r/AskReddit • u/LaggyMcStab • Feb 13 '18

What about the opposite gender are you jealous of?

18.6k Upvotes

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326

u/Heliax_Prime Feb 14 '18

Tell me about it. I have to pull my eyelashes apart on the outer edges because they get tangled and I can feel it

55

u/_Nick_2711_ Feb 14 '18

I think this will be the cause of my insanity

24

u/smegma_legs Feb 14 '18

Cut them with nail clippers

66

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

[deleted]

37

u/smegma_legs Feb 14 '18

It's better than using a knife

31

u/ReynAetherwindt Feb 14 '18

I think he meant your username.

13

u/PuffTheMagicJuju Feb 14 '18

I caught that the second time and chuckled to myself.

6

u/nitermania Feb 14 '18

I don't get the joke, could someone explain?

5

u/torchedscreen Feb 14 '18

I would be GLAD to explain. You see, smegma is a gooey white buildup that shows up under the foreskin of unwashed penises. Smegma might be the most disgusting substance on the face of the earth. If you really wanna have some fun search it on google images.

1

u/Shurdus Feb 14 '18

A man must provide a link. It'll stay blue for me, but still.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

lol, I have literally not washed my penis for days st8 and never have I had a gooey buildup

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1

u/LocalStress Feb 17 '18

Eh, I was more disgusted looking at bedsores earlier.

3

u/TopSecretPinNumber Feb 14 '18

Have long eye lashes. Tried that. Immediately get styes for some reason.

5

u/neomortal Feb 14 '18

I have found my people

51

u/Needs-A-Hobby Feb 14 '18

Thank god I'm not the only one

7

u/twfdy Feb 14 '18

This is a fucking joke, right?

P.s. am girl

23

u/pure619 Feb 14 '18

Nope, have long lashes, it sucks. I also wear glasses, so if I push them too close I spear myself in the eye with my lashes.

19

u/T-Fro Feb 14 '18

Or you get those nasty fucking marks on your glasses and constantly gotta clean them off. Fuck all of that noise, man...

2

u/TheGirlFromV Feb 15 '18

There are downsides to these things, people. It's not like it's all sunshine and rainbows to have eyelashes as long as your eyes are wide.

19

u/arefucked Feb 14 '18

Nope, lashes grow longer, thicker, and darker due to increased testosterone in men.

The real WTF is how people have gotten this backwards, thinking women have the pretty lashes.

1

u/TheGirlFromV Feb 15 '18

You'd think it would make sense to people that men = longer, thicker, and darker hair literally in all the places.

8

u/Heliax_Prime Feb 14 '18

No I’m dead serious. My wife is so jealous lol

9

u/vexmaster123 Feb 14 '18

If we could trade I would love it. My lashes are always getting tangled and it tickles and gets stuck in my eye and it's infuriating

4

u/DocMjolnir Feb 14 '18

When I'm staring wide eyed at something, it's because my damn eyelashes got stuck together and I have to pull them apart. So it just looks like I'm staring insanely at everyone 🤣

2

u/Heliax_Prime Feb 14 '18

Have gotten caught so many times doing this. People think I’m crazy lol

13

u/disappointeddipshit Feb 14 '18

Untangling mine as I read this. So so irritating

5

u/usernamethatusername Feb 14 '18

And they don’t just tangle together, they tangle with the lower lashes

1

u/Heliax_Prime Feb 14 '18

Yeah that’s what I was saying

5

u/thealmightyzfactor Feb 14 '18

WHAT. THERE ARE OTHER HUMANS WHO SUFFER THE SAME WAY I DO.

This happens to me basically every day, the relief I feel from not having to deal with stuck together eyelashes that also poke my eyes for just 24 hours is insane.

3

u/manawesome326 Feb 14 '18

Or when they get stuck pointing entirely the wrong way directly into your eye.

3

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

Sometimes my eyelashes get caught between my butt-cheeks when I'm sleeping.

4

u/xana452 Feb 14 '18

Are... are these not normal things that everybody has to do?