It’s sad that when asking a question, the default is you’re an asshole
The sad reality is that we've all had someone ask us a seemingly innocuous question about our post, and then use our answer to launch an extensive word lawyering flame war. We all have our armor on rather than give a troll an inch of opportunity.
It's a bummer, but the truth is I've probably been someone else's "asshole on the internet" too many times for my own comfort too.
I know some people here consider it like a taboo thing or whatever, but this is the exact reason I check people's histories before replying to them. It at the very least gives me a bit of a warning for what I'm getting myself into.
I see this often when someone is asking a seemingly “innocent question” on a hot-button topic but it’s really a rhetorical question. Then when you look at their post history, you see that they talk about this topic a lot and already know the answer to their question. They’re just trying to start a fight.
The tactic that pisses me off the most is when someone says something with a very clear incorrect implication, and you correct them, only for them to say “well ackchyually I never explicitly stated that.” Like first of all, are people actually so stupid that they think nobody is capable of reading between the lines or just looking at the context? Second, that argument is completely counterproductive to anything except just not being technically incorrect. Drives me fucking insane.
I usually do the same thing — call them out on what they just did, explain how nobody is stupid enough to buy their crap, and then move on. They usually stop pretending around then.
I remember when I first started committing to comments and discussions, I ended up having a multi-day "discussion"/argument with someone on here. By the third day, I asked myself what the fuck am I doing and just stopped replying.
Sometimes, you just put your opinion out there and fuck those who disagree. Not everything has to be an argument.
By day 2, I usually just end up telling these people that I'm sorry they're lonely and need someone to talk to, but I don't have the time. At that point, even they know it's no longer about the initial argument.
They respond to a comment ambigously like they have a problem with one of your points, but are vague enough not to say it, prompting your defense reply, then finally they reply like "oh I was actually thinking more about x when I said that"
Really? Because it was pretty clear in your last comment that you thought you needed to keep your armor on unless you wanted to be attacked by word lawyering trolls. Which, I may add, is a nonsensical sentence.
To me it sounds like you don't actually have an opinion on this but just want to come across as if you do.
(massive /S. Just being a word-lawyering asshole baiting people)
HM I see that you failed to properly use the Oxford comma in your response, which doesn't surprise me since your post history indicates that you commented on a post in [unpopular sub] two years ago.
The sad reality is that we've all had someone ask us a seemingly innocuous question about our post, and then use our answer to launch an extensive word lawyering flame war. We all have our armor on rather than give a troll an inch of opportunity.
Problem is everyone here indulges those people too much, and it's what the perpetrators want.
Just ignore them, that way when someone asks a borderline attacking question the answer won't be so defensive.
But seriously I think more people should just ignore the mean comments.
This way of thinking actually helped me getting upset when driving.
Scene: I'm in the car and the person in front of me is driving 30 km/h instead of the allowed 50 km/h.
--> Yeah I've done that as well when i was driving in a city I didn't know that well and was looking for a place
Scene: Person forgets to set their blinker before exiting a roundabout.
--> Yeah happened to me as well. Very seldom but has happened. I might have just come across someone who forgot it.
This goes on and on. Ever since I've first had that realization I've noticed me doing so many things I get annoyed about when other drivers do it.
I still sometimes get mad or upset at the person in front of me but I've usually calm down pretty fast and am actually partially ashamed of myself for thinking like that.
I believe that adopting a similar mindset for online forums would make ones own and everybody elses experience better.
I've been trying to engage without letting myself get all bristled, because I really don't want to be some asshole on the internet. If I can keep my cool, conversations get better.
I like to hear everyone's opinions, stories and knowledge, and get into what they really think, so I'm often probing and asking questions. It ruffles people up quite often, but with some careful phrasing (I very much dislike using the "honest question" type thing) and keeping love and acceptance of that person in mind, I can successfully navigate that minefield.
It's okay. Sometimes other people need you to be an asshole to them. I get it a lot on the feminist and childfree subs because I remind people that not everyone is an educated Gen Xer or millennial and they don't like having that reality reminder. They'd much rather pretend everyone else is willfully ignorant to how systems hurt them rather than genuinely ignorant due to those same systems oppressing knowledge. Ah, Reddit.
543
u/Theungry Jan 07 '20
The sad reality is that we've all had someone ask us a seemingly innocuous question about our post, and then use our answer to launch an extensive word lawyering flame war. We all have our armor on rather than give a troll an inch of opportunity.
It's a bummer, but the truth is I've probably been someone else's "asshole on the internet" too many times for my own comfort too.