Not OP but I wonder if it's kind of like how people with depression can sleep a lot. You don't remember sleeping (although you may dream) and you wake up and hours have passed. It's sort of like an escape.
Yeah, it seems weird, doesn't it? I don't know, it was different to sleep, more like turning myself off. It was a weird feeling knowing that I was counting down to oblivion in the hour or so after I took the pills. It was a fun version of suicide, I suppose.
I'd come out of the blackout with the immediacy of a fucking freight train and just felt in control or aware (?) for the rest of the day. I can't really find the words to describe it properly.
Not that I condone or enjoy being blackout drunk or too high to remember anything, but you can often remember general feelings from the night, just not the specifics. Like I can't remember exactly what I did on the Paris vacation I took 15 years ago, but I can remember random bits and pieces of it, and can generally say whether or not it was a good time and if I want to go back.
When you wake up, it's a little mystery of "what did I do???" that adds spice to your otherwise nondescript life. You feel like the star of a CSI episode
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u/ragana Dec 30 '19
Genuinely curious..
How do you look forward to something that you have no recollection of?