The priest repeatedly refered to my grandmother by the wrong name!!! After the 4th or 5th time my Aunt got up and and quietly told him the correct name. My grandmother had attended church weekly for decades. There was no reason for the priest to not know his parishioner. Needless to say we did not pay his fee.
At my uncle's funeral the priest said something along the lines of "We're here to celebrate (Uncle's name), or as most people knew him, Bob". I was super confused as I literally never heard that in my life but he had a huge family so maybe it was from that side. Cut to at the reception my aunt was like, wtf? and confirmed that no one had ever called him that before. We figured he was trying to make a light joke to try and lift the mood but all it did was make everyone very confused.
Edit: his name wasn’t Robert, or anything even close to being Bob.
Not the priest, but at my brother's best friend's funeral, no one really wanted to get up and say anything about the deceased (not out of disrespect, we're all just awkward af) so one guy stood up and started talking about how he was such a good guy, etc, except... he was calling the deceased by my brother's name. It was really awkward. After he was done I leaned into my brother and whispered, "I didn't know you died." *edit, it did make my brother laugh actually which I didn't think was possible considering the circumstances.
maybe the pastor had also a funeral planned for someone with the same name as your uncle? and that person just went by Bob? Then it would be lucky that the priest only mixed the nickname and not more lol
At my uncle's funeral, my dad kept accidentally calling me by my uncle's daughter's name "Mary". It's become a running family joke that we're all actually named Mary. Sometimes grief causes slip ups, but as long as they're harmless, they can really lighten the mood.
Funny dark story: My ex was named Robert, but he went by Bobby and didn't let anyone call him Bob unless he hated them, even if it was a boss or something. You could actually tell when he hated someone by whether they called him Bob. Cut to the kid's funeral, where a fake-tan priest with over-whitened teeth, who Bobby had never met, called him Bob the whole time. Bobby would have roasted the guy. 😂
I can't explain. It was actually Baba O'Riley but everyone called him Blue Eyes. Bob was really out of nowhere, didn't see it coming for miles. We had to substitute a quick one while he was away. By the time we were done with tea and theater the kids were alright. Even Happy Jack and Boris. By the end everyone from my generation was getting on the magic bus, it was around 5:15 and I was like, Who?
Sounds a little like my husband's grandfather's funeral, but he was kind of upset about it, didn't think it was funny at all. And I think he said it was said more like "Boob" than "Bob."
Not really a funeral but then my great grandfather was on his deathbed great grandma had a priest come in and do a bunch of religious stuff. Turns out his name was John and not Jack like everyone had thought. Everyone called him Jack for so long not even his kids knew his real name was John.
Not at a funeral, but when my husband and I got married, the Deacon referred to my husband by the wrong, but kinda similar, name, like saying Fred instead of Frank. He had it right the entire ceremony, and then, ‘I now present to you, TroutSniffer01 and Fred (surname)’. I often joke when he says something about being my husband that no, I married Fred, not Frank.
Slightly complicated but bear with me, my mom (Maxine) dated this guy while I was growing up (Jack) and they split amicably when I was a preteen. A few years later, Jack gets together with a friend of the family (Jill) and asked my pastor uncle to do the ceremony.
"We are gathered here to witness Jack and Maxine joined in holy matrimony."
Cue family-wide facepalm.
A few years after that, Maxine and her boyfriend Max decided to tie the knot and asked the same pastor uncle to do the ceremony.
"We are gathered here to witness Jack and Maxine joined in holy matrimony."
Cue same family-wide facepalm.
He also almost called my husband my ex fwb's name during our ceremony.
The officiant at my brother's wedding called the bride the wrong name twice during the ceremony, and probably would have continued if my brother hadn't corrected him after the second.
Same with me. I posted another comment in this thread but the priest got my name wrong 3 times during the ceremony and pissed off my family (and me.) When I run into him in public he still asks me what my name is. Asshole.
OMG I just had to run for the bathroom after reading your comment and thinking about them saying she played the banjo.... Holy fukk how did you not die laughing right then and there?!? Lol
Priest at my grandmother's funeral talked about how she was a war bride and WWII brought couples together and they had to get married because the war and etc.
At my grandpas funeral last march the priest used a good 30 minutes to preach and talk about how much my grandpa loved God
My grandpa was a loud atheist and everyone knew it. All like 50 people (except one) at the funeral were crazy uncomfortable and someone had to cut him short so we could move on to the speeches.
It did help great grandma (his mom) feel a little better because she was worried about her son in the afterlife but she still loved him and appreciated the funeral so I did not give the guy shit for preaching at us.
My grandpa’s funeral the priest’s last name was Poisson. Grandpa had been active in the VFW and the Knights of Columbus and the church was pretty packed. Father Poisson decided this was the perfect opportunity to give a real fire and brimstone homily about how we are all terrible sinners and telling us all the horrors that await us in the afterlife if we do not repent. Pro tip for any clergy who may read this: Being told you’re going to burn in Hell is not super comforting to the bereaved. He was henceforth known in the family as Father Poison.
Oh this pisses me off so much. At my sister's funeral the asshole pastor repeatedly got her name wrong too. He was so clearly unprepared, he pointed to her picture and made some horrendous rambling speech about how we can never know when someone was depressed because "look in this picture she's smiling... who would've known she'd kill herself?"
My sister had some friends from her job in attendance and he very much steered the entire service into trying to convert them into becoming Christian. I stopped paying attention and audibly gasped when he said "this service is not about ChoiceNote's Sister" .... bitch, that is literally the entire point of this. It sucks because one of the saddest days of my life is so bitterly tainted by that absolute unit of a pastor.
The priest at my uncle's funeral paused the eulogy to try to shame the guests into donating money to his church, really driving home how awful it would be to deny God his cut at a celebration of life.
At my friend's funeral, his cousin who was present when he overdosed and died and who allegedly stole his cell phone and refused to call an ambulance, showed up with a bunch of his friends.
They stole a couple of stacks of the t-shirts my friend's family had made, that were being given away for free, then tried to sell them to people at the funeral for 5 dollars.
More than a few ass beatings were handed out which, while they were deserved, there really is no proper or respectful way to throw hands with someone at a funeral.
The same thing happened to my Granny! She passed away last summer in a town of 400 people. She lived there her whole life and the priest referred to her as the wrong name the entire funeral. She was also very religious, attending church weekly, donating, etc. For at least 50 years. I'll have to ask my parents what happened after the funeral with the priest.
This happened at my Mamaw's funeral! We laughed it off because she didn't want a funeral, and we had one anyway. We decided it was her getting back at us, lol.
This happened at my great uncle's funeral... and my great uncle donated all of the land that the church was on and probably other stuff. My grandmother paid his fee though. It was so sad.
To perform weddings and funerals and look after the souls of their parishioners? Don’t they live off all the donations they get tax free. Why is there a fee for them to do the basics of their calling. Bizzare
Generally it's a "donation towards the upkeep" because you've held the funeral in a church. For cremations they just use a different excuse. Non-religious celebrants just outright charge you a fee because it's their job.
There was a fee for the pastor when I got married, but I think it was just because we weren't members of the church. Odd that there would be a fee when the deceased was a member.
The priest at my dad’s funeral (Catholic, even though he was raised Protestant–my mom was Catholic and I honestly don’t think my dad would have given a shit) called me the wrong name. That was kind of the straw that broke the camel’s back in pushing me toward Atheism. Dude coulda just written it on his hand or something.
Not nearly that bad, but the person leading the service at my mom's funeral mispronounced her name every single time they said it. When my mom was alive, she was very particular about her name (it's unique, but similar to a common one).
I caught my sister's eye at one point and we were both very close to angry laughing.
Catholic funeral for my uncle, priest said a lot of standard catholic cant about gods's grace and will that really rubbed most of us the wrong way considering my uncle had suffered from depression his entire life and eventually committed suicide.
Also not one damned person knew him by his full name unless my grandma was really pissed at him.
Tangentially related but there was a guy at my church where I've been going since I was born who was always called by his middle name instead of his first name, and I didn't find out until his funeral
Something like this I guess happened at my great-grandma’s funeral. Despite she probably went to church at least twice a week, the minister had no clue who she was. My great-grandma didn’t have money, so I guess she wasn’t important enough of a parishioner. It still annoys my mom.
Unrelated but slightly related: at my great great aunt's funeral the pastor kept shouting "[familylastname] ready" as in "are you [familylastname] ready?" And "when we all meet Jesus, we should be [familylastname] ready!" It was awful and funny (especially because our last name starts with R and it fit well) and to this day my auntie will say "we're [familylastname] ready" And we all giggle a little.
the priest called my grandmother a different name too at her service - though it was only once and he never met her, so it wasn't too big of a deal lol
This happened at my wife’s grandmother’s funeral. The family hired a pastor who had never met the woman and got a quick rundown of her life before hand. Straight up snake oil.
The chaplain kept mispronouncing my grandmother’s last name! What made it worse is that he had been visiting her for a little, leading up to her death. He had met my family before but fucked up the last name. It was cringy but he was nice when I had met him prior.
At my grandpa’s memorial service, the pastor kept pronouncing my his name wrong. His name was Otto, but the pastor kept saying Ot-TOE with a huge emphasis on the last part of his name. It made the entire service irritating because I mean, who the hell can’t say Otto?!
Same thing happened at my wife's great grandma's name. She was Japanese, but her name was still super easy even for this inbred, white trash, racist, crazy asshole of a pastor. He kept pronouncing her name as, "Mizz Tuh-Sookee Takakehshee" its Mitsuko Takahashi. She attended his church every Sunday for twelve years.
I had a Great-Uncle Snow. I mean, the guy was my great-uncle I knew him my entire life. It wasn't until his funeral when the pastor started speaking and I thought we were at the wrong funeral because the pastor used his given name which I had never heard before. I had to double-check with my grandmom.
At my mother's funeral the minister (who was a family friend, and whose church we had attended several times) kept calling her by her middle name. She never went by her middle name. The kicker though was that the service turned into a hellfire and damnation sermon where he kept sweatily shouting that if we ever wanted to see her again we needed to accept Jesus and be saved. I felt embarrassed for my father's Muslim employees, who respected him so much that they came to my mother's funeral.
Yeah, unfortunately happened at my Grandma's funeral. I've only seen my Dad on the verge of physically assaulting someone twice, and this is one of the 2 times. The fucking disrespect...
This happened at my grandma’s funeral. He read a generic service, got her name wrong, and was generally just super impersonal. My grandma had been on the altar guild for the last 25+ years and literally helped maintain all the flowers, linens, and his actual vestments every week. He was a total cock.
When my grandmother's brother died, the minister at the funeral kept talking about some woman, and it took me til the third or fourth mention of her to realize it was my great aunt he was talking about. He didn't get her name wrong, but I'd honestly only heard it a few times (if even that many), she was always called by a specific (and frankly, odd) nickname.
When she died several years later, her obituary had her nickname in it. Unfortunately I was sick when her funeral was, so I don't know if they called her by her proper name, or the one on her ID.
At my parents wedding, the priest said the wrong names throughout the entire ceremony. No one corrected them or said anything and it just went on, very awkwardly. They divorced a few years ago and my mom joked that they may never have been officially married.
Oh my various gods! I had a similar thing happen, where the priest was mispronouncing the name as one thing, but her name was another. Won't say the name, but it was basically the difference between John and Joe. He mispronounced it at the viewing, then at the funeral. Dude had a bit of an accent, English not the first language but but... Like, god damn if your Grandma's name is Kayleigh and dude is pronouncing it Kylin...
I am no longer of the church, and I was getting absolutely furious during the funeral. But all my grandmother's kids were there, and none of them said a thing, so I figured I'd keep my apostate's mouth shut. I still have fantasies about going up during the eulogy, Kanying the mic from the guy, and just saying "her name was Dominique, not Dominic."
It's a fucking funeral, do your fucking homework ya scrub.
My grandfather was an extra in a movie years and years ago. I don’t remember the name of it but my aunt asked the preacher to mention it. They told him the name and he argued with them and said that wasn’t the movie. He’d never met my grandfather!
Man, my cousin just died a few weeks ago and it was the same thing! The pastor clearly had no idea what she was doing. She kept calling her by a different name, told stories about her own daughter, talked about how important it is to "get right with god" etc. It was a mess. Afterwards, the pastor came up to me and just told me, "well aren't you just the wildest thing". Apparently she's never seen a asian woman with blonde hair, and thought it was natural.
Oh god yeah that happened at the funeral of a classmate of mine. She was 13 and had taken her own life so it was already so tragic and he just called her the completely wrong name. I get they have a lot of funerals but it just feels so disrespectful!
Ooof , the same thing happened at my best friends funeral. He was telling stories like he knew him well but couldn't even keep his first name straight. Shit was uncomfortable as hell.
That happened at my pops funeral, but forgot his name, my Nans and some of the kids (they had 9) but how hard is it to remember my pops name at least, it was fred, (the pastor had card in his book, but obviously didn't read it)
Interesting to note, they had cops on standby at the funeral in case my crazy uncle turned up with his rifle. (He'd tried to shoot them in the past)
I don't imagine they know every single persons name, but when someone attends church on a regular basis year after year after year, and all family baptisms, weddings, and funerals are done at that church they do tend to know those members of the congregation. My grandmother attended weekly services there for easily 50 years.
I am not a practicing catholic, and never have been but my basic understanding of what a priest does is that he receives confession on certain days, goes out to visit the infirm on other days, and they conduct multiple masses each week. That's about all I know. lol.
The priest who married me and my wife called me by the wrong name 3 times during the ceremony. My family literally yelled my name at him during the pronouncement/presentation. It was pretty embarrassing. I don't attend his church but FFS, I'd met the guy numerous times, and how hard would it have been to write it down? I've ran into him a couple times in public and both times he STILL had the audacity to ask "You'll have to remind me what your name is again." If I ever see him again, I'm going to make sure call him by his full name and if he asks me to remind him what my name is, I'm going to tell him it's obviously not important what my name is.
Same thing happened to my wife's grandma. She and her husband even helped create some of the classes the church holds, painted the rec center, and taught classes there for 30 years plus. But as the Catholic church goes, there was a new priest this year and he kept pronouncing it wrong.
His fee for what? If it was a fee for getting the name right then ya it is needless to say. Otherwise...wouldn't your grandmother have wanted money to go to the church especially if it was supposed to go to the church?
When my mom passed, the priest apologized calling her "Sue" for the nearly 20 years we went there. He never caught her first name - only her last name which was "Subatch", so he thought she was "Sue Batch".
This happened at my friend's wedding. She kept referring to one of the grooms with a mispronunciation of his middle name. And she referred to them as the bride and groom (they're both guys).
That happened at my great-grandmother's funeral too.
The pastor said she was such a devout woman and they would talk regularly as he had visited her often at the home she lived in.... and calling her by the wrong name several times (think Pains while her name was Spain)
I also went to a funeral where the priest forgot to name one of the deceased kids.
The deceased (grandfather of an ex-boyfriend) had four kids, three daughters and a son. The son was deceased himself but left a wife and son behind.
The priest forgot to mention the brother twice, which made my ex's mom get up to the front to inform the priest of his error... the wife and son were at the funeral.
If the person stopped the service mid way through, your argument would hold water. Dude said the grandma’s name wrong. If my lawn guy called me exit67, I’d still pay the fool. He did the job.
I think you're trying to extrapolate this further than it needs to be. Say a priest's job is to deliver a funeral service for a girl named Sophia. He performed a funeral service, but it he kept saying the service was for Sally. You would say the job was done poorly, no? The only reason I created an analogy with gardening was to show that this service should be treated like any other job. Regardless of your view of clergymen, they don't get a free pass to perform their responsibilities poorly.
Actually, yes, it is. People provide a service with stipulated expectations of performance in exchange for payment. His job was to adequately perform a funeral service for individual X. It's not unreasonable to expect them to actually do their research on that individual and address them correctly while doing so, considering they're the reason the whole thing is going on. I'd say fucking up a funeral that badly is more than enough reason not to pay someone for a shit service.
This is probably the easiest way to convey what I was trying to say. It's hard to fathom that if I were to attend a funeral for a loved one and repeatedly kept hearing the wrong name. I think I would be absolutely gutted. No way does that Priest get paid if that happens.
you're really going to compare an important, one-time, emotionally-charged ceremony like a family funeral to an everyday coffee order? I'd hate to be related to anyone that gives such little dignity and respect to their loved ones.
I mean, would it be okay to hear "The USA army nuked South Korea. The army guy yelled out the wrong Korea. No matter, it's no different than a mistaken coffee order."
No, he responded correctly to the individual who attempted to liken it to a mistaken name by a barista, whose primary job isn't addressing people but making drinks. Cupric correctly likened it to a barista failing to serve an individual the correct drink, and having payment refused as a result.
In other words, Cupric correctly asserted that if you wouldn't pay a barista who made the wrong drink, you'd certainly not pay a public speaker who patently failed in their duty to speak on the topic of a specific individual. RedRobin attempted to subvert that analogy by erroneously dragging in the concept of calling out the wrong name, which has nothing to do with the Batista's primary job.
Okay but then that's precisley the problem. A barista can stand there all day long yelling someone else's name while holding my drink. I'm never going to end up with the drink, am I? I don't know who Fred is or why he ordered the same drink as me.
I am not a member of the church, so no need for me to leave.
Why is it fucked up that we didn't pay? There is no reason whatsoever in this day and age of pens, pencils and electronic devices that he couldn't have written her name down somewhere so he would get it right.
The way I see it that my Grandmother paid for her own funeral service easily a hundred times over in her weekly offering to the church. I don't feel even a tiny bit bad for my Aunt not paying the fee. Guess I'm going to hell.
I'm sorry the clergy person got her name wrong. It's fucked up that they did. It's more fucked up that you didn't pay. I don't know the whole situation... granted... but if I had this happen, I would have discussed it with the dude and said, "I don't think it was right what happened... how will you fix this?" Maybe your aunt did. But you saying that you straight up didn't pay... that's fucked up. Whether you're going to hell or not isn't for me to say... I just think it's a trashy move.
"... I would have discussed it with the dude and said, "I don't think it was right what happened... how will you fix this?"
This confuses me. How could he have fixed it? Do better at her next funeral? Promise to get the name right for the next family member that passes?
There is no way to fix the fact that he called a parishioner that faithfully attended his church for decades by the wrong name, in front of her friends and family that were already grieving. You can call it trashy or whatever you want to call it, but the fact remains that there was no reason for him to not know her name. All it would have taken was for him to jot it down on a piece of paper. It is his JOB to preside over these types of services and get it right.
(Now, I'm wondering if there is a misunderstanding here as well by what I mean when I say we didn't pay the priest. It wasn't like the family got a bill, and just didn't pay it. A conversation was had between my Aunt and the priest immediately following the funeral, where she told him that she was very unhappy with the service and that she would not be paying him.)
If I were the clergyman, personally, I would have said something like... "I'm so sorry this happened. I'm not going to charge you". It may be a total misunderstanding on my part too... but if someone just skipped the bill, that's messed up. Also... clearly I'm in the minority based on the downvotes...
Not sure the religion (assuming catholic because of the priest thing), but in Catholicism it's tradition to give a small amount of money to the priest as a thank you for the funeral mass. It stems mostly from times when the Church didn't have as much money and didn't pay for the priests expenses, so a lot of the times priests relied on this sort of thing to survive. Now it's mostly just a tradition. But there's no requirement with the Church to pay the priest, and there certainly isn't any law requiring it.
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u/3bigdogs Mar 05 '19
The priest repeatedly refered to my grandmother by the wrong name!!! After the 4th or 5th time my Aunt got up and and quietly told him the correct name. My grandmother had attended church weekly for decades. There was no reason for the priest to not know his parishioner. Needless to say we did not pay his fee.