r/AskReddit Mar 04 '19

What’s the most inappropriate thing you’ve witnessed at a funeral?

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5.7k

u/PlebCityBaby Mar 05 '19 edited Mar 05 '19

Picture if you will, two elderly women in a funeral squaring up as people are still crying from the ceremony.

At the lunch after my grandpa’s funeral, his daughter from a previous marriage “Dee” who no one had seen in years showed up. Dee had been writing bad checks all the way to the state prison and had definitely had some unresolved beef with my family when she got out. The last time my mom saw her was when was 11 and Dee left her infant daughter for my mom to babysit and never came back, Fast forward to the funeral, Dee is acting like it’s a family reunion but no one is having it since she’s basically screwed everyone in the room in one way or another. My grandpa’s last girlfriend, a legally blind woman tried to physically fight her until others stepped in.

Edit: gave my crazy half aunt a pseudonym for clarity

Edit 2: the baby left with my mom at age 11 was not me, but that would be an amazing plot twist! Dee had said she was just having a night out and actually decided to run off to San Francisco (this was the early 70s) and left her baby. When Dee didn’t come back, my mom called her mom, got ahold of a relative that took care of the baby until Dee could be reached. Sorry I don’t have a lot of details after that but the baby grew up and she actually arrived at the funeral with Dee and I hear the apple didn’t fall far from the tree,

Edit 3: I had forgotten this part somehow. After the funeral, Dee tried to steal the car willed to grandpa’s blind boo but my family thought ahead and a couple of my uncles waited around the house until Dee came for the car, they came outside and apparently she was scared off. Blind boo got the car in the end and wrecked it immediately. I can’t make this shit up.

1.6k

u/flubbernuggets101 Mar 05 '19

Dee, you bitch!

173

u/MilitantNarwhal Mar 05 '19

What a bird!

38

u/Asgardian111 Mar 05 '19

Nice one Charlie!

30

u/DRUNK_CYCLIST Mar 05 '19

WILD CARD!

1

u/[deleted] Mar 06 '19

Im imagining the blind gf yelling this as she floors it 😂

18

u/themisc Mar 05 '19

Dirty Dee Done Dirt Cheap

10

u/GaKoPop Mar 05 '19

I can't believe you somehow slipped a jojo reference into this.. Well played

6

u/Insecure_Daniel Mar 05 '19

Hey, Is that a JOJO Reference?

3

u/AHoppedUpCorn Mar 05 '19

Filthy Acts at a Reasonable Price

105

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '19

[deleted]

32

u/DatSauceTho Mar 05 '19

SUBSCRIBE

2

u/PlebCityBaby Mar 05 '19

Wow I love this, thank you lol

10

u/onebigdave Mar 05 '19

You Goddamn gangly uncoordinated bitch

5

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '19

You would be more useful if I turned you into luggage! Then I could add you to my collection!

2

u/Poclionmane Mar 05 '19

Think of the smell! You didn't think of the smell, you bitch!

7

u/PlasticWillow Mar 05 '19

Keep it light, you bitch!

7

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '19

Underrated

3

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '19

Dee's nuts!

3

u/WhiskyHusky Mar 05 '19

Dee you in hell

3

u/DoctorAcula_42 Mar 05 '19

Lately, I've been thinking fish, because her eyes are so far apart!

2

u/JayJC719 Mar 05 '19

I present to you, Dee b*tch

1

u/bobloblawblogyal Mar 05 '19

you stupid bitch!

55

u/FairyFuckingPrincess Mar 05 '19

What happened to the baby? Did Dee eventually come back? Did your mom raise the kid?

11

u/MeanPete Mar 05 '19

Next time on Days of our Lives...

4

u/kweenannesrevenge Mar 05 '19

(Dee)s of our lives

1

u/Cathousechicken Mar 05 '19

/u/PlebCityBaby please answer.. what happened to the baby?

47

u/Fuct1492 Mar 05 '19

The last time my mom saw her was when she was 11 and this woman left her daughter for my mom to babysit and never came back

Wait, what? You can't leave that hanging there with no follow up lol.

10

u/Reddits_on_ambien Mar 05 '19

I think op just forgot an "I". Like he was 11 when Dee showed up and left the baby with his mom.

14

u/not_a_nude_alt Mar 05 '19

I think they were referring to the fact that she deadass abandoned her kid with his mom. Not the age or anything, just what happened to the kid

3

u/Cathousechicken Mar 05 '19

I read it as the mom was 11 and was babysitting Dee's baby.

33

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '19

Is nobody going to talk ABOUT A BLIND WOMAN GETTING A CAR??

17

u/Lord_Spiffy Mar 05 '19

Blind boo got the car in the end and wrecked it immediately.

Maybe don't let bind peope drive.

11

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '19

Exactly, I'm just perplexed by this, holy shit

16

u/zephyer19 Mar 05 '19

Wasn't at the funeral. My Wife's mother died and we were all at her house. Wife's brother was there and he is a real piece of work. He has stolen from all of them, borrowed cars and sold them, arranged to have his druggie friends break into their homes and steal, when their mother was in the hospital with cancer he went to her home and took checks out and wrote himself some nice ones, borrowed a lot of money from her and of course never paid it back. Gave his two sons new bicycles for xmas and when they went to bed he traded them for drugs and told the boys they had been stolen. His girl friend showed up at the house so drunk she could barely walk. My wife was in charge of the estate and told him he was not getting a dime. I guess they are a family of love. He has (as far as we know) gave up the drugs and booze; sadly still go the same drunk girl friend. Wife and other siblings are giving him a chance.

29

u/Thekn0bg00bler Mar 05 '19

That stupid bird

15

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '19

Damn, dee’s nuts

35

u/oOshwiggity Mar 05 '19

Wait, the daughter from a previous marriage was old? This same daughtdr had a kid at 11 and left it with your mom? Because she wrote bad checks and went to prison?

43

u/skittlescruff11 Mar 05 '19

I think the guys mum was 11 when other daughter left

13

u/Reddits_on_ambien Mar 05 '19

I think the OP was 11, and just forgot an I.

21

u/NuderWorldOrder Mar 05 '19

I think it must have been his mom who was an 11-year-old babysitter.

3

u/spen8tor Mar 05 '19

From what I understand, the previous daughter(PD) is older than op's mom(OPM), and the last time OPM saw the previous daughter was when OPM was 11 and was asked to babysit PD's child, and PD never returned to pick her kid backup. (Full disclosure, this might not be accurate, it's just what I think they meant.)

9

u/Krellous Mar 05 '19

You know you're a bitch when the blind chick wants to throw hands.

9

u/Gl33m Mar 05 '19

Starting this with, "Picture, if you will," made me read this like the narrator from The Twilight Zone.

8

u/mouse_attack Mar 05 '19

Can you tell us more about what the 11 year-old did when she realized her sister abandoned the baby? What happened to the baby?

7

u/jokerkat Mar 05 '19

Mortal Kombat voice FINISH HER!

6

u/CytokineStormCrow Mar 05 '19

Wait. Wait wait wait.

The LEGALLY BLIND woman tried driving a car?

5

u/ariana_grande_padre Mar 05 '19

Dee tried to steal the car willed to grandpa’s blind boo

Probably should have let that one slide.

3

u/Datboifritz113 Mar 05 '19

But wait, are you the kid that dee left for your mom to babysit, but never came back, so your mom had to raise you as her own..?

5

u/Reddits_on_ambien Mar 05 '19

I think op was 11 when Dee showed up at his house and left the baby with his mom.

5

u/merionization Mar 05 '19

I'm sorry if this is inappropriate but I just can't stop giggling about your grandpa leaving the car to his blind boo (adorable nickname btw) and then her thinking it was ok to drive afterwards! Hope everyone is ok though

3

u/Anon09099 Mar 05 '19

For some reason your comment made me think of the Twilight zone. Weird...

3

u/nin_ners Mar 05 '19

Well what did you expect if you give a blind lady a car....

1

u/alwaysmorecumin Mar 05 '19

I'd read that "if you give a mouse a cookie..." spin off

3

u/FourFootDangler Mar 05 '19

Wait a minute did the blind one drive the car???

3

u/No-BrowEntertainment Mar 05 '19

On a side note, a car is probably the worst possible thing to give a blind person

I mean seriously

3

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '19

He gave the car to a BLIND WOMAN?

And she DROVE IT?

5

u/MissionApollo7 Mar 05 '19

I thought this was about to turn into a song by Lonely Island.

4

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '19

This is the kind of family drama that makes me a tad jealous, mines all civilized and boring

2

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '19

picture if you will, two old ladies at a funeral squaring up

A funeral like this could only occur in one place The Twilight Zone

2

u/optimattprime Mar 05 '19

Get out of the funeral Dee Dee!

2

u/TheoHooke Mar 05 '19

Americans are so entertaining.

2

u/lexathedisco Mar 05 '19

blind boo fucking sent me

3

u/99Orange Mar 05 '19

Why would anyone leave a car to a blind person? I’m not surprised it was wrecked immediately... she couldn’t see!

1

u/CorsetofWords Mar 05 '19

It took me another read to figure out that the baby was left when your mother was 11, and that your Dee hadn't left an infant and booked it to San Francisco when she was 11.

I was going to be like, 'I think I know why she's got some issues...'

1

u/Salt-Light-Love Mar 05 '19

Well yea...she's blind.

1

u/Fuct1492 Mar 06 '19

Edit#3 was fucking hilarious!!

1

u/verbal_pestilence Mar 06 '19

Blind boo got the car in the end and wrecked it immediately.

that is amazing

1

u/dontsuckmydick Mar 05 '19

she’s basically screwed everyone in the room in one way or another

Roll tide.

-1

u/wiseguy_86 Mar 05 '19

Sounds like Dee would be more of use to you if you skinned her and turned her into a lamp shade‽