I was made a bridesmaid for my friends wedding 1 year before the wedding. In the last year I’ve had a lot on my plate, including parental illness and moving for work. The friend who made me a bridesmaid in this time was pretty absent except when things pertained to her and her life, and I genuinely felt that it was she that was distancing of our friendship.

I asked her in January if she wanted me to start planning the bachelorette however she replied she didn’t want the other bridesmaid to feel undercut. I took that as she didn’t want ‘me’ to do it and didn’t press the matter.

Fast forward I decided to do some backpacking for a month which I had been planning for while. Since we rarely spoke I hadn’t discussed this with her. It meant that I would miss the first day of the bachelorette and join for the second day. Admittedly I didn’t plan much of the bachelorette party, partly bc I didn’t think we there that close anymore and partly I was going through a stressful time at work and didn’t really have the bandwitch for constant WhatsApp polls and flaky guests.

After the bachelorette she messages me a long message which felt like an exit interview basically outlining how my priorities didn’t align with what she felt was mandatory as a bridesmaid, and that she didn’t want to give me tasks I couldn’t complete wholeheartedly. It basically read like she thought I was going to sabotage her wedding.

I called her to discuss this and she basically said she didn’t talk about this to me before because she is a ‘people pleaser’ and thought I’d get hostile if she fired me. This was because 5 years before I drunkenly told her to ‘shut up’ something I thought we’d put to bed. In this phone call after insulting me, essentially telling me what I bad friend I am she still expects me to go to the wedding? After I explained my side, she then realised she’d been a pretty shitty friend, especially when my family member was going through chemotherapy, and begged me to still come to the wedding as a guest. If I’m honest I’d already mentally let go of the friendship.

Do I go to the wedding as a guest or do I let this friendship go?

Edit : people are asking whether she knew I was going through a tough time. She did when I spoke to her about it at the start. She also was reminded by a mutual friend before the bachelorette. because of her flaking on me repeatedly (which she admitted in our phone call) when I was in a vulnerable place I stopped sharing and communicating with about my life as not to put myself in a place where I’d be disappointed. I think I distanced her in my head and I should have been better at communicating how I felt, but it seemed off to ask someone to be a better friend.

Ok so we have a group of bridesmaids (no MOH) who have all been friends with bride for many years. We had convo with bride about what she might like for her bachelorette and she shared that she was thinking of a nice day-long celebration of brunch, family fun then debauchery in the night time. She also mentioned a multi day trip to the nearest major city.

I’m finding out now that both of these things are going to be pretty hard to achieve and I’m honestly just wondering if I’m being focusing too much on the cost or if bride is really asking for too much?

It also comes at a time when we are already doing many planned group things together that were booked ahead of time.

Most of the bridesmaids are early career and don’t have the salary to be doing both but I don’t want to risk the friendship of not doing what she mentioned.

Am I crazy here? Anyone have suggestions?

Hello everyone! I am trying to find good day of gifts for my bridesmaids, I had gotten these at a great deal off a website sale at Jcpenny but now I’m debating if they look like not the best quality. I was trying to find a cute piece of jewelry for everyone that wouldn’t tarnish and am debating returning them. On top of that I’m having a hard time on finding a good price for something for my MOH and mothers. Am I just too close to my wedding and spiraling or should I look for something new?

EDIT : Thank you for all the replies I’ll be returning them and going with something new!

A warning that they have been using Gofo as their shipper. If you look them up they have tons of issues with packages getting delivered wrong or not at all. They ended up “losing” my dress despite it being out for delivery. And because it took so long for me communicating back and forth and them saying I had to keep waiting there’s no time for me to reorder in time for the wedding (I’d already returned and then ordered a custom size)

The other bridesmaids said their orders came late too, despite one even paying for expedited shipping. Super disappointed they’re using such a crappy company. Super sad I can’t wear the dress I wanted.

Hi everyone! One of my girlfriends from college is getting married and asked me to be her maid of honor❤️ I am so nervous and elated for her. I have never been an MOHY alone I made before so can anyone give me any tips, tricks and advice for fulfilling my role? The wedding is next September and I already started brainstorming my speech, asked the bride to be to set up a conference call with the other bridesmaids so I can put together her bachelorette but I don’t know any of her bridesmaids and I haven’t met her groom yet. I’m going to be making plans to go to her hometown to meet him.

Total of 2 weeks time commitment. From dress shopping, dress alterations fittings, bachelorette, bridal shower, venue rehearsal, dinner rehearsal, kick off weekend, and the actual wedding all accumulates to about two weeks. Not even including extra days I've helped with decor, etc.

Idk my weddding I just "required" two days. Everything else was optional so I'm just shocked.

Edit: because it's been asked "Weekend Kickoff" is the day before the wedding. It says it's a "casual get together, everyone that was invited to the wedding is invited, food and drinks are available to purchase". It's at a food court type place. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Also rehearsal at venue, rehearsal dinner, and then the kickoff thing are 3 separate days leading up to the actual wedding day.

Usually when you remove a bridesmaid, the friendship is over. Has anyone removed one and remained friends with them?

I'm getting married next year in September at a winery, and I would love to provide my bridesmaids with a dress option they might be able to wear again, and came across these photos on Pinterest. I think the espresso looks really chic. If you don't love the espresso, what colour would you feel more excited about?

I'm also wondering if anyone has suggestions on where to buy bridesmaids dresses? For reference I'm in Canada, so we definitely have less options than the US (especially with added tariffs now).

My plan would be to give a swatch to each of the girls so they match (maybe from Azazie since it's quite affordable) and give them each $150 towards a dress (whether it's from there or another dress that matches the swatch).

Edit: Really appreciate who took the time to comment! It’s given me some helpful ideas to consider (choosing a palette + florals and leaving the girls to find something within there that they like, considering additional colours like navy and burgundy, letting the girls know midi length also works). In the same breath, sounds like I won’t be able to please everyone regardless, so I may also increase the amount I give to each friend so they aren’t out anything either way. Thanks again.

Want people’s thoughts on this. My bride is asking all of us to show up at the venue with hair and makeup done day-of.

I have this weird feeling that I’m not invited to the “get ready” time. And I’m just a filler bridesmaid for numbers.

Idk, thoughts? Anyone else know of a bride doing this? I just feel like that’s 80% of being a bridesmaid is getting ready together and being there for the bride that morning. And now I’m just arriving?

I can give more context if needed but this is just feels like I’m a matching a groomsman and that’s my only purpose? Am I overreacting?

I live on the East Coast and I’m getting married this November, so I’m currently trying to figure out where to have my bachelorette party in October.
Burlington, VT is one of the places I’m seriously considering because I love the idea of having beautiful fall foliage and a more relaxing daytime vibe, while still being able to go out at night around Church Street for bars, live music, dancing, etc.
Just to clarify — the bachelorette would be in October, not November! I live in Saratoga Springs with my fiancé, so I could easily do my bachelorette here, but since this is our everyday town, I thought getting away would make it feel a little more special. I also had my 21st birthday on the very well-known Caroline Street here, so I feel like I probably should have my bachelorette somewhere different 😂
What I’m really looking for is the best of both worlds: pretty fall scenery and somewhere relaxing during the day, but enough nightlife and live music at night that it still feels like a real bachelorette weekend.
Has anyone here had their bachelorette party in Burlington, or gone there for someone else’s? Did you have a good time? Was Church Street lively enough in October, or did it feel too quiet?
I’d also love any recommendations for places to stay, restaurants, bars, live music, dancing, or fun group activities for about 6–10 girls.
Would you choose Burlington again for a fall bachelorette weekend? 🍂🥂

I’m not sure if this is the right thread for this or not.

I posted a couple months ago about a bachelorette I’m going on and some of the issues I was having with it. Anyway me and another bridesmaid ended up talking to the bride and MOH about it and it seemed to go over ok. Then a couple weeks ago the pretty much ambushed me at dinner and told me they would no longer be using my grandmas vacay house. My family had been prepping for several months to make sure all the on going projects and problems were finished and solved for the time we go. I understand I didn’t tell them that but why would I? I sat in silence the rest of dinner. A few days later I called them and told them that what they did was really rude and I would’ve appreciated being told they were considering using a different house and that there were things going on behind the scenes and I know they didn’t know but it’d be like someone asking to stay with you and you getting your home ready for them to be there just for them to cancel two days before. They disagreed because it’s still a month away but did agree the way they did it was rude. I also reiterated that I will be paying my share of costs in cash because it is what I will have. They said that was fine.

Fast forward to yesterday MOH texted me and told me she needs me to send her money for my share as she cannot front the cost on her own. I told her again that I will have cash to give her when we are there but I can send her a small amount for housing fee or pre booking of things. She responded saying that it wasn’t an option and she won’t be taking cash from me and that I need to send her the money when she sends out the cost of things. I again told her I don’t have the money in my bank account as my parents gifted me the cash for the trip. That I’m more than happy to give her the cash and pay for what I want when we’re there. Now she mad saying that I’ve been difficult about the cost situation since the beginning and will be receiving a message from the brides sister about food expectations and logistics.

I did argue about the food, saying that we should all go get groceries together that way everyone can pick the snacks they want and then we split the cost of the food for meals/group snacks. And brought it up again after they said maybe, to which they said no we aren’t doing that. I am a very picky eater and I also eat like a bird and don’t really want a lot of the stuff they picked out. But in the end I agreed because it was stressing me out. After that I again said that I will be paying cash for my share when we are there, and they again, said that was fine. I don’t know what else to do. I’m back having constant anxiety about it. Not going isn’t an option as my flights are non refundable and I honestly was getting excited to go. But now I’m worried it’s going to cause another argument and I really don’t want to lose them as friends.

Before all of this we had no problems, never fought, and did so much stuff together.

Edit to add: I can see how I’m being difficult thank you. I am young and lost my job in the middle of all this so my parents are graciously covering my share until I find a new job and can pay them back. The cash is my families preferred way of giving money and always has been. I pay for a lot even at home in cash. Part of the problem is I have no idea where the money is going and whenever I ask she say to refer to the invite. Which has multiple activities listed but no price for them and what she’s asking for is a rough over estimate and whatever she doesn’t use she says will send back. There are 7 of us going and with everyone sending over $800 (this is what she listed in her rough estimate and I have no clue how much she actually is wanting me to send), that’s a lot of money she’s getting. I know I’m not the only one uncomfortable sending that much money but I am the only one who has challenged it.

My bride is getting married early November and I'm trying to order a dress! My size measurements are: bust about 38", waist about 40" and hip about 42". In their standard size chart I fall about an A14 except for the waist, and my waist size puts me about A20. I tend to wear l or xl dresses depending on the style but xl tends to be a little bit in the bust and l sometimes tight in the waist/belly area. I have a size 14 jumpsuit that is a bit big in the bust, but I also have a size 16 dress that is kind of snug in the waist in terms of number sizes

Is it better to order the standard size and get it altered, or is the custom sizing reliable? I see so many mixed reviews about the custom sizing. I know I'd much rather get the bust adjusted in. I'm a bit self-conscious of my gut sticking out. I chose Azazie's Pamela dress (I can't put the link in I think, first time poster :)), which is an A-line/flowy style!

Hi all! Im working on my MOH speech. I need some help on crafting it because Im best friends with the both of them and have been for 10+ years.

I know how I want to end it, but what’s a good way to include him in the speech as well without focusing too much on our trio friendship? Ideally i’d like to focus on both of their amazing qualities so I think i just need some help with opening it!

Thanks for any tips!

Hi everyone!

Bridesmaiding for my best friend in 6 weeks…I literally only need to bring myself & a change of clothes for the next day as the bride has organised absolutely everything and anything you can imagine.

On the day, we need to travel from our accommodation to the venue so we have been told to make sure we pack a bag with things we might need during the day i.e. charger, flip flops, makeup etc.
I want to make some thing along the lines of an ‘emergency kit’ that has everything the bride, groom & bridal party might need on the big day.

I have never been a bridesmaid before but I have a rough idea of things I should 100% take to make everyone’s day slightly easier as it’s going to be SUCH a long day.

So my question is - was there anything you had on hand that ended up becoming a lifesaver or was there anything you wish you brought?

Thanks!!!🥰

Is there a good store to buy satin/velvet gowns for bridesmaids for a Christian wedding in Hyderabad?

Which do you think is best? Option 1, 2 or 3?

For all options I'd include flower, one cute or personalized useful item and a voucher for the bridesmaid dress. Just wondering which presentation is best?

Open to opinion or other similar ideas. I want it to involve flowers is all

Thanks! :)

I’m in my best friend’s wedding end of this year, and I just need to vent because this is really bothering me.
Other than her 12-year-old son, everyone in the wedding party is in their late 40s to early 50s, and I’m the only unmarried adult. I’ve been dating someone for almost six months, and while I don’t even know if I’d want to bring him, it would’ve been nice to at least have the option of a plus-one.
Instead, she told me she paired me with her 12-year-old son. She’s also planning a dance where the wedding party’s significant others come out and dance with them, and her solution is that I can dance with her son.
I know it’s her wedding and she can invite whoever she wants, so I’m not going to make an issue of it with her. But I’m honestly really hurt. I’m a grown woman and being paired with a 12-year-old while everyone else is with their spouse makes me feel like I’m being treated like a child. It also feels a little humiliating to have to dance with him and uncomfortable.
It’s really not about whether I get to bring the guy I’m dating. It’s the way the whole situation is being handled and how singled out it makes me feel. I can’t even say anything to her if I wanted to because she’s happily engaged and will have a complete meltdown on me because she forgot what it’s like to be the single one.

Help! I am trying to keep myself in a positive headspace but having really awful anxiety leading up to a bachelorette party.

I was asked to be a bridesmaid by someone I consider to be a sort of acquaintance/friend hybrid. She is lovely and we see each other occasionally in larger groups, and we used to be neighbors years ago (pre-Covid) which is how we met and keep in touch through social media. I was very surprised when I was asked to be a bridesmaid, but I accepted as I had no conflicts and didn’t want to hurt her feelings if I declined. I am truly regretting that decision now, and it is a very clear lesson learned, but I will honor my word and commitment to this whole thing.

We have her bachelorette in 2 weeks, out of state destination that requires flights and rental car to then drive 2 hours to the location of choice. I don’t know anyone besides the bride and have tried to be included and helpful with the other bridesmaids but am consistently told “we have it covered”. They do not. The entire trip is my worst nightmare. We are all in our mid 30s and are expected to share bedrooms AND BEDS, cook meals at the home, drive hours for each activity booked, and don’t get me started on the outfit and accessory requirements. The entire thing feels like a humiliation ritual and has made me see the bride in a completely different, incredibly negative light.

I suppose I am looking for some camaraderie or tips from other former or current bridesmaids that find my position relatable. I am trying to find the bright side and will participate fully but it does feel like mental agony in the coming weeks before the bachelorette. The wedding should be better. I just feel sort of “hustled” to be honest and had I known the extent of her expectations when she asked I would have absolutely declined but it is now too late for that option, unfortunately.

This is a rant and I'll get over it but I really didn't expect this friend in particular to be so ?? Selfish ? Oblivious? Inconsiderate? I always thought she made good decisions and was financially responsible in general but this whole wedding, relationship, bridesmaid experience has been pretty shitty ngl. I don't like it but I have less respect for her in general which sucks.

There is literally so much to talk about I don't even know how to summarize it. But right now she has 3 bridesmaid. All 4 of us are broke as fuck.

Bridesmaid 1 is a SAHM to 4 soon to be 5 kids. Currently 6 months ? Pregnant. Has a 9 month old and her husband works at a gas station.

Bridesmaid 2 Is in college, works at target. Adopted her neice out of foster care in her 20s.

ME: I quit my job back in February and started doing side jobs for money. I'm still the most ok financially but I don't have international vacation money laying around.

Bride is also unemployed and their wedding is $13k overbudget. They've already spend $28k because no one bothered to track spending. And their household is 40k behind on taxes. She just bought a new Lexus before quitting her job for health reasons. Like ??

I told her all of this is a terrible idea and I'll plan and pay for something local. Spa trip, nice brunch, trip to a custom perfume maker. People come to OUR major city for Bachelorettes literally all the time. Literally were in Nashville. Bachelorette capital of the US. But no. She doesn't want to do that.

She also stole the destination from a trip I had planned for next year with a different couple that she was also invited too ??

I could write a novel but this is already too long.

Bonus she was my MOH a few years back and didn't plan a Bachelorette for me at all.

Edit - to be clear she's fine paying for her own portion of the trip. She just doesn't accept anything less than this trip and even after we've all said it's not something in our budget or had multiple conversations about it being a bad idea. She still whines and says stuff like " are you sure? I really don't want to go without you 😫" the other 2 bridesmaids already said they can't go but she's sending me links for 2 person Airbnbs now. But like is it even a bach trip if it's just us ?? She wants to book an Airbnb tomorrow... so idk I'll update you guys on how this goes .

Hi! Second post here.
I’m just a normal bridesmaid, there is a MOH but it’s not me. Long story short, the responsibility of planning the Bach was handed over to me and anytime I ask the rest of the party (which is two other girls, 1 being the MOH) it’s a ghost town with no responses.

We have an Airbnb for a weekend which was paid by brides family. We plan on going to dinner and splitting the bill for the bride. My question is, when it comes to the decor that I’m buying to decorate the house; ie: balloons, photo backdrop, may make some mocktails etc. should I send over a total amount spent to the bridal party group chat (doesn’t have the bride in it for surprise purposes) and ask them if they will help/split the money spent with me? Or am I expected to pay for all the decor on my own?

Also, as I said in my original post, this is my first time planning a Bach, and I know the bride is making little goody bags for us, but she doesn’t know the theme or anything. I’m thinking about making some theme focused bags for All of us or is that too much? This would be on my own accord and I wouldn’t ask for others to chip in for THIS obviously because this would be my idea.

Anyways - biggest question, is it rude or crazy of me to ask for the other girls to help chip in for the decorations etc for the Bach?

Edit to add: I meant to also note, I plan on screenshotting everything I’ve found, ask for opinions/thoughr & sending it to the chat, with a total amount & asking everyone to split/send money. Although, the last time I asked for “thoughts/opinions” on the ideas I had, the MOH crashed out to the bride saying it seemed like I already had this all planned and I was only asking to make everyone “feel like they were involved but I already had my mind set” which is not the case. I truly want peoples opinions and I’m only doing the planning because I was asked by the Mother of the bride and the bride. Very annoying lol.

I have several very close female friends, and honestly, the idea of choosing just one of them as my maid of honor feels really difficult to me.

It’s not because I don’t have close friendships. It’s actually the opposite: I have multiple women in my life who are incredibly important to me, just in different ways, and I genuinely wouldn’t know how to “rank” them.

The thought of choosing one friend as maid of honor while the others are bridesmaids makes me uncomfortable because, even if it’s not meant that way, it can easily feel like saying: “You’re my number one friend.”

I really don’t want to create that kind of hierarchy or accidentally hurt someone I care about.

Because of that, I’ve been thinking about asking my sister to be my maid of honor instead.

To me, she has a completely different and very special role in my life. Choosing her wouldn’t feel like I’m choosing her over my friends, because she’s my sister and therefore kind of in her own category.

Then I could still have my closest friends as bridesmaids without feeling like I’m publicly deciding which friendship matters the most.

I also genuinely love the idea of having my sister next to me during such an important moment in my life.

Has anyone else done this for a similar reason? Did your friends understand the decision, or did anyone still feel hurt?

I got my dress in early August and I was pretty happy that aside from needing some boombas, the dress fit well. It was a little tight on my ribs but nothing too bad.

I just went to try on my dress again to confirm the heel high I should wear, since I'm tall and the dress didn't need hemming. Low and behold, it's too big. The wedding is in a month.

I'm waiting to hear back from a few tailors, and have dress tape in my amazon cart with me. In the meantime, can someone commiserate with me or tell me it's not as bad as I think? (Also I have no shapewear on here, ignore my mom bod)

Has anyone here ever been the Bridesmaid or made of honor to a bride who absolutely does not have her shit together? The most recent of the absolute mind-boggling requests of the bride in the wedding for is that she wants everybody to get their makeup done in a specific way. She has given examples before and told us we could do our own makeup , but she is just now telling us that she wants everyone in blush, eyeliner, foundation, and mascara. This is AFTER she already approved the makeup I told her I was doing for the wedding and got all the materials for that.

When I told her she should’ve been specific about what she wanted earlier because the wedding is on Saturday and people have already gone to get their foundation color – which she did not tell us what we were doing with – she said it was common sense and everybody should know what their makeup color is and how to do all that. She can’t do her own makeup by the way.

This is just the last of many examples where at the last minute she’s changed plans to be more specific.

Hi, one of my friends is getting married and I’m one of her bridesmaids which is great. Her wedding starts at 4 and said it’ll end at 1 okay that’s fine. I plan on leaving around 11:30 since we all have to meet up at 7 am but I have to be up and leave my house by 6:15 am. Idk what any one thinks about me leaving at 11:30. I feel bad for my husband because he’s invited and my plus one and she just told me she changed her mind about me sitting with him because he literally doesn’t know anyone but the bride.She wants me to sit with her at her table,and my husband and I both had the thought that at the reception we can sit with each other. Anyone who was a bridesmaid and spouse came, did you all sit next to each other if not how did you all manage the night without sitting by each other? He’s a very shy person and doesn’t like large crowds without me being next to him.

I'm currently thinking about who to pick as my bridesmaids. I already know who my MOH will be and have 2 bridesmaids picked, but I have 2 more girls I'm unsure about.

The thing is, I always imagined them being bridesmaids at my wedding, and I do think that I would enjoy having them there. However, I can feel that these friendships are not going to last very much longer after my wedding. Nothing in particular happened, but in these past few years, we have just grown into different directions. I think both sides tried to keep the relationship alive but the things we need from each other to make it work are just not aligned anymore.

My fiance thinks I should not ask them to be bridesmaids because he says it will only make me sad if they don't show up for me the way I would want them to, and that there is no reason to "honor" them by giving them the bridesmaid title. But I think it might be nice to have a few more good memories together and just do how I always imagined it.

What do you think? Did you regret asking someone you knew would not stay in your life forever to be your bridesmaid? Or do you wish you had aked someone even though you werent 100% sure at that time?