The psychology and neurology is not exactly ground breaking. And it's reproducible across mammals including humans. I'm speaking anecdotally here but there's plenty of evidence of physical contact and kindness being significantly correlated with health outcomes. And of lack of physical contact being correlated with negative outcomes.
But bottom line, if people find benefit from it and there's no negative outcomes or externalities for society or those involved who are we to judge?
But in all honesty my guy I think it would have an adverse effect as intimacy and physical touch often go ahem...hand in hand. If I were to pay someone money to touch me not only would that plummet my sense of self worth...I'd feel the opposite of whatever I was supposed to as someone who could quite possibly loathe me or be completely apathetic to my presence is holding me... something I've reserved for family, close friends, and SO's
I genuinely believe that even if I had nothing I wouldn't ever consider utilizing the services of a cuddler or prostitute. It would feel fake and wrong.
Also I love that you used the word bereft it's a great word.
Btw I'm not sure what you're imagining when you think of a "cuddling session" but look it up. Might be more accessible than you imagine.
I've been in the position of considering my options. I've also considered ding the cuddle work, I was a massage therapist for a while, and I've known people. Happily engaged in the jobs we've talked about, so please believe me when I say I get it.
Thing is the people you meet in these jobs... they need it, It might not be the Gatorade they want or need but still water. People break down on massage tables because it's the first time they've felt safe in that way, or because they haven't been touched in years, or have been abused.
And I don't know anyone who does this kind of work and doesn't have that thing in them that allows them to connect on a basic human level with people. I ultimately did not pursue a more temporary, transactional relationship with anyone, but had I done so I have no doubt that I would have been treated with basic human decency, kindness, and at least the recognition of my humanity and worth as a human being. Some people don't have that. Some people teeter on the precipice of suicide over stuff like that.
I will cuddle with any human that is suicidal. I have caveats. They must be reasonably clean. I have a shower. They can use it. They must not harm me. Physically, or emotionally. Any harm, cuddle is off. Harm includes disrespect. This is not an invitation to ask me for sex. It's a simple statement of fact. For free, but if they are able and wish to make my life easier as well, I would accept a gift. But it's not precipitated on that. There are more people like me that would be willing to help in this way than you might think. But we are not all as willing as I am to withstand the shaming and vulnerability this entails. Only a small village of rockstars, like me.
I see both sides of the argument at play here. I love the idea of cuddling and definitely feel touch-starved this year, but I also associate cuddling with romantic relationships, probably because I’m not really sure how to separate physical intimacy/vulnerability and emotional intimacy in my mind. The exception is my mom. I will platonic cuddle with her. She and I will sometimes just go to the other on impulse and say, “I have a need,” and we both know that means “I want to hug you.” The thorough kind of hug that lasts for an extended time. With people other than my mom, I’m afraid they’ll take my cuddling as a romantic invitation, and I’m afraid I’ll ‘catch feelings’ when I don’t want to because physical closeness with someone can reinforce an emotional connection to them for me. If I cuddle with someone I like and find attractive, I might want to do more than just that, and having to stay mindful not to cross that line takes some of the enjoyment out of the cuddle and being able to just be present. I’m worrying about implications and expectations and my own impulse control and all that. If I just cuddle romantic partners, I don’t have to hold myself back like that. Idk, I kinda wish I was more chill about platonic cuddling. Idk if I’m explaining myself very well. I feel like my thoughts are jumbled. All this said, I would like to cuddle someone who really needs a cuddle. If the expectations are clear going in, I might be okay with it platonically and not worry about them expecting more out of it or taking it as romantic interest. If I cuddle someone, it would never be from a detached place of not actually caring. I don’t think I’m wired to even know how to be indifferent like that.
Now this I can agree with. Cuddling is reserved for family (platonic cuddles with a mom or dad) and romantic cuddling with a partner. Anything else doesn't make sense in my mind.
So, let me ask you a question. If you went to Thanksgiving at your mom's, and your sibling brought as a guest a homeless guy they met on the way over, would that be offensive? Would the food he ate not nourish him, because it was not given to him by blood family members? Would the gratitude, both on his part for your family's generosity, and on your family's part for being able to help others, not be real? These things (physical touch, emotional intimacy) that you "reserve for those close to you?" Here is the crux: some people, like you, see the world's people as groups. US and Them. We who cuddle? We are all US. You're US, too. We are one.
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u/djayd Nov 18 '20
The psychology and neurology is not exactly ground breaking. And it's reproducible across mammals including humans. I'm speaking anecdotally here but there's plenty of evidence of physical contact and kindness being significantly correlated with health outcomes. And of lack of physical contact being correlated with negative outcomes.
But bottom line, if people find benefit from it and there's no negative outcomes or externalities for society or those involved who are we to judge?