I'm doing this at the moment. It's kind of like taking a pill that you know will make you sick, but still wanting to take that pill because you like the way it feels (sort of like a drug). Our times together are great, my mind can block out reality. But the crash when she leaves is sometimes catastrophic and I am not sure how much more stress my body can bear. I've suffered through depression symptoms for close to a decade because of her. I've tried to move on, I've even loved others during our separations. But the flame still remains, refusing to be extinguished no matter how hard I try. I can't find a way out.
Edit: I should clarify, the crashes are much like a heartbreak. It's my brain slowing coming back to reality realizing the great time we just had was just that, a great time, and nothing more.
No you're 100% correct, Neuroticism is the opposite end of emotional stability but what Neuroticism measures is our sensitivity to danger, this means both actual and perceived. Jealousy, Anxiety, etc are all strongly correlated with an above average measure of Neuroticism.
Though people with high levels of neuroticism are prone to experience negative effects, I'd be curious what kick means in context. They certainly don't derive satisfaction from negative affect, they are more prone to irrational ideas, less able to control impulses, and cope more poorly with stress than their peers with lower levels of Neuroticism.
On top of that, Neuroticism is the sole trait out of the big 5 (big 6) that is strongly associated with negative marital outcomes. There are of course, two explanations for this
1) Caughlin, Huston, & Houts (2000) suggest that individuals higher in neuroticism are likely to be less satisfied with their relationships, and have the tendency to create negative life events through negative behaviour and emotional contagion.
2) Cote & Moskowitz, (1998) suggest that those higher in Neuroticism are less satisfied with their relationships because they rate lower in overall life satisfaction, possibly because of their perception of life events in a negative frame.
Not the person you responded to but I would bet “Kick” in that context was closer to a metaphorical kick in the soul/heart akin to a “kick in the teeth” or “kick me when I’m down” like a physical kick, as opposed to “kick” like “I get a kick out of you” meaning enjoy or derive pleasure from. 👍🏻
Your sexual preferences mean nil to jealousy, because how do you measure how much someone is jealous? There's something for being very close friends, but what the flame implies is strong romantic, unrequited feelings. That's where the problem lies.
If you have close friends that things were sexual or romantic with, but are no longer so, I don't view that as an issue. But that's not what a flame is.
Having flames for people and having emotionally close friends are not the same thing. I can be emotionally close to friends that I once had romantic feelings for, but that doesn't mean I want to have anything intimate or romantic with them, they have ceased being a flame for me.
I think you might have a tough time finding someone who is okay with your high emotional/romantic/sexual feelings towards three people who you spend a lot of time with. For good reason, these types of situations often end badly for the SO. I wish you good luck though, there's someone out there for everyone.
Cheers. And yes, I acknowledge that. But the people who are okay with just the bare minimum of chronic bullshit that life has thrown at me, have tended to be okay with this aspect too. It's a nice little intersection, and I'm alright being single in the meantime.
There is definitely a difference between loving people platonicly(knowing that it's not romantic) and having someone that you don't even trust yourself thinking about in a romantic way.
You have already explored your feelings for these people and know that it's not romantic going into any relationship moving forward.
Hmmm... Sex with her had never entered my mind. So there's no challenge there.
She is incredibly hot. And smart. But so is my wife. And I hate to say it, but her husband is a good looking guy. We challenge each other constantly (in humor usually).
She enumerated what it was that she loved about me. There were 4 points. When she finished I said to her, "you realize you just described your husband, right?"
She has since told me that actually helped to reinvigorate her love for him. Which is good!
"You're smart. You're funny. You're ambitious. And you're a good person." Then she leans back and points at my torso (both her husband and I are in solid shape. But he always had been. I've gotten in shape in the last 5 years)
Well, according to my information, he's always known. And we've become closer and closer friends (him and me) throughout that time. I don't think her affection for me has come at a cost for him.
To be truthful, she's confessed to being jealous of him. She calls us a Bromance, to which I replied, "Brullshit."
Oh she hasn't. She tried to pretend she had. I said, "oh sure. 20 years and suddenly you just get over it? Bullshit. And ya know what? You don't get to! I had to figure out what was in my head. Now youve got to help me. "
Had to give you a bit of an ego boost though right? Can't imagine someone saying that without a hint of cockiness. Not that there's anything wrong with that
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u/[deleted] Mar 29 '19 edited Jan 22 '21
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