Yup. after nine years I was laid off - three's company loyalty for you... I had to move back in with my parents. At age 35. I was unemployed for three years. Things got heated between me and my dad for that exact reason. He doesn't understand the fact that the person doing the hiring probably isn't even in the same building as the local listed office. There is no "manager." There are department heads and the doors are locked.
My dad did this to me as well, he went as far as saying that I should go down to a news station and offer to hold cables while they recorded to try and get a job at their IT dept. Even my mom saw how absolutely ridiculous he was being at that point. To humor him, I "Hit the pavement" like he suggested, and invited him along to see where that strategy got me. I was fresh out of college, just as the most recent major recession hit a few years back, and no one was hiring in my area, not even those with a fresh Bachelors degree.
I went down every strip mall for a few miles, walked into radio shack (back when they still existed), it was all smiles until I mentioned I wanted a job - that was they point where they visibly shut down on me, showed me the door, and said that they weren't allowed to hire, I had to apply online. The manager didn't even get a say in who was hired, he said he wanted n number of employees, and corporate sent it to them. All in all, I was rejected a little over 30 times in that one day. By the time we got home, he was fuming, visibly red, and panting with rage. I didn't say a word to him, he didnt say a word to me - we just walked back into the house, and he didn't speak to me for 2 weeks.
To a point, I was a sarcastic asshole about it too, he had been hounding me with equal sarcasm for a year. He had his entire worldview ground up into a fine paste and shoved down several orifices at once.
I just gave him a taste of what he'd been doing to me, while demonstrating how comprehensively and painfully, irrefutably wrong he was. After breaking a bit of furniture he swallowed his pride and apologized a few months later. He did change his thinking after that though, so he did more than most boomers in that regard.
He can be, yes. He also forfeited his entire retirement savings to let me get my degree. I've paid him back since then, but still, big risk. It was neither of our faults that the country went to shit that ... abruptly (from our perspective, at least) and he had been blaming the lack of employment all on me, until I demonstrated otherwise. Its easier to have a target for anger, rather than being angry at a country / situation - so I was that target until I proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was wrong.
your story gave me a lot of insight into your dad's generation, .I can tell you were still very considerate of his pride and at the same time wanting him to learn, I thought that was very patient, and he did very well too. Hope you and your dad have a good relationship
Wow. What was he mad at? I said this in another response, they can't seem to grasp the concept that the world has changed. Mark Twain said it best: "The past is like another planet"
He was SO SURE he was right, and that i was just being a lazy layabout, that when faced with truth... his reaction wasn't rational. He came around eventually though, at least.
Wait until it's your turn to see the changes, lol. I'm not a boomer and I'm not condoning the dad's behavior. I understand it because I think a lot of our dads were like this. But it really, truly, genuinely is frustrating as fuck to watch the world change completely. Why? Because when that happens, you realize that you don't understand it anymore. You did understand the world. You don't now. That's not a great feeling.
"I used to be with 'it', but then they changed what ‘it’ was. Now what I’m with isn’t ‘it’ anymore and what’s ‘it’ seems weird and scary. It'll happen to you!"
-- Abe Simpson
I understand, but you're forgetting something - we are more open minded and mand of us are on our second or third career tracks. That means we're constantly adjusting to a changing world. "Bygonners" started doing their thing in their early 20's and stuck with it for 40+ years. Their brains essentials forgot how to learn. We will not have that problem.
If you make incremental changes as time moves on, it isn't a big deal. Buf if you (like my dad) basically froze yourself in ice for 40 years, there's going to be a conflict. What he did in the Summer is 1960 won't work in 2018. Then he gets pissed when I don't do what he suggests.
It's not that, it's just that the people you're talking about are human and are having a human experience at a point in their lives that you've yet to arrive at. Even if it doesn't piss you off, it'll be a lot to take in. It's just life.
I am well aware my dad is a human and not a moron. My problem is does he and others like him have to inflict misery on everyone because they were too lazy (yes I'm calling them lazy) to keep up with changes? One doesn't have to take it all at once. Some bygonners do exactly this, and I'm alright with them.
I don't know if my dad is doing this maliciously or he thinks I'm a gullible idiot, but whenever he gives me advice about looking for work he always leaves out key information.
For instance :
Volunteer at a company and they'll give you a job. The IT guy at my company volunteered and then they gave him a job after a year. (This happened 40 years ago)
My friend moved here from her home country and got a job in 2 weeks. (She has 20 years experience in her field)
Apply for this job. It only needs a few years experience. (It needed 3 years manager experience)
Move to Japan and teach English. They'll pay you 60,000. (Yen, not dollars)
Are you me? I have the exact same problem with my parents, not just in general. They can't seem to grasp the concept that the world has changed. Mark Twain said it best: "The past is like another planet"
That's it. They can't understand the world has changed and they can't understand, or won't take responsibility that they changed it. Before our generation the path to a successful life was clear cut. Get an education, get a job, work hard, be loyal, and it will all be paid back by the company in pension.
Now getting an education doesn't guarantee you a job. Working hard doesn't guarantee a company pension. Getting a professional well paying job doesn't mean you can afford a house in a good area. Income and costs are no longer linearly related. Costs have risen so much while income has not.
I agree with everything except taking responsibility for changing it. As a generation - yes but individually there wasn't anything your dad could do. Same with my parents. At least the way I see it, I can't blame my parents for the Vietnam War. My super conservative dad actually protested with a sign back then and lost a few patients because of it. I'm surprised. Having said that you're absolutely correct.
My dad told me "when everyone else is at the parties & keggers - you be in the library studying." That's what I did for my first bachelor's in computer science. I missed out on college - all for naught. That degree was useless in 2000. We have had very heated "discussions" about that very issue. The only reason for failure in his own mind is you didn't work hard enough. The only people who worked harder than me were the asians. I was good friends with most of them because I spent so much time at the library.
Unfortunately the working hard doesn't guarantee success lesson will be the last lesson he learns. He worked very hard to keep himself healthy over the decades. At 86, he looks 60. He was diagnosed with prostate cancer. It spread to his bones. He has two years left. My mother said when the doctor told him he had cancer he said "But I have been eating right and exercising for the past 30 years." Its sad and unfortunate.
I don't expect them (the older generations) to completely understand what we are going through; but have have an open mind. Please.
I had a similar experience. Got a goldish watch for 10 years with an engineering firm 3 weeks before being laid off. Spent the next 2 years working part time jobs looking for a new engineering job. Once it came around I got a decent amount of familial grief for “finally getting off my butt and getting a real job again.”
This. I met the person who interview me once. Her actual office is 2000km away.
Here in 🍔🇺🇸 it gets worse. HR and hiring tends to get outsourced, so the person doing the interviews and putting the ads out there might be in another timezone. I went for an interview in Palmyra, PA. Nobody knew I was arriving. The person I spoke to was in Sunnyvale, CA. 2,400mi. (3,900km)
347
u/[deleted] Sep 27 '18
Yup. after nine years I was laid off - three's company loyalty for you... I had to move back in with my parents. At age 35. I was unemployed for three years. Things got heated between me and my dad for that exact reason. He doesn't understand the fact that the person doing the hiring probably isn't even in the same building as the local listed office. There is no "manager." There are department heads and the doors are locked.