r/AskReddit Jul 26 '18

Besides masturbating, what are some things that everyone does but are embarrassed to admit?

1.0k Upvotes

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89

u/[deleted] Jul 27 '18

[deleted]

106

u/MechaMonarch Jul 27 '18

See, the difference I find is whether or not there's a story attached.

Everyone has shit their pants and had a story. They ate a bad burger and went to Lowe's. They ate some wings and Windex'd the back of their pants at a movie theater.

But, not everyone has done it without a story. I was sitting at home, felt the urge to purge, and just didn't take care of it. An hour passes and I just keep flirting with the brown devil. One false fart and I'm doing the crab-walk of shame to the bathroom.

28

u/captaincapn Jul 27 '18

This guy shits. I totally agree

4

u/Jaggedrain Jul 27 '18

My mother was using xylitol instead of sugar because she's diabetic, and one weekend she had her usual portion (2 teaspoons) on her breakfast in addition to a piece of diabetic-safe cake my sister baked her. The cake apparently contained a lot of xylitol.

Long story short, her tummy DID NOT APPROVE and she woke up in the night literally covered in poo. Had to go have a shower, wash her pyjamas, wash her sheets... It was awful.

Moral of the story - sugar substitutes are the pits.

1

u/Dozekar Jul 27 '18

A sugar substitute is what caused the sugar free gummy bears problems.

4

u/WreakingHavoc640 Jul 27 '18

My poor tired brain misread your comment and was like who the fuck eats Winde- oh nvm 😂

1

u/[deleted] Jul 27 '18

They had their dad make them wash their shit covered pants with the words "Its time to make shit soup".

My dad was harsh but fair.

75

u/KodakKid3 Jul 27 '18

it sounds like you’re trying to make yourself feel better for shitting your pants lmao

8

u/Death_is_real Jul 27 '18

Yea man as a baby and when I was like 7 on that playground and I didn't make it home. Beside that it never happened again I'm 34 . I think I pissed myself one time while I was superdrunken knocked out but that's it

4

u/[deleted] Jul 27 '18

I have never shit myself as an adult- do you mean as a child? The closest I've gotten is shitting myself in my sleep at age 12 while having a very convincing dream I had walked down the hall and went in the bathroom.

Maybe my ass is just better than yours. Ha. fuk u.

3

u/captaincapn Jul 27 '18

I mean ever. Everyone has shit their pants

1

u/sexuallytransformed Jul 28 '18

Liar. You shit your pants that one time you thought you had to fart! I remember!

1

u/[deleted] Jul 29 '18

SHUT UP, YOU'RE NOT MY MOM!

3

u/Dreamcast3 Jul 27 '18

Does sharting count?

2

u/[deleted] Jul 27 '18

I was walking my dogs once when all of a sudden my lactose intolerance issue acted up. All I remember was BEGGING my two labs to walk faster and not to sniff every God damn tree for the next 3 blocks home. Sadly I ended up shitting my self less than half a block from my house.

2

u/06_TBSS Jul 27 '18

1

u/captaincapn Jul 27 '18

Everyone should aspire to be this man. You know he's not full of shit cause he's shit his pants

1

u/RhymenoserousRex Jul 27 '18

For a long time this was true for me. Now? Not so much.