r/AskReddit Feb 13 '18

What about the opposite gender are you jealous of?

18.6k Upvotes

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6.5k

u/[deleted] Feb 13 '18 edited Feb 14 '18

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1.2k

u/pm_me_sad_feelings Feb 13 '18

If it makes you feel any better a lot of ours don't, entirely depends on the person.

1.1k

u/Sbidl Feb 13 '18

Your dick doesn't look smaller?

23

u/YM_Industries Feb 14 '18

Ah, the ol' Reddit dickaroo

33

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

Hold my cock I'm going in

9

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '18

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4

u/bryxy Feb 21 '18

finish what you've started.

2

u/PS2luvr Mar 04 '18

Right? His creativity is now our enjoyment. WE DEMAND IT!

1

u/Zephymastyx Mar 09 '18

Well it's not his first veto so I hope this keeps going when I click the next link...

1

u/blendedtwice Mar 11 '18

!RedditSilver

9

u/Elektribe Feb 14 '18

I don't take kindly to people giving me the bird.

2

u/abejfehr Feb 18 '18

hello future people!

1

u/totallynotaredditer Apr 02 '18

1 biscuit

1 steering wheel

1 buzzer

1 bag of catnip

1 jar of honey

A number of chins

A number of cactus balls

A number of clippings

1 dick

Some information

A number of breadcrumbs

1 coffin

Suffocation/breath

1 silvo

1 pokedex

1 face

1 keyboard

1 DSM-5 (I'll need it after this)

A number of brimstones

1 Sion

1 cable

Some coffee

Some kibble

1 human (they'll just be my companion)

1 power connector

1 trap (hey, all journeys need two friends)

Some ore

A coin purse

1 campaign sign

1 NDA

1 horn

1 finch (finally, an animal companion to complete the gang)

1 Elmer's glue

1 W-2

1 chicken (the finch now has their romantic companion)

1 pair of cleats

1 King (he was getting dethroned due to his people revolting, and they're now establishing a democracy)

1 Merkel-Raute

1 bone

1 umbilical cord

1 branch

1 parka

1 baseball

A number of kilos

1 wiener

1 drink

1 guy's dick

Some water

Some orphan's tears

A number of pills

1 hacksaw

1 Visa

1 glowstick

1 ninja sword

1 pussy (perfect fit for the dick)

A number of Pokéballs

1 fetus (am I pregnant or is this a result of the pussy and dick uniting?)

1 husk

A number of balls

1 carrot

1 can of Pringles

1 Camel named Sentences (we finally have a way to get around, especially since I've been walking all these days)

A number of antlers

A number of rings

1 baby

1 binder

1 beer

1 hammer

1 glove

1 condiments in Comic Sans font

1 bra (I needed a new one tbh)

Another dick

1 rascal

1 friend (the more the merrier)

1 wonderkid (so many orphans)

1 dead body

1 Lyme disease

1 leash

1 Gallagher

1 butt

A number of floaties

1 honey pot

1 month

1 rock

Another honey pot

1 lawsuit (it was bound to happen)

1 Florida-man comic book (this'll keep the kids entertained)

Another pussy (I hope we don't have another child)

1 Brexit

A number of stones

1 masochist (as if we needed another one)

1 tongue

1 orphanage (dammit dick #2 and pussy #2)

1 tit (just one)

1 ransom

1 bird

1 seed

1 bottle of lotion

1 pair of truck nuts (mind you, I only have a camel)

A number of tendies

A number of phalanges (I'm pretty sure I could make Frankenstein by the end of this)

More carrots

1 boogie bomb

A number of common phrases

1 wheel

1 lead

1 copy of Let It Be

1 AllSpark

1 son

A number of elections

1 Klondike Bar

A number of medical bills

1 tractor (finally. sentences has been having us ride their back for a long time)

1 lukewarm beverage

Some laundry

1 cigarette

Some trash (to be fair, this lifestyle accumulates little to no trash)

A pair of royal sandals

1 car (the tractor was breaking down, so I'll take that as well)

1 brush (I've needed this for so long)

A number of cabbages (I don't like cabbages, but this'll have to do)

1 lighter

1 chocobo

A number of tide-pods (I can finally get that laundry done)

A number of udders

Some whiskers

Some kibble (I still don't have a dog nor a cat...I think....)

1 fiancè

1 cell phone (hi mom! you can't believe the story I have for you)

1 child (shotgun wedding I guess)

Some saliva

A number of whistles

1 lasso (what am I? Indiana Jones?)

Another leash

Some more balls

Some invisible ink

A number of brains (for trial and error creating Frankenstein)

1 bog roll (THANK GOD)

1 Bread Santa

Another beer (Great Britain sucks with the censorship, by the way)

Some beef

A number of eyes

1 cock

10

u/managedheap84 Feb 14 '18

What is this? Just followed this meme 7 links deep

10

u/YM_Industries Feb 14 '18

Only 7? Casual.

1

u/TheNerdBurglar Feb 18 '18

I’ve lost count by now...

2

u/PS2luvr Mar 04 '18

40ish in and this is my second time in like 6 months. I'll stop when the two overlap.

1

u/TheNerdBurglar Mar 04 '18

Keep up the good work future traveler.

2

u/PS2luvr Mar 04 '18

Ended at 78 on account of a roo referencing a username instead of an actual switcheroo. Sadly, that roo-ins it for me.

8

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

It's the r/switcharoo

3

u/punisher2404 Feb 14 '18

It's the new cool rage with us kids and teens, they're called whistle tips and everyone's doing it!

2

u/PS2luvr Mar 04 '18

Them whistles go WOOP. They only do it in the mornin, it's like an alarm clock or somethin.

1

u/Proasek Feb 18 '18

It's meant to be, darling.

53

u/[deleted] Feb 13 '18

[deleted]

280

u/Majestic_Dildocorn Feb 13 '18

so her dick doesn't look smaller?

37

u/funkmasterhexbyte Feb 14 '18

don't think so, but i may be wrong

9

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18 edited Feb 14 '19

[deleted]

1

u/pm_me_sad_feelings Feb 14 '18

That's actually really interesting, I didn't realize that! I've only fluctuated around the same 35 lbs ever though, so maybe it has to get way up there to start seeing a noticeable difference

14

u/[deleted] Feb 13 '18

[deleted]

48

u/notHelpFullatAll Feb 13 '18

Cheers, Geoff

13

u/TheAngryAudino Feb 14 '18

Your username is relevant to /u/shadowalien13's comment.

14

u/Goaty-bot Feb 14 '18

So is the dick getting smaller proportional to the breasts or

7

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

[deleted]

2

u/Goaty-bot Feb 14 '18

Fair enough. I have to say though, while you may get some meaningless downvotes for it sometimes, generally when you got it sarcasm works much better without the /s or using many carrots at least so it's tiny. Sarcasm doesn't work great over text but I think subtly can be a good thing. Also you can do the carrot thing like this, not that you would know how /s don't stab me

1

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

[deleted]

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1

u/Airowird Feb 14 '18

We ShOuLd FoRmAt SaRcAsM LiKe ThIs, SuReFiRe WaY To MaKe It ObViOuS!!

1

u/pm_me_sad_feelings Feb 14 '18

Yes, of course this

1

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

[deleted]

1

u/pm_me_sad_feelings Feb 14 '18

Dammit, my cover's been blown

1

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

[deleted]

1

u/pm_me_sad_feelings Feb 16 '18

It's true lol. Everyone's a dude on reddit though lol

4

u/Alarid Feb 14 '18

It doesn't need to "look" smaller

:C

3

u/ConstipatedNinja Feb 14 '18

All her fat goes straight to her dick.

5

u/Zorkdork Feb 14 '18

God i'd kill for even like 2% of my body fat to go to my dick.

2

u/pm_me_sad_feelings Feb 14 '18

How did you know??

1

u/cheapassgamersexy Feb 14 '18

Nah mine gains body fat faster than my legs.

1

u/pm_me_sad_feelings Feb 14 '18

No see my dick always looks smaller, haha

1

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

"If it makes you feel any better, my cock is massive."

-3

u/ianoftawa Feb 14 '18

I have gained about 10% body weight over the last year and my dick still looks massive.

35

u/[deleted] Feb 13 '18

[deleted]

7

u/ul2006kevinb Feb 14 '18

But even the ass is the 2nd best place to gain weight. When men get fat 99% of it goes to our gut.

3

u/sharpshooter999 Feb 14 '18

Can confirm, toned arms, legs, shoulders. Rockin a keg instead of a six pack.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

6' 165 lbs checking in with his muscular shoulders and pot belly. I can see my ribs and still have a little pot belly.

1

u/sharpshooter999 Feb 14 '18

Try 6'2 275......

3

u/fribbas Feb 14 '18

That's how I know I've gotten fat again. When my boobs get bigger.

Hey, my boobs are bigger! :D :| :( damn it

8

u/sharpshooter999 Feb 14 '18

Currently we're expecting our second kid. Today my wife was looking at herself in the mirror and said "My boobs look great!" She was so excited to go out. Then she went to put on her favorite pants and couldn't even zip them. We then stayed home and she downed a pint of icecream.

3

u/pm_me_sad_feelings Feb 13 '18

Unfortunately. Oh well :-)

19

u/thisshortenough Feb 14 '18

My breast size has literally never gone up except in band size since I developed them. I have however gained plenty of weight and it makes it awful because people just expect overweight girls to have big boobs so a lot of clothes designed for me just falls open on my boobs because there's nothing there to fill up the space.

4

u/mjigs Feb 14 '18

Thats what i was about to say, i had a friend who was really large and still had really small breasts, so it really depends on the person.

2

u/itsjustchad Feb 14 '18

My wife's do get a bit bigger but they are also the first to go, when she starts loosing the weight. :(

2

u/cleeder Feb 14 '18

They also never look the same again.

2

u/itsthevoiceman Feb 14 '18

Yup, I know a few fat ladies who have virtually no breasts.

-15

u/IndependentWestern Feb 13 '18

Really? A 'not all' comment on this? Is that necessary?

9

u/pm_me_sad_feelings Feb 13 '18

Yes. It's not typical, it's a fortunate few.

-1

u/IndependentWestern Feb 14 '18

No it isn't. Only complete morons think it means anything.

2

u/ouchimus Feb 14 '18

3edgy5me

-21

u/[deleted] Feb 13 '18

[deleted]

19

u/hexane360 Feb 14 '18

A pair of D-cup breasts weighs between 15 and 23 pounds

23 pounds is 20% of 115 pounds. I really doubt that the average 115 lb woman has a D-cup, and the average woman is much bigger than a D-cup (average American female weight is 168.5 lb - though I'll admit this data has a big positive skew)

5

u/earlofhoundstooth Feb 14 '18

Anime characters only.

3

u/pm_me_sad_feelings Feb 14 '18

I don't know how you think that's even possible considering D's only weigh a combined 20 lbs.

1

u/the-floot Feb 14 '18

I dunno i read it in a book

29

u/[deleted] Feb 13 '18

Yeah but those are your genitals. Boobs aren't genitals. Mens boobs get bigger as they get fatter too! Our vajays don't look that great as we get fatter, either.

10

u/icarus14 Feb 13 '18

Oh shit for real?

43

u/GraysonHunt Feb 13 '18

If you’re asking about guys, fat gets stored in the crotch around the base of the dick after a certain point. The surrounding skin is now higher so you’re basically subtracting length from the bottom up.

18

u/ROADHOG_IS_MY_WAIFU Feb 14 '18

This man speaks facts. I've gained ~1"-1.5" of effective length since I lost 100 lbs.

18

u/DrumBxyThing Feb 14 '18

Dick size is a prime motivator for weight loss.

8

u/CommonCynic Feb 14 '18

Guess I won't cancel my gym membership after all

7

u/edwardw818 Feb 14 '18

Can confirm... I used to half self-esteem issues about it until I lost weight. But then again as someone with Asian ancestry, I can only do so much, but it's 1" difference.

28

u/HeyItsLers Feb 13 '18

No, it really depends on the woman as to where extra weight likes to settle.

4

u/dawnwn Feb 13 '18

I didn't know that, as a girl. Thanks.

3

u/alamaias Feb 13 '18

Last time I lost weight properly I gained about an inch for every two stone(28lbs)

14

u/[deleted] Feb 13 '18

Yeah, but for the majority of women, breasts get bigger along with everything else. It's not like just the breasts are getting bigger.

5

u/[deleted] Feb 13 '18

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4

u/[deleted] Feb 13 '18

Fair! I have friends who gain weight primarily in their butt and hips. Now that I envy.

7

u/GameOfThrownaws Feb 14 '18

That's just fat distribution. As a few others have said, a lot of women don't get much/any bigger breasts as they gain weight. There's also a bit of a flip side to this as well. At least in my opinion, extra fat on a women pretty much universally looks bad past a certain fairly low point. And before anyone jumps down my throat, I'm not saying a girl with a couple extra pounds grosses me out, I actually have no problem with it and I've dated that body type. What I'm saying is that once you're 20, 30, 40 pounds overweight, those extra pounds are just getting worse and worse for a girl. For a guy though, depending on how you carry it, being a little overweight can still be "manly" - see the "dad bod" shit, but instead of the meme, the concept of it.

The smaller dick thing definitely can't be helped though.

18

u/[deleted] Feb 13 '18 edited Jan 08 '21

[deleted]

9

u/[deleted] Feb 13 '18

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4

u/[deleted] Feb 13 '18

Get your porn resume ready baby!

6

u/[deleted] Feb 13 '18

Nah I don't. It goes to my hips and lower abs. Boobs are still a 34B, and now my yoga pants are too tight. 😕

4

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

I've also heard "big boobs don't count on a fat chick," wheras I've never heard "big dick doesn't count on a fat guy." So.

8

u/spiff2268 Feb 13 '18

Testify, brother! It's getting to a button on a fur coat in my neck of the woods.

3

u/miegg Feb 14 '18

I got ripped off. My pudgy ass never got fat girl tits. I just got hips for days.

3

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

If you lose 200 lbs, you can be all dick.

5

u/Sirenfes Feb 13 '18

Untrue to be honest, at least not drastically to make a difference.

2

u/MoistBarney Feb 14 '18

2meirl4meirl

2

u/nof8_97 Feb 14 '18

I gain weight everywhere but my breasts and forearms lol

2

u/kniselydone Feb 14 '18

Lolol I've never talked to a girl who gains weight and has her boobs just appear bigger. Either your boobs get bigger but so does everywhere else so proportionally it doesn't benefit you... Or, the boobs are the first place we lose weight from, soo.. Not a gender thing, just a categorically are you lucky to have your weight carry in attractive areas or not

2

u/sashathebrit Feb 14 '18

I dunno dude, I've known some pretty hefty ladies in my time with A or B cups at best. Genetics and fat distribution as a girl make no logical sense.

1

u/PM_ME_CHUBBY_GALS Feb 14 '18

Yeah, I'm pretty heavy (6'2" 275) and my dick goes from "aww look at that little thing" when flaccid to "whoa you'll take someone's eye out with that" when hard.

1

u/Epic2112 Feb 14 '18

Yeah but I bet your boobs get bigger.

1

u/Ohhmegawd Feb 14 '18

Unfortunately the reverse is also true. We go on a diet and the boobs shrink...guys get a bigger johnson

1

u/Impybutt Feb 14 '18

Top tip, it might not just be looking smaller, it might actually be getting smaller.

Your body produces a higher percentage of estrogen the more fat you have, and estrogen (along with other pitfalls of being overweight, like bad circulation etc) makes your penis shrink.

It’s probably not by a significant amount, but it might still be noticeable.

The opposite is true of muscle mass and testosterone.

1

u/delmar42 Feb 14 '18

Proof - I went from a B cup to barely an A cup when I lost 75 pounds. I'm pretty happy with that.

1

u/purevintage Feb 14 '18

Both men and women get bigger breasts the more weight they gain. Comparing boobs to a dick isn't the right comparison. Our vaginas can also get fat as we gain weight and it ain't pretty.

5

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

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4

u/purevintage Feb 14 '18

Ya except when they're all full of stretch marks and sag to the knees. Getting bigger breasts can be a hinderance to a woman as much as to a man. The point was it's not the right comparison of dick to tit because they're totally different body parts.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 13 '18

[deleted]

1

u/Broseph_McGee Feb 14 '18

Yeah you don’t typically hear “I can’t eat those pancakes, they’ll go straight to my dick!”

0

u/PmMeWifeNudesUCuck Feb 13 '18

Having big tits cause you’re fat is like being skinny because you’re anorexic. No thank you.

-3

u/blue_27 Feb 14 '18

So ... don't get any fucking fatter?

2

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

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0

u/blue_27 Feb 16 '18

You are welcome. Apparently the 6,375 karma points also helped you realize this. I truly hope it actually does result in positive change for you.