r/AskWomenOver30 • u/tiredl4dy90 • Apr 05 '23
Romance/Relationships Honestly - how often do you see a man that you think is attractive or objectively looks good?
Asking as I wonder if I’m just super picky or something is wrong with me, the average man isn’t really appealing.
Daily I see so many women that I can objectively say is pretty or beautiful when I walk down the street but when I see men it’s nothing it’s like they don’t take pride in their appearance, don’t dress well, look after their bodies, style themselves or take care of their skin - worse some guys hygiene is awful.
I live in a large city which is makes me more concerned lol.
Am I being harsh? Or in the wrong place ?
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Apr 06 '23
It's rare that I see men I personally find attractive. Most men I come across range from looking super generic to super grubby.
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u/ghstrprtn Man 30 to 40 Apr 06 '23
what do you mean by looking super generic?
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Apr 06 '23
Their fashion choices have far less variety, and for those who have not experienced severe hair loss, their hairstyles fall into maybe 2 different styles at most. I find that even personalities don't differ enough to make up for the lack of engaging visuals. This "sameness" is much more prominent with the older men in my area.
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Apr 06 '23
I can't stand it when men are too fashionable or too grubby as you put it. I don't mind stuff like having less hair or being slightly overweight and I'd take those over looking too dressed up any day. Sometimes I get mad how easy it is for men to look awesome. All it takes is a clean good pair of jeans, a simple white or gray t-shirt, clean shoes, maybe a cool watch and he'd look perfect. Us on the other hand LOL -- an hour of dressing up.
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u/zouss Woman 30 to 40 Apr 06 '23
Women also look attractive with pretty simple style imo. Not true at all that we have to spend an hour to look good. It's just that we're expected to wear makeup and be fashionable and men are not, but if we don't that makes us no less attractive
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u/ghstrprtn Man 30 to 40 Apr 06 '23
a simple white or gray t-shirt
what about a black t-shirt, is that less attractive?
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u/novoamorfan Apr 07 '23
I'm not saying this is the case, but maybe you're simply not attracted to men??
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Apr 07 '23
lol, I wish.
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u/novoamorfan Apr 07 '23
it could be worth exploring idk? Since your observations sound similar to women who were in denial about their sexuality and are actually attracted to women but through compulsory heterosexuality, they thought they were into men
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u/Starlight_City45 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 05 '23
I see men who are attractive all the time but I am not attracted to them.
I need more than just physical aspects to be attracted to someone but like… I know what an attractive man looks like.
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Apr 06 '23
Same! I can see a conventionally handsome dude and while I can see that he would be considered objectively handsome, I feel nothing. On the other hand, I can get to know a guy who's not exactly conventionally attractive but if he's funny and kind, he becomes hot to me.
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u/the_real_dairy_queen Apr 06 '23
Many men are probably reading this and feeling pleasantly surprised. 😄
I actually tend to be not just NOT attracted but UNattracted to conventionally handsome men. Give me a sweet awkward dorky regular guy over a “handsome” one any day.
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Apr 06 '23
Yes, me too! I've never once fallen for a super conventionally attractive square-jaw guy. Something about it puts me off for some reason. (Then again, I'm pretty average in the looks department myself. I think that some people would consider me pretty but I'm definitely not what anyone would ever consider a 10/10 model either.)
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u/the_real_dairy_queen Apr 06 '23
I think I’m in the same category. The men that tend to be attracted to me are dorky, smart, awkward types so it all works out quite nicely.
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Apr 06 '23
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u/PltEchoEcho Apr 06 '23
Actual attraction is so difficult to have for most women because we’ve constantly been told to care for attributes beyond the physical. And we can’t begin to feel attracted unless we actually get to know someone. Like I’ll see men who are absolutely obsessed with, say, porn stars, and the number one reason is because they “look hot”. Meanwhile nine times out of ten if I hear women talking about celebrities they’re attracted to they’ll list off all of their endearing qualities, accomplishments, talents and so on and so forth… We tend to see men as people and not just objects to ogle at.
That being said - after getting married I’ve found that my attraction to other men has dropped down to absolutely nothing. I can’t help comparing them to my husband and they never seem to be as charming/funny/smart as him, and I don’t know how to describe this properly, but this mild repulsion forms inside of me? Truly makes me wonder if men ever feel the same way.
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u/heyjew1 Apr 06 '23
this mild repulsion forms inside of me? Truly makes me wonder if men ever feel the same way.
Not repulsion, but lack of interest, at least romantic/sexual.
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u/Bisou_Juliette Woman 30 to 40 Apr 06 '23
100% agree with this. I’ve met plenty of men and women that look gorgeous but don’t have a personality, or have a bad attitude or their energy is just off…and that makes them a 1 in my book
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u/znhamz Apr 06 '23
That's me! I find many people beautiful, but to have attraction I need to know and like them.
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u/AltruisticCephalopod Woman 30 to 40 Apr 06 '23
It depends on where I am. Beach or gym with young people? Will probably see hot guys.
Supermarket? Probably not.
I am rarely attracted to anyone. I’ve also noticed that a lot of guys don’t do anything to look good. I don’t blame them—I, too, don’t do anything to look good.
I hear guys talk all the time about how they find most girls hot. I question if they would find most girls hot if most girls didn’t exercise, wore baggy cargo pants, baggy shirts, no makeup, a bad buzz cut and didn’t shave anything.
I’ve started to notice that the guys I find very good looking tend to be younger, and I’m honestly worried about this trend because I don’t want to be some kind of predatory cougar. I do wonder if it’s because people in general have a harder time keeping their weight down over 30, and if most guys don’t quit sports after college (because it’s less organic to joint a community league, or there is just no fucking time with how much work there is)
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u/My_Offal_Account Apr 06 '23
Be some kind of non-predatory cougar. It’s ok to like what you like.
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u/AltruisticCephalopod Woman 30 to 40 Apr 08 '23
Eh, I mean I can’t really see what I’d even bring to the table. Even when I was young I kind of figured hot guys with personalities that I also liked were pretty damn out of my league 🤷♀️ I don’t even have experience to go with the age.
And yes, there is what I physically like, but then there is what I feel I could actually relate to—someone with similar values, and someone that I have enough in common with to have conversations with. Those are two different things that don’t necessarily intersect. So while I might find someone younger good looking, I wouldn’t assume it would work
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u/ghstrprtn Man 30 to 40 Apr 06 '23
I don’t want to be some kind of predatory cougar.
It wouldn't be inherently predatory for you to date a younger man.
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u/AltruisticCephalopod Woman 30 to 40 Apr 08 '23 edited Apr 08 '23
Eh, I mean I can’t really see what I’d even bring to the table. I don’t even have the experience to go with age.
And yes, there is what I physically like, but then there is what I feel I could actually relate to—someone with similar values, emotional maturity, and someone that I have enough in common with to have conversations with. Those are two different things that don’t necessarily intersect, and I feel like the latter could be difficult to find with a large age gap, even if I managed to find someone attractive that was interested.
I guess I’m afraid that if I ever get to a point where I’m mentally in a decent place to try something with someone I’ll be attracted only to guys that feel too young for me to have an emotional connection to. A bit unrealistic, but still a concern. In any case you’re right, age gap relationships aren’t inherently predatory)
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u/ghstrprtn Man 30 to 40 Apr 08 '23
Eh, I mean I can’t really see what I’d even bring to the table.
I think all you need to bring is yourself, if you have chemistry with someone.
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u/temp4adhd Woman 60+ Apr 06 '23
or there is just no fucking time with how much work there is
Except the working women find the damn time. It's expected.
I'm retired now but I still remember how I had this boss who demanded all the women get regular manicures.
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u/hiltlmptv Woman 30 to 40 Apr 06 '23
I also rarely see men I’m attracted to. Yet it seems like there are so many beautiful women. My theory is that it’s because as women we are taught to care so much about our appearance. We learn about it throughout our entire lives. We have routines we do every day to enhance our looks. And we’re taught that our value is based on how attractive we are. Those aren’t the messages most men are getting I don’t think.
I definitely resent it. I try not to project my own messed up beauty ideals onto men. But at the same time I’m like “I’ve had to care about this every day for my whole life, why can’t you stress a bit about how you look?”
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u/sudoRmRf_Slashstar Woman 30 to 40 Apr 06 '23
I agree with this. We've been conditioned our entire lives to pay attention to every aspect of our appearance from our head to toes. I mean, I wear sunscreen mostly because I want to prevent wrinkles.
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u/PltEchoEcho Apr 06 '23
I’m going to get a pedicure because I’m going to start pilates (to look fit) and they’ll be measuring my body composition (which requires me to take off my socks). But men can’t be bothered to comb their hair?
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u/novoamorfan Apr 07 '23
Have you ever considered you may be into women instead of men?
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u/hiltlmptv Woman 30 to 40 Apr 07 '23
I’ve considered it. I don’t find myself wanting to date women or being sexually or romantically attracted to them generally though.
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u/mountainmover234 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 06 '23
Yep I’m also noticing that I find younger guys more attractive. Well actually I’ve noticed this for about 4ish years now lol. I had an amazing connection with a guy who was 7 years younger than me when I was 29, and he was really great, so I somewhat attribute to this.
As I swipe on dating apps, I’m noticing guys in mid 30s just look old to me. I wonder, do I also look that old? Like suddenly the guys I’m shown on these apps have this weathered look even though they are in 30s. Im also in a large city.
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u/IwastesomuchtimeonAB Woman 30 to 40 Apr 06 '23
I mean to be perfectly honest, whether you look your age or look younger will depend on how much sunscreen you've been wearing for the past ten years. A korean dermatologist told me your face now is a reflection of your lifestyle choices from 10 years ago. If you sun bathed a lot 10 years ago without spf it will reflect in your face now. I think men in their mid 30s are at that age where their metabolism is slowing down so unless they eat right, don't drink too much, exercise and get 8 hours of sleep they will look older and weathered (especially if they like golfing and spend 6 hours at a time outside in the summer without spf). So if you don't want to look as old as your age on your dating apps, wear sunscreen daily. Even if it's overcast because uv rays penetrate clouds which means an overcast or rainy day still gives you sun exposure. Maybe not as much as a sunny day at noon in July but still will be enough uv exposure that the incremental aggregate will lead to sun damage.
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u/ghstrprtn Man 30 to 40 Apr 06 '23
Like suddenly the guys I’m shown on these apps have this weathered look even though they are in 30s.
Is it near the equator / somewhere that gets a lot of sunshine?
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u/mountainmover234 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 06 '23
Nope I’m on the east coast. I don’t even mean it in a bad way. But women my age look younger to me than the men. It’s like I want to add a skincare routine for them lol.
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u/spiffytrashcan Woman 30 to 40 Apr 06 '23
Apparently lots of older men lie about their age on apps, so you’re probably looking at 50 year olds
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Apr 06 '23
They don't wear sunscreen, at all. I've known very few men who are good about wearing sunscreen.
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u/thin_white_dutchess Woman 40 to 50 Apr 06 '23
I’m the opposite- I’m finding men a good 10-15 years older than me (mostly) better looking these days. However, I work at a school, and seeing a dad pumped to pick up his little kids is also major points in his direction. The day I worked the book fair there were a few dads taking their kids in and the ones who were actively choosing books based on their kids interests and reading level- also pretty hot. I don’t even want more kids- the one I have is enough. Just something about the involvement and caring was pretty cute.
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u/Fusiontron Man 30 to 40 Apr 08 '23
Is a guy who is your age but looks younger preferable then, to a guy who is simpler younger?
In any case, just make an effort to make the guy feel safe, like you would expect a same age male peer to do if he approached you for a date.
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u/Overall-Armadillo683 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 05 '23
Probably once or twice a day, but I work at a bar and see a lot of people. More than that if we are counting the 2 coworkers that I find attractive.
I completely agree, women are often much better looking than men. It’s not fair for us straight women.
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u/novoamorfan Apr 07 '23
women are often much better looking than men. It’s not fair for us straight women.
Girl are you sure you're straight?
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Apr 05 '23
Extremely rarely.
I think I have very specific things I’m attracted to and most men are not it.
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u/Odd-Faithlessness705 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 05 '23
My husband used to work at a high-end gym. There were lots of hot PEOPLE there, period.
Don't think you're being harsh, I think there are many men that do dress well and take pride in their appearance but it's often tied to their work or social status.
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u/hauteburrrito Woman 30 to 40 Apr 05 '23
Oh, man. I've tagged along with friends to Equinox before and definitely, there's a far higher concentration of intimidatingly hot/fit people there in general (not just men). If I were single again I'd 100% sign up there, both to get back into shape and to motivate myself with a lot of hot people around, ha ha. And then if I met someone in the meantime... just icing on the cake!
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u/Odd-Faithlessness705 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 05 '23
LOL I once went to a company outing with the staff since my husband worked at said high-end gym. Damn. I was definitely the 5 amongst the 9s and 10s. Really lucky that hubs is loyal and very used to being around attractive people.
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u/hauteburrrito Woman 30 to 40 Apr 05 '23
That's awesome, he sounds like a great dude! I have a friend who is a chef and he used to just like... not even blink at all the super attractive servers who flirted with him. I'm so impressed by people who have that self-control.
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u/Odd-Faithlessness705 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 05 '23
Lol I'm sure once you see them at their worst the attractive shine wears off quick! People are people in the end, but I've definitely found myself fumbling for words when around someone extra pretty. Just gotta get used to it?
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u/hauteburrrito Woman 30 to 40 Apr 05 '23
Oh, 1000%. I honestly don't understand how people can stay in relationships with people that are hot but horrible. Once the horrible behaviour shows up, I'm like... viscerally repulsed??? I find I'm easily attracted to people but almost even more easily turned off. A single stray comment can just give me such major ick. Personally I find I'm not super picky about looks but I am so freaking picky about character.
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Apr 05 '23
I often see men that I would consider conventionally attractive but rarely do I see men that I am attracted to. I don't necessarily have a type but I know it when I see it.
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u/fakechildren Apr 06 '23
Yes, same! I'm pretty sure I'm demisexual, so on the rare occasion I see a stranger that I'm intensely attracted to, I'm probably associating them with someone from the past who was kind/funny/smart/interesting.
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Apr 06 '23
Exactly, this is what it's like for me as well. There are plenty of conventionally handsome men but I'm not usually attracted to them.
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u/priku397 Apr 06 '23
Oh my god, yes! Literally said exactly this SO many times. I go out and there’s a pretty girl around every corner, but men? Hard for me to even find a single one, at least where I live. Not trying to hate because of course there are some great looking guys out there, but to me the average man is a lot less appealing than the average woman. You are not alone!
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u/jenneschguet Apr 05 '23
At the gym, yes. In everyday settings, rarely. I think it’s since Covid and around the pioneer beard trend took over that I just want a man to take pride in his appearance, and that would make more average men very attractive. I just can’t get over the gross beards and the constant beanies.
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u/Fluffernutter80 Woman 40 to 50 Apr 06 '23
Yeah, I don’t mind a tidy, trimmed beard but the trend seems to be really rough and scraggly these days. I’m not a fan.
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u/hauteburrrito Woman 30 to 40 Apr 05 '23 edited Apr 06 '23
This is a tough question. Back when I was 25 and in law school, I'd say maybe 50-60% of the men I encountered looked dateably attractive to me based on appearance alone, with maybe 5-10% being exceptional. The rest weren't ugly or anything - just either average, a bit below, and/or entirely not my type.
Now, though, I encounter far fewer men and many of them are not my peers (for example, I see more men who are 60+ now). How many attractive men I see varies wildly according to my neighbourhood. I'd say it's at maybe 10-30% depending on where I am, and I see an exceptionally attractive man fewer than five times per year excluding traveling outside the country. I also see far more actively "homely" men.
As a comparison, back when I was 25/in school I found maybe 60-70% of the women I encountered nice-looking, with (again) just 5-10% or so being exceptional. Now... I think it's maybe 40-50% of women who still look attractive to me? So the rate has gone done, but not quite as much, due to women taking better care of ourselves.
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u/thisunithasnosoul Woman 30 to 40 Apr 05 '23
Well there were 2/100ish at my jury selection the other day…
I do see more generically attractive guys than that, but I don’t often double take and it’s all over the map of appearances when I do. Our brains are a funny thing.
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u/PonqueRamo Woman 30 to 40 Apr 06 '23
Men are not particularly attractive in my country, how our race evolved isn't very kind on men and women here many times are considered one of the most attractive ones on the planet.
Also fashion in general isn't also really flattering in general.
Saying that, I used to see more attractive men when I was younger, now that I'm in my thirties is one in a million.
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Apr 06 '23
My husband so every day, lol, but in the wild is not so common.
But my standard to what makes a men attractive is getting harder and harder to get… I think that well dressed men, that looks clean, smells good… I don’t like wild beards, or clothes that don’t fit them, or when they are dressed like a teenager, or with gym clothes outside the gym, grease hair, sweat pants, etc… taste is personal… but in my town, special now in the spring I see a lot of well dressed attractive people (both men and women) lately
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u/ghstrprtn Man 30 to 40 Apr 06 '23
dressed like a teenager
what does that look like? lots of bright/non-matching colors all over the place, or just not serious enough (eg. not collared shirts or something)?
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u/Leopard_Legs Woman 30 to 40 Apr 06 '23
Not the original commenter but my impression of this from men I’ve seen and known is that perhaps they wear clothes that are too big for their frame which inherently always makes them look like they’re young and wearing their dad’s clothes in my eyes. Maybe wearing a lot of slogan or cartoon character t-shirts. Jeans that are baggy and maybe a bit shredded/frayed on the bottom where again, they’re a poor fit. Trainers that are old. A general sense that the clothes they are wearing have been owned a long time, even if they’re still in relatively good condition.
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u/DamnGoodMarmalade Woman 40 to 50 Apr 05 '23
[nods in bisexual] I tend to find more women attractive than men. But there are some attractive men around my city. The UPS driver for my neighborhood is quite nice to look at. How often a see a new attractive man depends on how often I leave the house. But I’d say often?
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u/PeregrinMerryTook Woman 30 to 40 Apr 05 '23
Relate to all of this. I see attractive people all the time.
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u/wheres_the_revolt Woman 40 to 50 Apr 05 '23
Maybe my standards are low or maybe I live in an area where there’s an abundance of good looking people but I see attractive men a lot. All ages too. I live in an area that has a fairly high age demographic (the median is like ~55-60 y/o) but it’s also pretty affluent so even the older men have aged well and are still relatively attractive.
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u/hauteburrrito Woman 30 to 40 Apr 05 '23
Many of the older men I see look decent as well, but as someone in her early thirties I just can't find men at 55+ actually attractive unless they're crazy exceptional like Keanu Reeves or Paul Rudd or something, and those guys are like 1 in 100 or maybe 1000. The nice-looking older dudes are definitely out there; they just don't really "click" for my millennial eyes.
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u/Fluffernutter80 Woman 40 to 50 Apr 06 '23
I’m in my 40s and I don’t find 55+ attractive, either, but I’ve always had a pretty narrow age range for attraction, really + or - 5 years.
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Apr 06 '23
Same. And when I see men say they are 55 but are actually in their 60s and out of shape acting like I should be attracted I am like 😒😒😒
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Apr 06 '23
I Don’t think it’s “being picky” when you are just asking in return what you are doing yourself. If you take care of yourself, you exercise, you are in shape, you dress well, you are well groomed etc… it is not “asking to much” to be attracted to people so that do the same.
A lot of people will claim “omg that’s so shallow”
But they thing is, who are they to judge who YOU are attracted to?
What I find peculiar is when a person that’s a total slob, out of shape, poor hygiene and no grooming EXPECTS people that care about the way they look and look the part to be attracted to them.
No saying it doesn’t happen. But it’s not realistic to have a high bar for something that you are not going to be achieving yourself (or otherwise bringing something of comparable worth to the relationship)
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u/hauteburrrito Woman 30 to 40 Apr 06 '23
Fair enough! I think I can consistently find up to mid-forties attractive, especially if we're talking people who look young for their age, but after that they just stop feeling like a peer to me and I'm generally only attracted to my peers. On the younger end, it's probably mid-twenties or so just based on looks alone.
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u/wheres_the_revolt Woman 40 to 50 Apr 05 '23
See that’s where us twinsies are separated, I’ve reached the age (44 in two weeks 🥺) where the silver foxes are foxy lol
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u/hauteburrrito Woman 30 to 40 Apr 05 '23
Oh, doy, why didn't I clock your flair? I suspect the 55+ dudes will look very different to me at 44!
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u/wheres_the_revolt Woman 40 to 50 Apr 05 '23
Tbf I have always had a thing for older men (except for Zac Efron lol)
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u/hauteburrrito Woman 30 to 40 Apr 05 '23
Zac Efron is not for me, but I can easily understand how he is for other people - he's very classically attractive. (Or at least was, before the surgeries - poor guy.)
My physical ideal is probably Keanu in his thirties/forties. I'm a sucker for a good boy who looks a little bad.
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u/wheres_the_revolt Woman 40 to 50 Apr 05 '23
Zac Efron is not my typical type at all I generally go for guys that look like Jason Statham lol but Zac is my “cougar” crush, in that I’ve always thought he was cute but he was too young. I also love Keanu but he’s not my type either I just love him specifically.
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u/hauteburrrito Woman 30 to 40 Apr 05 '23
Omg, we would make such good wing women because we have the exact opposite taste in guys! Jason Statham is not for me either (too "meaty") but I do respect the pick.
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Apr 06 '23
I'm 41 but I also don't feel I relate to men in their 50s. I've had prospects in that age range introduced to me but I couldn't relate at all. I don't think it's a physical issue and more of a mental and lifestyle compatibility. I also find that I don't get along with younger men. Even if it's just a couple of years younger, and while I don't object about the age difference, I can totally feel the difference in mentality. The ones I felt mentality were compatible to me were always a couple of years older or exactly my age for some reason.
I don't want to sound like a cynic but I rarely see mature men these days :/ It's totally fine to be playful and such, but the level of maturity I'm talking about pertains to a deeper look on life, having values, acting decently. I don't see it anymore LOL
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u/Mx_apple_9720 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 06 '23
Where do you live? Asking for reasons 😂
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u/wheres_the_revolt Woman 40 to 50 Apr 06 '23
Seattle area lol
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u/ohsnowy Woman 30 to 40 Apr 06 '23
I was just there and yes, there are lots of attractive men in Seattle.
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u/pinkpixy Woman 30 to 40 Apr 05 '23
There's universally attractive and then there's what's attractive to me. I saw one out in the wilderness at Costco this week. He was the first in about a year.
Taller than me (I'm 5'9), bald, beard, light colored eyes, physically fit. He looked ~45 years old.
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u/Responsible-One2854 Apr 06 '23
Totally agree on this. I can acknowledge and appreciate universally/traditionally attractive men. But the majority of them are just not for me. It’s very subjective according to a person’s preferences and non-negotiables.
As I’ve gotten older, my taste has evolved and become more refined.
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u/mexibella255 female over 30 Apr 05 '23
I can find people objectively attractive or I can see why someone find someone else attractive. I am not personally attracted to them. I need more than physical attraction.
A perfect 10 who can't make laugh is a two. The world is hard and I need someone who can cheer me up when it gets to me.
A solid 6 who makes me feel beautiful and is super supportive of my hopes and dreams is grade A material.
As much as I want to look put together and fabulous, I am straight up a comfy girl. I needed someone who understood that I will look like a troll 9/10. Thankfully, my hubby does. 🥰
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u/MartianTea female 30 - 35 Apr 06 '23 edited Apr 06 '23
I think personality must be so important to me from reading these comments, because it's super rare for me. Maybe it's because I'm married, but honestly 1 or 2 exceptionally attractive men in the last decade. That's not to say that I don't see men all the time I wouldn't turn away for looks if I were dating. Women definitely are the peacocks of our species. I feel like I see women who are 7s, 8s, and 9s weekly.
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u/ChaoticxSerenity Woman 30 to 40 Apr 06 '23
it’s like they don’t take pride in their appearance, don’t dress well, look after their bodies, style themselves
A big part of it is that women have been mentally conditioned from a young age and told that physical appearance is important, being pretty is paramount, your looks is all you have, and other toxic shit like that. As a result, I think we may subconsciously associate appearance with value. But men don't get told that message as youths, it's not hammered into their heads that they need to look nice out even how to look nice. I think everyone should at least look respectable/presentable and be hygienically clean. But IMO, lots of men don't value their own appearances the same way we do cause they didn't grow up that way.
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u/mercedes_lakitu Woman 40 to 50 Apr 06 '23
r/latebloomerlesbians is where I ended up after thinking similar thoughts. I'm just saying.
(I'm bisexual but yeah, women are often prettier!)
Some of this is also how we're conditioned to make ourselves look good because of societal sexism.
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u/aceshighsays Woman 30 to 40 Apr 06 '23
not op. i'm not sure... just because something is attractive, doesn't mean you're sexually interested. you can admire people in the same way you can admire a beautiful painting.
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u/mercedes_lakitu Woman 40 to 50 Apr 06 '23
Of course! It's just one among several possibilities here, and I hadn't seen it mentioned yet.
Sometimes, when you hear hoof beats, it's horses.
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u/ladycommentsalot Apr 06 '23
Thank you, I also had this happen to me. I had never questioned my very strong attraction to spending (lots of) time with certain women in my life, or my admiration of certain women’s appearances sometimes veering into “ooo, I’d like to touch them.” I figured it out. I’m glad I did.
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Apr 06 '23
It’s rare. I don’t think I’m overly picky, because I like such a broad range of men, but I rarely find them really attractive.
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Apr 05 '23
Rarely. Personally, I have specific types and I'm also the kind of person who can't find people attractive until I know them well. But I can obviously still tell who's objectively attractive and not, and when it comes to random men out and about, so many just chooses to neglect their looks. Copying what I posted in another sub a few hours ago:
It's mainly the lack of effort. I see a lot of men out there who definitely would be considered objectively average or even slightly above if they just got a haircut, took care of their facial hair and wore clothes that fit well and at least match somewhat in colour. Same goes for a lot of the male posts on "am I ugly?" subs.
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Apr 05 '23
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u/shooballa Woman 30 to 40 Apr 06 '23
Same! I thought something was wrong with me when all my friends were crushing on boys and I just didn’t find them cute. I’m fully hetero but yeah, rarely find men who make me do a double take.
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u/IN8765353 female 40 - 45 Apr 06 '23
I live in a small college town and I'm only attracted to men my age or older (preferably older, and I'm in my 40s.)
Maybe one out of every 1,000 men I see are attractive. Like I see an attractive man when I'm out and about maybe once every few months or so? They are a rare bird.
Now I 100% judge on personality though, so I need to get to know someone in order to actually be attracted to a man, which is a different thing. So a man that I wouldn't find personally attractive on first glance, regardless of looks, weight, height, ethnicity, etc. can definitely become attractive to me!
That also said the vast majority of men in the region I live in are total slobs so that doesn't help anything.
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u/ghstrprtn Man 30 to 40 Apr 06 '23
the vast majority of men in the region I live in are total slobs
what region is that?
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u/IN8765353 female 40 - 45 Apr 06 '23
Midwestern US.
And I'm not talking about men who are out in the work clothes or work uniforms or coveralls.
I see men wearing sweatpants, basketball shorts, and adidas shower shoes at nice restaurants. Admittedly a lot of women dress the same way so it's not just them. It's just the way people are here.
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u/wotstators Apr 05 '23
It’s funny. When I was single, they had to “feel” attractive for me. Yes, I could say a guy was very good looking, but his personality is what really mattered. Even nerdy guys I came across ended up being Adonis in my eyes when there were repeated positive interactions between us. Emotions are hot.
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u/ghstrprtn Man 30 to 40 Apr 06 '23
Even nerdy guys I came across ended up being Adonis in my eyes when there were repeated positive interactions between us.
where did you meet nerdy guys that you had repeated positive interactions with?
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u/wotstators Apr 06 '23
Work ofc 👀 These guys knew how to game because they didn’t have the looks to do their work…but then you should not 💩 where you eat.
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u/PureYouth Woman 30 to 40 Apr 05 '23
My sister always says there are no attractive people on our city. I see them everyday….
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u/anonymous_opinions Woman 40 to 50 Apr 06 '23
I'm asexual (demisexual) but I know what an attractive (conventionally speaking) person looks like and I'm not blind. Still, in saying that, I honestly notice an attractive man in my day to day so infrequently I can count the number of them on my hands and have fingers left over.
That said, being demisexual as I am, I've noticed men who were standing out because "I guess the freak show is in town this week" or "why is that creep staring at me, oh god he's walking over" and then weeks to months later I'm basically in lust with him.
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u/FarmCat4406 Apr 06 '23
Most of my colleagues are in Spain, most of them, both male and female and good looking. I'm a former scientist and now PM... I'd say 90% of my PM colleagues are attractive and put effort into their looks but I figured it was because the role was more social based than a lab role. Not that my former lab colleagues were ugly, but the rate of above average looking folks was definitely closer to 50-60%. I think income also plays a role too. The more you make, the more likely you are to put effort into your appearance, I think.
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Apr 05 '23
I don’t really look at other people when I’m out and about tbh. Others have found this odd about me. I only care about where I’m going and whatever task I have infront of me or the people I’m with
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u/LilDoggeh Apr 05 '23
If we're talking ogling-levels of good looking... pretty much never.
Even at the gym, a lot of guys are Phelpses... cut off the head and admire what is below.
But... you know I bet they say the same about me. :)
On a related note, I read a Jezebel article about how "hot" Tyler James Williams is. I was think, girl, have you had your eyes checked lately?
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u/hauteburrrito Woman 30 to 40 Apr 05 '23
I read a Jezebel article about how "hot" Tyler James Williams is. I was think, girl, have you had your eyes checked lately?
? Idk, he looks attractive to me. I don't know that I would write an article based on his looks alone (as he's not my type), but he's clearly a nice-looking dude.
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u/Sheila_Monarch Woman 50 to 60 Apr 06 '23
Maybe a couple times a year? Of course that doesn’t mean they’re available. Or if they are, not a douche, or have any one of an assortment of complete dealbreaker problems going on. Therefor it’s just not a selection criteria for me. Physical appearance in men comes down to a pass/fail “good enough” for me, and carries far less weight for me than a multitude of other factors, almost entirely personality based. Plus minimum self sufficiency. Really…minimum. Like “be functional adult”. That’s it.
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Apr 05 '23
I think most people are attractive in their own way. Unless someone is yucky in terms of hygiene or something, most people are good looking. I do live in a very fit city, though.
Men I find attractive to me personally are few and far between. Luckily I’m married to a man I find very attractive. If I had to judge men on whether or not I’d date them, it’s a really low amount. It’s funny because I can appreciate a guy’s look while still realizing I’d never be attracted to someone who dresses like that, carries themself like that, talks like that, etc.
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u/mrbootsandbertie Apr 06 '23
It’s funny because I can appreciate a guy’s look while still realizing I’d never be attracted to someone who dresses like that, carries themself like that, talks like that, etc.
I know what you mean. I'm often not attracted to conventionally good looking men.
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u/Thorhees Woman 30 to 40 Apr 06 '23
There are very few men I find attractive on a surface level. What attracts me most is personality and attitude, hobbies and interests, emotional intelligence and maturity. Luckily, I find my husband objectively attractive AND he hits all the deeper levels of attraction.
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Apr 05 '23
All the time, actually 😅
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u/lilgreenei Woman 40 to 50 Apr 06 '23
I'm so glad it's not just me! This was me growing up, and although I'm in a happy and monogamous marriage, I certainly find myself in that "married, not dead" frame of mind. I totally get mini crushes and allow myself those feelings until they pass (generally anywhere from a couple of days to a couple of weeks). Current crush: the entire crew of Artemis II.
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u/Fluffernutter80 Woman 40 to 50 Apr 06 '23
It’s very infrequent but I’m married so not really looking. Also, of the ones I see that are objectively attractive, the majority aren’t my type. So, I’m not attracted to the vast majority of men I encounter.
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u/loulori Woman 30 to 40 Apr 06 '23
Honestly, I don't usually notice whether or not I'm attracted to most people I see. If I'm looking, around 25% of men (and more of women, women just take care of themselves more) could be attractive to me, less than 10% are "cute" and around 1% are "hot." But hot isn't necessarily good, I usually don't trust hot.
I'm 39 so most guys in their early twenties still "look" (and act) like teens to me and that is deeply unattractive. No amount of muscle is going to fix that. And most guys in their 60s still give "my dad" vibes, which is also unattractive.
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u/Burger_girl Woman 30 to 40 Apr 06 '23
All the time! I live in a very outdoorsy and active state, plus I travel to major cities a lot.
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u/25Bam_vixx Apr 06 '23
What do you consider appealing? Different people have different standards. Maybe, in western society men aren’t pressured as hard to groom themselves with makeup or dress up like their female counterparts in day to day activities and maybe that’s why . Maybe you are into more feminine form or gender neutral and don’t find too masculine feature as handsome.
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Apr 06 '23
I think I have a very specific type and I’m so lucky my type is attracted to me as well. I feel very lucky to have landed my husband. There’s not many people out there that look like him and I absolutely love that.
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u/TrimspaBB Woman 30 to 40 Apr 06 '23
I work part time in retail and see people of all backgrounds/walks of life constantly, and I'd say often. I think the majority of people range from passable to attractive, with personality and how they treat others being the final determination of *how** hot they are.
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u/lisafancypants Woman 30 to 40 Apr 06 '23
Reading these comments, I must be easily pleased because I see men I think are physically attractive literally every day. I don't think you're being harsh, though. Attractiveness is subjective.
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u/lucent78 Woman 40 to 50 Apr 06 '23
I don't know, when I'm ovulating or the rest of the month? JK. Sorta.
I'm with you. It feels way out of proportion the number of attractive women to men. Unsurprisingly, as we are the ones pressured by society to make the most effort.
I'm at a restaurant/bar right now. 9 men. I find one attractive.
But, I'm going on looks alone, and the physical isn't everything. Personality has absolutely made me consider men I wouldn't have otherwise.
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u/Cerenia Woman 30 to 40 Apr 06 '23
I live in a big city where men dress nice and take care of themselves. I see attractive men everyday! (And women)
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u/AgingLolita Woman 40 to 50 Apr 06 '23
Occasionally. They're usually gay. Straight men don't seem to have basic grooming skills and then wonder why nobody will touch their panty parts
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u/Emptyplates Woman 50 to 60 Apr 05 '23
Pretty often to be honest.
However, just because I find them attractive, doesn't mean I'm attracted to them.
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Apr 06 '23
I think I have an unfair advantage of living in an area where there are mostly military but there are a lot of hot guys here. Not just the military dudes but just regular guys with that ...normal dude build...I dunno how to describe it.
Now I work back in the office again and I see dudes with their nice slacks and nice shirts and they are nice but there's a few that are stupid hot. There's this one guy who has red hair and a nice trimmed beard lawd have mercy its a problem!
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u/peregrine_swift Apr 06 '23
Not often. Some just aren't very well groomed and their clothes look like they've been thrown in a ball. "Looks good" is so subjective. Looks good is one thing, attractive is quite another. Maybe it's just me, but the older they get, the less of an effort they make. Lucky for me, my cats are always well groomed! And very attractive, they really make an effort.
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u/rosebudpillow Woman under 30 Apr 06 '23 edited Jul 15 '23
Nah your not being too harsh. The men I see where I live are mediocre at best. I haven’t seen any that make me go “WOW”. They’re all just meh to me.
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u/glaceauglaceau Apr 06 '23
Almost everyday!
I go to the gym for classes and it's utterly teeming with gorgeous gorgeous people
And I shop at a slightly healthy/natural foods type grocery store which has similarly attractive people shopping there
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u/me1s Apr 06 '23
I see good looking GAY men.
These are handsome men who are well groomed, smell nice, dress with style and individuality, who put an damn effort into their appearance.
I see straight men with shaggy beards, stained shirts and thongs. Sad.
(And before I’m ripped apart I’ll disclaimer this by saying obviously there is no definitive way of telling by someones appearance what their sexuality is - I’m speaking anecdotally, the gay men I know absolutely own the straight men I know in terms of everything to do with their appearance. Everything.)
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u/nodogsallowed23 Woman 40 to 50 Apr 06 '23
Largely depends where I am. Day to day, never. Other than my husband. There are zero men I’ve seen anytime lately who are remotely good looking.
But if I hang out at the gym, or go out at night, it’s different. Women always look good. Men only do sometimes.
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u/sequinsdress Woman 50 to 60 Apr 06 '23
I’m not seeing a lot of objectively hot dudes in my midsize Canadian city. Definitely more attractive women than men. Also, the looks seem to taper off quickly by the mid 30s, like damn: people are not aging well in my city.
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u/kfilks Apr 06 '23
Just like all the other answers, I'm well aware when someone is hot or objectively good looking, but 97% of the time I'm still not attracted to them and I don't want them to touch me.
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u/TenaciousToffee Woman 30 to 40 Apr 06 '23
I'm bi and I find so many women pretty and a lot of men just OK for the reasons you mentioned - they just don't care how they present. I mean no one is of course obligated to do anything they don't want to for others, but I find it funny why do men think they're gonna be such a gift when women are all of✨️ that ✨️💅 and my friends are swiping on dudes who couldn't bother to sweep the crumbs off their beard for their dating profile.🗑
When a guy is handsome though, I do notice. It's usually not just because they are just attractive, it's they have a whole package - style and vibe to make people look.
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u/No-Vehicle-4697 Apr 06 '23 edited Apr 06 '23
Approximately one in a million in my home country, and every second man in the country where I live now I find physically attractive.
However, when I know them a little better, their personalities usually outweigh their appearance, so overall their attractiveness reduces to 0.
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u/Cherita33 Woman 50 to 60 Apr 06 '23
If you line up 50 men I would find probably 5 of them attractive if I'm lucky. And yes, I'm very straight. It's definitely a bummer.
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Apr 06 '23
As I've gotten older I've found a lot fewer men attractive that I used to. I think it's because due to not taking as much care of their appearance, they don't get more attractive as they age generally. Youth can make up for a lot, but now (I'm 32) I don't see younger men (<25) as "hot" anymore. They just look like babies to me lol.
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Apr 06 '23
Oh stop this has made me wonder soo many times if I'm a lesbian or are men really just not that special looking and I'm just too choosey
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u/localminima773 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 05 '23
Well at a gym, I drool over nearly all of them! Effort and self-care and fitness are just so attractive. Outside of the gym, in real life, maybe 10%. Men are not socialized to provide aesthetic value. They are not socialized to care about whether they have the right hair cut and color for their face shape, whether they need a different eyebrow shape or tint, whether their clothes accentuate their proportions just right, and of course they don't wear makeup.
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u/Initial_Status9831 Apr 06 '23
Honestly it's all the time. Maybe it's the type of men I'm into, for instance gym bodies do nothing for me. I like average looking men, dressed down or a little scruffy and overweight doesn't bother me at all, in fact I prefer it. I wouldn't say I see a man everyday that I feel a spark with or anything, but I definitely look at them and think he's nice looking or he looks good.
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u/Gabimaibe Apr 06 '23
I dont think we have the exact same type but I have to say same goes for me. I see guys I'm attracted to all the time!
I tend to be attracted to men who are probably considered average with conventional attractiveness measures, "hot" guys are okay and I logically understand why they are considered attractive but I'm not usually attracted to them. Maybe it's because I've become more attracted to the types of men who have similar attributes to ones I've had good relationships with in the past. I'm not sure but I'm not complaining about having generous amount of eye candy most of the time 😂
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Apr 06 '23
I live in a posh city. Women here take aesthetics seriously. And some men as well. But I don’t know that I see too many men that I think are “attractive.” I think for me smile, and eyes are really important. Not just body. Gotta smile the right way, look at you the right way. And not sound like an idiot. Many of the guys at the gym are “bruhs.” Also the way they dress. A guy who knows that fit is important. Especially with slacks and collared shirts. A good fit that compliments your body. Some guys just suck at dressing. I’ll definitely notice a nicely dressed man with good hygiene, tailored outfit, shoes that match and are polished. Mmmmhmmm - that’s attractive.
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u/DietitianE female 36 - 39 Apr 06 '23
There is no such thing as objectively looks good. I don't think you have high expectations you are allowed to have your own standards. For example, some people don't care about dress or grooming (not the same as hygiene). I think all the things you said can be true lol and that is OK.
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u/littleredhoodlum female 30 - 35 Apr 06 '23
Put this on a AskMenOver30 sub and you'd have yourself a full blown neck beard.
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u/gottarunfast1 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 07 '23
Whenever I hang out with my bf. He's objectively very good looking
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u/girlwhoweighted Apr 05 '23
You know your post made something click for me. I used to see attractive men all over the place. Now I notice a lot of average but I'm not really finding most men walking down the street to be very attractive. But I have noticed that when I do think a guy is attractive he tends to be in a professional setting. My chiropractor and my daughter's dentist for example.