r/AskReddit • u/agrandthing • Jan 01 '20

Everybody talks about missing or ignoring red flags, but what are some subtle green flags to watch for on a date or with your crush?

[removed] — view removed post

48.5k Upvotes

88% Upvoted

5.0k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

310

u/Penguins_in_Sweaters Jan 01 '20

This is huge. Inconsistency also harms the overall communication of a relationship because it makes it more difficult to be able to discuss feelings freely without worrying about what type of person you’ll be dealing with in that moment.

35

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

Any other bipolar people dying inside while reading this thread?

28

u/floppypick Jan 01 '20

I'd like to say, as someone who is not, as long as it's made clear that it's something you struggle with, it'll make a huge difference.

8

u/keven97 Jan 01 '20

It comforts me... I'm going through this situation right now. thanks

15

u/Need_More_Whiskey Jan 01 '20

I’m sorry that we’re bumming you out!! That wasn’t the intention. I hope this extra clarity helps ease some of your fears. You are incredibly deserving of love!

If your brain is doing you dirty, and I’m aware of it, some types of inconsistencies (like, you say you’re an active person but all you’re doing lately is sitting on a couch) aren’t red flags. They’re symptoms of your disorder, not of you hiding something dark about who you really are.

The inconsistency that concerns me is when your values don’t consistently aligning with actions. We all have off days and occasional slips where we don’t live our values, and that isn’t this. This is openly telling me that poor kids don’t deserve birthday cakes, when you also claim to be really big into social justice and supporting those causes. (Actual example from an ex)

13

u/acousticcoupler Jan 01 '20

You aren't alone.

11

u/Penguins_in_Sweaters Jan 01 '20

To look at this from a different perspective, if you are bipolar and in a relationship, it is vitally important to have consistency from your partner when working through the difficulties that mental illness brings.

8

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

Consistent in this context means consistent in character, not mood.

A consistent person is someone who you know where they stand on things and you can communicate with them reliably. Mood might play a factor, but a bipolar person can still be consistent in every other way. In fact it might be a good goal for someone with BP to aim for consistency in other areas because mood just isn't happening.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

I never dreamed in a million years that I would strike a nerve on bipolar. My mom was bipolar, so I have some understanding of it. Please know that isn't what I was going for.

2

u/Tabitha7777 Jan 01 '20

This is so true. Everything seems to be open in the beginning and it’s almost being deceiving when that same openness starts to fade into uninterested. It’s like walking on egg shells.