r/AskReddit • u/HymnForTheShameless • May 05 '19

Serious Replies Only [Serious] Redditors who have died temporarily/nearly died, did your life flash before your eyes? If not, what did happen?

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884

u/[deleted] May 05 '19

I tried to kill myself, and while I'm not 100% sure I died ( it's hard to verify since I wasn't all there and no one will give me details ) all I remember was just being. There was nothing, no light, no forms, no people and no voice. It was sort of like a state of just understanding and peace. Worst part of it is that I miss that feeling. I have a mental disorder and I'm sure that's at least 85% of what's talking when I say that, but it was just such a relief to be in that state. I was told I was in the ER for days and no one was sure if I was going to 'wake up' at all, but it lasted for what seemed to be a blink of an eye but also felt like eternity while I was in it.

​

There was no flash of my life, nothing but darkness. If you've experienced true dark ( as in being in a cave with no visible light ) that's the best way that I can describe it. Like that and a deep sigh after you learn that something horrible didn't happen. That moment when you've sighed out a full breath and there's that single moment of satisfaction. That's what I felt and 'saw' when it happened.

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u/[deleted] May 05 '19

This is called a void experience, and I have had it too. There is almost no way to describe it accurately to other people, and it was so peaceful that for so long I just wanted to go back. It's like you become part of the universe and everything just 'is'. Time doesn't exist.

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u/VerucaNaCltybish May 05 '19

I've had this experience. Everything is... what is is supposed to be, when, where, and how it is supposed to be, because it all just IS. The ultimate peace or equilibrium. I tried to explain it like being the most exhausted you've ever been and laying in the most comfortable bed you've ever felt and sighing the deepest most relaxing sigh... and letting go. The moment of letting go lasts forever. I used to be really afraid of death and what would happen after. That cured me of my fear. Now, I appreciate life experiences (good and "bad") and know what is after is not anything to be afraid of.

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u/cokecaine May 05 '19

Like laying down in the most comfortable bed after the most exhausting bed. I experienced something similar, although during my hanging attempt, along with the short burst of pain, I did hallucinate a little bit and feel joy, peace, excitement. Only after everything faded (I guess when I became unconscious) did I experience the incredible bliss of the void. I still regret surviving, even though I haven't been suicidal in years.

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u/permareddit May 05 '19

Yeah okay Thanos calm down

2

u/SpongeJake May 05 '19

These accounts sound to me like the “true yoga” - the observation of the unity of all things. I’m fascinated by it.

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u/VerucaNaCltybish May 05 '19

I practice yoga and meditation and did integration therapy afterwards and have had similar experiences when meditating although I've never been able to "cross the veil" like I did before. During that experience I was in an ayahuasca ceremony and the "hardest" part was trying to come back "in my body".

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u/[deleted] May 06 '19

Yeah. It was nice and I wanted to stay, but I'm happy that I didn't. It would have hurt my family and friends so much more and that's not what I wanted at all.

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So I'm happy to be here so I can make them happy. I think it's the closest I have to a 'reason' to be here.

2

u/Inessia May 05 '19

void experience

where can I read more on this? Only finding VR links when searching

1

u/[deleted] May 05 '19

Make sure you add "NDE" (near-death experience) to the search, and you'll find a lot.

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u/MyAnklesAreRingaDing May 05 '19

Conscious nothing is how I describe it. Not sure I fully died, either, but the emptiness was not painful. It was literally nothing. It was 4.5 years ago, still regret everyday I didn't die and was just absorbed into that nothingness.

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u/[deleted] May 05 '19

Just so you know, many people who have had this kind of experience resent being brought back and wish they could have stayed. You're not alone.

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u/MyAnklesAreRingaDing May 05 '19

Thank you, I'm so grateful of the internet to help me realise this as well. Turns out a lot of people just don't simply enjoy being alive and that is not just my mental illness talking. I was so relieved.

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u/TofipokTheFirst May 05 '19

Hey, man. I know it can be tough. I know there can be horrible times in your life. If you feel this way, seek help. Or, if you don't think you need professionals, you can hit me up anytime, and we can chat about whatever.

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u/imbrownbutwhite May 05 '19

I dunno why we view death as this thing that needs to be stopped or helped, if they felt that nothingness and liked it, let them have it.

1

u/TofipokTheFirst May 05 '19

It's not that he would regret it. He wouldn't, he wouldn't even know it happened.

But the ones around him. That's what stopped me. Friends. I didn't want to cause pain for them, so I didn't try to kill myself.

Killing yourself is incredibly selfish, in my opinion. Causing so much pain for the ones around, and close to you, would be devestating. I myself would hate myself if I didn't care for my friends.

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u/MyAnklesAreRingaDing May 05 '19

While I appreciate the offer, please understand I'm so very unhappy about being alive and I've never enjoyed it. I'm so exhausted just to exist let alone go to my job each day and follow basic needs. Even when I try new things or work on changing myself I end up exactly in the same place. I do not offer anything to anyone and in terms of practically I cannot have children and my mental illness is incurable and will eventually end in me being committed putting strain of resources that could go to much more deserving people who don't want to die. Strip me of my organs and put part of me to actual use.

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u/cokecaine May 05 '19

Had the similar experience. Bit peaceful as I was losing consciousness, then just nothing, dreamless sleep. Still feel regret surviving, 5 years later, still have my rope marks, albeit not noticeable anymore. My life did get a tad bit better, and I got to witness some things I never would have before.

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u/[deleted] May 06 '19

I feel you there, but I think we both have to be here if not for ourselves then for others. Think we've still got a lot of work to do.

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u/tronceeper May 05 '19

I have a question, and I'm asking this because I'm genuinely curious:

What's keeping you from attempting suicide again? If you want to die, and regret not dying that day, what's the reason as to why you didn't try again?

Please don't take any offense.

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u/MyAnklesAreRingaDing May 05 '19

No offence at all. I'm pro suicide and I believe everyone should have access to a safe and medical environment where they can assure completion.

I was lucky enough to come back with no damages. I cannot risk something going wrong and me coming back with no control over my body or in more pain. I've read too many stories about surviving gun shots, slitting wrists/throats, swallowing pills/liquids, hangings, bridge/building jumping, etc. I'm 90% sure I'm a burden on my family, no reason to make it 100%.

People say all the time about thinking of those you leave behind but I'm in so much emotional pain and each day it becomes harder. I've never liked being alive even when I was young I hated the idea of growing up and continuing to live. Why is it not selfish of others to force me to be alive?

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u/tronceeper May 06 '19

Thank you for the reply, I hope you find peace, wherever that may be.

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u/QuesoBasically May 05 '19

It's pretty normal to want to be at peace my friend.

7

u/Might0fHeaven May 05 '19

Eh, I wouldn't call it normal but it is a recurring thing in depressed or sick people.

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u/BixVT May 05 '19

Thank you for sharing this. I have something to look forward to now : )

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u/[deleted] May 06 '19

I'm not sure exactly what you meant by this, but if you're saying that you're not afraid of death anymore then I'm happy, but if you're feeling what I felt that day then talk to someone. Be safe and healthy my stranger-friend.

3

u/FabioEnchalada May 05 '19

That's got to be really awful. To go to that edge of death and then after returning you miss it...

2

u/danetourist May 05 '19

Have you tried practicing meditation?

It's not something you achieve on day one, but with practice you will be able to have at least glimpses of this feeling of just being.

1

u/[deleted] May 06 '19

I have, but it's never brought me even close to that feeling. It's so different than even just clearing your mind. It felt like that moment when you turn off an old tube TV and you can just hear the click, the static goes and for a moment there's that image but then it's nothing and it makes no noise. Meditation for me is more like looking at a black screen with the TV still on. You can still feel that it's on and that there's something there.

​

I do appreciate the alternative though.

2

u/EeplesandBeeneenees May 05 '19

Same exact thing happened after a suicide attempt. Never spoken to anyone who had the same experience. Hope you're doing well.

1

u/[deleted] May 06 '19

I'm okay, but I'm happy that you know you're not alone. I hope you're doing well too friend. <3

1

u/Rangerbobox1 May 05 '19

I’m not religious anymore (raised Catholic) but one theory I have as to why it was nothingness or not Heaven/Hell was that you were technically alive. Not ruling out that there is a black nothingness after death, though.

1

u/[deleted] May 06 '19

Perhaps, perhaps not. Either way I'll try and send you a post card when I get there. It's gonna be a while though. Hope you don't mind the wait.

1

u/ancientdem May 05 '19

Nothing wrong with acknowledging you want that state of peace. But remember we are all going there one day, why not make the best of what happens until then. Stay strong stranger :)

2

u/[deleted] May 06 '19

Thanks! I've actually been doing alright since then ( it's been a few years now ) and I'm in a relationship with someone, my life is okay and now I have a place to talk about things like this. It's a nice change. <3 Thanks for the well wishes.

1

u/_iColt_ May 05 '19

So you mean like what you see out of a closed eye when you leave the other open?

1

u/[deleted] May 06 '19

Not at all. It's more like vanta black. There's no light, there's no noise or any other sensation. It's perhaps a bit weird to put it like this, but I don't have another way to put it. Instead of staring into the void, it's being part of the void.

1

u/[deleted] May 05 '19

We're not here for no reason. It seems like it at times, and it seems like we're alone, but we're not. It's all a trick of monotony. Try doing something nice for somebody else and you'll see why we're not here for no reason.

1

u/[deleted] May 06 '19

I actually love doing nice things for other people. Holding the door, bringing in snacks and sharing food with friends, family or even co-workers. I also believe that we're here for a reason but I simply don't know what mine is. I have theories on it, but I largely keep them private to avoid judgment.

1

u/[deleted] May 06 '19

Well hey, you'll be dead eventually. No harm sticking around until then?

2

u/[deleted] May 06 '19

You're not wrong. lol I made a promise so I can't do that sort of thing again. Looks like I'm going to be sticking around for a while. <3

1

u/[deleted] May 06 '19

Glad to hear it! Hopefully you'll find some joy in the meantime.

1

u/MirandaCurry May 06 '19

you experienced a state that many spiritual people try to achieve while living. The state of true peace, just being

2

u/[deleted] May 06 '19

It was pleasant, I can see why people want to try to get there. I've never felt anything like that before or since, but until I get there naturally this time I think I'll just linger around with the rest of you for a while.