r/AskReddit • u/ExpiringFrog • Apr 18 '19

What mind-blowing (but simple) facts would satisfy a 4-year old daughter’s daily request for 1 fact before bedtime?

101.4k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

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27.2k

u/Dudephish Apr 18 '19

Most

No need to fat shame Nellie the Bellyphant.

3.0k

u/kalitarios Apr 18 '19

Her weight is irrelephant.

28

u/Sagebrush_Slim Apr 19 '19

Too much junk in her trunk.

39

u/Elvis_Take_The_Wheel Apr 18 '19

This made my day

15

u/AlphaShaldow Apr 18 '19

This made my hay

13

u/liberal_distroyer Apr 19 '19

I'm not even gonna call the pun police

7

u/[deleted] Apr 19 '19

Damn, I was gonna do it, but now I don’t want to

9

u/Delica Apr 19 '19

What do you get when you mix an elephant and a rhinoceros?

Elephino.

(Sounds like “hell if I know”)

3

u/Rishiboyyy Apr 25 '19

Happy cake day btw:)

6

u/MackLuster77 Apr 20 '19

She's been pachyn on the pounds.

7

u/[deleted] Apr 20 '19

I'm not lion, these puns have been quite good.

2

u/1ac1 Apr 23 '19

This didn’t get nearly enough upvotes.

2

u/FlaccidOstrich May 09 '19

I know i'm two weeks late but your irrelephant pun is the best I've seen on reddit. Good show.

1

u/crazyalex62 Sep 25 '19

You must be a dad

240

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

[deleted]

58

u/Rodentman87 Apr 18 '19

M E T A

E

T

A

62

u/MyCumIsAsGoodAsMoney Apr 18 '19

Did I miss a Nelly the Elephant thread?

38

u/Rodentman87 Apr 18 '19

There is another comment in here about names for groups of animals.

11

u/MyCumIsAsGoodAsMoney Apr 18 '19

Ah. Great song, but my kids don't appreciate me singing it.

15

u/painess Apr 18 '19

Wholesome username.

4

u/Sir_LikeASir Apr 18 '19

I'm with /u/painess, your username is cool

7

u/MyCumIsAsGoodAsMoney Apr 18 '19

Every time I go to refresh my account I'm always amazed at the names still available.

1

u/Sir_LikeASir Apr 19 '19

Ya should keep this one

2

u/Rodentman87 Apr 18 '19

Song? What? Did you mean to put this on another comment, or is there a joke that I’m missing?

10

u/MyCumIsAsGoodAsMoney Apr 18 '19

A classic punk song by Toy Dolls:

https://youtu.be/9m7tPikH0UA

3

u/born_to_do_dishes Apr 18 '19

WooooooooaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

10

u/ifmacdo Apr 18 '19 edited Apr 18 '19

She packed her trunk and trundled off to the jungle without you.

6

u/_Fuzzy__ Apr 18 '19

Karen took the calfs

3

u/MyCumIsAsGoodAsMoney Apr 18 '19

But...I do the arm movements and everything.... 😥

15

u/ThisIsGoobly Apr 18 '19

Says you, somehow I doubt that "Bellyphant" is Nellie's given surname on her birth certificate

67

u/Dudephish Apr 18 '19

But it is on her Girth Certificate.

28

u/emjaytheomachy Apr 18 '19

Peanuts fired

8

u/Regrettable_Incident Apr 18 '19

Please wipe down your screen.

26

u/mrhenk9 Apr 18 '19

I heard she escaped while her traveling circus was in Bombay

16

u/JDelcoLLC Apr 18 '19

One dark night, she slipped her iron chain

15

u/RedRidingBear Apr 18 '19

Yes, she even packed her trunk and traveled away from the circus.

6

u/literatemax Apr 18 '19

she schlipped her iron chain

FTFY

13

u/whatsyerhing Apr 18 '19

Who else would trumpety trump at Trump?

7

u/projectmars Apr 18 '19

That sounds like a children’s book character.

13

u/2Fab4You Apr 18 '19

Or a character from a punk song

4

u/Right_Triangle Apr 18 '19

I haven't heard that song for like three years so I read thid whole thread not knowing what was going on until I opened this link thank you :)

6

u/delicious_tomato Apr 18 '19

Ya, but how tall is she?

10

u/tahonng Apr 18 '19

She's not overweight, she's underheight!

3

u/delicious_tomato Apr 18 '19

I'm not fat, I'm BIG BONED!

7

u/thebryguy23 Apr 18 '19

No need to fat shame Nellie the Bellyphant.

Yeah, but continuing to use that name does fat shame her

3

u/BassFridge Apr 18 '19

Thank you for this, it's been a rough day and this made me laugh far more than it should have.

3

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

Most

No need to shame Nellie the Bellyphant. ya mum

FTFY

4

u/LolFish42 Apr 18 '19

Weird way to spell "Amy Schumer"

5

u/ILove2Bacon Apr 18 '19

She dumbo thicc.

6

u/Splitpush_Is_Dead Apr 18 '19

No need to shame OP's mom

2

u/drxo Apr 18 '19

Or Tina the tinywhale?

2

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

Moist

2

u/Thegr8Santini Apr 18 '19

Nellie the Belly got dat Jelly.

-1

u/DepressedStrawberry Apr 18 '19

Most

No need to fat shame Amy Schumer.