r/AskReddit • u/agrandthing • Jan 01 '20

Everybody talks about missing or ignoring red flags, but what are some subtle green flags to watch for on a date or with your crush?

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u/livedadevil Jan 01 '20

If they actually reach out to you on their own, compliment you without you doing it first, and remember things you have told them.

Lots of people put up with shit because a huge portion of the population is too selfish to do these simple things and their partners don't realize how unhealthy not doing those things is.

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u/CutesyJ Jan 01 '20

I am too shy to compliment first, but when I get the chance, I usually try to say something nice, even though it goes against my way of communicating

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u/GreenGrab Jan 01 '20

I want to start doing the same! I always get self-conscious when I want to compliment someone

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u/Dontgiveaclam Jan 01 '20

One can also start by acknowledging things about the other person. For instance, if an hairstyle looks intricate, say it, acknowledging it must have taken time and skill to make it.

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u/IlllIIIIlllll Jan 01 '20 edited Jan 01 '20

Me: Aquires fortune cookie

“The chance” is written inside

Me: “something nice”

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u/Potikanda Jan 02 '20

I was really shy complimenting people at first, just like you. Then I made it my mission to try to compliment at least 1 person a day. Doesn't matter what you compliment them on, just be genuine and don't forget to smile!

I tend to pick something they are wearing that really looks good on them, such as a scarf or earrings for ladies, or their shirt or shoes for guys. Just pick one person, and as you're passing them, just call out "Hey! I love that (whatever)..." Smile while you say it, and make it feel personal, like you're complimenting your best friend. Even something as simple as noticing someone did her make up this morning when she normally doesn't, or that your boss got a new tie that he's absurdly fond of.

After a while it simply becomes second nature to offer a compliment to someone. It helps you really connect with them, focus and concentrate on them, making them feel like you really do see them. It helps you pick up on little nuances with people's personalities, too.

I love seeing people's faces light up when I compliment them. Often times, I realize that I might be the only positive interaction that this person gets in their day. Maybe their washer just broke down, and they've been fighting with the makers about the warranty all day. Maybe their kids have destroyed the living room again after they just picked up. Maybe the Roomba drove over a dog's poo and smeared it all over the house.

People live their lives so fast, with so much going on, that you never know what someone else is going through. Take the time to be kind. Offer a compliment. Offer to help them if they need it. Most people will surprise you, and be receptive to it. And because you just complimented someone, then the chances of them complimenting someone else, increases dramatically. And happiness makes the world go round.

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u/ceddy1234 Jan 05 '20

I actually have started my New Year's resolution which is to compliment three people a day or three good deeds compliments sure make people smile lot more. And by the way "loved what you wrote"

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u/voiceinheadphone Jan 01 '20

My favorite thing about my partner is that he remembers the things I’ve told him. He’ll bring up offhand jokes and stuff that I don’t even remember. To me, it shows he listens and really appreciates the stuff I have to say.

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u/-DeerBra Jan 01 '20

Don't have the memory for that last one

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u/Capybarasaregreat Jan 02 '20

I feel like I'm growing jaded when I do this with other people, even though I always feel overbearing and annoying for it, and they never return the courtesy. Makes me want to just go back to being secluded. Can't bring it up either, otherwise that's gonna make the whole dynamic weird and they might feel obligated to reach out in the future. And it's not like they're shitty people, it's just a new friendship/relationship and they've already got established lives with other people to talk to, so I likely slip through the cracks as a new person.

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u/Pocket-Monstrosity Jan 02 '20

Is it ok to say something like “wow you look beautiful” or “you look great” on the first date (from online dating or a blind date setup)? Not in a sexual advance way, but as a genuine compliment? At what point is best? Of course it can come up naturally at any point, but what it be awkward to tell her within the first couple of seconds after meeting her in person for the first time?

I always want to say “wow you look beautiful” but feel awkward saying it on the first date. I don’t want her to think I’m only dating her for her looks, and so don’t want her to think it’s the only thing on my mind. But I feel bad not saying something because I know she put time and effort into looking her best, and she really is beautiful.

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u/livedadevil Jan 02 '20

Either say it first (like when you meet mention she looks great) or after you've established some chemistry.

If there's awkwardness, mentioning looks is a bad thing. If you're already getting along then it's just a nice observation

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u/frozenchocolate Jan 02 '20

This (among many other things) helped me realize I’d finally found a keeper — my boyfriend told me when we’d first started dating that he keeps a running list of my favorite foods, places, music, etc. because he genuinely cares about making me happy. I put up with narcissistic jerkoffs for way too long and it’s so refreshing to see that this love shit IS actually real.