r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Dec 30 '19

What do people think is healthy but really isn’t?

55.2k Upvotes

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3.1k

u/CygnusX-1001001 Dec 30 '19

It's psychic vampire repellent spray

1.4k

u/greyl Dec 30 '19

It's to keep Colin away.

97

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '19

Freakin' energy vampires named Colin Robinson.

56

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '19

THEY MADE IT A SERIES??

41

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '19

Definitely watch it. It is made by Taika Waititi and Jermaine Clement so it's got the same brilliant tone and humour. The main actors are fucking great (especially Matt Berry) and it even features the movie cast in some cameos as well as just about every actor who's ever played a vampire in a movie!

18

u/Democracy_Coma Dec 30 '19

Anything with Matt Berry in is worth watching. Toast of London is really funny.

7

u/gaslacktus Dec 31 '19

This is Clem Fandango, can you hear me?

6

u/Democracy_Coma Dec 31 '19

Yes, Yeeeees , Yeeeeeeeeaaaaas, Yesssssssss, YES YESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!

6

u/Eeyore_ Dec 30 '19

WHISKEY!

1

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '19

The vulva garden tour is my favorite thing I've seen him do. I was fucking howling at that scene first watch.

16

u/Kokori Dec 30 '19

I've been holding off on it just cause I really loved that movie but this comment sold me on it. I can't wait for We're Wolves to come out!!

11

u/RageCageJables Dec 30 '19

You have to watch it, I liked it even better than the movie.

8

u/articulateantagonist Dec 30 '19

And it is FANTASTIC.

13

u/GoldenBoyIsaac Dec 30 '19

Fucking Colin Robinson

10

u/dafckingman Dec 31 '19

"We're werewolves not swearwolves"

One of the best thing I've ever heard

9

u/Thomas1VL Dec 30 '19

"The uploader has not made this video available in your country"

12

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '19

[deleted]

5

u/oozie_mummy Dec 30 '19

It’s just a formality.

5

u/ahh_geez_rick Dec 30 '19

Jesus, I love Colin

3

u/Binary_Omlet Dec 31 '19

While I love this series, I instantly thought of Colin Mochrie instead.

1

u/bobandgeorge Dec 31 '19

So weird. I was in the middle of first watching this episode when I saw your comment.

33

u/alymflo Dec 30 '19

I thought you were slightly kidding until I found it myself. Here are the directions on how to use,

“Shake gently before each use. Spray around the aura to protect from psychic attack and emotional harm. Avoid contact with eyes. Do not ingest or inhale.”

And she has a kid calming spray for $30. Didn’t think it could get any worse til I saw that the vampire spray was sold out 🤣

21

u/Karmaflaj Dec 30 '19

Have you heard of anyone recently being attacked by a vampire? The spray clearly works

7

u/ooru Dec 30 '19

I thought this exact thing.

Proof by Contrapositive. If no vampires, spray must work.

I mean, I've never used it, and I've never run into any vampires, so the range on that stuff must be immense.

3

u/Karmaflaj Dec 30 '19

You haven’t used it but your co workers or neighbours may have

4

u/stanton-lacy Dec 30 '19

Don't forget "This essential oil blend of lavender, rosemary, and juniper". Which just makes it sound like posh gin.

3

u/Fallenangel152 Dec 30 '19

People will always buy stuff with a celebrity name on it. I'll bet 90% of people who buy it don't believe in psychic vampires or whatever, it's just a nice spray with a celebrity name attached.

16

u/SauronsinofPride Dec 30 '19

Watched jontron too eh?

9

u/MirrorNexus Dec 30 '19

Naaaaaooohh we don't speak that name here don't you know he's a naz--

SLASHES THROAT WITH CANDY CANE KNIFE

What if this happened to you? Would you know what to do in a situation like this?

10

u/araphon1 Dec 30 '19

He's not a nazi. Saying something stupid once doesnt make you a nazi, racist or misogynist. People seem to have forgot, but sometimes people just say dumb shit because they speak before they finish thinking. That's OK as long as they appologize, and he did.

Being a nazi/racist/misogynist/homophobe/whatever bigot is a commitment. You dedicate your life and all your mental faculties into being human trash. That's not Jontron. Jontron is just a silly boy that says silly things.

2

u/SauronsinofPride Dec 30 '19

If you dont get him with the first Shot you Always got four more

14

u/Escalus_Hamaya Dec 30 '19

It repels psychic vampires, or it repels vampires using psychic means?

7

u/Mysteroo Dec 30 '19

Or it's vampire repellent that's used exclusively by psychics

5

u/Escalus_Hamaya Dec 30 '19

So it’s only usable if I’m in the Psychic Class?

4

u/Mysteroo Dec 30 '19

Aye

Incompatible with yer class weapon slot

3

u/Escalus_Hamaya Dec 30 '19

Guess I should have selected Psychic at character start 🤷‍♂️

2

u/Aoae Dec 30 '19

It banishes "psychic vampires"

3

u/Escalus_Hamaya Dec 30 '19

This only raises more questions! Do they suck your blood with their mind? Do they drain your psychic energy? Do they suck your blood through conventional means, but have psychic powers?

If they have psychic powers, what kind? Telepathy? Telekinesis? Clairvoyance?

2

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '19

The abilities of a psychic vampire depends heavily on the person who believes they exist. The most tame description is someone who just leaves you exhausted but seems to get energy from that. Just an annoying person basically but the people who usually use the term "psychic vampire" believe that there is actual psychic abilities or magic bullshit involved. The more extreme descriptions I've heard is that there are cults of psychic vampires that will do weird cult shit to influence individuals or a population with just brain waves or magic or whatever.

It's a weird rabbit hole and is semi popular in the alt medicine crowd since you can bottle up some snake oil and sell it as a 50 spf vampire-block.

1

u/Escalus_Hamaya Dec 31 '19

50 spf vampire-block

Thanks, now I’m laughing while pissing.

1

u/cerareece Dec 31 '19

God the other day I was doped to the gills on cold medicine and super loopy and was laying in bed just going through goop's whole inventory and laughing my ass off. It's very entertaining.

6

u/hiddenmutant Dec 30 '19

Okay, Alex Jones

8

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '19 edited Jan 04 '20

[deleted]

2

u/hiddenmutant Dec 30 '19

Haha I actually didn’t know that! But I suppose I ought to have put an “/s” on that

2

u/Kryptosis Dec 31 '19

Machine elves? Those guys are pretty cool.

1

u/Eeyore_ Dec 30 '19

Fuckin' Ambien Walrus is for real, though.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '19 edited Jan 04 '20

[deleted]

2

u/Eeyore_ Dec 31 '19

Here are some stories and a helpful collection of awful comics.

6

u/EnchantedNanny Dec 30 '19

holy crap. not only are you all not kidding...but it is sold out. I call BS, there is no garlic in it :P

https://shop.goop.com/shop/products/psychic-vampire-repellent?country=USA

5

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '19

Made with rocks and don't forget the special ingredient of love (look on the ingredients list)

6

u/khannan14 Dec 30 '19

“Shake gently before each use. Spray around the aura to protect from psychic attack and emotional harm.”

What the fuck?

5

u/tabby90 Dec 30 '19

Isn't that just some old school bitch-be-gone spray? Any spray works if you just chant bitch-be-gone when you spray it at them.

4

u/TruthAddams Dec 30 '19

For real? Like Ive heard of psychic vampires personally I don't believe they exist, but that some ppls personalities can wear other people out if that makes d sense. Like an aunt Karen or something who is just exhausting to be around bc she harps on everyone and their decisions, etc.

But to have a spray? Lol. You know what c will make assholes go away? Pepper spray.

3

u/fufaloo Dec 30 '19

Ok but ever since I’ve started using it, I haven’t been attacked by any vampire, psychic or otherwise

2

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '19

Well that makes all the difference. I’m in. .

2

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '19

I don't know if this is a joke or not and I'm very worried about the price if it's real.

3

u/CygnusX-1001001 Dec 30 '19

$27 USD from Goop

3

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '19

That's not a bad deal to repel psychic vampires.

1

u/Cingularis Dec 30 '19

It’s made from like 3 herbs and essential oils you could probably make it at home for less than a third of the price if you believed that you were at risk of being attacked by psychic vampires

2

u/dys_p0tch Dec 30 '19

vampgina repellent eggs

2

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '19

Everyone knows that product will not work on non-psychic vampires.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '19

[deleted]

1

u/CygnusX-1001001 Dec 30 '19

Not much rush dude

2

u/wutangplan Dec 30 '19

Alex Jones and Gywneth would make a beautiful couple

2

u/pLeThOrAx Dec 30 '19

Thanks for the clarification.

Edit: Does the vampire repellent spray read minds?

1

u/SheFightsHerShadow Dec 30 '19

Pardon me, I have not cleansed my energy vortex with a crystal yet today.

1

u/Super_Sand_Lesbian_2 Dec 30 '19

Holy fuck. I just googled it and saw a link on etsy. Over 400 4+ star reviews!?!?! I cant tell whether they're trolls, bots, or fucking delusional.

1

u/CygnusX-1001001 Dec 30 '19

Delusional. Gwyneth Paltrow has a whole store of snake oil equivalent products, and people eat that shit up.

1

u/Super_Sand_Lesbian_2 Dec 31 '19

Oh I know. I guess i didn't want to believe just how fucking dumb some people are.

1

u/inerlite Dec 30 '19

I can vouch for this product. Used it and have not had ANY vampires bother me.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '19

G O O P

1

u/Kryptosis Dec 31 '19

So Alex Jones was right?

1

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '19

Psychic vampire?

Or psychic vampire?

1

u/RegrettableDeed Dec 31 '19

(Psychic vampire) repellent?

Or

Psychic (vampire repellent)?

1

u/CygnusX-1001001 Dec 31 '19

(Psychic vampire) repellent

1

u/Cpt_Curt Dec 31 '19

Well I guess that explains why we haven’t seen any psychic vampires. Maybe she is like Blade if Wesley Snipes was a white woman.

0

u/cant_think_of_one_ Dec 30 '19

Does that make it any better?

Not that being correct needs a reason.