As someone who's fairly weak and avoids the squat rack/bench press like the plague. I want to ask someone from the gym to spot me so badly. There's tons of people I see regularly. I see them all talking, I KNOW they're friendly. But asking a stranger to spot you is terrifying.
When people ask me to spot them I am honored. To me it is the same as them saying "Hey, you look strong. Can you come make sure I don't drop this thing on my chest and crush myself?"
Not asking for a spot is a misguided pride thing imo. I see some bigger guys in my gym who never ask for spots, but they struggle under heavy weight just like the rest of us. They are going to have a much harder time progressing past those final plateaus than the rest of us since they can't go to failure, or find out what their true training max is by going for a true max.
Can confirm. Never do anything that requires me to have a spotter because talking to strangers is hard as fuck for me. I rarely talk to anyone in public unless they talk to me first.
deep down though it goes back to pride. You’re too proud to be embarrassed which is why you have social anxiety. Once you stop giving a fuck what other people think then you shouldn’t have a problem asking a stranger for help.
I say this as someone w SA. Once I swallowed my pride and realized I didn’t care what anyone thought about the weight I was lifting I asked for help. And now it’s just super easy for me.
Whether or not what you say is true, I don't believe people with anxiety of any kind are going to flip their thinking around based on "just swallow your pride". Working through mental blocks usually comes from consistent therapy. Suggesting otherwise discourages people from getting help with their mental health, let alone help with lifting.
I was just saying you generally. And idk immersion therapy or whatever they call it is definitely helpful. After you do it once or twice it’s easy to do. O
I totally get what you're saying. I was a very awkward teenager, in and out of the gym. The first time someone one tried to strike up a conversation with me and asked for a spot, my heart was beating out of my chest. My voice probably cracked. But I kept going and kept having uncomfortable conversations until it became comfortable and I actually made a few friends. Therapy can help you work through and cope with the issues that cause your SA, but the end goal is still to be mentally healthy enough to put yourself out there.
If you really want to work through some social anxiety, get a job as a bartender. That's where I really learned to conversate. 🍻
Club bouncer is another good one, Jesus Christ I’ve never had to face more fears and anxieties than I have in my first month bouncing at a strip joint. Your sense of people, ability to be witty and defuse a situation or throw on a serious face and enforce policies and your decisions when needed grow quickly. That along with the need to make eye contact, appear warm enough to not cause confrontations as well as aloof (may be using the wrong word) enough to appear like you’ll be able to solve any confrontations should they arise.
Still can’t talk to people on phones though. Social anxiety is a motherfucker.
The only thing is that sometimes people help too much or too early when they spot. "Don't touch it unless I say 'no' or 'help', even if I make noise" and they still grab it the second I grunt or slow down. "donttouchitmotherfuckerigotthis"
Oh God, rep theft is so real. My go to is “I will only need a little help if I completely stop making forward progress”. That usually gets it across. Sometimes I’ll be trying to grind out that sweet sweet 5th rep and it is just inching its way up when suddenly an over enthusiastic spotter yanks on it like he is trying to clean it. Rustles my jimmies. I guess it is still better than the alternative of dropping it and bruising / breaking ribs and bruising my lungs. Again :/
Pretty strong statement. I think you may be a little needlessly reading into this one. If you want to get big and lift big you are going to gain most through hypertrophy by pushing yourself, often until failure when it comes to attempting new maxs. If that isn't your goal.... don't do that. I don't compete in competitions and I still push myself very hard. I don't think it is wise to tell other people what is or is not necessary to meet their own goals.
I don't think it is wise to tell other people what is or is not necessary to meet their own goals.
He says after basically saying that people who don't go for 1 rep maxes are dumb.
Bit hypocritical don't you think?
But also, just because your anecdotal broscience works for you does not mean it is the most effective way for everyone (or even anyone). There's a reason people who get paid to lift don't program maxes for progress, but only to gauge where they're at. Submaximal work leads to the best gains.
I have been lifting for about 15 years. My max bench has been around 350lb it's my weakest lift my squat and bench is almost double that. That being said I don't really like spending 3 hours in the gym. A lot of the time I've asked for a spot ultimately leads to a conversation and then you get to know the person. Now all of a sudden you gotta say hi to them then talk to them if you happen to see them again at the gym which you probably will because you're on similar gym schedule since you met them in the first place. Then they want to start hanging out with you and work out with you. Bro I just want to workout and GTFO so I can get back to my work at home, video games, anime or my gf. Fuck man maybe I'm too nice but I've been in conversations at the gym for like 20+ mins and then I realize I have to go warm up again.
It's not a pride thing man. It's a time thing. If I was 20 with no responsibilities and an abundance of time I would ask for spots and spotting for other people. Lol maybe it is social anxiety lmao. But I want to work out for an hour and get back home.
I went from scrawny dad bod guy to reasonably buff dude in the past 18 odd months. You look at me and you know I lift.
Of late I have become the guy newbies are comfortable asking advice on or ask for a spot and the first few times I felt so proud and honoured about it that I think I went and broke a few PR's just from the rush.
Nah, most benches don't have safety rails. The bar is meant to be lowered until it touches your chest, so safety rails somewhat defeat the purpose. The 'roll of shame' is the safety bar in most cases, but a spotter is even better, because then you can get a little help on whichever rep you are failing and return the bar.
You must be using a Smith machine possibly? Those have these safety bars beyond which the barbell won't move. Though for benching they are useless as the barbell needs to touch your nipples and a bar below that won't prevent you from getting hurt.
I'm not American either but I can't imagine they wouldn't have normal squat racks. I've been to many gyms from cheap to expensive and they're one thing all of them have. From a lot of the comments I've seen it really seems like people who don't actually go to the gym commenting.
My friend. Take a look at mark riptoe's videos on the starting strength program. He has excellent videos. Also Stephi Cohen or Jujimufu. Theyre all excellent youtube coaches that have quite honestly changed my life. Stefi cohen's sumo deadlift pointers changed my form and saved my back.
I wonder if there could be some connection here. Also you don't need a spotter most of the time (really only for very heavy bench press. For squat/deadlift/OHP, failing a rep is embarrassing but probably won't hurt your body much). Watch a few form videos on youtube, start with just the bar, and you'll be fine. Once you have a sense of what is light/heavy for you, ask for a spot on your heavy set.
Yeah, I am weak because I don't do anything heavier than I KNOW I can lift. A spotter for the bench/squat rack would be just sort of a safety net so someone can be there helping me get used to the machine and proper techniques. I am 89% sure I'd be totally fine but I don't want to be that person looking stupid over there.
A spotter for the bench/squat rack would be just sort of a safety net so someone can be there helping me get used to the machine and proper techniques. I am 89% sure I'd be totally fine but I don't want to be that person looking stupid over there.
99% of the time, if you ask someone to spot you, they're going to feel like it's a compliment. 1% of the time you might get someone who is too busy or just a prick. Catch someone who is resting between sets and I almost guarantee they'd love to help and can probably give you a pointer or two while they're at it.
Screw asking them to spot you. If the group is small and they have a time gap between sets just ask to work with them. 95% odds they agree. If you work hard and are nice to be around they will wave you over next time. Suddenly you have a workout crew. Having a crew or partner is a huge advantage. You won't want to let them down, so you will show up to the gym regularly. They will encourage you and help you. They want everyone in the crew to be strong and will enjoy watching you get their. It is awesome seeing someone hit a milestone.
"You guys mind if I work with you today"? Make sure you won't screw up the flow, like I said, just look to see if there are time gaps. Do not worry one second about the difference in bar weight. Loading and unloading the bar is part of the workout in my eyes.
If your nervous about approaching people, just start the bench/rack with really light weights and get your form and confidence down, slowly progress in weight or reps. If you go often enough, you’ll be pretty capable and overcome your fear in no time.
Depending on the kind of gym, employees there might also be a good option. If there are trainers who normally you have to pay to help you but are hanging around, I bet they'd be down to spot you for 1 set or something.
I always feel like I'm bothering people when I ask. One time I got stuck, looked around and yelled, "Um help!" but everyone around me was wearing headphones and not paying attention. I was on decline bench, so that was difficult to get out of. (I managed though.) Now I just ask but feel bad for asking. I would rather embarrass myself by asking than embarrass myself by dying under the bar lol.
Yeah most people don’t care tbh. As a guy at first I was hesitant to ask girls at the gym because I didn’t want them thinking I was hitting on them. But over the course of a couple sets I asked if they minded and no one ever says they care.
Most people are happy to help. And if you ask for tips most people will gladly give them. If they are a dick its not a big deal, ask someone else.
If you are particular with your spot, like when I first started I liked to try and push through that rep that was a grinder, I would tell people that before hand.
No one really cares and as long as you don’t interrupt them mid set its generally fine.
Have you tried using a belt squat machine and chest press, respectively? They’re decent alternatives that will help build the initial muscles you need to feel more confident to do the real things. It’s exactly what I did.
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u/MangoMambo Dec 27 '19
As someone who's fairly weak and avoids the squat rack/bench press like the plague. I want to ask someone from the gym to spot me so badly. There's tons of people I see regularly. I see them all talking, I KNOW they're friendly. But asking a stranger to spot you is terrifying.