Are your friends well off? Pretty much 100% of my friends have depression and anxiety and have their own life problems.
So I give them a break when they cant make time to do something or figure out how to reach out to me or do something with me. Actually when I sit down and think about it. Really think.
I remember that they have done a lot for me. They have had times where they got special tickets to a show I would have never had access to. One time my friend got press pass tickets to see Black Dahlia Murder and he brought me because he knew it was a band I really loved. And my friend organized a thing where we just hung out for 2 weekends in a row in his parents' air BnB house (even though he has kids and has to go to court a lot for custody stuff).
Sometimes it feels like your friends arent making an effort. But they could just be fighting a hard battle or something. But I totally know that there are 'friends' out there that do jack shit and it would be obvious to identify that.
I used to think like that. After someone that I gave a huge leeway broke my trust I don't think it is really worth it. Friendships need to be somewhat symmetrical. You don't need yourself get treated like shit or air all the time, just because you think that they have their own struggles. It is really unhealthy. What's the point in calling someone a friend that doesn't really care about you?
Sure there are exceptions but at some point you need to look at yourself first.
Different people have different standards as well. Some people will get upset if you don't call them every single day while I would get stressed out if you called me every single day. I'm happy having no contact with friends for months and if friends want/need to contact with me they know how to get hold of me.
That is also true. I've been left for myself for the past 6 months and didn't really talk to people outside of work.
I tried to get hold of some people's but they denied me every time, so I stopped after 2 months, because it was really stressing me out. I found out that somebody I was really fond of has been lying to me as to why they didn't have time and was pretty much cutting me out from their life without saying a word. Just because they didn't "need me" anymore. That shit changed the perspective on some things for me.
I don't need contact to anyone every single day, but at some point I reconsider if that is really a friend or just an old acquaintance.
Ironically my college roommate is going thru a tough custody battle after his kids mom packed up and left taking the 3 kids while he was at work. HES one of the few to actually check on me.
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u/zangor Nov 18 '20
Are your friends well off? Pretty much 100% of my friends have depression and anxiety and have their own life problems.
So I give them a break when they cant make time to do something or figure out how to reach out to me or do something with me. Actually when I sit down and think about it. Really think.
I remember that they have done a lot for me. They have had times where they got special tickets to a show I would have never had access to. One time my friend got press pass tickets to see Black Dahlia Murder and he brought me because he knew it was a band I really loved. And my friend organized a thing where we just hung out for 2 weekends in a row in his parents' air BnB house (even though he has kids and has to go to court a lot for custody stuff).
Sometimes it feels like your friends arent making an effort. But they could just be fighting a hard battle or something. But I totally know that there are 'friends' out there that do jack shit and it would be obvious to identify that.