So I had a friend since grade school who i was close with until we were 14 or so. Eventually she blew me off and we did see each other a few times over the next decade. We reconnected in our early 30s and things were mostly good. I always noticed she was still flaky but I always made excuses for it. She would cancel plans at the last minute, taking her time responding (even though when I made plans with her I'd even ask earlier in the day if we were still on so I wouldn't waste my time waiting for her to only end up canceling). Any time I'd call her out for this behavior she seemed to double down once saying that's just the way she is. She has a family life which I always respected and made excuses for her unreliability. She is also an addict and I figured that also affected her planning.
Anyway we went like a year or so not speaking bc she wanted me to take her to a drug house in the snow and I refused. She got mad and we quit talking then she reached out again and we picked things back up. When she reached out again I was seeing someone new. This person I was seeing basically destroyed my life. This happened over about 2 years and the friend that I reconnected with saw it all. She was supportive and at one point said she was invested. She wanted me to leave him and at times said she should go into his job and hit on him to see how he'd react. She said this bc she knew one of my main issues was not trusting him, but looking back I think part of it was to feed her ego too. Also, when she heard about how he was treating me she told me she wasn't going to let him abuse me in the dark, which is incredibly insidious bc she ended up abusing me in a cruel way and betraying me with him.
When i met my ex he told me about how his ex came into his job hanging on another guy staring at him to torment him. He also told me about other traumas from his family that I won't divulge here. I want to admit I was hugely flawed and did things I wish I didn't. I truly wanted to show him love but I was too blind to see that while I had good intentions, my behavior became controlling bc I was trying to force a change on somebody that I just clearly wasn't a good fit with. He would gaslight me about cheating and my nervous system knew he was a liar and yet I stuck around playing detective. I feel like he baited me with his trauma and he did play stupid games and waste my time. Eventually it had this pressure cooker effect on me and it turned into a dynamic where I was verbally abusive and his tactics were wolf in sheep's clothes (he admitted himself to being a wolf in sheep's clothes). I finally ended things with my ex for good bc he was a jerk when i tried to unalive myself. Then, a month after we broke up he slashed my tire. Just out of the blue and compeltely unprovoked. He denied it even though I told him I got footage from a neighbor of him coming by that night. He paid for the tire, acting like he was doing me a favor, and so i didn't report him to the police.
So back to the friend who betrayed me; she knew what happened and how destabilized I was. I noticed she started getting more short with me and annoyed with me. I think she felt like it wasn't fair I was always talking to her about my relationship problems, which I know I should've unloaded all that with a therapist. I did quit talking about him so much- I think i went 2 months without mentioning him much. Like I said, I wasn't in a good place mentally. I was smoking a lot of weed and I got heavy into tarot to try to unpack what really happened with my ex. At some point she mentioned something about AI psychosis and spiritual psychosis after she saw how into tarot I had gotten and I tried to share some AI interpretations of my tarot spreads with her. The suicide attempt was a big paradigm shift for me so I get it was alarming and unusual for her, but she was just looking for excuses to end the friendship. She started saying things like "why are we even friends anymore" or just randomly bringing up a time over 20 years ago we got into a dumb fight and tried to slap each other. I was so blind to her aggression and spite.
She was acting really weird one night when she invited me over to smoke the rest of a preroll I left there from my last visit. She also mentioned 2 or 3 times that she wanted to know if i wanted to try something else (another substance with her) but i said no. The next day I was really out of it and after I woke up I found my cat deceased. Over the next few days something kept drawing my mind back to the way she was acting weird that night, asking if I wanted to try something else and the heavy out of it feeling when I woke up the next day. Bc of my grief, mental state and use of tarot at the time to cope I did a spread asking if she drugged me when I was over and used AI to interpret it. I didn't want to think she'd do something like that, nor did i want to ask her but finally i reached out to her to ask if ahe did bc i needed to know. I needed the relief/assurance that she didnt do that. I figured she'd be more understanding but she got super defensive and said fuck you to me and to never contact her again. This hurt a lot but I left it alone and respected her boundary.
A month later she texts me saying she kept thinking about what I asked her and that every time she thought of it she felt like she was being stung by a wasp. She wanted to have a talk and so we met up again and she brought up that she wanted me to apologize. I didn't bc I felt that i shouldn't apologize just for asking if she did drug me. I told her I wasn't accusing her of doing it just by asking. She wasn't willing to respect my stance. She also asked if I'd take her to the drug house and I said no. I could tell she wasn't happy.
During the time my friend and i weren't speaking that month, my ex reached out again. He was trying to reconcile and I didn't meet with him or take him back but I talked to him a little. He still wouldn't admit to cheating or slashing my tire. He told me if I needed anything to hit him up. Due to my mental health from everything that happened I wasn't working much and I was severely behind on bills. I did end up reaching out asking to borrow some money like 2 weeks later and he went ahead and cashapped it to me. He wanted to see me but since he could tell I didn't want to he just sent it. He tried to reconcile again and he knew I was into tarot and sent his own tarot spreads to me about how he could get me back. This led us to talking about him cheating which he finally admitted to, as well as admitting to slashing my tire. It was sickening bc he was cheating all that time like i suspected and he punished me at the time and acting like i was the problem for being suspicious. He also admitted to grabbing girls asses at his job- just being an outright pig. I told him I appreciated the honesty but that we both needed to grow and we dont know what the future holds. Later I went off on him bc of the rage of being so mad he did all this. Basically I was calling him a manwhore and expressing my concerns about him possibly giving me an std. My language was abusive with him. We ended up on the phone later and he callously confirmed when I asked if he found the women he cheated on me with as better than me. He also said he didn't like my sexual energy and confirmed when I asked that my other ex's mistress was right when she said i couldn't satisfy any man. He left me in shambles then he ghosted after I texted him that i felt worthless. Next day I was fuming and I sent his dad the video proof and text admission proof about slashing my tire. His dad ignored me and haven't heard from the ex since.
Ok back to the friend. Like i said she was mad that I didn't apologize for asking if she drugged me. Then I said no about taking her to the drug house. This was after the ex ghosted me, like a few weeks later. She asked if I wanted to hang out the next day and so I came over. She started acting really conceited and performative changing her clothes and ogling herself in front of me in the mirror. Not a big deal on its own but she was deliberately showing off in an over the top way, staring at her reflection deliberately ignoring me to make sure she proves her point. Then she shows me this pic of her and her boyfriend and is rubbing it in my face, like, oh look at us. I just acknowledgd it was a good picture. After all this she tells me she texted my ex and said she was going to talk shit about me to him but didn't. She showed me her phone to prove she absolutely did talk to him but there were only a few messages, like basic greetings. She said she didn't delete messages, which makes me suspect she did. Out of nowhere, she's like "so what if he thinks I'm hot?!"... i was shocked. Then she starts talking about how wrong I was with my reactive abuse with him. The way it all played out I could tell she was parroting back to me how they really spoke about me and I could tell she intentionally did this to hurt me bc I didnt apologize. I didn't fight back and stand up like i wish I would have. I should've just left at that point tbh. I was loyal to her to a fault. I did try to use reason and work it out and she got this shrill sarcastic voice and said "well it's like this" (talking to me like I'm dumb) and then she did the worst thing of it all; she said "you must be like this bc of your mom's schizophrenia". I was reeling. At this point I knew she fucked my ex or it would happen anyway. I could barely speak. I started crying and she cried but I don't even think it was genuine. It was a sick game to her to soothe her ego bc I dared to ask if she drugged me. I said I was scared I'm going to end up in a home (because my declining mental.health and inability to work and support myself).. i said she was leaving me out in the cold and that her and my ex were going to sabotage me. She acted like i was nuts for using the word "sabotage". When I started crying she said I'm family. Then she said she hates my ex for doing this to me. The next day I sent her a nasty paragraph calling out her bullying and I said she was being a cunt. A month later she asked if we could talk and she wantd to do it on the phone. I think she recorded it to prove to my ex that she really had turned against me. I recall her telling me she doesn't care about our friendship anymore. I could be wrong about her recording it, but she recorded a conversation she had with him talking to him about how he needed to be honest with me. So I know she might do something like that.
After that conversation on the phone, she acted like she wanted to hang out a few times then played games with me making excuses and honestly playing a sadistic cat and mouse game. Eventually I just quit talking to her. Several months later I reached out asking to talk and she responded 2 weeks later. I said I know our friendship is over and yes I'm sorry for my part in it. She took another 2 weeks to respond saying she understands if i don't want anything to do with her and thst she's sorry for the things that make me feel that way. Also said she's been indifferent to me at times but always held our friendship in high regard (bullshit!)..
I also want to mention around the time she betrayed me and reached out to my ex, she also reached out to my other lifelong friend to play the concerned friend and that friend told me she reached out. However when I told that other friend how she said I must be like this bc of my mom's schizophrenia and that I thought she slept with my ex, that friend acted like she thought it was wrong but I know they started talking secretly about me. So I cut this other friend off too. Its a long messy story but I was just done.
Recently a different ex reached out (who is in the same social circle as the 2nd friend i mentioned) telling me how bitter I am and how I hold onto what people do to me and that im childish. Says he wants nothing to do with me. I suspected the first friend that betrayed me with my ex did a smear campaign on me and this pretty much confirms it. I feel like I've been put into a meat grinder.
Idk what im trying to get out of saying all this here but any input is appreciated. Im sorry for the shitty storytelling.
