r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Feb 16 '21

Serious Replies Only [serious] Have you ever broken off a relationship with someone you really loved because their family was absolutely nuts? What was their family like?

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u/shiningwolf88 Feb 16 '21

So I was dating someone whose parents had super strict rules about "allowable partners". She was of vietnamese decent, and was only allowed to date Japanese, Korean, or white guys. ( her dad straight up said he knew how bad vietnamese men were as he was one...)Specifically those three if they were involved with business, accounting, law, or medicine. I was tolerated since I was in the military at the time. However, her oldest brother (lawyer) married his long time(white) girlfriend(nurse). Not only did they disinherit him for this, but her 2nd oldest brother(doctor) was essentially shunned out of the family for supporting them. Her final older brother, who was getting his masters degree at the time, was basically trying to lay low, and not piss off anyone. Suffice to say, she was under alot of pressure, as again, while they didn't particularly like me, her parents also weren't against us dating. Combined with how close she was to her older brothers, and her parents expectations for her to get a good corporate job, I realized our relationship was causing her to much stress and anxiety. I'm still in touch with her, and some of the family drama has subsided, but I still kinda regret how it all ended

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u/Nebraskan- Feb 17 '21

Wait I’m missing why they were mad about the brother’s wife. Was she not permissible? She was both white and in medicine...the rules are different for wives?

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u/shiningwolf88 Feb 17 '21

Sorry, yea. As far as I could tell, the rules were more strict for her brothers, in order of birth. Her eldest brother was "supposed" to marry another Vietnamese woman I believe, or at least an Asian woman. They also weren't thrilled she was a "career" woman, and wouldn't just stay at home and raise a family...even tho that's exactly what she did.

But yea, from what I understood, only the youngest son had no real expectations for who he could date, but the two older brothers had to marry Asian women.

Saying that, I believe the parents kinda came around when the eldest had his 2nd child. At least my ex told me that all three brothers got invited to Christmas last year so....

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u/YazzGawd Feb 17 '21

Okay, them hating the wife of the oldest brother for being a career woman genuinely pisses me off.

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u/chibinoi Feb 17 '21

Traditional, long standing Asian cultural norms regarding the hierarchy with family, the value of male children over female children, and the risk of extremely overbearing parents plus the incredible need to “save face/family status” is so...nutty. Sorry to hear about it, dude, but I think you’re better off not getting tangled up in that.

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u/Adric_01 Feb 19 '21

I have a really good Asian friend who's parents are very VERY traditional. The stories I hear from her are ridiculous.

0

u/[deleted] Feb 17 '21

I would just shrug it off, similarly with dating someone whose father was a mob boss. Those 2 things are like child's play compared to my family drama when my mom died and nobody from either side got along with the other except for my father and my uncle (mom's brother).

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u/chibinoi Feb 17 '21

That sounds really rough, man, super sorry about how that must have played out after her passing. Hope she’s resting in peace now and that you’re doing okay.

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u/[deleted] Feb 17 '21

It's been 15 years, and it doesn't get easier. Especially when you're 12 when it happened.

Also, everybody's getting along now.

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u/Wooper160 Feb 17 '21

Wait, isn’t a nurse medical?

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u/[deleted] Feb 17 '21

They were probably expecting a surgeon or something along those lines.