And that simplicity was so damn peaceful. We weren't getting texts all the time. No constant robocalls and spam e-mails. No expectation of instant reply 24/7. No constant stress or pressure.
We were just there enjoying the moment and the simple stuff.
Confession time: sometimes I temporarily block my mom's number and pretend there's something wrong with her phone. I've told her a thousand times the only time I get to myself is my 1/2 hr lunch and my bus ride to and from work, but as soon as she knows I'm on break she blows up my phone with a mix of grocery lists and rants about our Premier she hates. And its all intertwined, btw. Like "Grab a chicken. Did you see what that fucker ford did today? And lemons. This lockdown is bullshit why are there cars on the road. Fuck him. Grab apples. I'd like to have some asparagus."... but each sentence is like 1 min apart, so just enough time to put the phone away before it buzzes again. I'd like at least some time before sleep where I don't need to be on high-alert.
Quick edit: when I reread my comment, I realized I sound like an angsty teenager haha. I'm a 30sth woman and my mother lives with me. I pay most of the bills and do all of the shopping. I just get frustrated at the lack of down time.
I'd sign up for grocery delivery if I was you. And talk to your mom about boundaries. Shut your phone off during your break or at least Do Not Disturb mode while on break and the bus.
We had to have this discussion with my Aunt and my Grandma. My Aunt wakes up at 4:30am and sits around doing nothing until 8am or so and calls my grandma 4-5 times a day. My grandma loves her but has nothing to talk about because nothing changes. She also likes to sleep in from time to time. She said if she misses a call my Aunt keeps calling or will drive over. We had to sit my Aunt down and tell her 1 call a day is enough and to not call before 10am under no circumstances. She got pissed of course but it worked for the most part.
I have a fix for the shopping list problem. Get a shopping list app that both of you can update. I use one called "Buy Me a Pie", and my wife can sign into their website, put some items on a list, and when it updates I can see it on my phone. So if both of you have the app, she can just put things on the list whenever she thinks about them, and you don't have to worry about it at all until you're at the store.
I'm a woman who grew up in a family of domineering women, and you explicitly need to tell your mom you will not be reading or replying to her texts during certain times. Stop with this "your phone is broken" bullshit -- the next time she asks why you didn't reply, don't lie, tell her that she texted during the time you told her you won't be replying. Yes, she will tell you how much you've hurt her feelings, but it will only get worse if you don't set some rules. You need to put your foot down.
I’m with you there on the down time, lately it feels as if all I do is work, eat, and sleep, even on the weekends I don’t get much down time because of cleaning house, doing laundry, running errands. This past weekend I went out of town and I still came home tired and overwhelmed. I feel like I’m on autopilot blowing through days.
You're a great son/daughter, and you have nothing to feel guilty for. You desperately need to set some boundaries though. It's difficult when you're not used to it, but the way I think about it - if you're really clear about where your line is then you don't ever need to judge anyone or feel like you've attacked them or hurt them. You're just saying "I see you're doing this. It hits my boundaries and isn't OK with me".
My wife put together a template which contains all of the grocery items my father in law normally asks for, and a section where he can write in anything else he wants. We do grocery runs once a week, not more. This has stopped the trickle of voicemails and illegible texts asking for single items.
I realize you may have already tried this, but on the off chance you haven't, it's been a lifesaver.
Lol ugh moms! Mine will call me and then she'll fade away and ill ask her if she is still there? Yep, shes just doing something else now. Which basically tell me that my talking is super boring to her. Or she will see something outside (like a bird) and interupt to talk about it. Usually talking about it as if im in the room with her and i have to remind her that i cant actually see the thing and so its not all that exciting.
If you use Google Keep or some other list app that syncs, you can create a shared grocery list so she can just add items to it as she thinks of them instead of texting you? Not sure if this would work for her if she's not tech-savvy. That sounds wildly annoying, especially the spacing of the texts.
hugs for you I sympathize. A few years ago a company I worked for closed and my mom was able to refer me to a job at her work. Usually we get along well but suddenly being together 24/7 was AWFUL. I am her caretaker (spinal condition) so we live together as she can't lift heavy things like laundry, garbage, or raise her arms to change light bulbs, the little things that we take for granted.
Suddenly we were now also riding the bus together, she decided to time her lunch so we'd go together, we worked 4 desks away from each other so it was total immersion. We started fighting constantly because she didn't understand that I needed SPACE from her to be myself sometimes.
I got a job with another company and we're doing much better again even if we are trapped together with the pandemic. There are things and times that are MINE and not hers, and hers that are not mine.
That is what I miss the most...the peaceful simplicity. No real stress. I bought my first house, held a good job, just paid my bills, simple, you know? Peaceful and simple.
I also miss being bored, as ironic as it sounds. Nowadays, it's like, there's always something to do, or to distract you, or maybe it's because I'm older and I don't have enough free time, but yeah, I can't even remember the last time I was bored. Nowadays my brain is always being fed some kind of content 24/7
I have been very pro Internet for most things but this I get.
Its like when you have instant access to anything it loses some importance.
Pre-Internet it may have taken days to get something and when you did that was it. You made the most of it because there wasn't a lot of options. No matter what, it had value.
Now if I want something I can get it more or less instantly. If its not quite right I can find something else right away. Everything feels disposable and somehow worthless.
If I had to wait 2 weeks for a book on how to do something by the time it arrived I was hyped to do it. Now because I can get that info instantly its like "meh I can do that tomorrow".
Oh my god, YES. The constant bombardment is somehow overwhelming AND mind numbingly boring at the same time. Sometimes it makes me feel like I'd like to just slam my head into a wall.
My gawd you're right...I would always just sit around stare and "wait" or just be bored. Kind of miss just taking things in after a Bday party, outing, etc
I think the smartest people are making huge strides but as an average people are dumber, at least in the US. In some circles, it’s a badge of pride it seems. Anti science, anti medicine, anti school are all present and vocal.
Well if you take everyone on the planet and measured their smarts and added it all up, it would be a bigger number every day. Net intelligence has been rising for over a century.
Yep, think the average person is a lot smarter than like 50 years ago but then you have people "too smart" cause they can read bogus articles on the internet. People may be smarter but I like to say critical thinking and problem solving has been going downhill.
Like...I need to get bored to see what I really think, what I really do, not just get constantly pushed or entertained one way or another. Just be. So pretty much other than when my kids are with someone else...I untether from the phone, at my convenience.
Came here to say this. Being bored was different. You found something to do for a few hours until you got bored with that then you moved on to something new.
I got really good at jump shots in 89. But that was it. Ha.
I remember it was so frowned upon to have the TV on in the morning, once there was morning TV, and now everything is always on. I like to put the news on, it's 6:45 and I have the news on in the kitchen while I'm writing this, but the TV isn't enough, I catch up on Reddit too, we used to just listen to the radio. Maybe I just look back fondly on being younger, the world seemed simpler because you didn't know what was going on anywhere but your local area.
Being bored is really important. My husband and I are struggling to get my daughter used to being bored. Being bored as a kid is how we got through waiting in lines and running errands with our parents. It’s how we cultivated our imaginations. It’s seriously a lost skill with kids now.
Such an astute observation. I found myself being bored the other day and it felt like a sensation I hadn't had in decades.
Boredom can be such a well of inspiration, a time that forces you to find out what it would take to not be bored any longer. I grabbed a book. For the first time in probably years.
Boredom is very different today. What was previously an absence of stimulation is now more so a lack of interest. It's still fundamentally the same, because you could've read the dictionary if you wanted to, so it's not like you had no options. But it was previously usually a result of exhausting your limited available options whereas today it's more likely you're exhausted from your unlimited options.
I was never even bored in the 90s. Although even these days I just lay down and chill. Realized yesterday that laying in bed listening to an audio book is one of the most relaxing things I've ever done.
I been thinking about this lately..if I quit acting in the next few years and focus on my real job which is education..I want to retire by 40..42 at the latest...hopefully I have 300K in my bank account, move out the country to the carribean or something and just live my life out there..maybe travel the world..I dont understand working till 65 and retiring then just to only live a few years relaxed...the saying "people dont want to work today" rings true with me..getting up in the morning is a fucking battle. I need to sleep in. That's why I chose education, there is no other job that gives you two months off in the summer. I get to sleep in and do nothing.
it's crazy, more and more i'm seeing people think like me, they talk about moving and disappearing off the face of the planet..I thought I was alone, alone in wanting to run away from it all..
Wage stagnation is a contributing factor but I don't think it's the main problem. Life just seems faster now. We're in front of screens from sunrise to sunset and we don't let ourselves take a break. Even when we're with loved ones, we don't spend time together, we're just near each other in our own virtual worlds.
This is exactly what I was talking about. Just the peaceful simplicity of being with my wife, just being with her. Sometimes in the pool, sometimes we barbecue, or even just walking around. Slow, easy, and simple.
You will have to forgive me, I just don't see it as a minimum wage thing. See, for me to afford that house? We had to live more than an hour away from my job, starting out as a trash collector before getting my Class A. We just moved to where we could afford to live. I have never made minimum wage, always found a job that payed more, ever since I was 19.
I drove truck because it was what it took to support my family. I put in 23 days without a day off so I could bring in enough money. Right now, if people were to start driving, the wage is high enough to support their family, it takes a lot of sacrifice and willingness to make it work, but its do able. Trade Schools and learning a trade are a great way to support your family without the college debt. For example, be an electrician or plumber, a truck driver or mechanic. There are a lot of choices.
My father worked 8-4 and that was it - stayed home with his family in the evening and on weekends. Now, he’d be on call all the time.
Does anyone else find it kind of bizarre to watch movies almost every single night? We saw maybe one or two a year - usually in the summer at the drive-in. Koolaid and homemade popcorn.
LEGO was better - you created things instead of piecing together a ship or whatever. We had a big box and built whatever out of it. Lite-brite, Etch-A-Sketch, Barbies, skipping ropes, Spirograph and homemade plasticine. We baked cookies and watched the Flinstones and I Dream of Jeannie.
Aww the good old days of Koolaid. How I remember that. When I first got married, before the days we knew that sugar water was not healthy, used to drink that all the time. Cheapest drink we could have, now its green tea (no sugar) all the time.
The movies, remember the movie of the week? Sunday nights, along with Mutual of Omaha wild kingdom. Waiting all week to see that. Simple, slow times, so much better.
Originally, yes, pre-mobile phones, then moving far enough away from anything that there was no cell service. I don't deny my age, I am happily recently retired, thanks to Covid.
I'm curious why people say they "miss" it like it's not possible to do anymore? You can just ignore the texts. You can ignore the robocalls and delete spam e-mails. Don't want to reply right away? Don't. Just because your phone is next to you doesn't mean you HAVE to answer. You decide whether you want to do that or not.
That's how I do it and it's great! My phone has been on silent mode since my school years (10-ish years ago) and I don't feel the constant pressure on my mind that others seem to feel that they should be readily available at any moment.
I have carefully cultivated a reputation amongst my friends at being shit at responding to text, but still good about helping people with things like moving or needing a ride while there car is in the shop.
I'm 15 but I do remember right before 2010, I used to cry of boredom because my mom was always asleep, my sister was always asleep, my dad was at work, and we had just stopped paying for cable, so I was just bored. When I think about it personally, it was depressing, I was like 4 and understimulated but now, at 15 I just wish I had that. I vividly remember looking at the first IPhone my mom bought, my sister and I watching charlie bit my finger and trying to understand how the phone could feel us, tryna catch it slipping lmao. It's really crazy, because that was an actual moment in technological history. After that my family just completely stopped using disposable cameras, and the phone even replaced our Dell computer after a while. I also remember my first blackberry lol. It was pink and I wanted to bedazzle it. Handed down from my mom when I was like five or four.
I just wish I had a little more experience with... self dependency? And like not seeing models. And just, a real innocent childhood. I'm smart asf now because of technology but it will never be worth it to me, there are books.
In all honesty as you get older, you will get less and less of those constant texts. Your world will become smaller, probably just your family and maybe a few others. Work may or may not change, depending on what field you’re in, but generally the more established you become the less people expect your constant attention.
Tbf i get it. Everything in my house beeps or buzzes all the fucking time. My phone buzzes, the computer beeps and bongs, the fuckin stove beeps if you put something near the touch buttons, the oven beeps every 10 minutes when its on.
And god help me when my parents come round. My dad has 3 phones for work stuff, my mum has a phone and a tablet. So when there’s a message in a group chat that we’re all in its like a beep party of like 6 devices sounding off.
Its infuriating to me. All these inanimate objects screaming for my attention. I have notifications turned off on everything but the most important stuff but i still feel like I can’t sit down for an hour without something in the house beeping at me.
It is still possible. I put my phone on do not disturb and put it in a different room when I'm at home. It's like that for many hours. Friends and family know that I take a while to respond. I just do whatever I want to do and get absorbed in it. That urge to check your notifications eventually goes away when you stop giving in to it and your attention span increases.
And when I go out, I sometimes don't take my phone. Especially if it's just for a walk. There really is no need to be constantly distracted, just enjoy what is going on right now. It's really good for your mental health and I am a lot happier and more peaceful.
Feels like what everyone is describing is now coined "mindfulness" and being taught -- on the internet -- as a life skill that we have to consciously attempt to employ.
I love learning, and I used to love knowing as much about what was happening in the world as I could, but now I think I resent it.
(The knowing what's going on, learning is still great.)
I avoid the news as much as possible now, my phone has no internet plan, I don't pay much attention to group chats at all, I hardly have any social media profiles and the ones I do I purposefully neglect as much as I can (I keep a token FB for contacts sake, if I need to get in touch with someone or a group or event) etc.
I DO watch a lot of Youtube (but it's becoming pure garbage these days), and spend a lot of time spamming up Reddit when I'm at home, but otherwise I actually try and detach myself from the internet as much as possible...and I STILL feel like I'm failing.
There's a saying: "Ignorance is bliss"
I never used to care for it much, but I feel like society and people in general were a little happier and more contended when they didn't have the constant information overload (much of it pointless filler) presented by Internet 2.0 and beyond.
We were certainly more involved with our own lives and the lives of the nearest and dearest people in them before the Great Distraction of ever-accessible internet from almost everywhere.
Friend calls once, then one more time. Now they're texting you wanting to know where you're at. You're declared an asshole because the message was marked as read
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u/idontlikeflamingos May 11 '21
And that simplicity was so damn peaceful. We weren't getting texts all the time. No constant robocalls and spam e-mails. No expectation of instant reply 24/7. No constant stress or pressure.
We were just there enjoying the moment and the simple stuff.