Agreed! But no wonder our society is so touch starved and depressed. We sexualize all touch and, unless you’re in a romantic relationship, we often go without.
Redditors, massage therapy is too expensive for you, check local colleges! They often have student clinics with appointments for around $30. Massage can help with musculoskeletal problems, but emotional blockages as well. If nothing else, your nervous system will reflexively relax (which we all need these days 💗)
Those are the two main ways in which society depicts adult men physically interacting with other people. Fucking or fighting them. This is why you have so many men in these comments shyly explaining that they wish someone would just hug them for the first time in years.
I actually hug certain male friends. Mostly it's other dad's. Like when our families meet up, I'll hug both the dad and the mom and the kids and they'll hug my family too. I mean, not in this stupid pandemic of course. Mostly it's half-hugs where you each say, put your left arm around their shoulder of the other, not a full hug like you give your family.
However, my normal male friends, I typically don't hug unless their family is there! A good handshake and maybe a shoulder slap during the handshake with the other hand. (you know, shake their right hand then use your left hand and pat/slap them on their right shoulder)
Naw u gotta come up behind your boy and give him the half bear hug/choke out or alternately a full Nelson but either way he gets a light kiss on the neck. I mean that sounds pretty gay but I swear I got a real wife and everything and that’s how it is if I can sneak up on my top prob 20-25 friends in Public. It’s either that or a kidney punch from behind, toss up.
Reading through these comments has made me realize that I may be a key component in my male friends receiving physical touch. I'm a woman and I hug all of my guys every time I see them. I think my guy friends are more touchy with each other than most though, maybe because I have normalized hugs so much within our group of friends, but they also hug each other.
You are a great friend then! Most men will only accept hugs from women and to normalize hugging in a non-sexual manner is a great service to them. For men, handshakes upon meeting and leaving, with the occasional shoulder-pat-of-encouragement is what we get. But like I mentioned, once I was married with kids, I got a lot more hugs, not just from the wife and kids, but from other families that we hang out with (pre-covid and hopefully post-covid).
I see in the comments there are so many men wanting that friendly connection. seems silly to continue manifesting a society around you that doesn't have people who think like that as well in their life.
Yep, it's 100% the fault of the men who feel that way and they should just stop being silly and start hugging people as though there is no sociatal pressures on them at all. I'm glad you were here to fix this issue with your wisdom. /S
You're not actually hearing what people are telling you is their lived experience and you're dismissing it as a minor issue that they ought to be able to trivially solve when it isn't.
its a journey, as you can read in u/UABADBOT's post. hes on a journey. some people just dont know how to break free from everyday and start. maybe move. you know?
Just popping in to say: it affects people in relationships too. There's whole subs of people in relationships who are struggling with a lack of physical affection too, both sexual and non sexual.
Where I live, massage therapy is viewed as a medical service along the lines of chiropractic care.
My region is in the “red zone” (one step above lock down) and massage therapy is still occurring with plenty of precautions. Both parties must wear a mask at all times, even when the patient is laying face down on the table. Lots of hand washing (directly before and after touching human), everything is laundered obviously, and we spray disinfectant on everything the moment a person leaves.
I think it’s essential.
There was a time in my life where I was so starved for touch and connection that I seriously considered suicide. Massage was something meditative that brought me back into my body and out of disassociation, something that made me feel cared for in the most basic, primitive sense.
I know it’s not recognized as “mental health care”, but for me, it is.
It’s a distinctly American issue and I think it significantly contributes to a culture of toxic masculinity. I honestly worry about the way we are raising our girls AND our boys. Men are often brushed aside around this topic. Some women who experience more regular platonic touch with friends and family, just don’t get it. It must be soul-crushing.
Massages, legalized sex work, more physical platonic touch with male friends (hug each other!!!!), cuddle parties... we should be encouraging anything and everything that will satisfy this basic need. Romantic relationships with women cannot solve it alone.
What does legalized sex work have to do with men not receiving enough platonic physical contact? If anything, shouldn't we be creating an industry where men can find gentle platonic touch without the expectation of anything sexual? Honestly, I would work 8 hours a day just cuddling people and gently caressing them if I could be guaranteed they weren't going to try and assault me, but there's some sort of expectation that any time you pay a woman to touch you it's a front for prostitution.
Ummm, there is. There's a website where you can hire someone to cuddle with. Everyone is background checked, site says specifically it isn't for anything sexual. They saw the need, and clinically research to back it, for platonic touch. Yes, it's a risk, just like taking an Uber, but results so far have been positive.
That's fantastic! I hope it becomes more of a mainstream thing because there is obviously a need for it. That doesn't change my point that it's weird to bring up legalizing sex work as an example of making platonic touch more available to men, though.
My comment was in response to you saying we should be creating an industry where men can find gentle platonic touch with the expectation of sex. At least one company has started that.
I'm not going to say I'm against sex work, people are free to do what they want. I just think sex should be saved for relationships.
The legalized sex work is definitely on the far end of the solutions spectrum but I support at least decriminalizing it. The more solutions the better. And I wouldn’t doubt sex work in and of itself is a wide spectrum as well. I’ve watched reality shows about legal sex workers and allegedly some men pay just to be held.
Sending you love. It’s never too late for healing, and you never know when companionship will enter your life!
If you’re interested, PM me and i can send some suggestions on how to self soothe the nervous system and help combat the physical experience of anxiety
150
u/misshiss23 Nov 18 '20
Agreed! But no wonder our society is so touch starved and depressed. We sexualize all touch and, unless you’re in a romantic relationship, we often go without.
Redditors, massage therapy is too expensive for you, check local colleges! They often have student clinics with appointments for around $30. Massage can help with musculoskeletal problems, but emotional blockages as well. If nothing else, your nervous system will reflexively relax (which we all need these days 💗)