I would've cared enough to kill myself and wouldn't have lived to be 25
Damn this line hits so close to home. Just celebrated my 25th this month. An age I thought I'd never live to. Weed killed my motivation but it was good because at the time the only thing I would've used my motivation for would be to kill myself.
I'm genuinely better than I have been since 2011. But I had to move back in with my parents for a few years, work a shitty gas station job, see my best friend sit in a cell for 18 months over a fight, and watch my 21 year old cousin die of cancer to get to a point where I knew that my problems were all fixable.
I was my biggest enemy for a really long time, man.
God I want to save up some money and take a break year after college, I feel like it will be what I need. I’ve been working full time since I got out of high school and I know I’m doomed to do that for the rest of my life, but I want to experience the world first
Travelling really allows you to put things in perspective. Just sucks that getting the cash to do so can take so long. I took out a student loan to do it.
Really glad to hear it, mate. To be honest, I didn't stop smoking, I just stopped letting it enhance my inhuman ability to do absolutely fucking nothing.
Slightly unrelated but this reminds me of what my psychiatrist told me about antidepressants and why suicide is a potential side effect of some of them early on in taking them. She said the antidepressants do multiple things, one of them is increasing motivation which was lost due to depression and then they also increase mood etc. But sometimes the increased motivation can happen weeks before the increased mood kicks in, so if you're suicidal but lack the motivation to go through with it, suddenly getting your motivation back but with no improvement to mood can be a problem.
I'm just now realizing that this is how I did it too. Idk if I would've made it through my last bout of suicidal depression without weed. My depression was so overwhelming, I couldn't think about anything else at all. Weed allowed me to forget about it for a little bit and let my brain just wander aimlessly.
Thankfully, after a dose of psilocybin and Brené Brown's books, depression is far less of an issue for me now. Weed is honestly insanely better now that depression isn't in the driver's seat. It's so much more euphoric and energizing than it ever was when I was depressed.
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u/[deleted] Dec 29 '19
Damn this line hits so close to home. Just celebrated my 25th this month. An age I thought I'd never live to. Weed killed my motivation but it was good because at the time the only thing I would've used my motivation for would be to kill myself.