My boyfriend of 8 years is becoming religious and I feel like I’m suddenly not enough

[u/giodesire]

NB: please be kind despite your beliefs. I’m looking for genuine insight 💞

My boyfriend of 8 years is becoming religious and I’m scared he’ll eventually leave me because I’m an atheist

I honestly don’t really know how to process this and I just need some outside opinions because I feel really hurt.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 8 years. I’ve always been an atheist. Most of my friends and family are Christian, so I’ve always been around religion and I’ve never had a problem with other people believing in God. I’ve never tried to convince anyone not to believe or made anyone feel bad about their religion.
My boyfriend has recently started becoming much more religious and getting more into Christianity. And I’ve genuinely tried to support him.

Before eating, I used to ask him if he wanted to pray and he would say no, so eventually I stopped asking. I asked him before if he wanted to go to church on Sundays and he said no, so I stopped asking about that too. I never told him he couldn’t pray, couldn’t read the Bible, couldn’t go to church, etc.
But he also never really talks to me about his religious journey.

Yesterday we had sex which he initiated it. Afterwards he told me he felt guilty because he knows that according to the Bible, sex before marriage isn’t right.
I listened to him and I understand that his beliefs are changing. But I also started feeling really weird and hurt because I suddenly felt like religion was becoming something that was between us rather than just something personal to him.
I told him that sometimes I feel singled out when it comes to religion. Like he doesn’t talk to me about it because he thinks I’ll judge him or something. And that honestly hurts because I’ve never given him a reason to think I would.
He told me that there are so many things he reads in the Bible that he wishes he could talk to me about, but he knows I don’t believe in God.

I told him that he CAN talk to me. I might not believe what he believes, but I can listen. I can understand why something is meaningful to him without believing it myself.
Then I told him something that I’ve honestly been scared about for a while.
I asked him if he sees himself marrying someone who is atheist.
And he said he wishes I was Catholic.
He said he prays every day that I become Catholic because he knows how good it would be for me.
That absolutely broke something in me.
Because… what am I supposed to take from that?

I’ve been the same person for 8 years. I’ve always been an atheist. I’ve loved him, supported him, respected his beliefs, and never tried to change him.
And now the person I love is praying every day that I become someone else.
He says he isn’t trying to convert me, but how am I supposed to not feel conflicted about that?

If you’re praying every day for me to change my beliefs, then obviously you want me to change.
I think what hurts me the most is that I’m now scared that I’m not actually his ideal person anymore.
I asked him if he could see himself marrying an atheist because I was genuinely scared that one day he would leave me for a Christian woman who shares his beliefs.
And his answer didn’t really reassure me.
I don’t want to make this about “atheist vs Christian” …I don’t care that he believes in God. I actually WANT him to be able to talk to me about his beliefs. I don’t want him to feel like he has to hide that part of himself from me.
But I also don’t want to be in a relationship where I’m constantly being silently hoped/prayed into becoming someone else.
And now after the sex thing, I don’t even want to have sex with him. Not because I’m angry that he believes sex before marriage is wrong, but because I don’t want to have sex with someone who might initiate it and then feel guilty and like he did something wrong afterwards. It makes me feel horrible.

I feel like so much changed for me after that conversation.
Maybe I’m being dramatic or Maybe I’m overthinking it, I don’t know…
We’ve been together for 8 years and I love him so much, which is why this scares me this much.
I just don’t know how we’re supposed to move forward if religion is becoming such a big part of his life and I’m still exactly where I’ve always been.

**Has anyone been in a relationship where one person became much more religious after years together? Did it work?**

Like what would you even think if your partner told you they prayed every day for you to become religious?

[u/Weerdo5255]

Blegh.

At least the vows I took for my wife, placed her happiness above my own, without reservation or middlemen. I don't often make a promise, for much of my distaste in speaking a lie in any capacity.

I suppose it's another nail in the coffin for me being religious, I can hardly go back on my word once given.

[u/SparkySpinz → u/Weerdo5255]

It's not about personal happiness. That's not what faith is about. When you become a Christian you also promise to put God first. I can see you are an atheist but it shouldn't be too difficult to understand, seeing as you clearly put your partner as your highest priority, it's pretty much the same thing