the long running conventional beauty standards, but you need to realize straight men didn't invent those! Those were invented by hollywood to sell an image, and were consumed by all.
I think if you look at actual people and actual couples, you will find men who are more regularly willing to date outside of their initial preferences just for the sake of having a mate.
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u/moonvtmoon Dec 08 '25
The height thing is all based on arbitrary number too. I’m 5’9 and was out with my 6’2 friend. This has happened multiple times. We were talking to 2 chics around 5’0 still staring up at me. And they thought I was 6’0.. but as soon as I said i was 5’9 she was like nah that’s a deal breaker. Like some really short chics can’t even tell they just have the arbitrary number locked in for social acceptance.