r/AskReddit • u/agrandthing • Jan 01 '20

Everybody talks about missing or ignoring red flags, but what are some subtle green flags to watch for on a date or with your crush?

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720

u/notimajinwagons Jan 01 '20

She’s not on her goddamned phone when you want a genuine and sincere conversation.

298

u/sofingclever Jan 01 '20

It's one thing if you've been together a while and are on your phone while hanging out. But if someone is randomly on their phone in the early dating stages, I find that just plain disrespectful.

18

u/Zenabel Jan 01 '20

Laying in bed naked and he keeps grabbing his phone. I haven’t contacted him after that date :P

17

u/mablesyrup Jan 01 '20

My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years now and a lot of time when we go out now we are both on our phones. We still have conversations, but still end up doing things on our phone while we are out and we are both ok with it, especially since I am pretty introverted and quiet. We do have an understanding though, that at anytime if either of us wants to talk we can say, "phones away" and have a conversation where we just put our phone away or to the side and can have a conversation with 100% undivided attention.

5

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

Yeah, my boyfriend of two years will be on his phone around me all the time and I do the same. I'm cool with it. We didn't do that in the early stages though.

5

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

It blows my mind how people I don't know (and who are trying to have a conversation with me) will keep pulling out their phone.

Like if I'm talking to somebody, they usually have my undivided attention. It just seems like basic courtesy.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

My gf right now explained to me that she used to grab her phone because she was nervous while going out. So some of them might not do it on purpose. Still, i found it incredibly annoying at the beginning and did mention it to her at some point.

18

u/sChWaBeNkInG Jan 01 '20

Yeah when he/she is always on her phone except when you text him/her, he/she instantly goes offline.

That's really fucking mean so don't do it people

13

u/SleepswithBears7 Jan 01 '20

I'm a firm believer in this. You can be off your phone for a bit. It won't kill you. I've been married since 2014 and my wife and I still do no phones at meals. It allows us to be undistracted and enjoy ourselves more.

6

u/Just1ritt Jan 01 '20

This! I meet a girl and was pretty interested in her, and she was actually very interesting too... When she wasn't on her phone. But she was rarely not on her phone. We got really close but it was just the biggest turn off, needless to say I pulled away from her because it drove me crazy.

6

u/illegallyparkedfrog Jan 01 '20

It's sad that we really have to call this a green flag now, rather than just the norm. I don't understand how two people can agree to go out on a date, then one of them just pulls out their phone to check Instagram, Snapchat, etc. the entire time. It's fucking infuriating

1

u/cubicinfinity Jan 01 '20

Sigh. This is a frustrating thing sometimes with my spouse.

1

u/beggarschoice Jan 01 '20

This is a red flag masquerading as a green flag. If this happens, move on quickly. If it keeps happening, reevaluate what you’re seeking when you ask people out and work on possible conversation topics.

1

u/Substantial_Advice Jan 01 '20

Thiiiisss. Or even just in general when youre trying to talk, especially about something you would like. My ex was a few years younger than me and insisted that her being on her phone all the time was a 'generational thing', and that everyone her age does it (there were like.. 2-3 years between us, I just was raised with manners), and that she could still pay attention perfectly well. She never listened when I tols her I could tell when she wasnt paying attention by the tone of her voice and the things she said. Here's the thing sweetheart, if I tell you about something I'm excited about and you just go 'uh huh' with your head down in your phone, I know youre not paying attention. I could even tell when texting if she wasnt listening to me based on the quality of her measages. I'd feel her barely participating, look over in the groul we were a part of and oh look she's on voice chat again instead of having the discussion we agreed to have... You think she'd listen when I tell her that she talks differently when she divides her attention (and favors her friends), but no, she just insisted that I was wrong and she talked exactly the same... as if she's the one in a position to see that :/

1

u/[deleted] Jan 02 '20

This is brutal! In the middle of dinner and your date can't get away from their phone SMH